The Heart Spoke of No Sin
by zendog
Summary: Peace reigns in Camelot; Arthur is King and all is well, if a trifle boring. But evil awaits and Merlin falls victim to it. Love and loss; joy and fear - the servant and the King are trapped and Camelot will fall as they are tortured to betray each other. Can friendship and destiny win under the shadow of possession and hate? Merlin and Arthur Whump. BAMF Merlin.
1. Chapter 1

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin - Prologue**

**A/N. Hello and just to say "Welcome". This story is set after the end of Series four and before the beginning of Series 5 (and does not connect with my previous 2 multi-chapter stories). There may be some spoilers littered around occasionally. A quick warning the prologue does have one short, possibly quite upsetting scene. **

**I don't own Merlin - though as I said before I am very willing to open negotiations with the BBC to alter that. Afterall they seem to have finished with it...and so ever onwards...**

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin**

**Prologue.**

Dera stood, her head bowed down under the weight of her trepidation. The gloom of the surrounding forest seemed to eat into her soul as she waited for the ceremony to begin. Her bound arms ached and her shackled feet had long ago lost any feeling in them. She was at the mercy of the Witch, Aerona, who even now stood before her. Dera felt alone and afraid.

Aerona moved towards the young woman, watching enchanted as she saw the terror and fear of the unknowable cloud the others face. The Witch's long fingers gently caressed the silver edges of the crisp blade held lovingly in her hands. She moved with a grace and charm that at first sight beguiled and enticed. Her hair was golden and flowed as if molten precious metal had been poured from the sky. Her skin, pale and smooth, spoke of summer's joy and winter's comfort.

The Witch was beautiful and dazzling; but underneath this she radiated darkness – an evil that was barely hidden beneath her outward form. It was her eyes that betrayed her true self. They were hazel, deep and filled with a bitter hatred of all who did not follow her. And she wanted Dera – all of her; mind, body and soul. But she did not have to wait anymore; for now was the time. The ancients had spoken; and the days of blood and terror were dawning. And Aerona welcomed them with caustic joy. In front of her stood the girl who would usher in the new epoch of magical supremacy; all it would take was a sacrifice and a spell.

Stepping forward, Aerona reached out a soft hand and caressed Dera's trembling cheek; a touch that seemed to speak of love but felt like death.

"Hush now child, if you struggle this will be more painful. Accept your fate and all will go easier for you." Her voice was succulent and seductive, but coldness lay under it and all words became as poisoned arrows from her mouth. "Close your eyes; relax your mind and allow the incantation to take you."

Aerona bent down and kissed the girls forehead, savouring the taste of her. Dera looked up once into the Witch's eyes and saw the evil they contained and then did as she was bid.

As the girl closed her eyes Aerona made a small gesture with her hand and silently three cloaked women walked from the cover of the trees; the middle one carrying a small object that wriggled and babbled. They slowly made their way to the Witch, knelt before her and the youngest woman held up the swaddled thing with both arms and presented it to her Mistress. Aerona smiled and again reached out her hand, but this time it was not for a gentle touch or a calming stroke. This time her hand held the silver knife and as the knife hovered briefly over the offering Aerona began to chant:

"Drwy ddiniweidrwydd dinistrio yn rhoi nerth i fy sillafu."

It was over in a moment, the slash of the blade, the spurt of liquid and the sudden silence from the tiny bundle. Then the Witch's voice echoed across the forest; loud and alive with satisfied animation:

"Swyno yr agosaf a lladd Brenin"

A silver light and a wave of power burst through the clearing and centred itself on Dera. It hit her square on the chest and flowed into her body and it hurt. She held herself against it and the pain intensified whilst she fought. As she struggled to breathe Dera knew that she had no choice; to survive she had to let go. Faced with certain death if she resisted she did the only thing she could do - she gave herself up to it, allowed herself to be swallowed by the hate and the darkness, and fell.

Keeping her bloodied hand raised Aerona watched the girl shake and quiver as the magic took over her body and her soul. The die was cast and the trap would soon be set. A noise behind her made her turn – the three acolytes were backing away. The youngest was clutching the tiny body to her breast and tears were flowing down her cheeks. But they were not tears of sorrow, rather of joy – she had fulfilled her dream and given what was most precious to her Mistress and she would be blessed within the tribe.

The Witch walked to the unconscious body on the floor and knelt beside the young woman, pulled her close and whispered in her unhearing ear.

"All over now my dear, you did well. When you wake your task will begin. You will be my instrument of death and destruction; you will bring chaos and suffering to Camelot. You will return Her to us; and bring Her power. Your smile and your beauty will be the end of the King and all who serve him. Find the one who is nearest to Arthur; the one that the King trusts above all others and make them yours. Bring about their betrayal. Do this and you will ensure our Magic and our Tribe will rise again"

**Translation**

**Dera – **_**Wild Spirit (Welsh).**_

**Aerona – **_**Carnage and slaughter (Welsh).**_

"**Drwy ddiniweidrwydd dinistrio yn rhoi nerth i fy sillafu." – **_**"By innocence destroyed give strength to my spell."**_

**"Swyno yr agosaf a lladd Brenin"- **_**"Enchant the closest and kill a King." (Welsh)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

It had been as quiet a year as Merlin could remember – nothing had happened. No magical attacks, no vengeful sorcerers and no news of Morgana. He should have been happy. Arthur was King, with Guinevere as his Queen; the land was prosperous and the people content and he and Gaius had settled down to a clear routine of caring for the sick, studying magic and eating badly cooked food. It was the beginning of the flowering of Camelot and almost all he could have hoped for.

But the reality was Merlin was bored and lonely.

He had not fully realised quite how dull a life of servitude and civic duty could actually be and whilst he knew he should be grateful for the peace he had to admit that he occasionally missed the excitement of the first few years of his life in Camelot. It wasn't so much the fighting and the danger – he'd never enjoyed that. He often thought of all the trauma and effort involved in trying to keep Arthur alive; all the deaths and pain that had been part of the battle to ensure that the Crown Prince actually became King. No, that was not what he yearned for. It was the camaraderie, the intense friendships forged within danger and the feeling of belonging that came with shared fear. That was what he missed. Of course he still met up with the Knights and shared a joke or story with them and even joined them on the occasional trip to the Tavern, but it was not the same. For a while now he had not even been going out on patrol with them as he used to. Arthur's duties as King had increased a hundred-fold and therefore so had Merlin's. They rarely had the chance to ride off into the Forests on official duty, let alone for pleasure. Merlin couldn't actually believe it but he was even missing going hunting!

It was close to midnight and Merlin had just returned to his rooms after yet another evening spent standing behind Arthur's chair at yet another interminable official banquet. Arthur had spent the last year in an almost constant round of treaty negations, re-affirmations of old alliances and reassurance visits from other Kings. And Merlin had been at them all, waiting to serve, to support and (if necessary) to protect.

But nothing had happened; literally nothing and the dusty endless evenings had just worn on and on, seemingly without end. It was very quickly driving the Warlock mad.

And as to what it was doing to Arthur – Merlin shuddered as he thought about the young King. Arthur was unbearable. There was no other word for it. Whilst he'd been Prince he had been insufferable, arrogant and quite often pompous but never dull. Now it was like all the life and fun had been leeched out of him and all he could think about was discussions, politics and town planning...

Actually that was a little unfair, thought Merlin. Initially Arthur had tried to carry on as before, going on patrol, fighting bandits and so on but it had all been slowly eroded away by cares of state and the Council always having an important meeting or paperwork to do just as Arthur was due to leave on patrol. He railed against it for months; but had eventually succumbed and his dry, administrative duty took over. All of which meant life was awful for Arthur and, by natural extension, seriously, seriously awful for Merlin.

Whenever Arthur got cross, annoyed, irritated by petty problems, aggravated due to lack of adventure or just plain bored it was Merlin who got it in the neck. And he had had enough. As he collapsed into his small, uncomfortable bed Merlin decided – no matter what, tomorrow he would get the King out of Camelot. A ride, a picnic with the Queen, even (God forbid) hunting. One way or another he and Arthur would be off on horseback, ridding their heads of cobwebs and problems, if only for a day. With that thought Merlin sighed, turned over and fell fast asleep

XXX

In his chambers Arthur lay wide awake, all sleep bored out of him by that evening's banquet – for the life of him he couldn't even remember what the whole thing had been in aid of. Enough was enough he decided as he lay there, listening to the soft breathing of Guinevere beside him, "I will become old before my time if I don't do something" he thought. "Tomorrow", he promised himself, "tomorrow I will hunt." With that thought Arthur sighed, turned over and fell fast asleep.

XXX

It was midmorning the next day and Merlin was already carrying 4 surprised looking and very dead rabbits on his saddle. Whilst he did not particularly like this fact, what he did rejoice at seeing was the look on Arthur's face as the pair of them cantered along the pathway. It was as if he was alive for the first time in months and Merlin, for one, was glad.

When he had entered the Princes chambers that morning he had hardly been able to believe his ears as Arthur told him to prepare for a day's hunting. Since awakening earlier that day Merlin had been trying to think of a way to persuade Arthur to leave his duties and take a day off and now here was the King himself actually proposing such an activity. Despite flinching when told it was a hunt Merlin had run off to prepare as quickly as possible; not wanting the King to have a change of heart.

It had taken all of Merlin's considerable "creeping-secretly-out-of Camelot" skills to get the King away unnoticed that morning. They ended up taking lots of dark and little known passages through the Citadel – corridors that Arthur had never known existed. But it had been worth giving up few of his clandestine escape routes Merlin thought as he watched Arthur ride away, a few hundred yards ahead of him on the small path. He was looking happier than he had done for a very long time.

"Come on slowcoach" bellowed the King as he stormed off in chase of a particularly large and majestic looking buck "If we lose him I'll have your guts for garters Merlin."

Putting his head down and with his face wearing an expression best described as a grimace crossed with a smile, Merlin raced after the suddenly invigorated King. It seemed as if his plan to liven things up had worked.

But then came a yell and a loud crashing noise from ahead and Merlin looked up to see Arthur's horse galloping away up the path, it's saddle worryingly empty. It was running for its life and without the King. Merlin's heart stopped, frantically his eyes flew everywhere but he could not see Arthur. The King had completely disappeared from Merlin's sight.

Urging his horse on, Merlin fought to keep calm in the face of a rising, all encompassing fear.

"Arthur" Merlin yelled as he raced forwards. Where could he be? Panic gripped the young Warlock as he jumped down off his horse and rushed over to where he'd last seen the King. Nothing! Nothing that was except some badly crushed undergrowth, a newly forged path through the overgrown forest and, oh Gods, an arrow sticking out of a nearby tree Merlin took one look and, imagining Arthur unconscious and dragged away, immediately took off down the trail. Coldness gripped his heart; it had been his job to protect his King and he had failed. And now, God knows what was happening to Arthur.

XXX


	3. Chapter 3

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 2**

Arthur was cross, annoyed and embarrassed. He'd been unseated and by, of all things, a bloody woman! Sitting there (unceremoniously dumped on his backside by his frightened horse) he was fuming.

One minute he'd been riding ahead of Merlin, chasing that glorious buck and the next there had been the arrow singing past his ears, the rearing of his supposedly battle trained stallion (he'd have words with the horse trainer once he got back to Camelot, that was for sure) and an undignified bump as he landed on his right royal...

Then he saw her (yes, her) running off through the trees. A girl with a bow and arrow; hunting in HIS forests and obviously after HIS buck. He was furious. Tradition demanded that anyone wanting to hunt game in the woods seek permission from the King first. Arthur was much more generous in granting this permission than his Father had been. He understood that times could get hard and that the people needed to supplement their crops with animals trapped or shot; but he did still believe that it was right and proper to ask for a licence before hunting. And he knew he had received no such request from the dark haired, wiry young woman he'd caught sight of firing the arrow.

Getting to his feet he did not hesitate. He knew that she had not been aiming for him but he was determined to catch her and make her ...well a vision of her being pelted with tomatoes in the stocks was running through his head. Plunging through the undergrowth Arthur chased off after the girl; forgetting Merlin behind him. And also forgetting what his sudden disappearance would likely to do to the fiercely over protective manservant.

XXX

The man in question was even now pelting hell for leather through the woods, desperately seeking the King. All sort of images ran through his brain as he silently cursed himself for ever wishing for the old times to return. Right now Merlin felt he would happily sit through 1,000 Council meetings about tax and the Kingdom's accounts if he could just find Arthur safe...then he heard it and he nearly collapsed with relief. Arthur's voice. And not Arthur's voice shouting for help or screaming in pain; but the all too familiar sound of Arthur yelling in anger at some poor unfortunate person. The King was safe; but judging by the fury Merlin could hear in Arthur's voice, some other luckless soul was in imminent danger!

XXX

"You silly, stupid girl" Arthur was on a roll now and nothing could stop him from telling the illicit hunter precisely what he thought of her "Not only are you here illegally but you nearly killed me. What the blazers do you think you were doing?"

Merlin hurried towards the shouting, firstly to make sure Arthur was really okay but secondly to rescue whatever was left of the no doubt quivering wreck that Arthur was currently berating. He'd been on the end of enough such tirades to know how they felt; and although such outburst didn't bother him he did know that most people just wilted under them. Whatever the person had done, no-one (that is no-one who hadn't actually hurt Arthur or Camelot) deserved the full wrath of the irate and pompous King.

Rounding a bush Merlin burst into a small copse and for a moment he felt a jolt of his magic course through him. It was over in the briefest of seconds and Merlin thought it must have been his magical self responding to the sight of Arthur alive and well. Well, but incredibly annoyed...and shouting at a slight young woman standing directly in front of him. Shouting very loudly and with such ferocity that Merlin was just about to speak out in the girls defence when her voice joined in the argument

"Firstly, I am hunting because I am hungry and my stomach did not have time to wait for me to travel to Camelot to seek permission. Secondly, I am the best shot with a bow that you are every likely to meet so if I had wanted you dead I would have succeeded. Thirdly and most importantly, I don't care who the hell you think you are but no-one, and I mean no-one, speaks to me in such a manner. I am neither your servant nor your inferior. I am a free born woman and as such I have the right to respect and not to be subjected to such ill mannered, boorish behaviour"

Merlin nearly exploded with laughter and Arthur with unspeakable rage. No-one, thought the King (well, he had to admit, no-one except a certain big eared clown), was ever allowed to answer him back in such a manner. But before he could even begin to frame a reply the woman noticed Merlin loitering near the edge of the clearing and in an instant had loaded an arrow into her bow and raised it ready to shoot.

"Don't shoot me" Merlin yelled quickly, sure for a brief moment that his shout would come too late as the girls fingers whitened on the bow string "I mean you no harm."

A loud snort of barely concealed derision came unbidden from Arthur's lips as he struggled to contain his sudden amusement at the thought of Merlin being a threat to anyone; even a girl. This noise and the frankly unassuming appearance of the new arrival seemed to put the girl slightly at ease and she released the pressure on the string but did not lower the bow completely. Arthur was annoyingly impressed by this, not only her speed with the weapon, but also her sense in not dropping her arms straight away. Afterall she did not know Merlin was an idiot and for all she knew he could have meant to hurt her. Looking again at the lanky young man standing slightly off to one side of the clearing Arthur reviewed that thought. There was no-one who would be intimidated by his manservant, not even the youngest serving maid in the Citadel. He was just too...too..."Merliny" to be a threat to anyone.

However the interruption had put a stop to Arthur's tantrum and he began to calm down. Afterall, what real harm had been done? And it was true they were half a day's ride from Camelot so perhaps it was unreasonable to expect the huntress to ask for permission. Arthur sighed, yet another law from Uther's time he now knew needed revising; more dusty boring old parchment work.

Merlin sensed the change in Arthur's mood and took advantage of it. Deciding now was the time to be polite he moved forward and held out his hand to the girl.

"I am Merlin and that is, well, it's King Arthur."

The girl paused for the briefest of moments and Merlin thought he saw a swift shadow of some inexplicable emotion cross her eyes. A faint shimmer of magic coursed through his body and he almost shuddered. He looked again and whatever he thought he had seen and felt was gone and the girl was clasping his hand and, in a voice full of humour, she replied.

"Well, I suppose being the King and all does give him some superiority over me but is he always such a priggish ass?"

"Always" Merlin replied with an easy laugh. "Actually you've caught him on one of his better days."

"Merlin" Arthur shot him a look that spoke of trouble ahead if he did not shut up, but Merlin didn't mind. It was nice to be in the company of someone else who did not see the need to be a bootlicker to the King.

"If you are headed to Camelot you are welcome to join us. I am sure Arthur's chivalrous nature will not allow him to abandon a lady alone in the forest, easy prey to any passing bandits"

As Merlin spoke he looked at Arthur, who knew at once he had been backed into a corner and he nodded his permission for the girl to accompany them. There was no way he could leave the girl there; although privately (given her obvious expertise with the bow) Arthur felt that it would be the bandits who would be in trouble if they met her in the woods.

As they walked back to their main path Merlin realised something. He turned to the girl and said

"You know who we are but I don't think you told us your name."

The girl smiled in response to the youth's wide friendly grin

"No, I didn't but I shall. My name is Dera and I am very happy to meet you Merlin."

XXX

As they walked away, back towards the main path Dera smiled. She has been sent to find the one closest to the King and, judging by the display of banter and hidden emotions she had just witnessed, she had struck lucky first time. Watching the two young men ahead of her, pushing and laughing at each other, for all the world like ordinary friends, not King and Manservant Dera could feel the strength of their relationship and knew at once who she would pick.

"He would be perfect" she thought to herself. "He holds the King's love and affection as a brother. Once he is mine I will be able to use him to bring about the future that Aerona has spoken of." Looking once more at the young men laughing ahead of her, Dera smiled. She was right in her choice. Merlin was the one who must betray all he cared for; Merlin would be the one who would bring about the end of Camelot and the death of the King.

XXX


	4. Chapter 4

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 3**

**Two months Later**

Merlin looked around for Dera but he could not see her. He allowed himself to feel a little bit disappointed but was resigned to the fact that she was not yet in the stables, which meant he would have little chance for a chat before Arthur arrived. It would have been good to see her; he enjoyed their brief chats and the verbal sparring they involved. It was good to have someone else to talk to who had an irreverent attitude to royalty and a slightly sarcastic sense of humour...after all, Merlin thought, if he only had Arthur to talk to his brain would die of underuse.

It had been two months since the hunting trip and their first meeting with Dera and in that time she seemed to have settled within Camelot. At first Merlin was surprised that she stayed but he had soon got used to the idea. Dera had got a job in the stables, replacing the man who had supposedly trained Arthur's previously unsuccessful mount. It turned out he'd spent most of his time in the tavern rather than with the horse (whom he treated appallingly) and no-one was unhappy to see him go. Admittedly it was highly unusual for a woman to have such a job, but once Dera had shown that she had an almost unnatural ability to calm down and control even the most difficult horses the job had been hers. And, after the first mutterings of "it's not right" had died down, everyone just seemed to accept it. Afterall if commoners could become Knights and Queens what was so strange about a woman becoming the Royal Horse Trainer?

After all the excitement of that day life had returned to normal and Arthur had not had a chance to go riding out again, until today. It was the Summer Solstice and even Kings had that as a holiday. There would be a fair in the Citadel and a great feast tonight; but first Arthur was going to try out his new horse. Bought to replace the one who had shamed itself running from the arrow (and who was now very much enjoying its new life as the delivery horse for the dairy) the new animal was a real beauty; muscular and sleek, a shining black powerful and fearless horse. Arthur was very proud of him already and could not wait to put him through his paces.

Merlin stood beside the new horse, Ambyth, and stroked his side. He had been almost impossible to ride when he had first arrived but Dera had trained him; without cruelty and without breaking his indomitable spirit. Merlin had come down to the stables whenever he'd had a free moment and watched the young woman and the noble horse work together. He told himself that his interest was purely to make sure the animal was safe and appropriate for the King but as time wore on he found he was watching Dera more than the horse. She was striking but not conventionally beautiful, with dark hair and dark eyes and a face that was tanned and spoke of a life that had not been easy. But there was a depth to her that seemed to speak to Merlin, an invisible "something" that drew him to her. For the life of him he could not understand what it was but he found himself needing to see her; to speak to her more and more often. A day rarely passed when he did not come to the stables; yet the more he came the more he wanted to never leave. He told himself it was just that he loved to chat to her, to share their sense of humour but even he had to admit that there might just be more to his feelings than that of a friend. Merlin found himself wondering if there could be more to their relationship than...

"Can I help you Merlin?" a voice interrupted his thoughts and Merlin turned (blushing slightly in response to what he had been thinking) to face Dera. She was dressed as a stable worker, a brown leather tunic over a loose fitting shirt and a pair of leggings. She was dirty from her work, her hair was all over the place and she looked tired from the early mornings and the late nights her job entailed. Merlin smiled at her and it felt good as she smiled back; she was beautiful. Suddenly he knew he wanted (no needed) to spend more time with her. Without even thinking about what he was doing Merlin reached out his hand and gently touched Dera's cheek, the lightest of caresses. Dera moved a small step forward and put her own hand on top of his and for a moment the two young people just looked at each other, waiting for something, anything to happen. Merlin held out his other hand and she took it and they moved closer still...

Freya. His magic brought her name back, unbidden to his mind with a sudden clarity and force that nearly broke him in two. With a sudden shock Merlin remembered his feelings for Freya and his heart twisted with long repressed pain and grief. His expression froze and he dropped Dera's hand; backing away clumsily. He turned towards the horse and stoked him again. It was a poor cover for his move away and the sudden paling of his face and his inability to speak. Dera was shocked at the sudden change but moved after him and carefully and gently (as if approaching a skittish foal) placed her hand on Merlin's arm.

Merlin felt a lurch within him, a sudden twist of magic; an instant sense of something not quite right and flinched away. Instantly Dera dropped her hand. The feeling of unease disappeared almost as soon as it had come, but it left him momentarily confused. He faked a cough to hide the breaking in his voice.

"I am just here to check if Ambyth will be ready for the King within the hour? Also His Majesty has asked if you will join us on the ride as he may have questions for you as the animal's trainer."

Stung by the tone of his voice and the alteration in his attitude, Dera replied formally "Yes. Please tell His Majesty that the horse will be ready and that I am at his disposal whenever he requires me. I bid you good day Merlin." With that Dera turned on her heels leaving a very confused and emotional Merlin standing in the quiet of the stables.

He knew he should return at once to help the King dress but he needed some time to think. The realisation that he had feelings for Dera had been sudden and he did not know what to do about it. It was thinking of her in the same moment as Freya; the idea that perhaps Dera could take Freya's place in his heart that had made him pause. It felt disloyal to the young druid girl from so many years ago, somehow cruel. How could he even think to replace her? Yet how had Dera come to mean so much to him so quickly? He didn't understand how it had happened, how someone had crept up on him and become so important? It seemed his magic was not sure; it had reacted by bringing back Freya clear as day to his mind. Perhaps it did not feel he was ready. Or perhaps it was warning him; reminding him of all those who he had loved and who had died. With his destiny and his fate, perhaps the magical part of him knew being with him was too dangerous for Dera.

It never even crossed his mind that the remembrance of Freya was his magic warning him, telling him it was too dangerous for him to love this other girl. But not for her, rather for him. Something deep within him was battling but was not strong enough to overcome the spell that she cast. His magic was trying to protect him but he was already nearly lost.

Merlin sat in a bale of hay and rested his head in his hands; images of Freya and them smiling and kissing; and then of her wounded and dying flashed through his mind. He had felt so distraught with her death, so convinced that there would never be anyone else to whom he felt such a bond.

Yet now there was Dera. It had never occurred to him that he might be happy with someone else; that he could feel this way again. And if he was truthful it scared him. Love had brought him nothing but pain and loss. All those people he had cared for, all those goodbyes and all those deaths. The misery and desolation of his and Freya's aborted dreams. A single tear fell slowly down his cheek, a tear filled with confusion and fear. Falling in love was meant to make you happy; you were supposed to be able to feel your heart expand and your soul rise up with joy. But for him it seemed to bring nothing but trepidation; the desperate foreseeing of future calamity and pain. It was simple, those he loved died. His destiny was to be alone, to serve Camelot and Arthur and to be content with that.

And he should be, he told himself. He had lived with this knowledge since that dreadful day in the rain at the edge of the lake. But now, now there seemed some hope for him. Some chance that he might not need to bear the weight of his future alone; that there was someone who could be with him. Someone to share it with and to love and protect for himself, not for some mythical fate.

And this thought was the most frightening thing he had ever experienced. Dare he risk it again? Dare he allow himself the luxury of love? Merlin did not know but he suspected that the answer was no.

Nothing could distract him from his future – but for a brief moment the enchantment on his mind took him away; into a village, into a farm and into a life with Dera. Children, normality, love and no Fate or Camelot to take him away and destroy his peace. A life without the Knights, without Gaius, without Gwen. Without Arthur?

Merlin trembled slightly at the thought. No. No matter what he had to give up (Dera he thought) he could only do as he was destined and remain with Arthur. But as he walked from the stables a small part of his heart became bitter at his sacrifices and Aerona's enchantment wormed its way ever closer to his soul.

XXX

"You have done quite well my dear" the slyly seductive voice rang loudly in her head as Dera walked triumphantly away from the stables. "The manservant is falling for your charms as the spell requires; but it is taking longer than I thought. Obviously his attachment to the vile King is deeper than even I imagined. Still a little more help from me and he is yours for the taking. Carry out your orders and you will be given the highest honours of all in the tribe. Once we have Merlin we will have the key to both the end of the evil that is Camelot and the death of the bloodied King. You know what you must find in the vaults to ensure the success of our ritual. Once we have that and the boy we will have what we need to fulfil our destiny."

"Thank you my Mistress" Dera replied, the witch's enchantment powering through her, leaving no space for her own thoughts and feelings. "Your skill in spells is unparallel; he has no chance to resist. He begins to love me now I am sure of it and it will only get more powerful the more he resists. He will not escape. I will win his heart and soul and I will find the Earth Harp my Lady. Merlin will join me and then he will betray the King"

XXX

**A/N**

**Translation**

**Ambyth – Forever (Welsh)**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 4**

Arthur was getting more and more annoyed. This was supposed to be a day of light relief; a brief moment of respite from the cares of being King. He had not really allowed himself to think of how much he had been looking forward to the ride. He had been as excited as a young knight with the prospect of trying out his new horse; and he had to admit it, he had been looking forward to spending time with Merlin as well. Not that he really cared for the manservant's company that much, obviously. But he was usually good for a laugh and a joke and both those commodities had been much missing from the King's life of late. Also it had not escaped his notice (well Guinevere's notice really, Arthur told himself he was too busy or he would have realised as well) that Merlin had been spending quite a bit of his spare time hanging around the stables lately. It was for that reason that Guinevere had suggested that he ask Dera along on the ride as well. The Queen had seen it as an opportunity for Merlin to be with someone he quite obviously liked and the King had seen it as an opportunity to ridicule and poke fun at the tongue tied fool. So all in all Arthur had been really looking forward to the day.

But it had been a massive anti-climax so far. Admittedly his horse, Ambyth, was a total dream to ride; responsive, athletic and very strong. But as to Merlin – well he had hardly said a word all morning. At first Arthur had put it down to him being typically useless when in the company of a woman – but even the usually unobservant King had realised after some time that something was up between Merlin and the girl. They were pointedly not looking at each other, had not exchanged a single word beyond what was necessary to ensure the safe running of the day and basically the atmosphere between the two of them was as icy as the frozen northern lands. This made Arthur cross; not so much for the obvious discomfort of the two young people but mainly for the fact that this estrangement was spoiling his day off. Despite his becoming King and growing up somewhat, Arthur could still occasionally (or quite often if you asked Merlin) behave like a truculent toddler. He wanted a fun day and he was dammed if Merlin's stupidity was going to spoil it. Arthur had of course assumed that whatever had happened between the two of them was Merlin's fault. No question.

"So," Arthur thought "as usual it is up to me to put things right." Having made the decision to interfere Arthur was then stumped; where was Guinevere when he needed her? He literally had no idea how to get the two idiots to start talking. As he rode along in painful silence he ran various ideas through his head – order them to get on? Tie them together until they had to talk to each other or go mad with boredom? Pretend to fall off his horse so they would be worried and have to talk? Nothing seemed the right thing to do and in the end he gave up. It was too much hard work; afterall he only really wanted them to chat so he could later make fun of Merlin and his "ladylove". Well, there was no fun to be had in that direction today, at least not without a large amount of work – work Arthur had no intention of putting in.

"No" he thought sulkily "I'll just leave the two idiots to it. Not as if anything serious was going to come of it anyway. It's Merlin afterall." With that he rode a little ahead and started to look out for a good place to make camp for lunch.

XXX

Merlin had to admit it; he was in a right mess. Somehow Dera had become important to him, he was not sure how but there was something about her, something that made her presence in his life vital. He felt a pull to her, a draw that he could not resist. But his thoughts of Freya were so powerful; every moment of their all too brief time together ran endlessly through his mind. It was as if his soul was refusing to accept that another could take her place in his affections. But it was deeper than that. Whenever he looked at Dera he felt such a mix of emotions – his heart was growing closer to the girl but somewhere deep within he felt an echo of a warning from his magic. He believed it to be his magic fearing for him, scared he'd lose someone else and so he did not heed its voice. It did not want to go where Dera was leading it but with every moment that passed Merlin heard it less and less. And his need for Dera grew more and more.

Merlin knew it was his fault that he and the girl had barely spoken two civil words to each other the whole morning. It was he who had initiated the...whatever it was...in the stables and it was he who had broken it off; turned away and become cold and distant. For the first time since that morning Merlin's mind cleared itself of Freya's image and all he could see was Dera.

Unable to abide the silence and the distance between them any longer Merlin pulled back on his reins and waited until she caught up with him. Glancing up he saw Arthur riding a short distance ahead and he was pleased. He did not think he would have been able to have the upcoming conversation if there was any chance the King could have heard. It was going to be hard enough without that.

"Dera" he said quietly as her horse pulled up beside his "I am so sorry. Forgive me please."

XXX

Dera was pleased; she knew Merlin was trapped now. She felt the magic shift through her body; it's power constantly calling to the young man. In a previous existence she may have pitied him a little, she thought, as she watched him ride ahead of her. He was so obviously suffering and she knew she was the cause. She had been surprised he'd managed to hold out so long, normally men fell to the spell within days but it had taken her nearly two months to finally catch this one. She had been beginning to wonder if Aerona had made a mistake; had misjudged the strength of this boy. She had even begun to wonder if he actually possessed a little magic himself; but in the end he had succumbed. Now all she had to do was play her part and he would be lost and through him Camelot would be lost as well.

"Dera, I am so sorry. Forgive me please." The deep blue eyes were staring at her, slightly out of focus but filled with hope and fear. She stared unsmiling at the King's manservant, knowing that to do so would cause him much pain; and enjoying that knowledge. Just when he was almost broken by her silence she deigned to speak.

"That's okay Merlin. I forgive you, let's make camp and then we can talk. About us." Dera smiled then, brightly and full of innocence, as she completed the first part of her task.

XXXX

The first sign that anything was wrong was the silence; the second sign was pretty obvious - cross bow bolts that flew out of the surrounding forest and split the trees as they hit. No denying that this was trouble and Merlin's immediate thought was as always – protect Arthur. But it was followed straight away with the panicky need to protect Dera as well. And for once in his life he was not sure which feeling was the most powerful.

Throwing down the pot of stew he had been stirring he ran straight to where he knew the King and Dera were; a few hundred yards away at the river bank, tending to the horses. Merlin could feel the men running behind him; hear their pounding boots as they rushed the makeshift camp. He sped up, desperate to get his two companions in his sight, within his protection.

He could hear the unmistakable sounds of swords clashing and the shouts of anger and rage coming from the river. They had been surrounded, the attackers approaching from the rear as well. And Arthur and Dera were already doing battle for their lives.

Emerging, sweating and breathless from behind the last tree Merlin was greeted with an awful sight. Dera was laying on the floor, two enormous men standing over her, their swords ready to slash the life out of her. In the same glance Merlin saw Arthur surrounded by four heavily armed and vicious looking men. And Arthur was wounded, his left arm hanging uselessly at his side. Both were in mortal danger and Merlin did not hesitate. His eyes glowed gold, a rock from the river bank cliff plummeted down and the attackers surrounding Dera fell.

Safe. She was safe. Dera was safe.

It was only as that thought flew across his mind that Merlin truly realised what had happened; faced with the choice of saving Arthur or saving Dera he had instinctively protected the girl. The shock of this decision hit Merlin with such a powerful horror that his legs gave way under him and he was unable to breathe. He had saved Dera; he had let his King come second. Dazed and incapable of rational thought, Merlin sank to the ground. He had let Arthur down...

"Oh, Gods" Merlin cried "Arthur". Not only had he chosen Dera, he had compounded the error by forgetting his King once more. He had protected the girl and then had done nothing to save Arthur; had just collapsed in shock and left his King to his fate. Frantically getting to his feet he only had time to search desperately for Arthur for a brief second before the men who had been chasing him burst through the undergrowth and threw themselves on top of him.

Fists punched him and feet kicked him as he struggled hopelessly against their onslaught; he had to see what had become of Arthur. His desperation over the fate of the King made the blows painless; negated the sickening crunch as his collar bone broke and overcame any feelings of fear for himself. He needed to know Arthur was safe but he could not see him.

Bundled to the ground, being savagely beaten and pummelled, it was impossible for Merlin to see anything other than the feet, the blows and the weapons that were being used to suppress him. Struggle as he might he could not survive such an attack for long; a final kick to the left side of his skull sent him into oblivion. But it was not a welcome relief, for as he felt the dark descend he thought of Arthur and his fate. But his last conscious feeling was of hope that Dera had escaped and terror that she had not. His last thought was of her.

XXX

**A/N**

**Thanks for the reviews and I hope everyone is enjoying this story. **

**Just wanted to explain where the title comes from...it is from**** the ancient Egyptian Feather and Soul myth - they believed that when you died your soul was weighed against a feather and if your sins weighed not more than the feather then your heart was pure and "spoke of no sin" so you gained entry into the afterlife. Just thought some of you may be interested.**


	6. Chapter 6

The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 5

The first Arthur knew of the attack was a yell of warning from Dera and the loud crashing of eight or nine men as they emerged from the undergrowth and ran hell for leather to where he and the girl were standing at the river's edge. Reacting instantly Arthur drew his sword and made to defend the girl; but she did not need protection. Already she had her knife out and had dispatched one of the attackers and was putting up a tremendous defence against two other filthy and violent men.

But Arthur did not have long to wonder at her speed and accuracy before he too was fighting for his own survival. Five men encircled him, each holding a large and fierce looking weapon and all with a look of grim determination on their faces. Arthur moved lightly on his feet, turning around constantly, trying to determine when and where the first attack would come from. Then the largest man spoke, in a deep, rough voice.

"Come little man, you can do better than that. All we want is the horses and the girl; afterall it's a lonely life. Surely she's not worth dying for, she's only a servant."

Arthur gawped at him, unable to believe what he had heard; all his subjects were worth fighting for and there was no way he'd leave anyone to suffer the probable fate the bandits had planned for Dera. But that was that was not the only thing that riled him at that particular moment. No, these "men" had attacked him and his companions and had insulted him, insulted the King. To call him a little man; well that really got Arthur's back up. No-one spoke to the King of Camelot like that and got away with it. Taking a deep breath Arthur flung himself at the overgrown lout; taking out one of the other men as he ran past with a well aimed swipe at his chest.

Then it was just a flurry of swords and knives and blood and screaming. Arthur fought with speed and rage but the odds soon became overwhelming and he was unable to parry an attack that left him with a large cut on his left arm. Gasping in pain Arthur backed away to the bank of the river, hoping this would mean they could not attack him from behind and for a moment all stood still as the four remaining men slowly inched near him.

Arthur heard more crashing through the forest, coming from their camp. He had the briefest moment to register that it was coming from where they had left Merlin; then he caught sight of the lanky manservant running full pelt out of the trees. In that moment he also saw that Dera had been overpowered by the two thugs and was in serious danger. But there was nothing he could do for her as the ruffians surrounding him had taken advantage of his momentary loss of concentration and had renewed their onslaught with increased vigour and he had to fight for his own life. The pain in his arm made moving harder than it should have been and he was rapidly tiring, but his aggressors were not. They seemed renewed and more full of energy than at the beginning of the fight. Two of them had managed to get behind him, herding him away from the river bank and the protection it had afforded him; straight into the waiting weapons of their companions. All around him was noise and flashing metal, Arthur just struck out at whoever and whatever he could. He was used to the confusion and bloodiness of battle and the fact that all was chaos and disorder; but this time it felt different. This time he was tiring and they were not; and he feared for the outcome.

As he thought this he sensed the large man, the leader, moving up behind him. Arthur turned but was not quick enough. A loud clang echoed around the forest as the leaders broadsword hit the King a shattering blow across the chest and Arthur fell to his knees; unable to breath or move. Totally at the mercy of the brigands Arthur knew his time was done. A moment's thought of those who he would leave alone and undefended and then he raised his head; ready to meet the blow that he knew would come...prepared to face his death with dignity and bravery.

But when the blow came it was not the King of Camelot who fell; it was the leader of the assailants. It was unbelievable; as Arthur watched the man suddenly froze, opened his mouth in a silent scream and pitched forward; a large knife sticking out of his back. With his soldiers instinct Arthur did not stop to ponder how this incredible turn around had occurred, instead he rose, raised his sword and cut his way through the shocked remaining men; killing two and mortally wounding the third.

It was only once they were all defeated and he had sunk exhausted to his knees that he looked around for his saviour – part of him expecting to see the lop sided smile of his manservant; afterall it would not be the first time the loyal idiot had put himself in harm's way on order to protect his King.

But it was not Merlin who stood there on the river bank, a look of shock and disbelief on their face. It was Dera. She had thrown the knife, she had saved his life.

XXX

When the rock fell Dera had had no time to wonder why, she just thanked her goddesses and quickly finished off the men who had attacked her. She felt no concern or guilt over their deaths. They were just pawns; stupid, superfluous members of the tribe sent by Aerona to provide her with the opportunity to save the life of the King and ingratiate herself even more into the heart of the court. And into Merlin's affections.

Dera looked back as she ran towards the King and could see the manservant disappear under the blows of the remaining tribal fighters. She was not worried. Prior to leaving the village she knew that Aerona would have given them instructions to hurt the boy but not to kill him. Merlin was too precious to the plan and whilst it suited her and her Mistress to have him beholden to her; it was vital he lived. All was as planned, Merlin was being subdued and Arthur was (he believed) in mortal peril. Smiling a little as she ran forward, sword and knife held before her, Dera had but one mission. And with a forceful sweep of her arm, and the accurate throw of a deadly blade, she had accomplished it. The leader of the attack was dead and Arthur was safe and was now staring up at her with an expression that spoke equally of relief, surprise and (it had to be said) no little embarrassment.

"I believe the last of them have run off your Highness; cowards once their leader was dead." Seeing Arthur kneeling on the ground, clutching his wounded arm, Dera feigned a concerned expression and offered her hand to him. "Sire, forgive me. Are you hurt?"

"Merely my pride - and a few cuts and bruises! Thank you Dera, your bravery and good timing were very welcome." Arthur tried quickly to mask his feelings of shame at being rescued by a girl (his memory briefly returning to a time when he had mercilessly ribbed Merlin about such an occurrence). Still he had begun to learn that help and support could come from the unlikeliest sources and he was much more thankful of being alive than he was embarrassed. So he managed to react in a courteous and grateful manner. "I owe you my life and you shall be rewarded. Once we return to Camelot I shall strive to find something worthy the service you have done me today. Perhaps you and Merlin could..."

With a sudden lurch Arthur remembered his last sight of Merlin, running into the fray, unarmed and unprotected. Looking around Arthur caught sight of a crumpled figure lying on the ground about 20 yards away. For a moment the King just stood still and watched the seemingly unmoving body, horrified by the possibilities that were running through his head. Before he could move Dera let out a small cry of concern and ran forward. She reached Merlin within seconds and immediately flung herself to the floor, reaching out for him and softly speaking his name. Arthur watched her face for clues as to the condition of his friend, unable still to move. He saw her expression change from fear, to deep concern and finally to relief. Merlin was alive. Arthur could breathe again.

Moving closer Arthur knelt beside Merlin and assessed his wounds. He was very badly battered and judging by the angle of his arm his collar bone was almost certainly shattered. But he would live and Arthur finally gave in to a sense of relief.

"You...ok...safe?" a slight murmour came from the bloody and bruised man, as Merlin shuddered and strove to return to consciousness. Arthur knew that Merlin's first thought after any trouble was not for his own safety but for his King's and so went to lean in nearer to reassure him that he, Arthur, was fine. But Merlin's next words stopped him dead.

"Dera...Dera...you safe? Not hurt?" Merlin's eyes were hooded but partially open and Arthur could see them searching desperately to gain focus and to see the object of his concern. Dera moved into Merlin's view and the effect was immediate, the manservant sighed and the look of intense pain and fear left his face and he fell back into a deep but less restless unconsciousness. He had obviously received all the reassurance he needed.

"Perhaps", thought the King as he knelt beside Merlin, clutching his own wound "perhaps Guinevere was right. Perhaps there is the chance that Merlin could have found love."

He truly tried to be pleased for him and he was, really. But there was a small part of him (unacknowledged even by himself) which mourned the fact that Merlin's first thought had not been for him. For the first time ever someone else had been Merlin's immediate concern in a time of trial and pain and deep within him Arthur felt this loss. As if he had lost Merlin and things could never be the same. Sighing Arthur moved a little away from the couple; for that he realised, was what they were.

And he watched silently as Dera pulled Merlin closer to her, held him and comforted him in his pain.

XXX

_Merlin's magic was conquered. It had hurried to his aid, to try and protect his body from too much harm and to try to ease the pain; but that had left his mind open to attack and Aerona's enchantment and Dera's charms had rushed to fill the space. It was over, Merlin was totally hers and the destiny of the King, the Manservant and the Citadel was cast. _

XXX


	7. Chapter 7

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 6**

**One Week Later**

**Merlin winced slightly as he laid the breakfast tray quietly down on the small table next to Arthur's side of the royal bed. His injuries, whilst mainly recovered, did like making themselves known on occasion. His bruises were now fading and his arm was tightly bound in a sling and healing fast. It did mean that he only had one arm to carry out his duties with but so long as he was careful he could do most of his tasks. **

**It had been 7 days since the attack at the river and he had been forbidden by Gaius to return until today and then only under the obligatory warning about "light duties". Honestly Merlin wondered, with a small wry smile, would Gaius every stop treating him as the slight, vulnerable boy who had come seeking support and help all those years ago? Probably not, he thought, and he was not overly upset by this really. It felt good to have someone totally on his side, someone who would always love him and stand by him; someone to whom he came first. Merlin knew that deep down Arthur would do anything for him but he also knew that Camelot would always come first in the Kings affections and that was how it should be.**

**But then a bigger smile crossed Merlin's face; for even discounting Arthur, Merlin knew he now had two such people in his life - Gaius and Dera. The attack, whilst painful and terrifying at the time did have an unbelievably good outcome. Dera had not left his bedside during the whole of his recovery. **

**On first awakening bruised, battered and not a little bewildered to be back in his own bed she had been the one there, giving him water, tending to his wounds and forcing yet another one of Gaius's awful potions down his throat. For four days she had not left his side and Merlin wasn't altogether sure if he had malingered a little longer than strictly necessary in order to prolong the joy of having her with him. For joy it was. Her presence had filled him with a sense of calm and re-assurance; so much so that he had had little need of the other visitors who came to see him. So long as Dera was there, what more could he have wanted?**

**He thought of the one conversation he had had (other than those with Dera) that he remembered with any clarity. Arthur had come to see him in the afternoon of the second day and had told him what had transpired whilst he had been unconscious. The King told him how Dera had saved his life and how he'd offered her a reward of her choice. Merlin could remember what Arthur had said then, as it had given him such hope that his feelings for Dera were returned.**

"**You'll never believe what she asked for Merlin; honestly, she could have requested money, land, jewels, anything. And what did she choose? She asked permission to sit by your bedside until you were well; she asked for time off work to look after you! The woman is mad" Arthur had paused then and had looked quietly at Merlin "She seems to be caring for you well Merlin, has it been a help having her here?"**

**All Merlin had been able to do was nod silently, too emotional to say anything. Dera had given up the chance to make herself, if not rich, then at least wealthy enough not to have to work for a long time. And she had done that for him. After that Merlin had paid even less attention to Guinevere, Gwaine and all the other friends who came to check on his progress. He even found himself almost ignoring Gaius on occasions.**

**Pulling himself reluctantly back to the present Merlin continued with his tasks quietly so as not to wake the still sleeping King. Admittedly there was not much to do; George had filled in for him whilst he was injured and as usual had done an incredible job. Every surface shone and sparkled; everything was in the right place and even Arthur's armour was polished and laid out for him to put on. A few weeks ago Merlin would have been put out by this but not now; now all he could think of was that it meant he could leave the King's chambers and go and do something else...or rather, see someone else. **

**Silently the enchantment that possessed him took another step forward and Merlin's need to see Dera became all powerful; pushing aside any thought of his responsibilities and friends. He had to see her now. **

**Merlin took one last cursory look around the chambers and, whilst thinking only of how long it would take to get to the stables, began to walk out. Unfortunately he paid little attention to his surroundings and managed to trip on the sheep skin rug beside the bed and fall headlong to the floor. In desperation he reached out for the table, forgetting the breakfast tray, grabbed it and...**

**CRASH...**

"**MERLIN...What on earth are you doing, you complete idiot!" **

**Arthur sat bolt upright in bed; angry beyond endurance by being woken up so roughly. Merlin took one look at the King's face and instantly knew he was going to be in serious trouble – which meant more chores and less time with Dera – something he could not allow to happen; he had to see her. So he did the first thing that came into his mind. He raised his hand to his shoulder, groaned loudly and pretended to pass out.**

**Instantly Arthur's demeanour changed, his face paled and he jumped out of the bed and knelt at Merlin's side. Pulling the manservant into a sitting position Arthur spoke his name and gently shook him. Merlin kept his eyes closed and lay there limp in the King's arms**

"**Merlin, for God's sake what happened?" Arthur's voice was full of worry and concern. **

"**Good," thought Merlin, not really caring about the worry he was putting his friend through; just of how this would mean more time with Dera if he played he scene correctly "he's falling for it." **

**Arthur tried again to rouse the supposedly unconscious servant but on failing he panicked even more. **

"**Merlin, Merlin. Wake up." Seeing no response Arthur began to lay Merlin's body on the chamber floor and get up "Just wait here Merlin. I'll get Gaius."**

**But this was the last thing Merlin wanted as he was not sure he could fool his guardian as easily as he could apparently fool Arthur. Time to wake up he supposed... so he gave a small moan and allowed his eyelids to flutter open and a look of "heroically suppressed" pain to cross his features. Arthur was completely taken in by this performance. In the past Merlin had always been able to hide his pain and for it to apparently show now and in his presence, Arthur just knew it meant the servant was really in agony. He had no idea of the reality.**

"**Merlin, talk to me. Are you okay? What happened?" Arthur looked so concerned it was almost comical thought Merlin "I can't believe that Gaius said you were okay to come back to work so soon, you are obviously not yet fit. I will have to speak to him."**

"**No Sire, it's not his fault, I wanted to return to work. I'm fine, just clumsy as usual... I, um, I must have fallen over I think" Merlin's voice began the sentence quite strongly but he allowed it to falter and weaken as he went along; a sure sign of exhaustion and illness. And Arthur fell for it again.**

"**I don't believe you just slipped and fell Merlin. Tell me the truth. I'm your King so you can't lie to me" **

**Arthur's tone did little to hide the real concern behind his brusque words. He was deeply troubled by his friend's sudden collapse and was not going to be distracted by some blatant untruth about falling. He knew Merlin; he'd seen him struggle on through injury and illness. Merlin never gave in and Merlin never really showed how badly he was hurt. Well for once Arthur was not going to accept his stupidly determined manservant's word that he was alright. He was going to get the truth.**

**Merlin made to try and get up and then fell back into the Kings arms as if unable to stand and finally gave a small sigh and whispered.**

"**You are right Arthur, I didn't fall. I think I must have tried to do too much, I reached for the tray and then everything seemed to go black...I don't know what happened but I'm better now. I can get back to work, I just need a minute" saying that Merlin suddenly gasped and put his free hand to his head.**

**That was the final straw for Arthur. Rising quickly to his feet he pulled Merlin upright, slung the lanky youths uninjured arm over his shoulder and half carried/half dragged him out of the bedchamber.**

"**You are not yet fit Merlin. You are going back to your room and will remain there for at least another week. I can't have it said that the King works his Manservant to death."**

**Head lowered and pretending to struggle with supporting himself Merlin silently congratulated himself on his subterfuge. He had fooled the King. And whilst a very small part of him was a little ashamed of his actions, the majority of him was overjoyed. He had got out of trouble and got another week off work. This meant; if he was very careful; he had a whole week to spend in Dera's company.**

**And that was the only thing that really mattered to him now.**

**XXX**

_**Merlin's magic fought against the encroaching darkness, but it was suppressed. Very few sorcerers could have done such a thing to Merlin; but this time it was Merlin himself who was allowing it to happen. Not knowingly, not willingly; but happily nonetheless. The part of him that needed to love and care for another had been hijacked; consumed and had fallen. All that he was, all that made him good and loyal was being destroyed. Initially it had been slow, but since his injuries he had succumbed completely; his existence was totally for Dera now. His magic could no longer fight the spell, for without Merlin being willing and able to battle it had little power. Together they were so strong but apart they were defeated. Dera and Aerona had won. Merlin was lost. **_

**XXX**

A/N

Thanks to everyone who has read, followed and reviewed this story so far.

So Merlin is changing and not for the better...be prepared for darkness and OOC.

Hope everyone continues to enjoy reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin - Chapter 7.**

Gaius watched as Dera entered Merlin's small room, shutting the door firmly behind her. It was early in the morning, the pale late summer sun had just risen over the Citadel's battlements but already the dark haired girl was there, taking her place beside Merlin's bed.

The old Court Physician sighed slightly to himself. He knew he was supposed to be happy that Merlin had found someone to love and care for; especially someone who seemed to reciprocate those feelings. But it did not seem to sit right with him, something was off. It had all been so sudden, the change in Merlin and Dera's relationship. Gaius was not stupid, he had known that over the last two months Merlin had begun to have feelings for the girl but he also knew that the young warlock had been taking it very slowly. But now everything seemed to be going at a breakneck speed and Gaius was not sure he either approved of or really trusted things that appeared to change so rapidly.

Since Freya's death Gaius knew that Merlin had often been very lonely and close to breaking under the terrible joint burdens of his destiny and his responsibility for Arthur's well being. As the boys guardian he had tried to alleviate this solitude, but as Merlin had grown to manhood it had not really been enough. Merlin needed someone to share his life with, someone who he could be totally honest with. Someone who would love and support him through the difficulties and pain he suffered. Now it seemed that he had found her...oh, but Gaius was not sure.

"I just don't know" he thought "Is she really the right one. Will he tell her everything? It's such a big risk...he's so young...what if he makes a mistake...what if she breaks his heart...what if she betrays him..."

Gaius stopped himself suddenly – when on earth had he turned into such a worry wart? Well, he smiled, that was an easy question to answer – about five minutes after a certain rangy, big eared boy had stumbled into his chambers and saved his life! Merlin's arrival had given him lots of reasons to worry and fret and get agitated and annoyed. But it had also given him lots of reasons to laugh, to feel close to someone, to hope and to believe that life was worth living. He had to acknowledge that Merlin needed that in his life too and that perhaps this girl Dera would be the one to give it to him.

"You are nothing but a sour and curmudgeonly old man" he said to himself as he moved towards his messy work bench to begin brewing up another batch of various ill smelling, yet highly effective cures. "Just leave the boy alone, he deserves a bit of happiness after everything he's been through. You are just being overly anxious as usual; Merlin is not stupid, he'll be careful."

But even so, part of him kept a close eye on the door to Merlin's room from where the soft murmour of voices could be heard and that part wondered what was being spoken of.

XXX

Once the King had got him to his chambers Merlin had asked to be left alone to sleep and as Arthur had to attend a Council meeting he gave in but only on the condition that he was going to send for Gaius. Merlin agreed and settled into his bed as he watched Arthur leave; not without some reluctance and a backward glance to check all was well.

In truth Merlin knew he should still feel guilty about how he had tricked the King; but having made it back to his rooms he found he no longer regretted it at all it at all. Nor did he feel remorse at the look of worry on Gaius's face when he thought his ward had relapsed. The old man had hurried to examine the warlock but Merlin had cut him off, saying he had just overdone it and would be fine after some rest. Gaius had eyed him warily but had decided that perhaps it would be best just to let the boy sleep and had gone off to fetch a potion. One that Merlin adamantly declined, saying he was so tired he'd drop off without any additional help.

As Gaius was leaving the small room Merlin spoke, almost casually.

"Oh, Gaius there is one thing. If you could let Dera know what has happened I would be very grateful." And with that the young man turned over and actually did quickly fall asleep.

XXX

As Dera walked past the annoying old man she smothered a smile of victory. Honesty in the end it had all been so easy; Merlin had been weak and injured and unable to continue to defy her and the enchantment. Whatever had enabled him to resist had seemed to go into abeyance. She had been beginning to worry but that was all over now. He was hers and soon he would willingly help her in her search. Her Lady would be pleased with her, for that was all Dera desired; Aerona's commendation. All that remained was to reel the foolish young servant in completely and that was but a conversation away. Yet for all her confidence there was still that little whisper of doubt in the back of her mind, he had resisted for so long...but the time was upon them.

"Merlin" Dera whispered gently as she entered his room. At once the young man stirred, brought back from the depths of sleep by her voice. He sat up, eyes momentarily unfocused; that was until they settled on her and then she became the centre of his World.

Reaching out his hand Merlin beckoned Dera into the room and she quickly moved closer, sitting beside him on the bed and resting his head on her shoulder.

"Merlin, Gaius said you are ill again. What happened? What can I do to help?" she asked in a quietly frantic voice.

"Nothing, it's nothing. I just needed to be with you." Merlin's voice seemed far away from himself, all that mattered was this girl, here with him. The rest of the room was not in focus, all was blurred apart from Dera. Merlin knew he had never loved as greatly as he did now. All thoughts of Freya were gone.

"I am glad, for we need to spend as much time together as possible; before I have to leave" Dera uttered these words slowly and with as much regret as she could muster and then waited for them to take effect. This was it, the true moment that would show if she had fulfilled her Mistresses wishes. And Merlin did not disappoint.

"Leave!" The word burst forth from his mouth with the full force of his love and his disbelief. His face showed nothing but pain, rejection and bewilderment. "I don't understand...I thought that you...don't you feel the same...I thought we'd...You can't leave. I love you.

Dera turned her head away, this movement hiding the relief on her face. Up until then she always had a small element of doubt but no more. He was hers.

"Oh god Merlin, you know how I feel. I would love you too; if I could. I have been living a dream these past few days; pretending that we could have a life; that I could settle down and be happy with you. I want it so much but it can't happen. I can never stay here, they've found me. I always knew they would. But I had hoped for a little more time but I've delayed so long already. I just couldn't leave until I knew you were safe and recovered. But it is too dangerous for me to stay in Camelot any longer."

"I don't understand" Merlin's voice cracked with confusion and hurt "Why do you have to go? Who has found you? Please, you can't go, I can't lose you; not you. Whoever it is that is after you, I can protect you. I am stronger than you think; I am more powerful than you know. No-one will ever be a danger to you, I promise."

"Merlin, it is not for me I fear but for you. Those were not just ordinary brigands, they were after me. They were sent to capture me and return me to my Tribe. It's because of you that I must go. I do not fear the harm they would cause me but if anyone hurt you again I would not wish to live."

Merlin reached up and grabbed Dera's arms, pulling her close to him. She looked directly into his eyes and behind the bright and loving blue she could see the black of the enchantment; the pull of Aerona's magic working on him. She moved her head slightly and gently brushed his lips with hers, feeling his sharp intake of breath and the small tremor that passed through his body. Lowering her eyes and holding him so close she could feel the swift beating of his heart Dera began to cry, tears that he took as soft and yielding but that she relished in the knowledge that they were false and wicked.

Quietly and steadily, for all the World as if she were speaking the truth, Dera began to tell the lie that would enslave a Kingdom. The lie that would mean the end to all that was safe and secure in the lives of everyone in Camelot.

The lie that Merlin believed with all his heart.

XXX


	9. Chapter 9

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 8**

"**Merlin, there is much you need to know. I have been afraid to tell you; you are the Kings servant and who I am and where I come from goes against all the laws of Camelot. I never wanted to tell you, never wanted to put you into the position of having to betray your King but I cannot leave without explaining my actions to you." Dera smiled inwardly at the nonsense she was spouting. Even though he was enchanted she could not believe that Merlin could fall for such clichés and such romanticised drivel. "I can live with never seeing you again but I cannot live with you never knowing that this was not my choice. You may hate me for the truth; but I need you to know."**

**Pulling out of the close embrace Dera turned her red rimmed eyes towards Merlin and the look of seeming innocence, fear and desperation on her face broke his heart.**

"**There is nothing that could change how I feel about you, nothing and no-one." Merlin gently reached out a hesitant hand and pushed an errant lock of hair off her face. His hand remained there, touching her cheek, warmth coursing through him. How could she not understand that she was everything to him; that Gaius, Freya, Camelot and even Arthur were merely inconsequential compared to her; petty and negligible characters from his past. She was his future.**

**Smiling sweetly Dera placed her hand on top of Merlin's and gave the smallest of squeezes, enough to convey her gratitude and love. Enough to capture even more securely the young warlocks enchanted soul.**

"**I come from an ancient tribe – the Deceangli. Merlin, we are Druids, long ago decimated by the Invasion from the Sea. For countless generations we have travelled far in search of a place to claim as our home. Then we crossed the border into Camelot and our Leader Meilyr decreed it was here we would stay and where we would build our clan and our strength again. He told us that the gods had directed him here and we would find our truth in Camelot"**

**Dera paused, this part was vital. She needed Merlin to accept this story, needed him to not be swayed by Camelot's hatred of all things magical. But she need not have worried. She could tell by the look of compassion and love on the young man's face; there was no way he would be running off to tell Arthur about this.**

**Merlin, for his part, could not believe what he had heard - Dera was a druid; part of an old tribe. He had been hit by a bolt of joy when he realised that she was magical. His last remaining worry about their future together had gone. She would understand and accept what he was; he would no longer have to hide. He would have no need of anyone else. He had found his true destiny. He could tell her.**

"**Dera, I have meet Druids before" Merlin spoke quietly and almost trance like "They are a peaceful people; I am sure if your tribe are quiet and do no harm they will be allowed to live in peace. Arthur has promised that Druids will not be persecuted if they remain within the magical laws. I understand what it is like...I...understand...I too...I have...I am..."**

**Merlin's voice faltered and fell away as a searing spike of bright pain shot through his head and interrupted his confession. His vision blurred and he could not continue. Dera stared at him confused – what was the matter with him?**

**Merlin didn't understand what was happening; he wanted to tell Dera of his magic. He needed to tell her, every part of his mortal being was reaching out to her, begging her to bear witness to the part of him he had been forced to hide. He ached to let her know, to show her the truth beneath him. But he could not. His mouth would not frame the words; his voice betrayed him and the pain bit every time he tried to tell her. Some deep seated fear; some hidden vestige of self-protection buried within the recesses of his magical core was rebelling. It would not let him speak; it held onto his secret as if the Earth would end if it was uttered aloud. Somewhere his fate held onto the little bit of Merlin's free will that remained un-enchanted and it would not let him speak; though it cost him dear. **

**It kept this truth from him as well; his magic could not reveal its protection. It had fought the invasion of the enchantment as long as it could and was not yet entirely defeated. It could not save Merlin's heart but it could save his essential core – save the truth of his existence; the magic that flowed through his very being. But he could not know. He was all but gone now, everything that made him who he was destined to be was almost lost and if he told her of his magic then there would be no hope. He would become the true puppet of the enchantment and his life would cease to exist, beyond being an empty shell of a man. So his magic fought for its very existence but Merlin knew nothing of this; he only knew the pain this battle brought to him.**

"**Merlin" **

**Dera gripped his arm very tightly with one hand; raised his head with the other and looked into his eyes. The dark of the enchantment was still there but she thought she could see something...a shimmer of yellow or was it gold...no, it was nothing; he was just a simple servant. It was probably a reaction to the spell he was under; combined with his injuries that was causing this pain. She had to get him back though, had to finish her story. Time was short and there was much work to do.**

"**Merlin" she repeated in a stronger voice, one not so filled with treacly love. It was a voice that demanded attention. It was time to force this boy to listen, to bring him back to what was important – her.**

"**Merlin, the pain will pass, it is just that you are still not quite recovered from your injuries. I must finish, there is little time." As she spoke she shook his head, trying to bring him back from the almost catatonic state he seemed to have fallen into.**

**Merlin was aware of the movements; felt Dera's hand on his face and arm and in the distance heard her voice calling his name. That voice, the one he would always be drawn to, the only one that mattered. He could not resist it, his magic could not hold him under anymore and he broke through the pain and the fog and entered once more into the light of the room. And into her presence.**

"**Merlin, please you must understand. My tribe are not like your Druids. When we were conquered and driven away from our ancestral homes something snapped in our forebears. They became driven by hate and revenge. We are not a peaceful tribe; there is evil at the centre of our lives and all who accept it are lost forever to goodness. Meilyr does not want to co-exist peacefully with Camelot, he wants to destroy it. But some of us believed in something different. We wanted amity and accord with the people of Camelot and we fought for our beliefs. But we lost. I am almost the only one left of those who craved peace, but now my enemies have found me. I need to leave, but before I do I need to reclaim something that was taken from us many centuries ago. Something that will protect me and that I can use to bring an end to our wars and our struggles."**

**Dera glanced up at Merlin; she had him now. He was latching onto her every word like a new born lamb to its mother's milk. He words spun the tale that would lead to betrayal. Joyfully Dera continued to spin him her story, containing enough truth to make the lie easier but leaving out the bitter reality of what it all meant:**

"**In our myths and legends we were told of the Earth Harp. It was our Holiest of Holy's; the core of our beliefs and our powers. When we were overcome by the Invaders it was stolen from us; thus we fell completely. Without it we cannot rise strong again. With it we will be a Tribe once more, we will have what is our due. And I believe it will allow us to remain here, living alongside the people of Camelot in peace; living alongside you Merlin. If I find it I will not have to leave, we can be together."**

**Merlin raised his eyes to hers and knew that he would do whatever he needed to do in order to make that dream come true.**

"**How can I help? Where is the Earth Harp?"**

"**Here, in Camelot's vaults." **

**Merlin's face betrayed no surprise, his emotions were now all concentrated on the one aim of making Dera happy; making her stay.**

"**It was passed down throughout the years, from Invaders to Settlers to Sorcerers, used as a beautiful magical instrument. It plays as if heaven itself had come to Earth and it needs no human hand to make it sing and weep and lull. But its true magic remained unused and unsuspected; no-one was left who could read it, none who could make it speak of what it knows. No-one who could command its Oracle. It is the Earth Harp and it can speak of things to come, it speaks and what it professes will come to pass. It will bring forward the future path of our Tribe." **

**For once Dera's voice held true emotion, her love for and need of the Earth Harphad been bred in her from her very beginnings; it did not need Aerona's magic in her to make her feel this truth. **

"**Uther captured it when he murdered a whole family of Sorcerers during the great purge and he placed it deep in the bowels of the citadel; where he has put so many beautiful and magical things. I need to get it out, need to hear it talk. I know it will speak of peace and prosperity for our two peoples. I can use the blessed Earth Harp to overcome Meilyr and my Tribe will be free."**

**For Merlin there was no doubt, no hesitation. His devotion was to Dera and her cause; nothing of his previous affections and loyalties remained.**

"**I will help you. Arthur has the keys to the vault. I can get them and together we will free the Earth Harp. You are my fate and my destiny. Your fight is my fight and I am happy to serve you until the day I die." **

**Merlin's voice was strong as he swore this oath. Using the words he had once spoken to Arthur; his last vow forgotten. His loyalty now was to Dera, whether she spoke of peace or war. To him all past allegiances were as dust; broken and worthless; the loathsome relics of mistaken trust and misguided beliefs. **

**XXX**

**As night covered the Citadel Dera crept through the deserted corridors and out into the Courtyard. Once in the air she found a silent space, knelt there and incanted the message spell.**

**At once she heard Aerona's voice in her head:**

"**Is it done my girl?"**

"**Yes Mistress. The manservant will help us get the Earth Harp. But I don't understand why he is needed? I know you said he was necessary, but why can I not do it? Now I am trusted here in Camelot, could I not just use my freedom to steal it myself?"**

"**You fool girl, we need his betrayal and disloyalty to begin the ritual." Aerona's voice raged with anger "You have your role in this and up until now have done well but nothing you have done gives you the right to ever question me. You will do well to remember that my favour can be as quickly taken as it is given. Think on your future and my power and never dare to speak back to me again. Perhaps you have reached the end of your usefulness to me"**

**Dera was petrified, transfixed on the spot, desperate to right the terrible error she had unwittingly made "My Mistress, I did not mean to question you; I know you are the fountain of all, the tree of knowledge and the writer of our future. Forgive me my Lady, I beg you?"**

**But there came no reply. The silence in her head nearly deafened her; the terror of abandonment, failure and death slunk into her darkened soul. She was nothing without Aerona; an absence; a black hole. Lost.**

"**You are forgiven, child. Just lead the boy on and bring the Harp home and your reward will be limitless." **

**Dera breathed again; she was not to be cast aside. Lowering her head in an act of obedience; honouring her Mistress despite the fact that her Lady was miles away in her Forest; Dera backed away and returned to the stables.**

**XXX**

**Deep within the ancient Forest Aerona turned to the powerfully built man who stood beside her and spoke in low, dulcet tones.**

"**The servant will lead us to the****Earth Harp, Meilyr and we will gain the knowledge we need to make you King of Camelot."**

**Meilyr glared at the Priestess and his pock marked face held an expression of extreme distrust and dislike. "You have yet to explain how this boy will aid us in making the Earth Harp speak. The magic to do this is long forgotten.**

"**It is true that all forgot; all but us, the True Believers. We remember and we will aid you. We know of the blessing and the curse of the Harp. Her music soothes and takes away pain, fear and despair. But Her true magic remains hidden from all, except to the one who was born to rule Her." Here Aerona paused and gave her Chief a smile of such dazzling beauty and coldness that he was momentarily breathless "Only when truth and love and loyalty are betrayed will the Harp sing of our future. Only when all that should be held dear has been forsaken can the She speak of the future and return the full power of the Earth to her true Anointed One.**

**Meilyr longed to hear more, to discover exactly what had to be done to ensure the Harp would be awoken but he knew that the Priestess would not tell. And in reality he did not much care, he had no concern for the lives she would destroy or the souls she would break; as long as he became King and his tribe regained their power. However he knew Aerona well enough to realise that all her promises would come at a price and he needed to know what it would be.**

"**I am sure there will payment due for this, my Lady Witch. I do not believe you have done all this just to make me King." His voice was deep and gruff; it spoke of years of barking commands and despotic authority. "So, Lady, what will you demand of us once this is complete?"**

**Aerona moved so close to the Tribal Leader he could breathe in the blossom scent that she wore to make herself smell sweet; but he could also sense an odour of rank decrepitude and decay only partly hidden beneath the heady perfume. Barely able to hide his disgust Meilyr stood his ground and stared Aerona in her beautiful, stony face.**

**The silence between them grew longer, as neither gave ground. Then with a sigh of apparent submission Aerona lowered her eyes and spoke.**

"**You are the destined Leader of the Re-Born Tribe and King of all; under you the Deceangli will be great once more. I ask merely that when that glorious day comes you make me Chief Priestess so all will follow the true way of the Goddess"**

"**I am not sure that I trust you Aerona" Meilyr growled "What guarantees do I have you will not betray me?"**

**Aerona raised her eyes up to meet those of the Tribes Chief and placed her hand upon his sword and swore the deepest, most abiding and unbreakable oath of her Religion. "I swear by all that I hold as Truth and Belief; by the Triple Headed Goddess of my Faith that I will be true to you as my Liege and My Master." With those words she fell to the ground, prostrate before him. **

**Meilyr looked down at the beautiful, powerful and duplicitous Witch and smiled. He was still not sure, despite the oath, that he could really trust her but for now the advantages she brought outweighed the risks and he reached down and helped her to her feet. He pulled her close to him and bent his head down and stole a rough kiss. For a moment he thought she might resist; but then her body relented and she relaxed into the moment. Meilyr kissed her and believed he had won. **

**XXX**

**In his bed within the walls of Camelot; a place he had once loved; Merlin tossed and turned as he slept fitfully and full of dreams. They were dreams of stealing from the vaults, stealing from Arthur, leaving all of his present life behind. Going without a backward glance, he saw himself ride out to the main gates, leaving Gaius, Gwen and Arthur bereft and alone. And himself smiling at the thought of them suddenly realising what he had meant to them; finally becoming aware of how important he was in their lives, just at the point when they were losing him for good. **

**In his vision he could see the lost and confused look on Arthur's face as the King watched the one person who had truly cared for him and protected him leave for good. And in the dream Merlin smiled; happy that they knew what they had lost. Pleased that now they realised that in misjudging him, ignoring him and often abusing and laughing at him they had driven him away forever. Their sadness made him glad. And then, his sleeping body finally resting and lying still in his small bed, Merlin's face settled into a smile as he dreamed of leaving them all behind for good.**

**And as he slept Aerona's magic wormed its way deeper into his soul.**

**XXX**

**Translation**

**Meilyr – Man of Iron (Welsh).**

**Deceangli – Ancient Welsh tribe, stronghold of Druids and devastated by Roman invasion.**

**And darker it goes...but dear reader have faith in me...just don't hold your breath yet for sadly there is further to fall. **

**Thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing and following the story. I had been very nervous about posting it as l did struggle with the dreaded writers block on this one; so it has come as a relief that it seems to be going okay. **


	10. Chapter 10

A/N

Warning, here be darkness...

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 9**

**A Week Later.  
**

**Frantically, Gaius was rushing around his chambers in a blind flurry, trying to do twenty things at once before breakfast. He had been worked off his feet with his daily rounds and caring for Merlin. Not only did he have the extra job of looking after the warlock but he also had to complete Merlin's normal tasks as well. It had been a hard two weeks and, he had to admit, it had not been made any easier by his ward's behaviour over the last few days. **

**Before this last week Gaius would have said that Merlin was the least demanding of patients, in fact the old physician had often been heard complaining that Merlin did not look after himself nearly well enough when he was ill or injured. In the past Gaius had had to practically force the young warlock to rest and to allow his body and mind to recover from the immense trials he often endured. But something had changed. It had now been 6 days since Merlin had collapsed in the Kings chambers and this time Merlin had needed no encouragement to rest and remain quietly in his room to recover. In fact Merlin had barely left his bedchamber in days and would only accept visits from Dera. When Gaius had questioned him about this Merlin had merely stated that his head still ached and that the knights made too much noise.**

**When Gaius had made a snorting sound that seemed to imply that he found that hard to believe Merlin had then looked up and stared at him with unblinking eyes. **

"**Honestly" he said "would you deny me the chance to spend time with Dera. You of all people know what I have lost and what I have given up in my service to this Realm and to this King. There has never been anything for me, no time to think about what I want or need and I am tired of it. Surely it is right that I now have a chance to claim something for myself? Do I not deserve some small piece of happiness or would you have me give up this chance just for Arthur and my so called destiny?" Merlin looked at Gaius with wide eyes, seeming so innocent and yet...something else... but no, Gaius could not explain what, if anything, lay behind them. "It is just for a while Gaius, a brief respite and then I will return to my fate."**

**All Gaius could do was nod in agreement and withdraw. There was a truth in what Merlin had said; the boy had indeed made many sacrifices and many of those he had loved had died, but it worried Gaius somehow. This was not like Merlin, this bitterness and withdrawal. Occasionally the young man had spoken out in anger and sadness about the losses he had endured but never for long and never with such (and it hurt Gaius to even think this), such self pity. **

**But there had been little he could do except be there and hope that Merlin would come out of this state and return to the kind natured and caring young man he loved. Gaius had hoped that Dera would help bring this about but as the week wore on he began to get more worried about their relationship. It seemed, and there was no other way to put it, unhealthy. No couple should spend so much time alone, enclosed together in a small room, talking so quietly that no-one could even hear a murmour. **

**Gaius still did not even know if Merlin had told the girl of his magic but he found himself desperately hoping not. There was something about her; something that had changed. She no longer smiled at him as she entered his rooms; no longer seemed to even acknowledge that he existed. He felt like a foolish, inconsequential old man in her presence and he got the distinct impression that for some reason she despised him. It had not always been like this but now it was almost as if she had achieved her aim and no longer needed to keep him on her side. She had Merlin and did not need to keep up her pretence or wear her mask.**

**Gaius shuddered as he began to pour out the ingredients to the potion he was trying to finish. That was foolish thinking he admonished himself. He was just being a fanciful old man. Merlin and Dera were in love. Had it been so long, he asked himself, since he had felt that all encompassing feeling of total dedication to the object of your affection? Had he really forgotten how it was possible to want to do nothing, except spend hours staring at each other and talking over your future and the lives you hoped you would lead?**

**But wasn't that supposed to make you happy, make you glow with health and well being? Nothing like that was happening to Merlin. He was turning in on himself, no longer smiling and full of inane chatter. He was quiet, almost sullen and he was bitter. So bitter it made Gaius's heart weep.**

**A quiet creak from behind him made Gaius turn his head and he watched in silence as Merlin emerged from his room, bruises and bandages all gone now. But even so he looked dazed and he half covered his eyes as if the light from the chamber windows was too bright. Perhaps, Gaius thought, I've been unkind. Perhaps he truly is still suffering from the after affects of the attack. From the way the young warlock was wincing as he stumbled down the few stairs from his small room it certainly appeared as if he was not totally himself. Almost absent, as if he was completely unaware of his surroundings. **

**Gaius coughed slightly but there was no reaction from the young man as he walked across the room and settled himself uncomfortably into the chair by the table. Sighing and putting down the medicine he had been trying to finish Gaius pulled up the second seat and sat opposite the boy.**

"**Merlin." He spoke quietly and his voice betrayed his concern and his love for the gangly youth opposite him. There was no reaction.**

"**Merlin, come on my lad, what is wrong?"**

**This time Merlin raised his head slightly and looked directly into Gaius's eyes and for a moment the old man's heart seemed to stop mid-beat. A darkness, a presence, just there, flitting across the warlocks normally clear blue eyes. Then it was gone, no evidence it was more than a trick of the light or an old man's imagination. No proof he had seen what he had seen. But he knew it had been there. But not what it was. It worried him, it worried him greatly.**

"**What?" Merlin barked at him across the table and it was only then that Gaius realised he had been silent and staring at the lad for over a minute. Now he had Merlin's full attention and the warlock did not seem happy.**

**Gaius pushed aside thoughts of what he had seen until later and tried to concentrate on Merlin. **

"**There is something wrong my boy, I am worried for you. Please can't you tell me, perhaps I can help?" Gaius wouldn't have called the tone in his voice pleading but that was what it was really. He desperately wanted Merlin to trust him, to tell him what was happening, to believe in his ability to advise and support him.**

**It was a vain hope.**

"**There is nothing wrong old man" Merlin spoke in a cold toneless voice "The only thing upsetting or annoying me now is you. Either shut up and leave me alone or at least make yourself useful and get me something to eat; but not the normal pigs swill you make. Go and get it from the kitchens."**

**Stung by the words and the disrespect Gaius retorted quickly; in retrospect not the most sensible thing he could have done.**

"**I am not your servant young man nor am I to be spoken to in that way. Whatever your problems and worries they give you no right to behave in such a churlish and arrogant fashion. I will not..."**

**But he did not get a chance to finish the sentence; he was pulled bodily from his chair by a force so strong he could barely breathe and was held a few feet off the ground, unable to move or make a sound.**

**Merlin advanced towards him slowly, with a look of anger and disgust on his face that would have made Gaius cry with heart break if only tears had been able to flow.**

"**You will not dare to address me in such a manner. I am Emrys, I am all powerful and I will not take this anymore. Dera has shown me my real future, my real loyalties and they do not lie with you or with Arthur. I let you little people live because I can show mercy. But you will do as I say or my anger will destroy all of Camelot. Be warned OLD man, you do not stand a chance against me."**

**With that Merlin casually flicked his hand and Gaius fell to the floor with a hard thud and lay there, gasping for breath and desperately trying to understand what had just happened. Merlin stood over him for a brief moment and smiled. But it was not Merlin's smile; it held no light, no joy, no love. It was cold, uncaring and absent of everything that made him who he was. It was a stranger's smile, a killer's smile, a tyrant's smile and it made Gaius fear for all he knew and all he loved. For the first time since they had met, Gaius was petrified of Merlin; and he despaired.**

**Merlin stood staring for a moment then his eyes briefly clouded and he moved away, seemingly unconcerned by Gaius lying confused and terrified on the floor.**

"**I am going to wake Arthur; I will grab something to eat in the kitchens. Think on what I have said." With that he turned and left.**

**Gaius tried and failed to raise himself off the floor. In the end all he could manage was to drag himself to the wall and pull himself up so he was leaning on the hard cold stone surface. He was unable to think, he had no idea what to do. The shock began to wear off and the pain set in. Merlin, the boy he had loved and protected all these years had turned on him. Had threatened him. Had hurt him. Gaius could not remain detached and physician like anymore and he gave in to the tears that tore themselves from deep within him. He knew that somehow the old Merlin was gone and he had no idea how to get him back.**

**XXX**


	11. Chapter 11

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 10**

**Arthur thrashed about, his arms flaying and his body twisting and turning, his mind a turmoil of confusion and disappointment. The dream had invaded his sleep and destroyed his peace; he fought it but it was no use. The emotions played out in front of him, causing him to curse the moments that had brought such crushing disillusionment and calamity. It was the betrayal beyond all he had faced before and he knew it would be the end of him and the finish to all his hopes for Camelot and the Kingdom he had begun to build. **

**But even in the nightmare he couldn't reach the cause of it; the catalyst to all this horror. He just knew that it was coming and he feared and dreaded it like nothing he had ever known. Dark foreboding and the presentiment of catastrophe assaulted his unconscious mind, swirling colours and kaleidoscopes of patterns assaulted his mind and at the centre of it was a face. He couldn't make it out, couldn't see who it was but he knew it was the cause of all the pain and confusion and that whoever it was was enjoying it all immensely. Someone wanted to see Camelot fall and to bring down its King as well and they would use all their power to see it happened. And behind it all another face was waiting in the dark. One who, his dream foretold, would be the most awful betrayal of all. One he would never recover from. One that would destroy Arthur...**

**The King awoke with a gasp as light shone suddenly into the room and from the darkness a face appeared, peering closely at him with a blank expression. Merlin. Seeing Arthur awake Merlin's face suddenly blossomed into an expression of caring concern and worry over the King's violent awakening. But the blankness that had been there remained etched somewhere in Arthur's subconscious – unsure whether he had really seen such a cold, unfeeling look before on the manservant's face. **

"**Arthur, what's the matter? Is something wrong?" Merlin's voice was perfect, just the right mix of concern and exasperation. Arthur was mollified. The expression he had seen must just have been brought on by the nightmare; there was nothing wrong, nothing to connect Merlin with the uneasy feeling that still persisted in his stomach – nothing at all...**

"**The only thing wrong is you, as usual, Merlin. Too much bloody light too quickly and too early. Lucky for you that Gwen rose at dawn to visit a friend or I'd have you in the stocks" **

**Arthur blustered, not really meaning a word of it, just trying to hide his embarrassment at waking up terrified as a child who was afraid of the dark. He waited, expecting an insolent reply or a muttered insult but nothing was forthcoming. Looking up he saw one of the most unexpected sights he had ever seen, Merlin was tidying up swiftly and effectively; cleaning and putting the room to rights with nary a whinge nor a complaint.**

"**You should get bashed on the head more often Merlin if this is the result" Arthur joked "That's the most work I think I have ever got out of you." He paused, remembering how Merlin had collapsed a little over a week ago. Arthur continued, only this time with some concern actually showing in his voice "You are feeling better aren't you? Fully rested; no more girlie swoons in my chambers, hey Merlin?" Arthur felt he needed the jibe, it didn't do to show TOO much worry afterall.**

"**I am fine Arthur; I just wanted to get things done here. Gaius has asked me to help him later on his rounds. I wanted to ask you for permission to leave early today to go and help him; that is if I finish all my work of course." Merlin carried on tidying as he spoke, putting all the Kings dirty clothes (which his Royal Messiness had spread liberally all over the floor the night before) into the linen basket.**

"**Is Gaius alright? He does not usually need your help doing his rounds" asked Arthur.**

"**He is feeling slightly unwell, he is not as young as he was and looking after me over the last few weeks has tired him out. Frankly I think he should think of retiring, but he is a stubborn old man so I guess I'm stuck with helping him. But if you'd prefer that I remain with you. help you dress for dinner and serve your wine rather than helping an old man complete his arduous work, then of course I will do so."**

**Arthur was really shocked by Merlin's words about Gaius but he put it down to misplaced annoyance over all the (no doubt horrible) potions the manservant had been forced to drink over the last few days. And perhaps also a little bit of well concealed concern on Merlin's part over Gaius's health. **

**As to how Merlin had spoken to him, there was nothing in Merlin's words or tone of voice that Arthur could really complain about; but even so they did make him feel uncomfortable. They were not how he would expect Merlin to address him, neither strictly formal as he did when he was upset or in the company of other royals; nor informally and a trifle disrespectfully as he often did when they were alone. No, they were not bantering as they usually did. Rather Merlin seemed to show a disappointed response to an expected arrogance from Arthur. As if Merlin was expecting the King to refuse, was expecting him to think his needs more important than the faithful old court physician's. Hurt that after all this time together Merlin could still think him capable of such thoughts, Arthur replied**

"**If Gaius needs you then of course you must help him. You can be relieved after you have cleaned the room and done the laundry. I will ask George to complete the rest of your tasks; I would not want Gaius to become ill through overwork." **

"**As you wish." Merlin turned his back and continued working, happy once again to have deceived the stupid King. He had no intention of helping Gaius today or indeed ever again. He and Dera had made other plans. Everything was in place; horses waiting and provisions packed for their journey back to the Tribe .All he needed to do was wait until the idiot Arthur was off training those other imbeciles, the Knights; "borrow" the key to the vaults and then he would retrieve the Earth Harp and their future together would be assured. **

**During the last week, as they had planned how they would get the Earth Harp, Merlin had come to a decision. The young Warlock knew that once Dera had the Harp then he would go with her. He would leave Camelot. He would return with her to the Deceangli, help her defeat Meilyr and remain there with her. If they made peace with Camelot then that was fine; if they did not then that too was fine. He felt no loyalty to the Citadel, the people or the King and did not care if the Deceangli decided to fight. No, he would remain with them. He could live a life with magic users, he would no longer need to hide who he truly was and he could be happy. For once he would think of himself and not always of others. He was sick of coming last, he deserved something for himself and this time he was going to make sure he got it. **

**Arthur and Camelot could just fend for themselves. Merlin was through protecting them.**

**With a little whistle Merlin carried on working, knowing that this was the last time he was ever going to have to clean up after the lazy, arrogant, pompous ass he's slaved away for all these years.**

**An hour later Merlin looked one last time around the Chambers he knew so well, grinned and spat his disdain on to the floor. Turning quickly, with no backward glance he strode out of the door and into a better future.**

**XXX**

"**Damn and blast the thing!" Arthur cursed as he threw his quill down in disgust onto the desk. He hated writing speeches and he hated bloody quills even more.**

"**Merlin. Merlin. MERLIN"**

**It was only after the third bellow that the King realised that he'd given the idiot the rest of the day off to help Gaius and that that meant he was stuck here, alone, with a speech to write and no chance of getting Merlin to do it for him. Sometimes life stunk. Arthur sunk his face down onto the desk and searched for inspiration; though how he was supposed to get inspired over something as so not thrilling as the rates of taxation on the leather workers and shoe makers he had no idea. God, what was he going to say at their Annual Banquet tomorrow...**

**A quiet knocking on the door made him raise his head. Yes, a distraction! "With any luck" he half joked to himself, "it will be a messenger with news of an attack on Camelot and I'll be able to escape going to this Banquet. Or better yet, George with my lunch"**

"**Enter" he said, with a half smile on his face.**

**Arthur was surprised when the elderly face of Gaius popped around the door.**

"**My Liege, I was just passing doing my rounds when I thought I'd call in to have a final check up on that wound you got when you, Merlin and Dera were attacked. I know it was deep and I would like to check that the scar has healed up nicely."**

"**Come in Gaius, you are a welcome interruption from my work. As to the scar, it is fine. I barely know it is there, we both know I have had worse." Arthur looked again at the elderly physician, seeing for the first time the look of concern on his face. It could not be for the wound Arthur had received as that had been healing well; there was obviously another reason for wanting to come and speak with him but one that Gaius found hard to bring up. For once Arthur was aware enough to realise and to do something to help the older man.**

"**Is something the matter Gaius? Do you need to discuss anything with me? Where is Merlin, will he be joining us shortly or did you send him off to see another patient?"**

**Gaius's face clouded with confusion. **

"**I don't understand Sire. Why do you think Merlin is with me? I have not seen him since before breakfast." Gaius stumbled over the words, as he remembered what had taken place a few hours earlier.**

**Arthur stood still in the middle of the room and stared dumbly at Gaius. Merlin had lied to him – and okay, maybe he'd done that before but always with good reason and never for personal gain. And to use Gaius as an excuse, that was not the behaviour Arthur expected from Merlin. Seeing Gaius watching him, Arthur quickly explained all that had transpired and was dismayed to see not incomprehension on the physicians face, but a look of all too much understanding. Gaius had known something was going on, that much was obvious. All at once Arthur knew why the old man had come to call on his King and what, or rather who, he wanted to talk about.**

"**Tell me, Gaius. I want to know what is going on with him. All of it." Arthur's voice had the unmistakable sound of royal command and Gaius was relieved. He had been sitting in his chambers all morning trying to decide what to do for the best. He had worried about telling Arthur, concerned that he was betraying Merlin. But now he had been ordered to do so and he obeyed willingly. For whatever was affecting Merlin would have a massive impact on the health, safety and security of both Camelot and its King as well as on the young sorcerer himself; and Gaius had no idea how to fight it.**

**With a sigh the loyal old man told his King of nearly all that had transpired over the last two weeks, his fears, his ideas and his pain. But not of Merlin's true power, his real self. Gaius would never betray that, Merlin's magic was for him to tell.**

**As he was hearing of how Merlin had behaved; his developing relationship with Dera; his treatment of the Physician that morning and his threat to Camelot Arthur thought of his dream that morning and now realised who's betrayal he had been warned about.**

**Merlin.**

**And although Arthur did not know of the true danger Merlin's altered loyalty put him and his Kingdom in, the pain caused by these revelations alone was enough to make his soul begin to break. For it was only now that he began to realise how much he relied on the person who had been unfailingly at his side for all these years. How much he owed to the boy who had stumbled unwittingly into his life. And how carrying on without him would be unbearable.**

**As he listened Arthur knew his nightmare had been correct. This was the betrayal that would finish him.**

**XXX**


	12. Chapter 12

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 11**

**When Gaius had finished speaking Arthur stood there in silence, head bowed and eyes closed. His voice, when it came, was quiet and hesitant. His questions were ones he already knew the answers to, but he had to try and find a reason; any reason that was not betrayal.**

"**Is this because of the girl? Is he being like this just to hide his relationship with her? Because he thought I'd make his life a misery, tease him and make fun of him? Afterall, Merlin with a girl..."Arthur half joked, with a desperate and failing smile on his face.**

**But that was just a last attempt to keep things light hearted on his part and he knew it was a doomed effort. This was not Merlin being coy and hiding from the drubbing he suspected he would get from the King and all the knights. No, Arthur knew, this was something more; something serious. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Merlin was lying, Merlin was being cruel and vicious and Merlin was keeping secrets. Arthur knew, deep down, that Merlin had kept things from him before, but he had always known that this was okay, believed that he could trust Merlin in all things. But this time...this time it was different; this time it was wrong, very wrong.**

**Gaius frowned, his whole face displaying his inner thoughts.**

"**It does all seem to stem from Dera coming to Camelot. Before the attack I thought his burgeoning relationship was a good thing, something full of joy. I was happy for him. But since his injuries, it has become something dark and destructive. I fear for him and for us. His love may well end up destroying him.**

"**I've never thought of Merlin as being the sort to be in love Gaius, I just thought he wasn't really interested in that sort of stuff. It seems I was wrong." The King looked questioningly at Gaius.**

"**My concern Sire is not that he is in love, I would have welcomed such a thing had it been normal. But he seems to have lost himself in this love." I am also sure..." he hesitated "...sure that he exaggerated his recovery time from the injuries received when the bandits attacked."**

**Arthur stood open mouthed at this last statement – thinking of how Merlin had collapsed in his rooms and how worried he had been. Had the youth really been making it all up?**

"**Oh, don't get me wrong Sire, he was hurt quite badly, but you know Merlin, he always recovers quickly and this time...well, he just seemed to take much too long. Almost as if he just wanted to be with Dera at the expense of everything else. At first I thought it was just because of what happened last time, he was scared of once more losing someone close to him. I thought he'd get over it; that he'd realise that the chances of him losing someone he loves again were so small..."**

**Gaius trailed off as he suddenly realised what he was saying. Arthur had been so quiet that for a moment Gaius had almost forgotten he was there and the old man had allowed his thoughts to ramble onto Freya and the awful state her death had reduced Merlin to. He stared up at the King, hoping against hope that Arthur had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he had paid no attention to the ramblings of a silly old man.**

**But it was futile – Arthur was transfixed, gazing at the physician with an almost comical look of bewilderment...and Gaius knew there would be no going back. He had let one of Merlin's most precious secrets out and he knew the King would not rest until he knew the whole story.**

"**What do you mean, last time Gaius? When has Merlin ever been in love before? Come on" Arthur spoke with bewildered authority "You promised to tell me all, so tell me this. When was Merlin in love?"**

"**It was years ago Sire, she was a beautiful and caring girl. They knew each other only a short time, but I truly believe they were destined for each other. But fate can be cruel Arthur and they were...separated. They could not be together and it broke Merlin's heart. I did not believe he would ever find someone else to love; which was why I was happy for him and Dera at the start." Gaius hoped that by moving the story on to the present Arthur would not question why Merlin and the girl had been unable to make a life together; but for once the King was not so easily distracted.**

"**How did I not know? What happened Gaius? You cannot just tell me this much and no more. Merlin is my friend, I would have known if something like this had happened." Arthur was really reeling now; from all the events, knowledge and feelings that the last hour had presented. He was not sure if he could cope with much more, but he had to know. He had to understand the full course of events that had led Merlin to this alteration. **

"**He did not want anyone to know Sire; he holds much inside, more than you could possibly imagine." Gaius hesitated once more, unsure of how to continue and as to how much he would have to reveal. "Sire...Arthur... perhaps you should speak to Merlin himself about this. I fear I have said too much already."**

"**I will speak with him Gaius, but you have to tell me what you know. I need to understand..." Arthur sighed and covered his eyes wearily with his hand. "Why could they not be together? Was she of noble birth or was she promised to another?"**

**Swallowing hard Gaius turned to look his King in the face and slowly spoke "Freya died Sire, in his arms. There was nothing he could do and it nearly destroyed him."**

**Whatever Arthur had been expecting to hear it was not that. He had a momentary vision of how he would have felt if Guinevere had died and his heart beat so fast it felt as if it might explode. But that was just a fleeting thought, a flash of panic at what could be, a nightmare that had not been. Merlin had felt the real thing. Merlin had lost the person he loved. And Merlin had hidden it from him. Or, more to the point Arthur bitterly realised - he had not seen it.**

"**When?" It was all he could say.**

"**A few years ago now Sire; but it still haunts him. Her death was not an easy one."**

**Blanching at the thought, Arthur knew he had to ask "How did she die?"**

"**She was killed; Sire."**

**Arthur was dumbstruck, unable to respond. Everything he had learned in the last hour was swirling around his head; all the new information fighting for prominence and importance. But this fact, this devastating information won the battle. Merlin had been in love and she had been killed. **

"**Who?" Again, one word was all his disjointed mind could deliver.**

**But this was as far as Gaius was determined to go. It was Merlin's secret - Arthur's role in Freya's death and Gaius knew he had broken enough of the confidence already. He would hold back the last part of the story. Gaius knew that Arthur would be devastated if he found out the deadly, unwitting part he had played in his friends heart break. He also knew that Merlin never wanted Arthur to find it out. So no, he would betray no more.**

"**I cannot tell Arthur." The ambiguity of the words allowed Gaius to lie and yet not lie to his King. "But her death left him distraught."**

"**Why did he not tell me? Gaius, was I that bad a Prince, that bad a Master? That bad a friend?" Arthur's voice was broken, his words quiet and hesitant.**

**Gaius moved a step closer and placed his hand on Arthur's arm, trying to console the young King. He understood the pain Arthur felt; he had felt it himself on the many occasions in the past when the young Warlock had kept the true nature of his pain and losses from him as well. He had to explain this to the King, to try and make him see that it was not a failure on his part that Merlin had kept this from him; but more a fundamental part of who Merlin actually was.**

"**Sire, it was not you; it is who he is. We see the parts of him he allows us to see. There is so much that Merlin needs to keep deep within him, a space that he allows no-one to enter. That place that holds his deepest fears, losses and pain; they remain closed off to all. But that was the place that Freya breached, that she was allowed to see and that was what had made her so special. And what made her death so hard. His feelings were banished to that place with her passing and are held there still. He does not share those with anyone, not even me Arthur. No matter how much I tried, I was not able to reach him or to help him.**

"**But I could have helped, or at least given him space to grieve." Arthur still could not believe he had missed all this, could not understand how he had been so blind. "He could have come to me; I could have at least helped him find who did it and punished them. Given him some peace."**

"**Sire, he did not want revenge or retribution. He understood the reason she died; if not the reason why she had to be taken from him. And you did give him peace. By throwing himself into his work, into protecting and caring for you he found his purpose again. It gave him strength." Gaius frowned, bringing his thoughts back to their present situation "But I fear now that something has changed. The love he feels for Dera is so different to that which he felt for Freya; it is destructive."**

**Arthur breathed loudly and for a moment all that could be seen was the defeated figure of a man who had failed and did not know what to do. But then the moment passed and he drew himself up to his full height and spoke with a voice full of calm confidence. He stood upright; his decision made; a King in command, a friend ready to help.**

"**I believe that magic is involved in this Gaius; Merlin must have been enchanted. I cannot and will not believe that of his own volition he would hurt you, betray me or leave Camelot. It is either the fault of the girl Dera or some other outside force. We need to find them and confront them. I will not let Merlin be destroyed. I owe him my life and my friendship. It may be that he does not feel able to come to me in times of need and despair but that does not mean I cannot go to him." **

**With that Arthur turned and strode out of the chamber. Gaius remained standing in the middle of the room for a few seconds, still reeling from all he had shared and told. He knew he had done the right thing and hoped that eventually Merlin would forgive him. But underneath all the concern for his ward there was a spark of pride for the young King who had just left the room. A few years ago Arthur would not have had the maturity to deal with all he had heard; he would have concentrated only on how the news would affect him. He would have been self-centred, pompous and determined to make everyone else suffer for Merlin's lack of loyalty. But now he was more concerned about his friend's feelings and emotions; more able to separate his own needs from those of others. He would try to do all he could to help Merlin; not just because of hurt pride but because he truly cared for the young man and was no longer afraid to admit it.**

**For the first time in a number of days Gaius actually believed that all might be well again; that Arthur would get to the bottom of things and Merlin would return unharmed and unchanged. With a small and uncertain smile of hope the old physician quickly left to follow Arthur.**

**But hope is a funny thing; it exists often only to be destroyed. It's faltering light so soon extinguished by the realities of the cruel and arbitrary nature of the World. The pain and anguish that follows is the death of hope is always deeper and harsher because of that one brief moment of optimism; that one shining, foolish, unknowing belief that all would be well.**

**Thus it would be for all who loved and cared for Merlin.**

**XXX**


	13. Chapter 13

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 12**

**As he had left Arthur's chambers Merlin's heart had leapt, he was at last free and able to make his own destiny. One that held Dera at its centre, one that was about him and his own happiness, not that of a King he did not care for or a city that was not even his by birth. As he swaggered down the hallways; ignoring all the friendly hello's from the other servants and brusquely pushing past those who got in his way; he felt happy. He felt in his jerkin pocket and his fingers rested on a most precious object. A key. A long, ancient and irreplaceable key. He had removed it from Arthur's bedstand and it now nestled comfortably against his side. His slim fingers caressed its cold, hard surface and curled around its indentations. He loved this key; it was the object that would lead to his new life.**

**Careful now not to be observed Merlin walked quietly down the steps to the lower levels of the Citadel. He knew exactly where to go, having been to the vaults numerous times. As the light grew dimmer and the air more fetid he felt the excitement rise and he thought once more of the scene in Gaius's chambers. It had been so good to finally put the old physician in his place; Merlin only regretted that he would not have the chance to do the same to the conceited and overbearing King.**

**All at once, from a dark recess a hand reached out and grabbed his shoulder. Merlin swirled round, his arm already half raised and a spell on his lips. But no spell came, only that pain again, tightening and twisting his head. He could not think, could not cast. He was vulnerable and in agony and knew he could not fight off his attacker.**

"**Merlin; for God's sake, what is the matter?" A voice he recognised beneath the pain. A woman's voice.**

**It permeated into his head, it was not danger; it was her. It was Dera; his Dera and Merlin dropped his hand to hers, grasped it and held on tightly as the pain of his unworkable magic receded. He still did not understand why he could neither perform magic in her presence nor why he was unable to even tell her about it; but all these worries just melted into nothingness just by her being beside him. But the whisper of the pain still remained, eating into his mind.**

"**Are you sick?" Dera asked him anxiously, impatient to carry out their task. The last thing she wanted was for the servant to be unable to help. She stared at him as he groaned and held his head in his hands; he was pathetic. But she needed him to steal the Harp today. Or the Priestess would be angry. And Dera had no desire to enrage Aerona again. "Come on Merlin, pull yourself together." With that she slapped him hard around the face, as if he were an hysteric.**

**The sharp clash of hand meeting cheek brought him back to reality; the pain receded enough for him to concentrate again. It had been a harsh thing to do, thought Merlin, but it was for the greater good. It had been what he had needed. Gathering his thoughts Merlin spoke.**

"**I have the key Dera, we just need to avoid the guards and enter the Vaults. It may take some time to locate the Earth Harp; there are so many rooms and I have only been in a few. But we will find it and we will be free." As he spoke Merlin took the key from his pocket and held it out to her. Dera took it and without any recognition that Merlin had even spoken she turned and continued on down the steps into the very bowels of the Palace. **

**XXX**

"**He did what?" Gwaine's indignant squawk was so loud that Arthur had to put his hand over the knight's mouth to stop anyone else from hearing. Maybe this had been a big mistake, enlisting Gwaine's aid; but Arthur had been desperate. He had been beginning to think he would never find Merlin. He and Gaius had searched everywhere and he had been forced to finally admit they needed help. From Gwaine. At the time it had seemed to make sense. Apart from the two of them Gwaine was the closest to Merlin; his friend and occasional "dragger into inns". If anyone would know where Merlin was, the King reasoned, it would be him.**

**But in order to gain his help they had had to tell Gwaine a truncated version of events and they had just got to the part where Merlin had attacked Gaius and threatened Camelot. And Gwaine was not taking it well.**

"**You must be out of your mind " he yelled, having pulled Arthur's hand away from his mouth "There is no way on Earth Merlin would treat Gaius like that. You maybe, but not Gaius...something must have happened. What did you do to him Arthur, to make him go off the rails like that?"**

"**Why does it always have to be my fault?" Arthur replied through clenched teeth "Couldn't it just be Merlin in the wrong for once?" His anger at Gwaine's reaction momentarily making him forget his mission "You never..."**

"**Sire, Sir Gwaine, I don't believe we; or Merlin; have time for this." The stern admonishment from Gaius brought them back to the reality of the situation and Arthur quickly filled Gwaine in on the rest of their conclusions. The knight listened quietly and with an ever growing sense of unease.**

"I f**ear you are right." Gwaine spoke with a rare seriousness of tone; the full seriousness of the situation finally hitting home. "Merlin has not been his usual self for weeks now; ever since the attack. He has been surly and rude, unkind to the other servants and has been ignoring all of us. I hoped it was just the after effects of the shock and the excitement of a new relationship and that he would return to his old self again soon. But if what you tell me happened, truly did happen, with no provocation..." Here Arthur looked askance at the knight but looked away again once he could tell Gwaine was not having another dig at him "...then I am worried. This is not the Merlin I know. What are we going to do?"**

**Arthur tried to look as if he had a plan, beyond one of just searching for Merlin and then seeing what happened, but he gave up. There was no real plan.**

"**We don't know Gwaine" he admitted. "But firstly we must search the Citadel again and then if needs be the entire town. I don't think he has left Camelot yet as his horse is still in the stable. But the truth is he could be anywhere. But we must begin once more, so if you check the armoury, Gaius can see if he has returned to his room and I will search the kitchens. Perhaps, if we are lucky, we will find him quickly."**

**With a short nod to the others, Arthur turned on his heel and stormed off down the left wing's corridor. Walking quickly he was so wrapped up in concern and fear over Merlin's whereabouts that he paid no attention to where he was walking and as he swiftly turned a sharp corner on the to the kitchen he slammed straight into another person running rapidly in the opposite direction. With a cry from the King; and a yelp from the other man; both fell with a crash onto the solid stone floor.**

**Arthur sat up and glared at the person who had been so clumsy and unthinking; and who had delayed his search for a few vital seconds. He was ready to yell and put the other in his place when the fallen man raised his head and Arthur could only stare, astonished.**

**The other man was Merlin.**

**XXX**

"**I've found it. I've found it." Merlin's yell of triumph echoed through the cold, web ridden vault, far below the earth. "This must be it Dera, come and see."**

**Dera ran over towards Merlin, away from where she had been looking and stared at the object he held aloft. After 5 long, weary and dust filled hours; scouring through the detritus of Uther's obsession with collecting and storing magical artefacts; She had been found. **

**Dera's eyes took in the beauty of the blessed Earth Harp, held as it was in Merlin's arms. It was about three feet high and was carved out of ancient oak; wood so old and knowledgeable that it had seen the beginning of the birth of men. And the carvings, cut with depth, precision and such devotion into the dark golden wood. Along the upright of the Earth Harp were oak leaves, carved as if living and moving in a wind. These spoke to her of prophesies and future whisperings. Entwined within these leaves were numerous wide eyed owls - often symbols of wisdom, patience, and learning and yet also speaking to all men of secrecy and darkness. Then on Her base were the fish, symbols of knowledge; strong tails sweeping their way along the timeworn grains for all the World as if they were fighting their way upstream to the spawning grounds. And finally the sweeping wings of the Raven of the Gods formed the third part of the triumvirate - representing prophetic knowledge, bloodshed and speech. These were the symbols that gave the Earth Harp Her life and Her foreseeing – dug deep into the very soul of the wood; wrung from the heart of the long gone Druid Carver who had given Her life and imbibed Her with the spirit of the Deceangli. Dera fell to her knees and touched the cold hard ground with her forehead, paying deference to the timeworn relic that meant so much.**

**Merlin meanwhile held onto the precious object and gazed down in wonder at the joy he had brought to the one he loved. It made his heart grow to think he had done this, that he would be the cause of his love's return to her home and to her being able to stay with him. But as he clasped the Harp to him he could almost swear he felt Her move, rhythmic thumps, almost timing to his own heart beat. As if She was a living entity. In the quiet of the Vaults, as Dera prayed beside him, Merlin could almost swear that he felt the unmistakable thrum of contented magic emanate from the Harp. As if She somehow felt protected in his arms, at home and safe with him. As if they belonged and this was meant to be. And for the first time in days, Merlin could feel the faint stirrings of his own magic far below his surface, not causing him pain or anguish, merely responding to the soft call of the Earth Harp.**

"**Come Merlin" Dera's voice cut across Merlin's lost thoughts and brought him back to the immediate present. "We must leave now, before the loss of the key is discovered and the arrogant King realises you are missing. We have to leave now." She threw him a sack into which he carefully placed the Harp and then gently slung over his shoulder. Then without a backward glance Dera turned and made her way towards the way out and Merlin, mutely and obediently, followed behind.**

**XXX**

**Ten minutes later he was running ahead of Dera, scouting for guards and servants; ensuring their escape was secure. Looking behind him to check that Dera was keeping up with his long strides Merlin ran blindly around a corner and collided with a hard crash into another body, one encased in armour and with a shock of blond hair. As he fell to the floor in an ungainly fashion Merlin knew at once who he had run into – Arthur.**

**XXX**

**A/N – short explanation of the description of the Earth Harp.**

When owls appear in mythology, their meaning is often uncertain and complex, neither all good nor all bad. They are symbols of wisdom, patience, and learning; yet (because they hunt at night) they are associated with secrecy and darkness. In Chinese mythology owls are seen as signs of coming misfortune.  
Zeus's oracle resides at Dodona and is well known by its association with oak trees; it is said that the oracles of Dodona prophesy by listening to the rustling leaves of oak trees. Fish, salmon in particular, are associated with knowledge. The child that grew to be called Taliesin, the wise magician, was found in a fish weir. Birds are usually used to represent prophetic knowledge, bloodshed, and speech.

I chose all these objects to try and show the essential dichotomy of the Earth Harp and its balance between hope and fear. It is meant to represent an Oracle; and contain within it both good and bad.

A quick thank you for the reviews, they are much appreciated. Thanks especially to the guest reviewers to whom l cannot reply individually. We are about a third of the way through the story now and updates will continue to be posted daily. Thanks again.

Zendog


	14. Chapter 14

**The Heart Knows of No Sin – Chapter 13**

"**Merlin..." Arthur stopped speaking almost as soon as he had begun; he truly had absolutely no idea what to say to the man sprawled out in front of him. Obviously, he thought ruefully to himself, it might have been better to actually think this whole thing through a little more before setting out to search for his manservant. But there was no time now and even Arthur realised that silence and insults were not the answer this time.**

"**Merlin" he began again as he pulled himself to his feet. "Let me help you up" As he spoke he held his hand out in to his manservant, waiting for the young man to grab it and haul himself upright. But his hand stayed there, in mid air between them, unclasped; Merlin staring at it with (and here Arthur really had trouble believing what he saw) open contempt. **

"**I want no help from you Pendragon." Merlin growled and as he spoke he raised himself off the floor; carefully lifting a sack Arthur had only just noticed back onto his shoulder.**

**Slowly, unable to understand what was happening Arthur dropped his arm and looked straight into Merlin's eyes.**

**And in them he saw no sign of the man he had grown to respect and like; not a vestige left of the kind, caring and occasionally wise servant who had stayed by his side so loyally over the years they had known each other. Nothing remained of the man he silently called friend.**

"**Please Merlin," in shock Arthur had spoken a word he had rarely used, but had never meant as much "Please, listen to me, I am worried about...I mean Gaius and Gwaine are worried about you and I am a little concerned to" Even this situation couldn't move the King too far away from his normal reserve and inability to express strong emotions and he had already displayed a lot more than usual.**

"**Let me go." Merlin's surly expression was so removed from his usual sunny nature that it was hard for Arthur to even believe it was the same man. "It would be better for you, Pendragon, if you just got out of our way and let us leave."**

**It was only then that Arthur saw Dera, standing in the shadows a few feet behind Merlin. She was staring at the King and he felt a chill surround him. It made him fear for himself and for Merlin. Angry and worried, Arthur could not contain his feelings and yelled at her.**

"**It was you that did this to him; I know it and you will pay."**

**Arthur took two steps forward towards Dera and in an instant Merlin moved, speed belying his usual clumsiness. The Warlock stood directly in front of his King and slightly raised one hand. He looked immovable, his face a mask of stony indifference.**

"**One more step and you will regret it Pendragon," His voice was cold and hard, heartbreaking for Arthur to hear. "I love her and we are going to leave. You have the choice now to make this easy or hard on you and on Camelot. Peace or War, King, you decide." **

**Before Arthur could answer two sets of footsteps could be heard running down the dark passageway and Gaius and Gwaine came into view from the other end; the old physician breathless and the Knight looking concerned.**

"**Arthur, he was seen coming this way" Gwaine yelled as he caught sight of his King. "You might be able to catch up..."**

**He tailed off as he saw Merlin and Dera emerge from the darkness.**

"**Fantastic, you caught up with them. Merlin, mate, what's been going on? What's up with..." and for the second time Gwaine's voice faltered, his sentence falling unfinished from his mouth. All of a sudden, looking at Merlin's face Gwaine knew all he had heard was true. He knew that Merlin had attacked Gaius, threatened Camelot and had spoken of betraying Arthur. It was there, in the young man's face and in the way he and Arthur were standing. It was plain to see and it made Gwaine want to cry out. His friend Merlin was no more. Something had changed him, turned him into this unfeeling statue, just standing there. Gwaine silently vowed to himself that he would not stop until he knew what enchantment it was and had put it right.**

**Merlin looked at Gwaine just once, no warmth or care showing in his face and then turned back to Arthur.**

"**Move" **

**Arthur just stood there, immovable.**

"**One last chance Pendragon"**

**Still Arthur stood in front of the man he had thought a friend.**

"**So be it." And saying that Merlin raised his right hand to shoulder length and pointed it directly at Arthur.**

**XXX**

**Merlin could not believe that of all the people he could have literally bumped into it would have to be Arthur himself. For a brief moment he was unsettled and worried by this accident but then he realised it was his chance. He had so enjoyed putting that interfering busy body of an old man in his place and here was his chance to do the same to the "all powerful" King Arthur. For once fate had given him a gift he actually wanted.**

**Watching Pendragon's face as he realised that he, Merlin, was no longer his lackey and whipping boy was a joy to him. Oh, to see the slow understanding cross that foolish and unthinking face was a delight.**

**Then to have him actually say "Please", it was too much, to have the King in such a position. Merlin savoured it all until Arthur made a move towards Dera. Anger unlike any he'd ever felt before surged through the Warlock - that fool was daring to try and hurt Dera. Without even needing to think he flew in front of the King and held out his arm, threatening the man in front of him; to protect Dera he was ready to display his magic and show who he truly was. His moment had finally come, he was going to reveal himself and destroy this King and he was going to enjoy it. **

**But the moment was interrupted by that bumbling old man and the irritating knight, as they blundered into the corridor. No matter, he had waited all these years; he could wait a few minutes more. He smiled slowly at the two interlopers and imagined what their faces would be like when he killed the King. Then...**

"**Move."**

**No response.**

"**One last chance." **

**Nothing. Oh, this was going to be so good.**

"**So be it" and he raised his arm, reached inside himself for a killing spell and...pain. Excruciating pain reaching into every part of him. As he fell to the floor, clutching his head, a small part of him thought on his magic. It had never deserted him before in a crisis and he was stricken with fear that it was gone for good. But after that there was no more thought; only flashing lights and nausea. He felt hands touching him, heard disembodied voices around him, frantic, yelling but then no more. Dark alone surrounded him; and he welcomed it.**

**XXX**

**Arthur didn't understand what had happened, Merlin had been pointing at him, threatening him and then he had just collapsed. Dropped to the floor, groaning and clutching his head. Immediately Arthur, Gwaine and Gaius rushed forward, trying to help. They put the unconscious young man onto his back and Gaius began to try and discover what was happening to his ward. Arthur and Gwaine stood back, helpless as Merlin stopped moving and seemed to slip deeper into unconsciousness.**

**A sudden noise made Arthur whirl around and he saw Dera creeping away. Gods, he had forgotten about her. Unsheathing his sword Arthur held it out, nearly touching the back of her neck. She froze at once.**

"**What have you done to Merlin, Witch?" Arthur asked in a dangerously low voice.**

**Dera paused a moment before slowly turning around, the point of the sword never leaving her neck, the pressure almost breaking her delicate skin. How was she going to play this? Innocent or with her true intent? Then the reality of her situation hit home, she still needed to get away with Merlin and the Harp. So she had to convince this King she was a victim as well. So she too clasped her head as if in pain and promptly pretended to faint.**

**For about the hundredth time that day Arthur had no idea what to do. The woman he had thought was a witch had just collapsed in front of him and with his innate sense of chivalry he had stepped forward and caught her. He now held her in his arms and had not the faintest clue as to his next move. **

**His discomfort was alleviated slightly by Gwaine taking part of her weight and helping him lower her to the ground. Gaius looked up but did not leave his position of tending to the now slightly stirring Merlin.**

**Arthur let go of the girl and stared first at one prone body and then the other. With his fingers he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Perhaps he had been wrong in thinking Dera the cause of all this. Afterall Merlin had been full of hatred as well; maybe she was under the same enchantment. Both of them had collapsed at about the same time, possibly in response to being challenged. He sighed again and closed his eyes. What a bloody mess.**

"**Sire, they are waking." Gaius's voice rang out, full of a mixture of gladness and trepidation.**

**Merlin had opened his eyes and for the briefest of seconds Arthur thought he caught a glimpse of the man he knew, but then it was gone; as if someone had lowered a curtain over Merlin's soul. Then Dera's eyes opened too and both of them made to get up.**

**This is my chance, thought Arthur, while they are still a little confused, perhaps the spell will be weaker now, perhaps I can reach him. He walked over to his manservant and put one arm on the young man's shoulder. Merlin flinched, a response that caused Arthur some pain. But he ploughed on, determined to try and get to the real Merlin.**

"**Merlin," he began, not thinking of his words ahead of time, just letting his feelings rule him for once "I know you love this girl. I realise you want to be with her. But there's nothing to stop that happening here Merlin, it does not have to be a choice between her and Camelot. It's just that we were worried" here the King glanced around at Gaius and Gwaine, seeking their conformation of this. Both nodded in agreement. "You have not been acting the same as usual and all we want is to help you get back to normal. You can have love and remain here Merlin, I will not stop you."**

"**Yes you will Arthur, you and destiny will." Merlin's voice was weakened by his recent agony and yet full of his past emotional pain. "You have already done so and I will not let it happen again."**

**Arthur realised then that he had to come clean and admit what he knew regarding Merlin's past; much as he did not want to open up that dangerously emotive subject; it had to happen.**

"**I know what happened to you Merlin, Gaius told me about Freya and how she...when she...I mean, how..." he could not carry on.**

"**How you murdered the woman I loved, Arthur, is that what you mean?" Merlin's voice had grown in strength now and he stood straight backed and facing the King. "How you took everything away from me yet again? I have given up so much for you Arthur and you never noticed" **

**For a moment Arthur did not understand what Merlin had said. Surely he had misheard; he knew he had not killed a young woman, let alone one that Merlin had loved. No, he must have misunderstood. Then the young warlock continued in a quiet, bitter voice. **

"**I used to believe in you, I knew you were worth my losses, my pain. I gave up everything for you. My family, my love, and my true self. And for what? Some mythical future where all would be accepted and all would be free? For the Once and Future King? Well, where is he Arthur? Where is this Golden King? Where is the promised land? It has been years since you came to the throne and yet it all remains the same. You are still repressive, still arrogant and still immature and unfit to rule. I loved Freya..." **

**Merlin's voice broke with these words and for a moment it seemed that he would fall to the ground again, but he gathered himself up and stared once more at the transfixed King before him.**

" **I loved her more than you could know, with her I could be my true self. No secrets, no hiding in the shadows waiting for scraps off your plate. And you killed her; you stole that future from me. But not again; never again Arthur. I have learnt from my losses, learnt not to trust you any longer. Dera is my future now and nothing you can say or do will stop me. I wipe my hands of all of you" **

**Arthur stopped breathing. It was true; Merlin had accused him of killing Freya. But how? Arthur still did not understand. There was no way he had done this thing, Merlin must have been lead astray, told this story and believed it. Perhaps this could explain why he was turning against Camelot, against Arthur. **

"**Merlin, I don't know who told you this but they lied to you. I did not kill this girl; I would never have done that to you. You must listen to me, this can all be resolved. I didn't kill her. If you don't believe me just ask Gaius, you know he would never lie to you" Arthur turned hopefully towards the old physician, seeking his support. And then he saw the old man's face and instantly knew. His face full of sorrow and his hands half raised in a sign of despair Gaius just stared at the King and shook his head. Arthur did not comprehend how it had happened but in that moment he saw the truth. Somehow he had killed this girl; he had been responsible for the death of the person Merlin loved. And he had not known, had not seen, had not cared.**

**Wordlessly Arthur turned to look at his friend and their eyes met. Deep regret and distress in the Pendragon eyes; unknowable grief and anger in the warlocks. Arthur lowered his head and covered his face with his hands; the reality of his crime descending on him like a dark shadow.**

"**Now you know, great King" Merlin's quiet and bitter voice barely penetrated Arthur's almost catatonic state of shock "You killed her without any thought or feeling, as if she were only the monster you saw. No idea of the lonely, cursed and unhappy story behind the beast. Just like you always do, you judged on what you saw and not on what is real. I could have saved her and you just destroyed her. I will never forgive and never forget."**

**With those words Merlin looked at Gwaine and Gaius, both staring at him unbelievingly "All of you. You, my friend Gwaine, who jokes and kids with me but who knows nothing of me and my sorrows. And Gaius, a keeper of secrets who cannot keep them; teller of tales; betrayer of confidences. Only one secret left now my Guardian. Can I trust you with it? Or will that too be given up to your King?" Gaius bowed his head; crushed by the knowledge that he had indeed betrayed Merlin.**

"**No-one can ever know what I have given up, what I have suffered and I have had enough." Merlin continued "It is over. And if I ever meant anything to you or if you value your lives then let me go. For I fight for me now; for my future, not yours or Camelot's. Let me go or challenge me. Those are your choices Arthur. Will you once more steal my life from me or will you stand aside and let us both leave?"**

**As he finished speaking Merlin reached a hand out to Dera, who clasped it tightly and moved closer to him. **

**Arthur was dumbstruck, traumatised by the pain and truth in what he had heard; and he knew he had no choice. With a slow nod he gave in. He let Merlin, his best friend, go. **

**XXX**

**Dera had watched all this with glee, Merlin was really with her, he had betrayed all he had promised to his King and that meant that she had succeeded. As they walked out of the vault she used her magic to lock the heavy wooden door and then grabbing Merlin's hand she began to run. Up and out of the Citadel towards her Mistress and the fulfilment of her task. And Merlin ran with her, happily leaving behind all that had meant so much to him. Deserting his friends, his adopted home and his King without a backward glance.**

XXX


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N - Sorry about the mix up with the chapter, blame it on tired fingers and eyes at the end of a long stressful day.! Hopefully this is now the correct chapter.**

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 14**

**His horse pounding the cobbles beneath its hooves Merlin raced towards the main gate of the Citadel, Dera thundering behind him. **

"**I am actually doing it" thought the Warlock. "Perhaps once I leave here and go to live amongst Dera's tribe my Magic will return."**

**Whilst running through the Castle towards the stable Merlin had been unable to ignore his growing concern over the state of his magic. Its loss had left him feeling empty inside. To not have the thing that had been constantly part of him all his life was inconceivable; it was who he was, who he really needed to be. That's was part of what this escape was all about; to be able to be free. He was leaving Camelot in order to live with Dera, to love her and to practice openly the part of him that had been denied for so long. But it made less sense if he did not have his magic. He wanted, no needed, to share all of himself with the girl who had brought love back into his life but without his magic that would be impossible. **

**As he carelessly kicked his horse's flank Merlin thought about the confrontation with Arthur. It had felt so good to tell him what he really felt and to let him know that he no longer trusted him or had faith in him. To upbraid him with his murder of Freya, to bring him pain and regret. As to how Gaius and Gwaine were feeling Merlin did not give them a seconds thought, they were incidental, unimportant now he had broken his ties with Camelot and all who lived there. He urged his horse onwards, towards the gate, following in the wake of Dera.**

**XXX**

**Dera's mount galloped towards the gates and she looked back over her shoulder to make sure Merlin was following. He waved his hand to her as he too left the inner courtyard of the Citadel and rode out into the City beyond. **

**All at once a loud ringing shattered the quiet of the early evening air. Dera cursed under her breath, obviously her locking spell had not been as powerful as she would have liked. They must have broken out and been able to sound the alarm. Once more looking back at the enchanted man following her, she yelled at him to hurry, kicked her horse very hard in the side and sped towards the gate. **

**To their left a group of guards noticed their speedy departure and knowing something was wrong they advanced; determined to discover why the King's manservant was leaving the City so close to nightfall and with an alarm sounding. They did not think that they were in any danger. Merlin was known to most of them and many had witnessed his acts of bravery, kindness and loyalty. What could they have to fear from such a stalwart friend of Camelot? They stood in front of the outer gates motioning for Dera and Merlin to stop. **

**But they did not stop. Instead the two fleeing riders ploughed right into the middle of the guards; pushing and kicking as they went. The men fell, battered by horses' hooves, crushed by the heavy beasts crashing into them.**

**As they left the city Merlin could hear the cries of the injured guards coming from the devastation they had wrought. Their shouts and screams were pitiful and in a past life would have gone straight to his heart and conscience. But not now. They were inconsequential; insignificant. Part of the old life he had now shed. Their pain did not affect him in any way. All that mattered was that he and Dera were free and could begin to live their life. He wanted nothing more to do with the city, its inhabitants and most especially its King. He had wasted so much of his life fighting and protecting the City and Arthur and what had it got him? No, from now on it was Dera. She was the only one worth fighting for and there was nothing, literally nothing he would not do to protect their future together.**

**In his arms the Earth Harp hummed and whispered quietly, Her warmth imperceptibly entering into the young man, calling to him and to his damaged magic. Looking for a link and a freeing; but in vain as he could not hear Her. **

**XXX**

**Gaius slowly walked towards the door of his chambers, every bone in his body aching and protesting at the treatment he had undergone in the last twelve hours or so. He had spent the last hour with the stricken King and his desolate Queen; trying as best he could to explain the story of Merlin and Freya and the circumstances of her death. Arthur was all for going after Merlin now but both Gwen and Gaius felt it was too dangerous to ride off into the dark. He had left Arthur standing beside his chamber window, hugging a crying Gwen as they digested the horror of the events of the past and tried to decide what action was for the best.**

**Now, as he opened the door to his rooms (seemingly so empty now without the chatter and mess of his ward) he felt so old, alone and afraid. Merlin, his Merlin, had done this to him. And as much as he knew that it was not the young man's fault, that he was under the power of an enchantment, it still hurt greatly. **

**Sitting down with a sigh at his table Gaius covered his face with his hands and finally gave in to the tears that had been threatening since the awful scene in the corridor. Somehow he had always felt that, no matter what, Merlin's love and loyalty to him would survive anything - any spell, any threat. He had, foolishly it seemed now, assumed that their bond was strong enough. But he had been wrong and his heart was crushed. Perhaps it meant that the boy did not care for him as he had thought. Perhaps Merlin really was fed up with him, annoyed and irritated by...**

"**Stop. You are being a stupid, self-indulgent old man" Gaius upbraided himself loudly "This has nothing to do with Merlin, this is not his choice. Now, cease sitting here like a useless lump and think about what you can do to help."**

"**Good idea Gaius, I was just thinking the same thing."The voice came from behind him.**

**Gaius looked up as the King walked across the room; in his despair the old physician had not heard him enter.**

"**Sire, I am sorry. I did not realise you were here. Please rest assured I do not talk to myself that often...it's only that...well, its Merlin... "Gaius stopped speaking, unable to convey to the King precisely how he felt about the loss of the boy that meant so much to him.**

**Arthur touched him on the shoulder and Gaius could see the reflection of his own concern in the King's blue eyes, concern twinned with a new look of hard resolve. And he all of a sudden he felt relieved. He knew that Arthur would not leave Merlin to his fate; despite the threats and the possible danger. Arthur would not abandon Merlin and Gaius was immensely proud of the man the King had become.**

**Arthur dropped his arm and ran his fingers roughly through his own hair. As soon as the door had slammed shut in the vaults he had known that he had made one of the biggest mistakes in his life. He should have fought more for Merlin, not let him leave like that. He knew that it had not been the threats that had immobilised him but the guilt over what he had done to his faithful servant. For a brief moment Arthur had believed that Merlin would be better off without him; for he had caused him nothing but pain. But then reality hit and the idea of a future without his clumsy friend sat starkly in front of him. **

**As they had battered on the door and yelled for help Arthur resolved that nothing would stop him finding the two runaways and returning them to Camelot. Together they would break the enchantment and he would do all he could to make up for the anguish he had caused. The small niggling doubt he still had regarding Dera would be thrust aside; if she was what it took to make Merlin happy again then so be it. **

"**I am going after him Gaius; now. I do not believe we have the time to wait until dawn. No matter the risk; I do not want lose him. He didn't mean those things he said and I will get him back. I promise." Arthur had a determined expression on his face and for a brief moment Gaius felt reassured; the King would get Merlin home. But then what of the risk that Arthur would be taking?**

"**My Liege, it will be very dangerous. You cannot take a large number of knights with you; it will attract too much attention. And you don't know where they went. Most of all, the problem may be Merlin himself. He does not want to be found and it will be dangerous for you to chase him. There's no telling what he could do in his present state of mind." **

"**Huh, I am dismayed that you think so little of your King to believe that he could be beaten in a fight by his manservant! Is that really your opinion of me Gaius?" Arthur spoke with a poignant smile in his voice, making an effort to lighten the leaden mood. And failing. "I really don't believe I have anything to fear from him, despite everything. I will take Gwaine with me as he already knows what is happening and we will track them both. I will break the spell that I am convinced binds him and has caused this behaviour. The old Merlin will come back to us. And I will do whatever I can to make up for the pain I have unknowingly caused him. It will take time, but I know him Gaius, he will forgive me." Arthur paused here, pale and still shaken by the day's revelations. "The one I am concerned about is Dera, I am still not sure if we can trust her. It would appear that she too is enchanted but I don't know... And then there is whoever is behind this whole situation and what they want. Making Merlin come back, by force if necessary, is the least of my worries" **

**Gaius lowered his head slightly in seeming agreement with his King but inside he was now desperately worried. An enchanted Merlin could do untold damage with his power. The young man's threats had seemed real enough and not something to treat with little concern as the King had done. But then again Arthur did not know the real danger he was in; could not know that Merlin had more power than anyone living. Gaius had a fleeting thought of telling the King what really awaited him but he did not pursue it. If he told the King now about Merlin's magic, then he was as good as sealing Merlin's fate and condemning him to death. Even Arthur could not be expected to show clemency to a sorcerer who had promised to destroy all of Camelot. No, Gaius thought, he could not do it. He would have to rely on his faith, still there despite all the worry, that Merlin would never really hurt either him or the King. The bond was too strong; Gaius had to believe it would not totally shatter and break. He had to.**

**XXX**

**But twenty minutes later as he stood in the courtyard and watched Arthur and Gwaine gallop away he began to doubt his decision. It was too late to alter it though. He just had to hope that he was right and that Merlin was not too far gone to return to them. As he turned to go back to tending the guards injured in Merlin's escape the old man's heart was heavy. He no longer truly believed all would be well and he had a terrible foreboding that horrific events lay in the very near future.**

**If he had known the true nature of what would befall his ward and his King in the next days the old man's heart might just have stopped beating out of sorrow.**

**XXX**


	16. Chapter 16

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 15**

**They rode for what seemed hours as the night crept over the forest. Darkness did not stop their flight, spurred on as it was by one's need to get away to a new life and the others to return to her old one.**

**They had not stopped once and the horses were almost dead from exhaustion. Merlin could hear his mare's laboured breathing and feel her usually sure steps beginning to falter beneath him. But the idea of caring for the animals and thinking of their welfare did not even enter his mind; they were tools, beasts of burden, whose job it was to get him where he needed to be. If they suffered, what of it? Plenty of people and animals had suffered before and caring about it had not helped to stop it, so why should he bother? So long as he and Dera reached their destination the horses could run until their hearts exploded. Merlin no longer had any fond remembrances of his bond with his mare; had forgotten the hours spent grooming and hand feeding her late at night in the stables; sharing his thoughts with her when there was no-one else to listen to him. All she was now was a bag of bones, blood and organs held together by skin; there to do his bidding.**

**Up ahead Dera had entered a clearing, a large area of shrub grasses, lit by the glow of the moon. Shadows of the trees fell across the ground and an eerie silence descended on the forest as Merlin too rode into the glade.**

**Dera dismounted and Merlin followed suit. Both let their horses go, uncaring if they were abandoned to the creatures of the night, unconcerned if they fell victim to the dangers of the forest. They had fulfilled their purpose and were no longer needed.**

"**Why have we stopped here Dera?" Merlin asked, not that he minded. Whatever she wanted was fine by him.**

"**This is where I was told to come Merlin, should I ever manage to get the Earth Harp." Dera smiled at the beguiled fool and thought of the silent message she had sent not an hour before. Aerona was coming and the ritual would be in-acted. Then she would receive her reward; honour and titles and the acknowledgment of the Deceangli**

**Nearer now to her fellows Dera felt the strength of the enchantment grow within her. She glowed with it, shone as if all of creation flowed from her very being. The magic swept over her and engulfed its victim. **

**Standing beside her in the clearing Merlin was unable to see or hear anything other than the object of his obsession. The rest of the world seemed unreal and pointless; he was swallowed up in his love for her and hers for him. So he waited there, no longer questioning why or what would happen next; for he was hers alone. **

**XXX**

**Arthur and Gwaine were almost at the point of giving up; following a trail by the light of the full moon alone was a difficult and tiring process. It was only the fact that the ones they were following had made no effort to hide their tracks that made it possible at all. But it was slow and wearisome work; made all the worse by the constant worry for the man they were seeking to rescue.**

**The further they got from Camelot the more they became concerned. Deep in the forest now, travelling at night and with no chance of instant re-enforcements should something go wrong, it was only their determination not to abandon Merlin that kept them going.**

**But now clouds threatened even the paltry moonlight by which they had managed to track them so far. They had had to get off their horses and proceed on foot, scouring the ground as they walked; leading their mounts behind them. **

"**Arthur, it's this way I am sure. Look at the breakages on the twigs and the new indentations in the ground. Horses have definitely passed by here not long ago." Gwaine had stooped down and was inspecting the ground closely.**

"**No, it's this way Gwaine. You can see hoof prints, they went west. Any fool can see that." Arthur's reply was curter than he perhaps intended, the stress of the last day finally getting to him.**

"**Listen, " said Gwaine in a quiet, yet potentially dangerous voice "You let him go, not me, so don't take out your frustrations on me."**

"**Remember I am your King, Sir Gwaine, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner" **

**Immediately on hearing the knights words Arthur had risen to the bait and responded in kind. The situation could quite easily have got out of hand as Gwaine pulled himself up to his full height and was about to speak – no doubt some equally imprudent statement that would have exasperated the already edgy King even more.**

**However all thoughts of argument were banished by the noise of horses hooves walking through the trees behind them, joined almost at once by the sound of a deathly chant rising up into the night.**

**With a few hand signs Arthur signalled to Gwaine where to move to and that he himself would circle back around to where the sounds had come from. With the experience of a seasoned soldier Gwaine followed his King's orders without question. Once danger threatened all defiance disappeared and he became the well trained knight he really was.**

**Thus hidden, but with perfect views of the small path, they saw five horses pass at a fast walking pace. Seated on four of them were figures dressed in grey robes, cowls pulled high over their faces. It was impossible to tell if they were male or female, although something in their style of riding made Arthur think that at least two of them were women. It was from them that the dirge like song was coming, dread and full of despair was the sound. It made the listeners hearts sink to hear it.**

**But it was the fifth rider who drew all the attention. Sitting proud in a saddle inlaid with golden stitching and jewels rode one of the most beautiful women either man had ever seen. Even Gwaine (who afterall had more experience in such matters than Arthur) had never seen her equal. And yet it was a disquieting beauty; there was an aura around her that radiated total evil and that told of unspeakable acts. As she rode past them, both men gave involuntary shudder, it felt as if someone had walked over their bodies as they were lying in the grave. **

**Instinctively they knew that they were in the presence of someone who would not hesitate to commit any vile or unseemly act; nor blanch at the death of anyone who stood in her way. And they also somehow knew that she was the source of all their problems. The same thought came to them both at once. This was the woman behind Merlin's enchantment and betrayal, of that they had no doubt. And they knew that if they followed her she would lead them to their goal. They knew she was travelling to where Merlin was and that she meant him such dreadful harm.**

**And their hearts grew cold at the thought of the fight that lay ahead. And what small hope remaining in their souls died a little more as she rode by.**

**XXX**

**It was the chanting that first alerted Dera to the imminent arrival of her Mistress and she thrilled at the sound. The spell that had been dancing around her so brightly; as she and Merlin sat in silence by the fire; grew even more powerful and it felt as if it would overwhelm her. A feeling she embraced as she gave herself up to it. **

**Her Mistress was near and soon she would be in her presence, enfolded in her thanks and accepted into the deepest mysteries of their faith. **

**She looked over at the man who was sitting beside her, unspeaking. He was still clutching the bag containing the Harp, as if he was unable to relinquish Her.**

"**Merlin, the one I have been waiting for is coming. We need to unwrap the Earth Harp and place it in full view for her. Do it now."**

**For the first time in a long time Merlin seemed to show some reluctance on obeying Dera and she had to repeat her order. Only then did he take the Harp from its bag and gently stand it on a tree stump directly in the middle of the clearing. It shone in the moonlight and was beautiful to behold. Merlin seemed entranced by it and only looked away when Dera spoke again.**

"**When she gets here Merlin we must show due reverence for she is a powerful woman. We must both kneel and wait to be spoken to. You must not look at her unless she allows it. Do you understand me Merlin?"**

"**Yes Dera, I will do as you ask." The strangeness of Merlin's voice was echoed in the emptiness of his eyes. He would do as instructed, he had no choice.**

**The sounds of the approaching horses became more distinct and Dera could barely contain her excitement and kept looking in all directions, trying to determine where they would come from. Sounds were very deceptive and easily misunderstood that deep into the forest. **

**Merlin however did not react as the noise grew louder. As the enchantment surrounding the girl had grown in its power, so his had lessened. The magic encircling Dera seemed to suck all the strength and volition out of his body and he had grown lethargic and listless. Apart from Dera the only thing that seemed to be keeping him attached to the World was the Earth Harp. He had carried Her with him for the whole ride and it had felt so right as he held Her. Inside his head, there on the very edge of his consciousness, he could feel Her humming to him, trying to communicate. But the spell he was under had dampened his reactions and separated him from his real self so he did not respond to Her. But She was there, calling softly to him, as if the She recognised his presence. It was not enough to draw him back from the edge of the abyss; but it was enough to stop him from making that final fall into enchanted oblivion; at least for the moment the connection with the Harp prevented his plummet into the depths.**

**XXX**

**As she rode nearer to the appointed meeting place Aerona could feel the power rising up in her. Even if Dera had not informed the Witch Priestess that the Earth Harp had been found she would have known that she was nearing the Sacred Relic's presence. A sense of strength unlike any she had ever known was swirling around her, its authority exerting its dominance over the very air itself.**

**She smiled as she rode; aware that Meilyr was at least half an hour behind her. This was as she had planned; making sure she had set out to meet with Dera before sending a messenger to him. It was vital that she was the first person to see the Harp. It was for her and her alone to wake the sleeping Oracle; the power the Harp had must only be hers. And no self-important, uncouth, uncivilised tribal leader was going to stop her. **

**With her acolytes riding two before and two behind Aerona rode into the clearing as if she were already Queen. Her bearing was noble; her clothing was of the finest available. She had dressed to fit the occasion and she was truly daunting. **

**One of the robed figures helped her dismount and she approached the two figures waiting in the centre of the glade. They were kneeling and had their heads bowed; both showing the appropriate sense of respect and fear.**

**And there She was. Aerona almost gasped aloud at Her beauty and Her strength. The Earth Harp. The reason for all her planning and scheming and She was almost finally hers. She ached to hold Her, to caress Her but she knew that that was impossible for a little while longer. The ritual needed to be completed and then she could claim Her properly. All her life she had held onto this one belief – that she was the one destined to command the Harp, that she was the Anointed One. That it was she who would wield the ultimate power of future knowing. All her actions, the twisting and shaping of others lives and the ultimate act of betrayal she was going to force from the Manservant had been for this. Barely able to tear her eyes away from the prize in front of her Aerona glanced at the kneeling figures just off to her left. "Ah," she thought "The final pieces to make the Earth Harp sing."**

"**You have done well my daughter." She spoke aloud for the first time since dismounting and now Aerona could not keep the delight out of her voice "You have brought the Her back to Her rightful owner and you have delivered the manservant to me as well"**

**Dera raised her eyes and looked at the one commanded her with such devotion that it would have broken Merlin's heart had he seen it; but he was still doing as he had been bidden and had not unbowed his head.**

"**It is as you commanded my Mistress. You were the one who gave me the power." Dera replied and then with a small burst of courage she asked for what she felt she had earned "I ask merely that I have my reward."**

"**And so you shall my dear. You will be part of the ritual tonight and your sacrifice will not be in vain."**

**As she spoke Aerona cast her arm and both Dera and Merlin were unable to move, frozen in their kneeling positions. Merlin did not seem to notice, so far gone was he, but the look of disbelief and shock in Dera's eyes showed that she was sensible of what had just happened. And that she was enraged by it; by her Mistress turning on her after all she had done.**

"**Come little one. Did I not tell you that the Harp needed betrayal to make Her sing again? Did you really think that this boy" at these words Aerona gestured to Merlin who at that moment began to slowly rise to his feet. "this fool merely deserting his Master was enough disloyalty to bring forth a voice that has been silent these thousand years? No my dear, it needs greater betrayal than that. It needs the total destruction of a bond of love and loyalty, a connection that is complete and seemingly unbreakable. The bond must be at the centre of his life, a love to which he would give up everything, to which he will devote his entire being. This he has proved by his betrayal of his friends, his city and his King. And then he must desert the thing that he gave all else up for. He may believe himself to be your love but here, in this glade, with my magic flowing through him he is my slave."**

**With a gentle smile Aerona moved towards the now standing Merlin and reached out to him.**

"**Do you love this girl Merlin?" she asked in a quiet voice.**

"**Yes" the young man replied with total sincerity.**

"**Will you kill her for me, my boy? Will you destroy the love for which you betrayed everything that was important to you?"**

"**Yes" His answer was said without hesitation. He had no option; this was what the enchantment would make him do. **

"**Good, then do it slowly. But do it now." Reaching inside her gown Aerona pulled out the same silver knife that had killed the babe; the echo of the wicked deed embedded in it; radiating deepest evil. She turned the shaft towards Merlin's hand and offered it to him. He took it and stood still, awaiting his next instruction.**

**Aerona moved close to the frozen girl and held her face in her hands, gently cupping her cheeks as she stared into her eyes. Her thumb caressing Dera's soft cheek the Priestess smiled and then spoke.**

"**For the Earth Harp to speak I need the blood of the betrayed and the betrayer. This boy will kill you and anoint the Harp with your unwilling blood and then, when he realises what he has done and is devastated by his act I will end him. It will be enough. Once his life force joins yours in covering the Earth Harp She will offer up her magic and her foreseeing. To me alone. I will be the Mistress of all."**

**Aerona took a last look into Dera's eyes and lent forward, her lips touching the girl's mouth in a joyous kiss farewell. How she loved the taste of impending death. Then she stood, turned away, dismissing the slave beside her with no more thought. And spoke - **

"**Kill her, boy." **

**Death and betrayal were her food and drink, they sustained her perverted soul. She waved her hand a little as she spoke and released him,**

**Merlin began to move slowly towards Dera; his face now a mask of glacial indifference. He did not know what he was doing and he had no power to cease moving. **

**Slowly, inexorably he walked towards Dera; knife held in front of him. He was going to kill his love and in his enchanted state nothing could prevent it from happening.**

**XXX**

**Standing hidden by the trees Arthur and Gwaine saw Merlin and Dera frozen and heard the Priestess speak. It was all too much to take in and the events they were watching seemed to happen so quickly there was no time to react.**

**Shocked by what they had seen and heard they watched unmoving as Merlin took the silver dagger and slowly approached the condemned girl.**

**Arthur closed his eyes, unable to watch as his friend took the life of the woman he loved...**

**XXX**


	17. Chapter 17

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 16**

"No way am I letting this happen...Come on..." with those words Gwaine broke the awful feeling of immobility that had grasped Arthur and he found himself running after the irate Knight, towards the centre of the clearing.

Swords out and raised high in the air the King and the Knight were an awesome sight, battle hardened and brave and fighting for their friend; they felt unstoppable against the witch and her followers and they might just have succeeded. Aerona's magic was wrapped up in continuing to control both Dera and Merlin - a task she had found harder than expected as unbeknownst to her she was also suppressing Merlin's magic. She could not intercept the two men for it would cause the spell on Merlin and Dera to stop; not something that was an option to her with the ritual so near to its completion. All the two men had to do was defeat the acolytes and free Merlin - they'd deal with the witch later.

But what they hadn't counted on was the yells and the crashing that suddenly erupted from the tree line as eight heavily armed men ran headlong into the fight. Meilyr and his tribesmen had arrived just as Arthur and Gwaine broke cover and they had wasted no time in analysing the situation. They had seen their Priestess being attacked and they had responded in kind.

The chaos and confusion of a battle reigned as men and weapons flew everywhere. Though there were but two of them Arthur and Gwaine seemed to be more like a battalion. One moment they were there parrying a thrust from a tribesman with a sword; the next grabbing the chain of a descending mace and stabbing upwards to kill the advancing man. Movement, action, blood and pain were everywhere and time; though it still flowed as normal; seemed to them to be slower and more deliberate. Within seconds they were facing only Meilyr and his two remaining men. Arthur managed to look over to where he had last seen Merlin and nearly dropped his sword in dismay.

The fighting had not deterred the manservant and he was now standing in front of Dera, dagger in hand and seemingly about to strike her. Aerona stood beside him, forcing him on with her honeyed words of evil.

"Merlin, don't" Arthur left Gwaine to deal with the remaining men without thinking. All he knew was he had to stop this from happening. He could not let Merlin kill the woman he loved.

Arthur knew that Merlin had never been best able to cope with the guilt of killing, even of a stranger during battle. So there was no way he would deal with being the person who murdered Dera.

Thoughts rushed through Arthur's brain as he ran; confused feelings of guilt and fear. If only he could stop Merlin committing this act, perhaps it would in some way make up for what he had done to Freya. Even go some way towards Merlin being able to forgive him. But even if it didn't, he still had to try. For Merlin's sake. He had to do all he could to protect his friend from the horror and distress such an act would bring. He had to try and save the future Merlin deserved.

As these thoughts raced through his head Arthur had reached Merlin and had grabbed his hand, the one holding the dagger.

"No Merlin, you must not do this. Please stop." Arthur was pleading with his friend. But all to no avail. Merlin's hand did not stop; it put pressure on Arthurs as they fought for supremacy. The King had both hands up now, trying to force Merlin to drop the dagger but the young manservant seemed to have supernatural strength and Arthur could not prevail. And still Merlin did not look at or acknowledge the presence of the desperate man at his side; there was no recognition of his friend.

Aerona had moved slightly to one side as Arthur had come charging up towards Dera and Merlin. She was still holding her spell but had not wanted to get in the way of a sword thrust. Now she was just enjoying the drama playing out before her. She delighted in the growing despair of the King as he fought to stop the young man.

The dagger touched Dera's throat and a small bead of blood appeared on her skin. Arthur clutched at the blade, his hand cut deeply as the sharp metal sliced through his skin. But still he did not let go. The King forced his face in front of Merlin's and looked him straight in the eyes. And almost recoiled with horror – for they were as black as a condemned soul. Desperate, Arthur knew he was losing the battle and tried one last forlorn plea to try and reach the man he once knew.

"Please Merlin. " For the first time in his life the King begged, with every ounce of feeling and emotion in his heart. "Merlin, please don't do this. I am sorry for what I did, for killing Freya. I am so sorry."

Nothing, no response.

"Merlin, forgive me my friend." Despair clung to every word the King uttered, failure stalked him.

But suddenly the pressure Merlin was exerting seemed to lessen and Arthur felt the young man's head turn towards him, a bewildered expression crossing his face; confusion and a look of almost recognition flashed for a moment in his eyes. Not knowing how he had finally managed to at least begin to reach Merlin, Arthur desperately tried to take advantage of this change in the man's behaviour. He grabbed Merlin's shoulders and dragged him a few inches away from Dera. Shaking him bodily Arthur opened his mouth to speak...

A searing pain swept through Arthur's head, blinding spikes of agony and then nothing as he fell insensible to the ground. Distracted from the fighting by his struggle with Merlin, Arthur had lost sight of the attackers and had been felled by a vicious blow to the head from the hilt of Meilyr's sword.

XXX

Somewhere deep within him Merlin knew that something was wrong, that he was not in control. There was a woman's voice was telling him what to do, it was simple. All he had to do was kill the girl kneeling in front of him and then the woman would be happy and he could sleep. For he was so very, very tired. Just moving was taking so much effort, his limbs heavy and his actions slow. Just this one small thing and it would all be over, he would be allowed to rest...but there was something. Something stopping him and he did not understand what it was. A faint whisper, an echo from the past seemed to be hovering at the edge of his consciousness...but he did as he was told and ignored it.

He had the knife at the girl's throat, such a simple task, one slice and it would be over. But his arm felt somehow constrained, inhibited from taking action. He slowly turned to look at what could be the cause of such a thing and he saw another hand on top of his, pulling back his arm, stopping him from completing his job. Merlin was angry, furious that this arm and its owner were keeping him from the promised rest. He fought against it with all the strength he had and just managed to move far enough forward to prick the soft skin of the young woman. He felt no joy at the sight of the blood that just began to ooze from the small wound, merely satisfaction that he had begun his task.

But then his vision was obscured as a face filled his sight; blonde hair, blue eyes, mouth opening, and words tumbling out. Merlin pushed harder, determined not to listen.

"Please Merlin. "

He would not, could not, listen.

"Merlin, please don't do this. I am sorry for what I did, for killing Freya. I am so sorry."

No, it was not allowed, he had his task; he was to kill.

"Merlin, forgive me my friend."

Freind? Friend? Somehow that one word penetrated beneath the spell; entered deep into Merlin's being and fanned the small spark of him the still remained. Not enough to bring him home, but just enough to make him falter and turn. The eyes of the man holding him seemed to show surprise and then a flicker of hope as Merlin felt himself being dragged around and shaken; could see the knight's mouth open as if to speak. Merlin looked directly at him and for a second he felt a pull of almost recognition; a slither of remembrance but before the Warlock could follow through with this thought there was a flash of metal and a cry of pain. The man crumpled, falling as a dead weight towards the ground.

As he watched him collapse an impulse ran through Merlin's mind, he had to protect this man. It was his role; this man was bound to him. Unable to resist the pull of this compulsion Merlin let go of the dagger and reached forward and caught the man before his body could hit the forest floor. And he held the bleeding man safe in his arms.

XXX

Aerona screamed with frustration as she saw Merlin stop his murderous attack and catch the King. This was not how it was supposed to happen, by now the Harp should have been hers. She was not going to be thwarted by this King and his servant. She had misjudged somehow and it made her more murderous – Arthur had interfered and she wanted him dead now.

"Meilyr, kill the King" The leader of the Tribe nodded once and moved forward from his position behind the two young men, sword raised ready to strike the blow.

Gwaine, having just finished off the two remaining tribesmen, turned at Aerona's words and watched with horror the scene unfolding 200 yards away. There was no way he would get there in time to save his King but that did not stop him trying as he raced across the clearing, fear and despair gripping his heart. Arthur was going to die; no-one would be able to protect him from the sword that even now was crashing down through the air, ready to deliver the killing blow.

"NO."

A roar filled the air and Gwaine's run was brought to a stop as a blazing arc of golden light erupted in the air. It filled the clearing with such intense beauty and strength that it made all there unable to move. A thunderous sound deafened Gwaine as he watched, unable to take in what he was seeing. This could not be happening. It was Merlin; Merlin was the source of light and the sound. Merlin, his friend.

The young Warlock was still holding Arthur protectively in his arms but he all resemblance to the cold enchanted man or the gangly much loved youth was gone. He stood tall, strong and proud. A young man in full possession of his mind and his powers. A Warlock defending his King; fulfilling his destiny with all his might.

Then Gwaine's attention was drawn to the figure of Dera. She had suddenly been raised about five feet in the air and black, evil smelling smoke was pouring out of her mouth, her eyes and her nose. It was the very essence of evil, or so it seemed to the distraught knight; pure venom leaving the girl and returning to the atmosphere. As the last strand disappeared the girl fell to the ground and did not move. Gwaine forced his eyes away and looked once more towards Merlin.

As he watched amazed, Gwaine saw Merlin direct his gaze towards the frozen Meilyr who had his back towards the exposed sorcerer. With a flicker of gold appearing to cover him the Chief dropped his sword and sank insensible to the ground. The immediate threat extinguished Merlin then turned his attention to the Priestess but it was too late, she was gone. All that remained was the last tendrils of smoke and a final fleeting image of her astounded face and she disappeared from view. And the Earth Harp was gone as well.

Gwaine could hardly breathe as he watched Merlin (still glowing with golden light emanating from his body) lay Arthur down with such gentleness onto the ground. The now revealed Warlock stood again and walked towards Gwaine and the look in his eyes did not bode well for the bewildered knight. Gwaine could barely recognise his Merlin in the image that approached him. This man was immensely powerful; possessed of so much strength of purpose and Gwaine could sense the potency of his magic. Gwaine wanted to speak, to remind Merlin who he was, for no awareness of their relationship showed in the approaching Warlocks face. But he found himself unable to speak and could only watch helpless as the space between them lessened.

And despite their old friendship; Gwaine was very, very afraid.

XXX


	18. Chapter 18

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 17**

As Merlin felt the weight of the fallen man's body in his arms something in him cracked. The young warlock could hear him struggle for breath and see the blood streaming from the gaping wound on the side of his head and it almost felt to him that it had been he who had been struck. Pain lanced through his brain, flashing lights and images all vying for his attention; his soul trying to remind him of who he once was. It was a confusing, agonising and mystifying experience and Merlin felt lost and alone, as if all the walls in his mind were crumbling and he was exposed and vulnerable. It hurt and it came close to breaking him. But within it all, cutting through the noise and bewilderment was a face. Someone who meant so much. Someone to whom he owed his total allegiance. Merlin could sense it; feel it with everything he was. He just couldn't reach it.

Aerona's spell was battling to keep hold of her prize; fighting the upsurge in the young man's returning awareness. It battled to contain him, tore into his being in an effort to keep him suppressed. But it was losing. All it would take was one more effort from the subject of its spell and Aerona's magic would be defeated. And it was the priestess herself who gave it that final push.

"Meilyr, kill the King"

With those words Merlin's magic finally broke through and he was free. Free to save the King, the man to whom he somehow felt he owed complete loyalty. He felt that there would a time later for recriminations and guilt; but now he was a warlock in full fury; his magic newly emergent.

Not even needing to utter a spell Merlin's miraculous command over the forces around him produced a protective enchantment of such strength that nothing could penetrate it. A golden dome covered the three figures close to him and the Warlock himself. At the same time black smoke poured out of Dera's mouth, eyes and nose and she collapsed to the ground. But Merlin paid her no heed in his anger; the man for whom he had broken free was in mortal danger and he was going to save him.

Merlin needed only to flick his eyes onto the back of the chief Meilyr and he dropped his sword and fell unconscious to the ground. The King was safe from the immediate jeopardy but Merlin knew that somewhere near was the woman who had been speaking to him; he knew she was the real threat and he turned, seeking her out.

But he was too late; he just caught sight of her disappearing in a flurry of smoke and wind. His magic surged, full of unexpressed anger against her, denied its revenge for her imprisoning it. Placing the inert body of his King onto the ground Merlin stood up and turned; head and heart full of this fury, his ire hunting for someone to blame; for someone to punish.

It was then he saw the other man, bloodied and filthy, kneeling on the dusty ground and staring in disbelief and fear at him. Merlin's magic was glad; here was an outlet for its frustration and its anger. And the warlock strode towards the now transfixed knight, intent on gaining retribution.

But a quiet part of him stirred, memories of running, fighting, laughing and talking, memories of the man he was now approaching. Memories of time spent together. Memories of...but the name escaped his beleaguered mind.

Merlin faltered. He knew this man. He could not hurt him; somehow he was linked with the one who had broken through the spell and so was not an enemy. The warlock bent down towards the knight, who was petrified but was trying his best not to show it.

"I feel that we are friends. I know I cannot harm you. Do not be afraid of me." Merlin took the man's hand and pulled him to his feet. As he did so for a moment his vision turned black and he seemed to stumble but it was momentary and he soon appeared to regain his strength.

"I don't know what has happened" Merlin spoke so quietly that Gwaine had to struggle to hear him "Why am I here?"

"I...um...I think you were...were under a spell Merlin. We came to help you" Gwaine managed to mumble a short reply. "We both came, me and Arthur."

Merlin's reaction to the name of Arthur was immediate and violent. He bent over double and gripped his stomach as if in immense pain. A thick band of black smoke seeped out of his mouth and nose and he seemed unable to breathe. As the last of Aerona's enchantment left him Merlin finally came back to himself; reborn through agony and turmoil. And he knew everything once more and was appalled.

"Oh God; Arthur." Merlin lurched away from Gwaine and half ran and half stumbled back to where Arthur's inert body lay. As he ran all he had done came flooding back to him with a sickening force. His betrayal, his brutality and his treatment of those he loved – it was unbearable. And now, to realise that Arthur had been hurt coming to save him...Merlin flung himself at the King and desperately searched for signs that he was still living.

"Please, God, please" he whispered. And then, oh, he saw Arthur take a breath and he knew that the King lived. The warlock held Arthur's body to him and clung on as if the unconscious man was his only safety in an evil world.

XXX

Carefully, as if approaching a rabid beast, Gwaine moved towards the two men lying on the dirt. The knight reached out his hand and gently touched Merlin on the shoulder. The young man shuddered and recoiled as if the touch burnt. Gwaine took his hand away and knelt beside the shaking youth.

"Merlin, its ok... Arthur's ok. We'll... "Gwaine struggled to find the words to penetrate the despondency that had settled on his friend. "We'll sort all this mess out, I promise. You and Dera will be okay."

At the mention of Dera's name Merlin could hold it in no longer and a howl of anguish and wretchedness tore through his body. It was all broken, he had betrayed Arthur, hurt Gaius and now knew that Dera's love for him had all been a spell. Merlin's heart felt crushed and crippled. He lowered Arthur's still unconscious body to the ground and collapsed in on himself. He pulled his legs tight up to his body and his long arms encircled and held them tightly as he slowly rocked backwards and forwards; seeking some comfort in the repetition. But there was no respite; images of the past days flooded his head and over ran his mind.

And there, in the front of it all was his magic - still alive, still angry and still raging. And Merlin felt its anger directed at him...his magic had hated being suppressed and Merlin knew it had been his fault. He had not had the strength to battle the enchantment; he had been the one to let his magic down. To let everyone down.

"Merlin, why on earth are you crying? What a girl!"

Dragged out of his reverie by the voice Merlin looked across to where Arthur had lain. To his joy he saw that the King was now half sitting up, rubbing his head and was looking quizzically at his manservant. But it was those words; those niggling, sarcastic and oh so "Arthurly" words that really brought him back. Arthur was treating him as if none of the events of the last few weeks had even happened; he was still speaking to him as a friend...Merlin could not believe it and for a moment he felt that the world had not ended and that there was hope.

But it could not last.

"Arthur" Even to himself Merlin's voice sounded strained and broken "I am so sorry, what happened...what I said and did. I know you cannot forgive me but please know I was not in control. Who I am just seemed to slip further away and I could not stop it. I need you to tell Gaius how sorry I am, to beg him for forgiveness. Ask him to just remember the old Merlin. You to, Arthur, please."

"What on Earth are you going on about? Merlin, I've got a splitting headache and Gwaine looks as if he is about to collapse. We've just fought off a witch and all her followers so I could do without you getting weird again."

Merlin stared at the King, wondering if it were he who was now enchanted or if the blow to his head had taken away his memory.

"It's just, well, after, you know, everything, I think it would be best if I left Camelot." There. He'd said it.

"Don't be a complete idiot all your life Merlin." The King stood up and began to brush the dust off his clothes "Do you really think that Gwaine and I went through all this to get you back only for you to go off in a hissy, girlie fit? We know you were enchanted, we understand none of what you did was really you. God knows I've forgiven other people who've been through the same thing. Elyan attacked me with a sword but I forgave him. What makes you think it would be any different for you? Mind you though" here the King looked every inch the scary monarch his father had been "You will have to do an AWFUL lot of chores to make up for your behaviour. And I can just imagine the lecture you are going to get from Gaius. But truthfully Merlin" The King's voice lost its hectoring tone and became quieter and calmer "We...I... missed you and there is no way you are going to leave, do you understand? We will sort everything out, I promise."

Open mouthed and unbelieving Merlin merely nodded his acquiescence. He was going to stay. Almost laughing with relief Merlin stood and turned towards Gwaine, expecting to see the same emotions reflected on his friends face. But what he saw was a cold, blank expression and fear behind his eyes. Then it struck him. All was not going to be well. Gwaine had seen him. Gwaine knew he had magic and Gwaine would tell the King.

XXX


	19. Chapter 19

**The Heart Spoke of no Sin – Chapter 18**

**Merlin stared at Gwaine and the knight stared directly back. Neither moved nor spoke, each weighing up the other. Decisions were being made and consequences considered but only by the knight. Merlin knew that the future was now in Gwaine's hands and all he could hope for was that he would hear him through before speaking out. He stood up straight and looked at Gwaine, his eyes pleading for what he could not ask.**

**Gwaine searched Merlin's eyes, his face, everything about him. Looking for the powerful sorcerer that had brought such fear to his heart; but all he saw now was Merlin – the merciful and caring man he called friend. The knight knew he should tell Arthur, that he had a duty to report any magical activity. But this was Merlin. And Merlin was magical. But it was still just Merlin. And Merlin was a sorcerer. Gwaine's mind could not take it all in; he had no idea what to do. Then he saw and understood the message in the sorcerer's eyes. "Please" they said "Give me a chance, let me explain." Gwaine closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them. He gave a quick nod. He would say nothing until he and Merlin had had a chance to talk. He owed the young man that at least. **

**Merlin released the breath he had been holding and lowered his head in thanks. This was more than he felt he deserved but he just did not have the strength right now to deal with any revelations and neither, he suspected, did Gwaine or Arthur. He had no idea what he would say later but he was very relieved Gwaine was giving him the chance.**

**The King was looking around him at the carnage in the clearing and bent to pick up his sword, his body wavering a little as he did so. At seeing Arthur stumble Merlin immediately turned to his King. As he grabbed him by his arm and stopping him from falling completely Merlin began to gabble wildly, unthinkingly.**

"**Arthur, you are hurt. Let me look at your hand and your head. Do you feel dizzy? Does it hurt? Do you need to sit down? What can I do to help? How is your vision? Can you see two of everything?" In great need to prove his true intentions towards the King, Merlin was in danger of smothering him with attention.**

"**MERLIN!" Arthur yelled in exasperation "I already have a headache and your constant noise is making it worse. Honestly, I am now finding it very hard to think what it was I missed about having you around."**

**Merlin's voice stopped, his arms fell from examining the King's wound and his face showed an expression of such despair and grief that Arthur regretted his words at once. Reaching out his hand he gripped the young man's shoulder and squeezed it gently. That was all it took, Merlin knew Arthur well enough to know that it was okay, that he was really forgiven and was wanted home. It should have made him happy to know he was loved and needed but all he could think about was what awaited him back in Camelot. The awful repercussions of his actions; the men he hadinjured; the people he had hurt. God, even his beloved horse. It was all just too much. How was he going to face all those he had betrayed and then there was the reality of the forth coming discussion with Gwaine and the possibility of his secret coming out? And Gaius; God what had he done to him? How could forgiveness truly come form any of them when Merlin knew he would never even forgive himslef?**

"**Shouldn't you check on Dera?" Arthur spoke quietly.**

**The words hit Merlin with such force he almost fell. Dera, oh God, Dera had been hurt. He swirled round, searching all the bodies strewn on the ground, looking for her. And then he saw her still form lying a little way off. His hand went to his mouth in an unconscious sign of distress and he took a step forward. But then he stopped. He remembered. It was a spell. She would not really love him. He had tried to kill her. She would hate and fear him. Merlin could not move; he was too terrified of what would happen.**

"**Merlin, just go and see if she is okay" Arthur knew what was scaring his manservant but he also knew that Merlin needed to check. And he needed to know if the girl had been enchanted like Merlin or if she was a true follower and believer of the Priestess's. He gently pushed the lanky man forward but was close behind him, his hand ready on the hilt of his sword. Hoping for a good outcome but preparing for the worst.**

**Merlin moved the fifty yards or so towards Dera and as he did so her body began to stir as she regained consciousness. He knelt beside her and carefully held her hand as she slowly opened her eyes. He was terrified. Merlin understood that the intensity of his emotions over the last few weeks had been because of the enchantment, but he also knew that for the spell to work so strongly then it had to be based on at least some true feeling on his part. He knew that he had an affection for Dera that he had not felt since Freya; but he did not know what was real for her. Did they still have enough for the basis of a friendship or a relationship or had the spell and the attempted murderous ritual ruined any chance they may have had?**

**As Dera's eyes focused on the scene around her she was searching for only one thing and when she saw it a smile lit up her face with happiness.**

"**Merlin, you broke the spell. You defeated her. You freed me. How can I ever thank you?" As she spoke her hand reached up and pulled him to her and she kissed him firstly on the forehead and then gently on the lips. **

**Arthur turned away greatly relieved (and it must be said not a little embarrassed) as Merlin slowly and with great wonder at his good fortune began to return Dera's kiss. "So I was wrong" the King thought happily as he left the two to make up "She too was a victim of the enchantment." **

**Calling to Gwaine to get the horses Arthur walked from the centre of the clearing and began to gather up their fallen possessions. He was happy for Merlin but he knew that there were many things they needed to discuss and many explanations and apologies necessary before things could go back to normal. But at least there was a chance. A chance that Merlin would once again become the man he had been and their friendship would survive. That Merlin and Dera would find the happiness they deserved. And that Merlin would forgive him for Freya; but also a chance that he could forgive himself for the pain he had caused his friend. **

**And that was all he had wanted as he had set out to try and bring Merlin home.**

**XXX**

**High in the branches of a withered old tree at the edge of the clearing Aerona watched all that took place below. She was astonished by what had happened. The servant was a sorcerer and a powerful one at that; if a little untutored and uncontrolled. **

**And the power of the bond between the youth and his King was astounding; it was that she had underestimated. It was that that had given the young sorcerer the strength to break her spell. For a moment she had been dumbstruck that all her scheming had come to naught but now a new plan was forming in her mind. That boy's power was irresistible and she meant to have it.**

**Clutching the Earth Harp to her chest Aerona began to work through how she could ensure that she got everything that she wanted and make all those she saw below her suffer. She watched as the servant fussed over the King and then ran to Dera. She closed her eyes and muttered quietly to herself. After a few minutes she smiled and with a wave of her hand once more disappeared. She had her plan and the pain they had felt up to now would be as a gentle wave compared to the tsunami of agony she would unleash upon them. And it made her so happy to think of it.**

**XXX**


	20. Chapter 20

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 19**

**Gwaine's fist hit the stone with such force that Merlin almost feared for the safety of the chamber wall. He did not know what to do or how to break through the anger that the knight was feeling. But as Gwaine's clenched hand once more struck the unflinching surface Merlin could watch no longer and moved quickly forward, reaching out his own hand to stop the knight's before it made contact again. **

"**Gwaine, please..." Merlin began to speak but had no idea how to finish the sentence. Instead he dropped Gwaine's bloodied and bruised hand and walked over to Gaius's medicine store. In silence the young warlock searched through all the potions and herbs seeking something to tend to the knight's wounds. **

**Behind him he heard a sigh and then someone sitting heavily in one of the two wooded chairs set by the table. Turning around he saw Gwaine slumped over the table, head resting on his uninjured arm. Merlin slowly approached and carefully reached out for the damaged hand. As he touched it again Gwaine flinched and it seemed for a moment he would refuse to let the youth tend it; but then he gave in and let Merlin take it and treat it.**

"**Merlin" **

**The young man looked up from his ministrations. This was the first word his one time friend had spoken to him since he had burst into Gaius's chambers not 3 minutes ago.**

**It had been apparent to Merlin all the way home from the forest that Gwaine's anger and confusion regarding his new knowledge was growing. Whilst Arthur and Merlin shared the horse that rode in front, Gwaine and Dera followed behind. There was little conversation as all four were exhausted; but Merlin was constantly conscious of the knight's gaze on the back of his neck and he knew that it would not be long after their return before he had to face his friend. If indeed he still was a friend.**

**After the events in the night they had all moved a little way away from the battleground and made camp. There they had slept fitfully through the dawn and into the morning. Then in near silence (all still shocked by what had happened) they rode home. They had arrived back after dark; everyone was completely shattered. Arthur decided that they should all retire for the evening and that explanations and apologies could wait until the morning. Grateful beyond anything Merlin walked Dera slowly back to her room and they gently kissed goodnight. Not even they were up to a discussion regarding the events of the last few weeks and had both agreed that this too was something that could wait until the sun shone and they were rested.**

**Wearily, and indeed warily, Merlin had entered the chambers he called home, mentally girding himself for the one confrontation he knew he could not avoid. Gaius. **

**Merlin stood before the door for a good five minutes before he gathered together the courage necessary to face the man to whom he owed everything and to whom he had shown such disrespect and violence. He breathed deeply and opened the door, ready as he would ever be to face Gaius. **

**It was with relief then that he realised at once that the old Physician was not at home. Releasing the breath he had been holding Merlin walked slowly over to the stairs to his own room. Looking around him as he did he noticed that Gaius's medicine bag was missing; it was apparent that the older man had been called away to minister to some sick or injured person in the town. This was another thing that would have to be faced in the morning and Merlin was thinking now of nothing except his bed and sleep.**

**It was then that the door to the chamber burst open and Gwaine barged in, looking wild and not a little angry. Merlin turned at the noise and realised that he was not at all surprised by this event. In fact he knew that he should really have been expecting it. There was no way Gwaine would have been able to wait until the morning.**

**What was a surprise was the way Gwaine began beating forty shades of hell out of the wall.**

**Now, sitting at the table, washing the blood and broken skin off the abused fist Merlin was very apprehensive as the older man spoke his name.**

"**Merlin" Gwaine repeated the word, despair and anger apparent in every word. "Merlin, I don't understand. I don't know how to connect this – who you are and what you are. You are Merlin and you are a sorcerer...how did I not know?**

"**I..." Merlin's voice faltered. This was worse than he had expected, Gwaine was so angry and disappointed and he knew it was all entirely his fault. He was the one who had lied and hidden who he was. It was no real surprise that Gwaine would now hate him – and it would only get worse when Arthur found out.**

"**I am sorry Gwaine; sorry I've let you down. I never meant you to find out this way, I know you can never forgive me but..."**

"**Forgive you?" the knight interrupted quickly "What do you mean forgive you?" He reached out with his other hand and clasped Merlin on the shoulder, forcing the younger man to look him full in the face.**

"**Do you think I am angry with you? God Merlin, no. It's me I am disgusted with, not you. I can't believe I have been such a bad friend that you would have to bear this burden all alone; that you felt the need to turn to magic. I have let you down. I know over the last year we have not been as close as before, we've both had many additional tasks since Arthur became King; but I should have been there for you. I should have known about Freya and all you suffered."**

**Merlin stared in disbelief as the dishevelled knight spoke. Gwaine was not hitting the wall in fury at Merlin being a sorcerer; but out of frustration that he had failed as a friend. It was to himself alone that the violence was directed. **

"**Just explain it to me Merlin, please, help me understand." Now there was almost a pleading quality to Gwaine's voice and Merlin knew he would have to try and respond to him."Why did you need to learn magic? Why do you do it, use magic?"**

"**To protect Camelot and to protect my friends and to protect Arthur ." Faced with no alternative Merlin's voice was quiet but calm, almost strong in his conviction that (despite what others may think) he knew what he had done was to the good of all he loved. **

**Gwaine stared directly at Merlin, trying to work it all out. Magic had brought nothing but pain and suffering to Camelot and its people. It had corrupted the pure of heart and the good and had been used for naught but evil. But, No. Merlin had used it to protect Arthur, there in the woods hadn't he? Gwaine remembered, almost with awe, the way this unassuming young man had saved them all. But alongside this the knight could not forget the look on Merlin's face as he had approached him; before he regained his memory of their friendship. It had been cold, hard and incredibly dangerous. But then as the memories returned Merlin had re-appeared too. It had been strong magic, but it was his friend who had performed it. A man he had trusted and cared for. A man whom he knew to be good and kind; and above all insanely loyal to Arthur. Gwaine's mind went in circles as he tried to make sense of everything. He had to really know what had caused Merlin to turn to something so dangerous. Gwaine watched the young man's pale concerned face as he asked his next question; seeking the truth in his countenance.**

"**Is that the only reason? Is that why you began to study it?" He paused before continuing, hoping he would get the answer he needed "You do not seek power or riches?"**

**Merlin paused before answering; weighing up how much to tell his friend. But perhaps the time for hiding was gone; perhaps by telling Gwaine the full truth he, Merlin, would gain some sense of relief and the knight would really understand? Decision made Merlin sat up straight and a little of the strength he had displayed in the clearing shone through; a little of his pride and devotion to his calling showed in the way he now held himself.**

"**I was born with magic Gwaine; and with a destiny. I was brought into this World with one purpose; to serve Arthur the Once and Future King and to oversee the blooming of Albion and the return of Magic." Merlin's voice was a strange combination of pride, joy and bitterness as he spoke these words and Gwaine saw their truth in his eyes. For they showed the soul of a man much older than Merlin's years. They were eyes that spoke of great suffering borne; and of even greater pain to come. It was this that convinced him. **

"**I have never heard of such a thing Merlin. I do not pretend to understand all you just told me, but I do know you. And I trust you with my life and my honour. You saved him and me and it would be wrong of me to tell your secret and to betray that. You and I are friends Merlin and I believe in you." **

**Merlin's heart leapt – was he to get a reprieve? Would Gwaine become someone to confide in as Lancelot had been all those years ago? But just as hope was forming it was dashed by Gwaine's next words.**

"**But I will only keep your secret for two days. If by then you have not told Arthur yourself then I will tell him. I cannot keep this from him any longer Merlin. I am sorry but I've seen what evil magic can do." Here Merlin tried to interrupt but Gwaine carried on speaking. "I know you are my friend and I believe you when you say you do everything to protect Arthur and all of Camelot. In fact I am sure there are many times in the past when we would have been in great danger had it not been for you."**

**Gwaine stopped speaking and watched as Merlin silently nodded. The knight gave a small smile; there were obviously stories to tell but they would have to wait until another time. For now it was vital that the situation was dealt with. The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come.**

"**But it is sorcery Merlin and the King must know. After all that has happened, especially to you over the past few weeks, do you really doubt my choice? Perhaps if these events had not taken place my answer would have been different, but that witch's possession of you and what it made you do...can't you see what that means? Despite your skills you are not always able to control what happens or protect yourself from the evil others do. Please believe me, it is not you I fear Merlin; but what might happen if someone comes along who can overcome you permanently and who will lead you to Dark magic forever."**

**Finally Gwaine stopped and waited for Merlin's reply. But for a moment there was none forthcoming. Gwaine's words had cut the drained and depleted warlock deep to his soul. They had reached inside and caught hold of one of his biggest fears and dreads; that one day he would not be strong enough to fight against those who would use him to destroy Camelot and his King. And Merlin knew that there was no point in arguing with Gwaine because he was right. He would have to tell the King and it would have to be soon.**

**He raised his head, stared Gwaine in the eyes and with as much dignity as he could muster he nodded once and the pact was made.**

**XXX**


	21. Chapter 21

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 20**

Merlin lay awake all night after Gwaine had left; thinking of the morning and all it would bring. He heard Gaius enter the chambers just as the sun rose and knew then that the first of the day's painful encounters could no longer be put off. He sighed and covered his eyes for a moment trying to pretend that the sun had not risen and he could hide away for just another precious moment. Facing Gaius would be incredibly difficult; but after that came Dera and, worst of all, Arthur.

He got off the bed, where he had been lying for what seemed like an eternity, and put his hand out to open the door. There he paused, trying to delay the inevitable moment when he had to face what he had done. But he knew he needed to see Gaius, he had to apologise and hope that his oldest friend and confidant would understand.

As he opened the door he came face to face with Gaius, who had been walking up the small stone steps to his room. Both men froze as all the painful events of the past days ran through their minds. Merlin's eyes filled with tears and his head slumped forward, unable to meet Gaius's gaze. He knew that he had been vicious; he had hurt the person to whom he owed so much and he did not deserve forgiveness. Nothing could put this right, ever. He would just say sorry and then pack up and leave. Gaius should not have to put up with seeing him...

A pair of arms embraced Merlin and held onto him so tightly that for a moment he could hardly breathe, as a voice spoke quietly into his ear. All thoughts of leaving fled as he realised that it was Gaius who was hugging him; Gaius who was speaking.

"Merlin, my boy, my boy. It's all okay. I know what happened, I understand. You have nothing to seek forgiveness for. You are back with us now and we will put all this behind us."

"Gaius" Merlin managed to say that one word before the tears really began to fall and he was rendered unable to speak. Finally hugging his mentor back Merlin broke down and wept; overcome by all the feelings and emotions that he had been trying to hold at bay. Here, held by the old man who had come to mean so much to him, he finally felt safe enough to give in to his sorrow.

As he held the weeping warlock Gaius too cried. He cried for the things he had been through but most of all he cried for the pain and suffering of the boy falling apart in front of him. All he could do was to try and comfort him.

XXX

"So Gwaine knows?"

Merlin nodded silently, his head resting on his arms as he slouched down over the table, a small untouched breakfast in front of him.

Gaius ate a bit of bread, more for something to do than out of hunger. It was hard to believe that the time for the truth to be revealed was coming; but there seemed no way out of the situation. Merlin and he had filled each other in on all that had happened and now there was little to do but to think where to go from here.

"I know I should go and see Arthur but..." Merlin paused, unable to put his fears into words. The meeting with Arthur would decide the rest of his life. Execution or forgiveness? Exile or acceptance?

Gaius watched the look on Merlin's face and sighed quietly. He saw the pain, indecision and frankly fear reflected in the young man's eyes and knew there was little he could do to help. The things Merlin was dreading need to be faced and all the old man could do was be there to help his ward deal with the consequences.

"Perhaps it would be wise to speak to Dera first" the Physician said quietly.

Gaius had heard of Dera's possession and that the evil he had sensed in her had been magically induced. "Perhaps," he thought to himself, "perhaps she is the one who can give Merlin the comfort I cannot."

"If she truly loves you Merlin" the old man continued aloud "then any punishment you may receive from Arthur may not seem so bad." At the word "punishment" Merlin visibly flinched and Gaius felt awful "I do not know what will happen Merlin; though if the truth be known I cannot believe he will execute you, despite your fears" Silently the old man prayed that this was true. "I hope with all my heart he will understand and learn to believe that all you have done has been for him alone. But if he does not, at least at first, understand; if he banishes you, then maybe there would be a future for you away from here, with Dera. You need to find out what her feelings are first so you can deal with Arthur's response."

Merlin stared at his mentor and took in his words. Just hearing Gaius speak of execution and exile had shaken him to the core. That Gaius thought either of those was a possibility (no matter how remote) just made them seem so much more likely to the distraught warlock. He reached out his left hand to clasp his right one, which was gently trembling as his emotions sought a physical outlet.

"Merlin" Gaius called his name again, concerned by the trembling and the absent look on the young man's face and fearing an after effect of the spell he had been under "Merlin, my boy."

The warlock forced his mind back to the present situation and gave Gaius a small smile. It was a shadow of his normal beaming one, but its presence was welcome to the aged man as he could see the real Merlin behind it; not the cruel imposter who had taken his place so recently.

"You are right Gaius, of course you are. I need to speak to Dera, I need to know if any of what we felt was real" Merlin lowered his eyes. He found talking of his true emotions so difficult, even to Gaius. Having had to hide so many of his feelings and so much of his true self during his life it had become almost second nature to him. To be open with such a personal issue was hard but he felt he owed Gaius this honesty. "I never believed I would...after Freya...well, it never seemed my destiny. I am not sure I can believe I would be so lucky twice. I am not sure I deserve..."

"Merlin" Gaius interjected firmly "If you are about to say you are not sure you deserve to be loved then you can stop right now. I will not listen to such a thing. I know of no-one who deserves it more and I am hoping with all my heart that you have found what you need with Dera. Just go and find out; then we'll deal with Arthur."

Merlin nodded once, overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and loyalty he felt from Gaius. Just knowing that the old man believed in him gave the warlock the strength he needed to rise from the table and walk towards the door. As his hand reached out for the handle Merlin felt a gentle touch on his shoulder and he turned around only to be engulfed once again in a warm, all enveloping hug. It lasted a few moments then he and Gaius broke apart. An exchange of smiles, a last touch on the arm and without words the nervous warlock left the chamber, walking down the corridor to face whatever the future decided.

XXX


	22. Chapter 22

**The Heart Spoke of No Sin – Chapter 21**

**Dera broke down again; her words hard to hear through her weeping.**

"**I can't believe you've forgiven me Merlin. The pain and chaos I caused for you, for everyone. I don't deserve anyone's forgiveness, especially yours."**

**Merlin took a tentative step forward and reached out his hand shyly, pulling it back at the last moment, just before it made contact with Dera. This was too painful and he had no idea how to comfort her without opening himself up to that pain.**

**When he had knocked on the door to Dera's lodgings a few moments ago he had heard voices talking quietly and he had turned away unable to bear the thought of having to face Dera in front of anyone else. But just as he made to move the door was opened and he came face to face with Gwen. Not really believing what he was seeing Merlin's mouth gapped open as he grappled with what to say to the Queen. In the end all he could manage was a quiet:**

"**I'm sorry, really sorry."**

**But that was enough. Gwen's face lit up and she pulled him into a tight embrace; the hug telling Merlin all he needed to know about the continuation of her love and friendship for him. He understood that she accepted and forgave what had happened; he knew things were going to be alright with her. Then with a lurch he remembered Arthur would tell her of his magic and surely then her feelings would change. Fearing this would be the last time he would hold her, and be cared for by her, Merlin returned her hug with a ferocity that actually made Gwen break contact. She looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes but she misread its cause; thinking it was the fault of all that had happened, not of all that he feared would come about.**

"**For goodness sake Merlin, it's not that bad." Gwen said with a small laugh, trying to cheer her old friend. "A few apologies, a bit of teasing from the knights and all will be well again. Arthur was so unhappy nearly losing you, he won't make things hard. Honestly." **

**The noise of a chair being moved brought both of their attentions back to where they were and who was in the room behind them. Merlin stiffened at the sound and Gwen smiled at his response.**

"**Come on Merlin, you've faced a dragon, the dorocha and invading armies; surely one young woman doesn't scare you?" Gwen teased. But the stricken look on Merlin's face soon stopped her frivolity.**

"**Gwen, I don't know...How can I...What do I..." Merlin stumbled over his words as he tried to explain why he was there and his desperate need to discover the truth. Gwen's eyes filled with tears as she pulled him close.**

"**Gaius told Arthur and me what happened with Freya and all you have suffered Merlin and I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am sorry you couldn't come to me for comfort. But I cannot change that, so I thought if I could help you in some way now perhaps it would go some way to making up for the past." Gwen stopped talking for a moment and watched as Merlin took in the knowledge that she knew of his loss. "I thought that if I checked on Dera, tried to help her, I could help you as well. She was so upset when she returned with you. Devastated by her actions, I had hoped I could ease her mind. But I've been no real use to her. There's only one person she wants to see..."**

**Merlin looked at her with confusion "Who? Does she need Gaius? Is she unwell, have there been lasting effects of the spell? I'll go and fetch him..."**

"**Merlin, don't be the idiot Arthur always accuses you of being" Gwen tried in vain to flatten his unruly tuft of hair in an almost maternal gesture. "It's you she wants to see, only you."**

"**You mean she..." Merlin was unable to finish the thought, let alone the sentence.**

"**Go on, talk to her" Gwen replied and with that she quickly side stepped and pushed the quivering young man into the room. Pulling the door shut she walked away silently, praying that his shyness and past losses would not prevent him from telling Dera how he felt. For in the brief time she had spent in the girls company Gwen had discovered how Dera felt and knew that love was there; within Merlin's grasp. All he had to do was ask.**

**XXX**

**The shock of seeing her again had almost been too much for the emotionally exhausted warlock and for a moment he felt as if his legs would give way and he would fall into a heap on the ground. And he would have done so if at the moment Dera had not looked up, seen him, given a little cry and stumbled and fallen to her knees.**

**Before he could recover and move towards her Dera spoke, her voice trembling but strong:**

"**Whatever punishment you deem fit for me I will accept willingly Merlin for I did you a great wrong; although it was not my wish to do it. I nearly ruined your life and exposed your secret."**

**At this Merlin stared at Dera, unaware until now that she too knew of his magic.**

"**How?" he stuttered.**

"**I felt the magic that freed me; it was kind, strong and so loyal. I know it could only have been from you Merlin. It tasted of you; felt like you; loved like you. I will remember its strength and its beauty all my life. Once I am gone from here, the feel of your magic and the memory of your kindness will give me comfort."**

"**Leave?" Merlin once again found himself unable to form a cohesive sentence; there was too much to take in and his still befuddled mind could not really cope.**

"**Yes. Once I have paid my penance to you and to Arthur I will leave. You will never need to look on me again. I do not ask that you forgive me Merlin only that you understand it was not of my doing. Not all I told you was a lie; the Earth Harp is real as is the history of my Tribe. But I was sold to Aerona as a slave to pay my Fathers debts. I was not free to resist and to my shame I was also too scared of her to fight for too long. The pain of accepting the possession was as nothing compared to the agony of battling it." Dera's eyes filled with unshed tears as she remembered the awful scene in the woods "Oh, Merlin the evilness of that spell, the horrific price a child paid to ensure its casting..." Dera seemed unable to continue and bowed her head.**

**Merlin knelt down beside her and spoke in a low, hushed voice.**

"**Dera. There is nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong. If I am seeking forgiveness from my friends for the deeds I did whilst possessed then who am I to judge you?"**

"**But you would not have done those things without the spell I helped cast on you. Dera replied.**

"**And you would not have done that without the spell Aerona cast on you. You are not to blame and I have nothing to forgive you for."**

"**Please Merlin" Dera said "You are wrong. I cannot ask you for forgiveness."**

**Merlin looked at the young woman beside him. He knew what it was like to feel responsible for terrible acts and unspeakable decisions. He too had felt the guilt of actions that had been forced upon him; he knew of the instinctual need for forgiveness and peace. And he could not deny this to Dera. Yet still he hesitated, for if he forgave her she would go and he was not sure if he could cope with that. He knew she did not love him, that it had all been a lie forced by magic. But he had come to realise that whilst that was true for her it was not for him. He gazed at the girl before him; her hair a mess, tears streaming from her eyes; red cheeked and puffy faced from exhaustion and fear and he knew he had not seen anything that beautiful since he first glimpsed Freya. He knew he still loved Dera and it would break his heart if she left. But he also knew it would break hers if he did not forgive her and so, he did.**

"**Dera, I forgive you everything. You can leave here knowing that I bear no ill will, no malice and no hatred for you." **

**Even as he spoke these words Merlin began to harden his heart for the inevitable pain of Dera's departure. "It is as it should be," he thought, "I do not deserve this chance again."**

**It was at this point that Dera had broken down completely and he had tried to reach out to her, to touch her, to hold and comfort her but had been unable to do so. It was too hard and hurt too much, so he withdrew his hand.**

**Dera noticed the withdrawal and sighed "Thank you for that Merlin but I know you do not feel the same as I do. I have destroyed any chance of a future between us. I will leave tomorrow."**

**In his state of enforced withdrawal Merlin nearly missed the deeper meaning of her words...and then he remembered something she had said right at the beginning of this emotional encounter "Not all I told you was a lie..." For a brief moment he allowed himself some hope; but did he dare to seek out her meaning or was it safer to leave it alone?**

"**I...I don't want you to go" the words were out of his mouth before he had even realised he was going to speak. Merlin looked down at the ground as he spoke, terrified of her response and as the silence grew so too did his fear. Then a small hand hesitantly touched his larger, long fingered hand and he glanced up to see Dera staring directly at him, waiting, not breathing as she tried to understand what he meant.**

"**I don't want you to go" he repeated, more strongly this time "I don't believe everything we felt was caused by the spell, I want a chance to begin again. I, we, both of us have lost so much...this may be our reward; our payment for all we have given and suffered."**

**Another moment of silence and then he heard Dera say "Do you truly believe that Merlin? Do you really want this?"**

**Unable to speak Merlin nodded and as Dera's tear lined face lit up with a smile he leaned in and kissed her. No matter the result of his meeting with Arthur, Merlin knew as he held Dera close to him; he would not have to face what awaited him alone.**

**XXX**

**Time passed as they held onto each other but eventually Merlin knew it could be put off no longer, he needed to go and see Arthur. He had to tell him the truth; and whilst this sent waves of apprehension coursing down his spine he was at least fortified by Dera.**

**As he stood to leave Dera watched him and smiled sadly; the confusion and fear of the past few weeks still etched on her face. Merlin wanted to do something, anything to rid her of these feelings so he stretched out his hand and whispered:**

"**Harddwch a allwenydd"**

**A small shower of golden petals fell slowly from the air, swirling and billowing as they descended, for all the world as if they were dancing. Beautiful, elegant yet simple; they spoke of love and joy and hope never ending...**

**Then they were gone, in a flash of smoke, all their beauty and promise obliterated as Merlin fell to the floor, hands pressed hard into his eyes, grimacing in pain. Dera rushed to where he kneeled, his face pale and his breath ragged. But the pain had gone as quickly as it had come and he gave her a lop sided, tired smile. **

**It had felt as if his magic had rebelled, for just an instant, as if it was fighting him, refusing to do as he asked but it was over almost as soon as it had begun. Merlin regained his feet and held Dera's hand.**

"**Don't worry" he said "It's just my magic settling down. I was not in control of it for so long; I just think it is taking a little time to re-adjust. This is the first time I have tried anything since, well, you know. I am sure it was just a side effect of Aerona's enchantment."**

"**Are you sure?" Dera gazed at him anxiously "Has the pain gone?"**

"**I'm fine" Merlin gave his stock answer to all enquiries as to his health and well being and for once it was almost true. He did feel fine, perhaps a little tired and sore and he could feel his magic rumbling away deep inside him; like a discontented gremlin. But that was hardly a surprise he thought, after everything he and it had been throughl "The pain has gone, honestly its fine."**

"**It was very beautiful Merlin, thank you, I am just sorry it cost you such pain." Dera smiled and reached out and gave him a gentle kiss. Merlin returned her affection but then broke away.**

"**I have to go. Arthur has been waiting for a long time and the last thing I want is for him to be annoyed even before I get there." Merlin grinned, trying to inject some humour into his voice, despite the sinking feeling that was embracing his whole body "Afterall, he's not known for his patience...or his ability to abide tardiness...despite all the practice I have given him."**

**But the humour fell flat; neither of them was able to take their minds away from the task in front of him. **

**Merlin's shoulders slumped, and then he pulled himself up straight and walked with determination towards the door. A last look at Dera and then he left; off to face Arthur and take the step he had been putting off for years.**

**XXX**

**A/N**

**Translation – Harddwch a allwenydd" - Beauty and joy (Welsh).**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 22**

"**You failed me Aerona" Meilyr spat the words out, angered by the fiasco in the clearing and the pain from the wounds and spells he had endured. "You have the Earth Harp it is true but you did not succeed in awakening her. Your magic was not good enough, you were too weak." The Chief had been ranting at her for the past ten minutes and he had yet to run out of expletives or vitriol. He knew that without the Earth Harp the tribe would not rise and he would not get what he most desired – Camelot.**

**Aerona had stood silent, elegant whilst under verbal attack, biding her time until she could stand it no longer.**

**And that time was now.**

"**It was not I who failed you miserable cur" she snarled, all pretence of submission gone from her posture "All of your highly prized fighting men together were not worth one of Camelot's knights. But do not fear my Chieftain, for I have another plan. One that relies heavily on you for its success, you will get another chance to be part of the destruction of Arthur and his Kingdom. But perhaps not in the way you had foreseen" **

**Taking two large strides towards him Aerona placed her hand on his chest and spoke**

"Byddwch yn llonydd"

Instantly Meilyr froze to the spot, a look of disbelief and incredulity etched on his face. Aerona slid up to him, pressing her body against his and encircling him in her arms; like a python embracing her victim.

"You see I know something you don't. I saw the manservant; his magic is quite exciting. Raw admittedly and not really in his control but, oh, what I could do with it. It is a waste really, all that unused talent the youth harbours. Well, I will take it and when I am Annointed I will be more powerful than I could have ever dreamed of."

Placing her beautiful yet deadly cold face directly in front of the Chief's; Aerona slowly and languidly kissed the paralysed man; all the while revelling in the expression in his eyes – a mixture of revulsion and total fear.

"Oh, I can see you are wondering how you can help me in this...it is so kind of you to want to support me in my goals. Well, as you know our little plan backfired somewhat and I did not get the betrayed blood I needed to awaken the Earth Harp. Initially this frustrated me but on seeing the young sorcerer I realised it happened for a reason, in order for me to take total control sooner than I had orginally planned. For you see, my sweet, I never intended for you to be in charge once the battle was over. No, you were always expendible. However I did feel that I had need of you to order the Tribe. I have never inspired nor been respected by them. They still see me as an outsider so I needed your power. But with the strength of this boy's magic attached to the Earth Harp I will be seen as the undeniable Annointed One and they will have no choice but to follow me."

One more kiss and Aerona drew her silver dagger from her belt and slowly carressed Meilyr's cheek with it, drawing a thin line of blood as it went.

"I just need one tiny little thing to set this all in motion...and what is that I know you are thinking...well, blood of the betrayed will do nicely, thank you. Your blood"

Meilyr's eyes bulged as he pointlessly fought to get free from the Priestess's spell; the sight of this made her laugh, a silky sly sound.

"I have sworn feality and honour to you. I even took you to my bed so we have a bond of sorts; but sadly not one strong enough to awaken the Earth Harp's full power so I did not consider using it at first. No, my plan was to use the murdering passion of a man who had betrayed his King and all his friends for his love. But plans change and I now want more and so am willing to take a small step forward in the beginning in order to enable the bigger leap later. So you will have to do to be getting on with..."

As she whispered those last words into his ear Meilyr felt the hard, cold edge of the merciless silver blade pierce his skin and enter between his ribs. It was not a qucik death. Aerona held him close as she slowly and deliberatly eased the knife nearer and nearer to his heart, relishing the terror, the anguish and finally the resignation that showed in his eyes. At the end, just before his light went out she looked directly at him and blew him a kiss.

"...Thank you Meilyr, your contribution to my cause will not be in vain. Maybe I'll name one of the Kingdom's future slave colonies after you."

Then he knew no more.

With a look of mild distaste Aerona withdrew her blade from the breathless corpse still hanging in mid air and put her hand inside her cloak, withdrawing a small silver bowl. Holding it under the small yet mortal wound in Meilyr's chest she watched excitedly as a few crimson drops fell into the container; turning it's sides deep red with the life blood of the murdered Chief.

All of a sudden she could contain her impatience no longer – she wanted to taste the power, needed to fufil her destiny and all it took was one more spell to set the whole thing in motion. Oh, she had been so angry when her first plan had failed but she knew now that there had been a reason for it; greater things were due to her and she wanted them so much. Once the Earth Harp had been woken from her long sleep the Warlock would sense her power and be drawn to her and that stupid King would follow; she was sure of that, she had seen their friendship. She knew that if Merlin was in danger nothing would stop Arthur from coming to his aid. Thus the manservant would lead the King straight to her. And what pickings there would be then – a betrayal so much more powerful than mere destroyed love and it would be so beautiful to see. The death of a friendship and the victory of perfidy...it would be her crowning glory.

Moving forward she reached the pedistal on which the Harp was placed and prostrated herself before her. Five times Aerona rose and fell, five times muttering the ancient prayers to the Earth Harp that only she alone knew.

Then she rose again, removed the stoppered vial from her cloak and with her eyes closed, poured the blood over the beautifully carved body of the Earth Harp; as she did so she intoned the archaic words of the final spell.

"Gwaed bradychu adfywio eich gwraig."

Silence. Nothing but silence greeted these words and for a moment Aerona's hard heart was gripped by fear – had the betrayal not been enough. But then she heard a slow, sad sigh and felt a soft wind on her face. The Earth Harp was living once more.

Aerona took a small step away from the pedistal and knelt down, her sharp eyes never once leaving the Earth Harp. So she saw as it seemed to shimmer gently and to waver from sight, one moment full and real, the next almost transparent and ethereal. If she had had any capicity for beauty in her heart Aerona would have felt wonder at the stunning sense of delicacy and grace that eminated from the ancient relic. But instead all she felt was a sense of impatience and annoyance; this was taking too long and was not the grand show of a magical tool awakening in the presence of it's Mistress that she had expected. But she had no choice but to wait for the spell could not be interrupted.

The sigh became a delicate, supple and graceful song, small and alluring yet growing in power every moment until it was as if the whole room was filled with beautous music. But again it's elegance and charm was lost on the cold woman who heard it as she waited for the Earth Harp to speak.

But she waited in vain for as soon as the song was in full flow it seemed to dissipate, to seep out of the hall in which the Harp had been stored and off into the forest. It did not seek her out; it felt no bond with the witch. The song felt what the Harp knew – Aerona was not the Annointed One and powerful through she was the witch priestess did not currently have the power to force a bond with the Harp. And so Her song was searching; desperatly seeking the one to whom She was linked throughout the centuries and for whom She had been waiting for, for so long. The song flowed quickly and silently through the woods, drawn ever onwards to the City and thence to the Citadel...searching, searching, ever searching.

Through her song She felt his presence and tried to reach out to him; but She was weak and over stretched by Her poor awakening and Her long journey from Aerona's presence and could only make the smallest connection with the one She sought. For a moment their magic touched, rejoycing in their connection but it was for a brief flicker of time only as the Earth Harp's power faded and She called Her song home. But it had not been in vain, both the Song and the Magic now knew for sure that the other existed in this time and nothing would keep them apart.

XXX

Areona screamed in frustration. She had been so close yet again, the Earth Harp had awoken, had even sung but had not spoken. The Priestess had watched as the song had escaped from the room in which it had revived. But she had not been able to stop it, try as she might, and she did try. But none of her spells could control the song and the flowing magic. In the end she had seen the flow of magical music cease and had felt the Harp return to her slumbering state.

Calming herself down Aerona came to the conclusion that it was not all bad news, afterall she had not really expected Meilyr's blood to be strong enough to re-animate the Earth Harp fully; all was not lost. The Earth Harp had announced its presence with its music. Aerona knew that the song had travelled far, prehaps in response to being trapped for so long. Once it was awake fully and she had the young sorcerers power as well she would be able to command it. She was sure that the young warlock would have sensed its power and would be unable to resist its pull – for that and other reasons she was sure he would come. And once he had she would be free to kill and control to her hearts content.

"Fate is calling you young one" she whispered into the empty room "And it will not be kind."

XXX

**A/N**

**Translation**

Byddwch yn llonydd – Be unmoving (Welsh)

gwaed bradychu adfywio eich gwraig – betrayed blood revive you Lady (Welsh)


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 23**

"**Arthur, for goodness sake, he will come. Just come and sit down and rest, you've had a head injury, do you want to make yourself sick?" Gwen was trying really hard to remain calm and not to just yell at her irritable husband. He had been getting increasingly agitated since she had returned from visiting Dera and had told him of running into Merlin there.**

**Since they had awoken that morning Arthur had been unable to concentrate on any task; no matter how small. She had tried to get him to eat the superb breakfast prepared and presented so beautifully by George – but Arthur had just looked disdainfully at the annoyingly perfect servant and had proceeded to push his food about the plate in a desultory manner. After a few moments he had sighed and thrown his knife down, stood up and begun pacing around the room.**

**Gwen had known at once what was bothering him; despite him not admitting it. He was anxious about meeting with Merlin and this made him impossible. She had tried to talk to him, tell him that they would be able to get over the event of the last few days and that all would be well but he seemed not to believe her. Again and again she repeated that it would be okay, Merlin was his old self once more but Arthur responded only with stony silence. Whatever was the real cause of his increasingly bad mood Gwen just could not divine and after an hour of grumpy silence and monosyllabic replies she had had enough and had gone down to see if she could help Dera.**

**Upon her return she had hoped to find Arthur a little more settled, seeing as how he had had space to think about all the things bothering him – but it appeared that time had just made things worse. He was now unbearable. When she told him she had bumped Merlin he went wild, yelling about his rudeness and un-servant like behaviour in not coming to see his King first. But when she explained that the young man had been going to talk to Dera and that she suspected Merlin still had strong feelings for the girl Arthur had stopped yelling and settled into a worried and pensive silence. Gwen really could not decide which attitude was worse.**

"**Arthur, he just needed to talk to her, he will come to you. Think how you would feel, surely you would want to see me if your situations were reversed?"**

**Arthur's face blanched at Gwen's words and she suddenly realised that this somehow was the crux of his worry.**

"**Arthur, talk to me." She moved closer to him and put her hand on his arm.**

"**That's just it Gwen, how would I feel if the situation were reversed? I mean, with what I did to Freya. What if he had killed you? I don't know if I could forgive him ever, if I had to live with the knowledge of what he had done and yet see him every day..."**

**Gwen's heart lurched as she realised Arthur had not been worrying about whether he could forgive Merlin's behaviour but whether Merlin would forgive Freya's death.**

"**Arthur, he has already forgiven you, you must see that. He has lived with the knowledge of your unknowing part in her death for years and yet has he not been loyal and faithful? **

**Arthur reached around and embraced his wife, his eyes closed as he held her close to him, knowing that yet once more she was right. He could not even bear to think of how he would cope if he lost her. **

"**Gwen, do you know how much..."**

**But his reply was interrupted by a quiet and hesitant knock on the chamber door, which after a brief moment swung slowly open to reveal a pale and nervous looking manservant.**

**XXX**

**Once he had left Dera Merlin walked haltingly through the Citadel's long and cavernous corridors. He knew he had to do this, had to face Arthur and apologise for what he had done. And to tell him all. But he was scared. For a brief moment as he climbed up one of the dark, winding staircases leading to the upper floors the Warlock even considered running. Grabbing Dera and leaving Camelot; letting Gwaine tell Arthur instead and not being there for the awful fallout. It was so very tempting but Merlin knew he could not do it. The least he owed Arthur was finally to be truthful, even if the timing was not of his choice. He would not be a coward now; he had faced many dangers and jeopardy for the sake of his King - his friend - and he could not run now.**

**All too soon his mechanically moving legs brought him to the door of the Kings bedchamber and he raised his arm to knock, noticing in a slightly distanced fashion that his hand was visibly trembling. Breathing in, he counted to ten and let the breath go. Then, breaking the ingrained habit of all their years together, he gently knocked and opened the door.**

**XXX**

"**Merlin"**

"**Sire"**

"**..."**

"**..."**

**Gwen despaired, after the initial greeting neither man seemed willing or able to continue to speak and both just stood there. Arthur staring at the manservant and Merlin staring at the floor.**

"**For goodness sake you two, do I have to do everything?" The Queen walked swiftly over to Merlin where he stood framed in the doorway and dragged him into the centre of the room; leaving him directly in front of the King. "Now just talk will you?"**

**With that she gave an exasperated sigh and stormed out of the room; slamming the door as she left. "Honestly," she thought as she swept down the hallway, "will they ever grow up and be able to deal with emotions and feelings?" Well, they were on their own now and she was damned if she would let them out again until they had actually talked.**

**XXX**

**Both young men looked up sharply at the door when they heard it slam and knew they had no alternative but to remain where they were or face Gwen's wrath. It took a lot to anger the Queen but when it happened there was no option but to do what she wanted; and fast. **

**Arthur cleared his throat...wanting to speak of the things that had been parading around his head for days but what came out instead was...**

"**You really are an idiot you know Merlin" he blustered loudly. When faced with a difficult emotional situation he had, of course, fallen back on old habits of communication. Damn, this was not how he wanted this conversation to go, so he tried again "But when all is said and done, you were not to blame **_**too**_** much; afterall I wouldn't expect you to be able to withstand such a powerful spell, you have not had the training that my Knights have had." There, he thought, that was better.**

**Merlin allowed himself a small inward smile at these words. Admittedly he had not been able to stop himself being possessed. But it had taken him months to fall under the spell completely and he had broken it in time; soon the King would know of his magic and perhaps he would look back on such statements and retract them. But the smile died on his lips as he knew what he had to say and he straightened himself to his full height. The time had come.**

**Arthur was just about to launch into another unthinking sentence when Merlin took one step forward and spoke.**

"**Sire" the hushed word issued from Merlin's mouth, almost inaudible to the King; but there was something about the way it sounded that made Arthur stop. That one word was so sincere, sad and full of feeling that the King finally understood that their usual banter was not going to help them here. **

"**Sire" repeated, the word still carried a heaviness to it that somehow made Arthur's heart sink. "Sire, I need..."**

"**No" Arthur interrupted Merlin "No, Merlin, it is I who need to say something." Pausing for a second Arthur tried to marshal his thoughts. "I meant what I said, back there, before...you know, about Freya" Arthur desperately sought some eloquence, some way to frame the words what were in his mind. "I didn't mean to...to...kill her; but you have to believe I am sorry. I never said that before, but it feels..." He stopped, unsure of how to continue. Then he remembered how he had failed, how he had nodded and watched Merlin leave, without even a word. Barring the awful event with Freya, this was his deepest regret; not fighting for their friendship. With a start Arthur realised that was what was really wrong – he was angry with himself for nearly losing Merlin. He would not, could not, let that happen again and if that meant he needed to "talk" then he would do just that. "In the vaults; I just let you go; I did nothing and for that I am also sorry. I should have believed in you more and I failed you."**

**These words froze the young warlock to the spot. Merlin did not want to hear this, not now, not when he was about to rip apart their past, their present and their future. He did not want apologies for events that were over and done, he could not deal with Arthur's guilt when his own was so much more overwhelming.**

**Arthur tensed up, mistaking Merlin's silence as proof that he did not forgive his King.**

"**Please" another word usually foreign to Arthurs lips "Merlin, you must believe me..."**

"**Arthur, don't. I have always forgiven you for what happened to Freya, it was not your fault. I have never blamed you, despite what I said. That was the spell speaking, never me. Please believe that if you believe nothing else." Merlin covered his eyes and pushed down on them with the heel of his hands, the pain and pressure momentarily reducing the immense strain he felt. But any relief was short lived; he could no longer bear the burden and steeled himself for his next words:**

"**Arthur, I have to tell you something. And it is I who am sorry; sorrier than I can say. But please understand it is not what it appears to be..." The staccato nature of their conversation continued as now it was Merlin's turn to cease talking in mid-sentence, totally at a loss of how to continue.**

"**I know what you are going to say." Arthur replied. He had been relieved beyond anything by Merlin's incredible act of forgiveness but he still feared what would happen next. "You are leaving aren't you? With Dera. I do not want you to go Merlin. I understand that this is your chance to find the happiness you deserve and I will wish you luck if that is truly what you want. But I am asking you to stay."**

**Arthur was almost, well not pleading as Kings did not plead, but as close to it as he would ever come. He thought that if he could keep Merlin in Camelot for a while longer perhaps there would be time for them to rebuild their relationship. He glanced at Merlin's face, seeing the expression of pain and longing that crossed it and for a moment he believed his words had had the desired effect but then he saw the young man sadly shake his head and whisper "You do not understand." And hope died.**

**The irony of the situation was not lost on Merlin; here was Arthur saying all the things he was desperate to hear; but which were now pointless. Arthur did not know; and once he did discover the truth; the young warlock knew that this offer would never be made again. Deep down Merlin believed that Arthur would not kill him, but he also knew that something nearly as bad would happen once the King was aware of his magic. He would be forced out of Camelot, banished forever. Even with Dera by his side Merlin felt bereft at this thought – to be separated from those he loved, from his home, from his friend and from his destiny. Though he knew, even in exile he would always watch over Arthur; silently and invisibly if necessary. He would become his guardian in the shadows; never seen but always watching.**

**The emotions running through his head made him dizzy and for a moment he felt light headed and a little faint; he reached out for the table, grasping it in an attempt to stabilise himself. Arthur reacted at once, moving forward to try and catch Merlin as he staggered and nearly fell. As his friend caught him Merlin grabbed Arthur's upper arm and, their faces nearly touching, he began to speak.**

"**It is magic Arthur..." But he could not continue, his vision had suddenly become hazy and his hearing was muffled. It felt as if the World was encased in a large cloud and he was outside, looking in. He tried again to speak but it was impossible as a wave of magic blew through him. There was a song; a beautiful, beguiling and irresistible song. It was calling for him - it did not know his name nor where he was but it was seeking him all over the land. The magic needed him; it beckoned him and pulled at the very fibre of his being. It was not evil, Merlin felt no fear as he succumbed to its call, just pure love and happiness, as if part of him had suddenly been made whole.**

**But almost as soon as it had arrived it was gone, dissipating out of the castle walls, weaker and weaker, unable to find the power to fully connect with him. But it had been there long enough, Merlin recognised its aura, knew at once from where it had come. It was the Earth Harp and She needed him and he knew he could not refuse. For he understood what this meant; Aerona had awakened the Earth Harp. She was not finished with Camelot, Merlin or Arthur. They were all in danger and he had to prevent something awful happening. He needed to be able to protect all he loved and, after hearing her call, he also knew he had to save the Harp Herself.**

**Coming to slightly, Merlin realised that a very worried looking Arthur was talking to him, asking him if he was alright and leading him to a chair, making him sit. **

**He could not tell him. **

**The sudden realisation hit Merlin with utmost clarity –there was no way he could tell Arthur of his magic now he had felt the Earth Harp call. The threat of Aerona was too strong for him to be exiled or imprisoned now; he needed to be here, to fight and protect his King one last time. With a little inward grimace Merlin thought "There will be time to tell once I return, if I return."**

"**I am fine Arthur, really" he managed to mutter "I guess it is just I have not had time to eat or rest and it has been a very difficult day. Perhaps I should return to my room, have dinner and sleep a while."**

"**I will escort you Merlin, I don't want you to faint on the stairs, like some hysterical maiden" Arthur hurriedly pulled on his jacket and helped Merlin to his feet. This seeming fainting fit of Merlin's had seriously worried him (which of course he hid behind his usual caustic comments; even now, with everything that had gone on, it still felt like the easiest way to communicate with Merlin). He was determined that the manservant would speak about it to Gaius. But first he needed to clear something up "You spoke of magic Merlin, before you felt ill. What were you going to say?"**

**Merlin took a deep breath and replied "Just that magic had caused all our problems and so neither of us was really to blame and so we needed to forgive each other and move on."**

"**Really?" Arthur asked.**

"**I am truly happy to be your servant until the day I die Arthur" Merlin replied with a small smile as he realised that the last time he had made such a promise to the then Prince he had been leaving to face certain death as well.**

**Arthur sighed with relief as he helped Merlin up and out of the room; he truly believed that his friend had forgiven him and that no matter what the next few days brought they would be able to work it out. Merlin would stay and life would go on as normal.**

**He could not know that as he walked beside the still pale and slightly bleary young man Merlin was silently saying "Goodbye". He could no longer tell Arthur of his magic. He hoped that Gwaine would understand and give him the chance he needed; this battle had to be faced. Perhaps once he was gone the Knight would tell Arthur, but Merlin realised it was highly likely he would not be around to face the consequences. He had to face Aerona and did not feel at all confident of surviving; but the one thing he did know was that he would go to face her alone. No matter what; Arthur would be safe. The King must not know how close she was to ultimate power; it was Merlin's task to end her and ensure the future of Camelot and the Once and Future King. Even if it meant leaving all behind; Gaius, Arthur; Gwen; Dera and his life.**

**XXX**


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 24**

**Merlin lay in his small bed and stared at the ceiling in frustration. Upon his arrival back at Gaius's chambers he had hoped to say goodbye to Arthur, pack a bag and leave immediately. But that was not what had happened. **

**No instead Arthur seemed to have been possessed by some sort of maternal mother hen and had straight away told Gaius all about Merlin's "funny turn" and had then insisted that the old physician give the increasingly impatient manservant a full check over. Merlin had tried to get out of it, tried to convince the King that all he needed was some food and a rest but to no avail. Arthur was adamant. **

**Merlin then endeavoured to get Gaius to understand the need to rush but for some reason the older man was playing dumb and did not catch onto any of the increasingly less subtle signs his ward was giving him. Exasperated Merlin had just bowed to the inevitable and submitted to the medical. As the sun began to go down and Gaius pronounced him as fit as could be expected and Arthur finally left; Merlin gave up any thought of leaving that night. It was just too dangerous, so he would have to wait until first light.**

"**Merlin" Gaius could tell the warlock was irked almost beyond endurance and decided to face it full on. "I don't know why you were trying to get away and frankly I am not sure I really want to know. But it was too late for you to be going off gallivanting. I am sorry but you need to rest, I was not lying to the King. Now stop sulking like a child and tell me all that occurred today. I have been worried sick."**

**Merlin continued pouting for a moment or two but on looking up and seeing his oldest friend's anxious face he relented.**

"**I did not tell him Gaius."**

**A full range of emotions flooded over the old man's face; expressions of concern, relief and eventually annoyance. He had been pacing his chambers all day, unable to concentrate on any task, waiting to discover what Merlin's fate would be and now he discovered that all that angst had been in vain. He was about to question the younger man further when he noticed the look in his eyes. It was one of pain and fear but also of determination. Gaius recognised it immediately – it was the look that Merlin got whenever he was about to do something incredibly stupid, ill thought out and immensely brave. Gaius's heart sunk.**

"**What is it Merlin?"**

**And so they sat together as the night deepened; and shared the events of the day. Gaius's joy over Dera's reaction to Merlin was matched only by his despair at the realisation that Aerona was already making her next move. He sighed as he watched the young man opposite him. Merlin was thin and so very pale. Deep dark circles lay under his blue eyes and it did not take a physician of Gaius's experience to know that he was close to total exhaustion. Whatever Merlin had planned Gaius was determined to stop him; there was no way on Earth that he would let Merlin leave and face all kinds of terrors alone, not while he was in such a state.**

"**Merlin" The young man, whose head had just dropped onto his arms as they rested on the old wooden table, stirred and looked up as Gaius rose and took his arm "Merlin. I know what you intend to do. But listen, you cannot face Aerona alone. Promise me you will wait until you are fitter and that you will take Arthur and the Knights with you."**

**Merlin shook his head, refusing to look at the man beside him.**

"**Merlin. Please. Wait a few days. Support Arthur to defeat Aerona and then tell him of your magic. He will have seen the proof of your honesty and loyalty once more and I know he will be merciful. Promise me you will not chase after Aerona alone."**

**Silence.**

"**Promise me Merlin" the fond old man repeated.**

**Sighing Merlin placed his hand on top of the one Gaius was still holding him with and spoke.**

"**I cannot promise Gaius, you know that. But I will rest tonight and leave at dawn. That is all I can consent to. I am sorry, but you know I have no choice."**

**XXX**

**That had been hours ago and Merlin had been laying awake for most of the night, pondering his future. The day had not gone as he thought it would have. He had really believed that by this time of the night Arthur would have known about his magic and that he would either be in the dungeons or be walking to exile with Dera by his side. But instead he was leaving alone to face a powerful hate filled woman and the chances were he would not return. His mind was just too full of confusion to make much sense of everything that had happened. But the one thing that overrode all was the deep, undeniable need to protect Arthur. That was his job and regardless of the consequences he was going to ensure that the King and Camelot were safe. **

**Sighing Merlin gave up the fight to sleep, rose and silently dressed. It was two hours before dawn and if he was to leave undiscovered then now would be as good a time as any. Merlin knew that the night time guards were at the very end of their sleepless shift and would be tired and at their most inattentive; all eager for the sun to rise so they could go to their beds. From past experience he knew it was the best time to slip through the back ways out of Camelot.**

**As he crept past Gaius he stopped for a moment as the old man stirred in his sleep. Gaius was unsettled, muttering incoherently to himself in his dreams, his blanket fallen to the ground. As he stood there Merlin was able to make out the words "Merlin...Stop..." and knew at once that his mentor was worrying about him, even as he slept. As quietly and as gently as he could Merlin picked up the discarded cover and placed it back over him. For a moment Merlin's resolve faltered as he fully realised how much he would miss Gaius; but then he shook his head, whispered "Goodbye and thank you", turned and began to walk out of the room.**

**It was the whiteness against the dark stone floor that brought it to Merlin's attention. A sheet of parchment, lying on the floor just beside the door. A note. With his name written on the front of it.**

**His heart sinking the young warlock bent down and picked it up. Scared that opening its seal would wake the sleeping physician Merlin held it in his hand and with the other opened the door and walked out of the chambers.**

**Moving into an alcove a few yards down the corridor Merlin conjoured the tiniest light in his palm, opened the sealed letter and began to read. **

"_**Merlin,**_

_**You must believe I would not do this if I did not know it was the best way to ensure your safety. Aerona came to me in a nightmare, I could see her gathering her army, awakening the blessed Earth Harp and using Her power to destroy Arthur, Camelot and you. I know it will happen unless I can stop it. I am not sure how, but I will get to her and destroy her plans before they come to fruition. Perhaps I will be able to kill her or destroy the Earth Harp, I do not know.**_

_**All I do know is that if I do not try to do this then we will have no future and you will never be safe. I must try no matter the cost. You must live, even if I cannot.**_

_**Do not follow me for you will be too late. By the time you've awoken I will be too far ahead.**_

_**Please understand; if I can I will return. But if I do not then know that I was glad to die for you and for all you love, it was not a sacrifice. And that I will love you and be with you always.**_

_**Dera."**_

**For a moment Merlin did not react and then a cry rose in his chest that would have deafened the whole citadel had he given it voice, but somehow he held it in. It tried to burst through his self imposed silence but his need to remain secret overwhelmed it and instead it turned in on him and he fell to his knees, his fist smothering the anguished cry. **

**Dera was gone. Dera was gone. Dera was gone.**

**That one sentence just ran round and round his aching head as he tried to pull himself back to reality. She had gone to face Aerona alone; risking herself to protect him. His terrified heart could not let him see the irony of someone doing for him what he had been planning to do for Arthur and all those he loved. No; all he could see was that he was going to lose her as he had lost Freya. He couched there in the darkened hall and curled himself up as small as he could go, hands raking through his unruly hair and going on to again cover his mouth. Gasping for air he choked back his sobs. She had left already, hours ahead of him, no chance to catch...**

**But no, he was up early; she would have expected him not to rise for at least another two hours. Perhaps he thought; perhaps there may still be time.**

**Rising to his feet, the letter dropped onto the floor from unfeeling hands, Merlin ran through the hallways as if the devil himself was at his heels. He had planned this confrontation as a way to protect Arthur but now it had become even more vital. He had to find Dera and he had to stop Aerona. How he was going to do it alone he had no real idea; but he knew he could not fail. Both Arthur and Dera had to survive or there was really no point left to his World. **

**XXX**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 25**

"**Merlin, no!" **

**With a start Gaius sat bolt upright in bed, an image of a blood spattered Merlin lying dead on the ground, with Aerona triumphantly standing above him. The old man's heart nearly stopped with the horror of it and it took a few seconds before his terrified mind could take in the room and all his possessions surrounding him and he realised that it had merely been a nightmare. But gods, it had been fiercely palpable; so real that even now the emotions it had inspired were coursing through his old veins. He felt almost physically sick; he needed to see Merlin. He had to check that he was okay, that the young man he cared for was safe in his bed. At least for now, Gaius knew that come the dawn Merlin would leave. But for this moment he just wanted to see him and to know that no harm had come to him.**

**Slowly he pulled his aching limbs round, out of the bed and onto the floor. The cold stone sent further shivers through his already icy body. Wrapping his old robe around him Gaius moved towards the stairs to Merlin's room. With each step though the coldness grew, as if his body was sensing something. As he climbed the first tread it came to him – his body wasn't feeling the presence of something but rather the abscence. There was something missing and without even needing to think, Gaius knew what it was. Hurrying up the remaining steps he pushed open the door and was sadly unsurprised by what he saw. Or didn't see.**

**Merlin was gone. He had known that this was the case even before he had wrenched open the door but to have it confirmed was almost too much and he could no longer stand. Collapsing onto the top stair Gaius stared at the empty, neatly made bed and knew that Merlin had gone and that he believed he would not return.**

**Merlin was going to his death. And he had not said "Goodbye"**

**For a few moments Gaius felt nothing except the sadness, dejection and sense of defeat that Merlin's leaving caused. He could not think how to alter this, how to try and save the impossible young man. Going to Arthur seemed to be the only choice but how could he explain Merlin's decision and even more what had made him make that choice? Arthur would not understand and Gaius was worried that it would be Gwaine who made the connection, who realised that Merlin had sensed the danger via magic. Gaius knew Gwaine cared for Merlin, but was that enough to stop him from telling Arthur everything? Especially if he believed the whole Kingdom was in peril? **

**Sadly Gaius rose to his feet, still a little unsteady and moved towards the door. Still undecided he waivered, his hand on the handle, when he heard it. A soft yet desolate sob, stifled and hushed yet still audible. It was coming from the corridor outside his chamber. It sounded like...gods, yes it was; Merlin.**

**Cursing himself for not even thinking to look outside for his ward Gaius tried to open the door, fumbling in his haste with the latch. Too late, as it opened he heard the sound of swiftly running footsteps. Merlin was gone. Castigating himself for the delay Gaius began to head off in the direction the young man had taken, more in desperation than hope of catching him. But as he moved he caught sight of a small piece of parchment on the stones; bending down he picked it up and read it quickly. Though its contents made him ache for the pain they would undoubtedly have caused Merlin he was overjoyed to have discovered it. This letter would explain everything to Arthur; would give Merlin an obvious reason for seeking Aerona at once and with no thought. Gaius pulled his long flowing robe up above his ankles and ran as if he were 30 again.**

** XXX**

"**Guards...Guards" Arthur yelled loudly into the corridor as Gwen hurriedly helped him into his chainmail "Go and find Sir Gwaine, tell him to meet me at the stables at once. No delays."**

**Grabbing his sword and strapping it to his hip Arthur glanced at Gaius as the old man sat on the wooden chair by the desk, desperately trying to regain his breath. The rush of adrenalin that had enabled him to run to the King's rooms and tell his story of Merlin's flight had finally deserted him and he was close to collapse. Worried that it might have been too much for him Arthur pulled Gwen close and whispered for her to make sure the physician rested and took care of himself.**

"**Try not to let him worry about the fool Merlin, okay?" he asked Gwen.**

"**Arthur..."**

**Her reply was accompanied by a raised eyebrow that was worthy of the old physician himself. Arthur, despite the hurry, smiled; understanding its meaning.**

"**Yes, Gwen, I know I might as well order the River to stop flowing or the Sun to stop shining for all the good it will do. I know Gaius will worry but please keep an eye on him. Tell him I will return with the stupid idiot and that all will be well." Arthur's parting words were optimistic but the underlying look of fear and trepidation in his eyes belied them. He was worried and had been ever since Gaius had burst in, waking him and Gwen up and yelling about Merlin going on some sort of suicide rescue mission.**

"**All will be well, I know it" Gwen smiled, kissed Arthur lightly on the cheek and squeezed his hand. But Arthur could see the worry behind her bravado too and stooped to embrace her fully before letting go and racing like a madman through the chamber door.**

**XXX**

**Minutes later Arthur was nearly within sight of the stables, desperate to get there before his foolish and impetuous manservant could leave. He had only just got him back and they still needed time to repair their friendship. There was no way he would let Merlin go off on his own now. He rounded the last corner and was brought up short by a large brown furry something...it was the mare that Merlin habitually rode and sitting astride her was that self same idiot!**

**Raising both arms, as well as his voice, Arthur demanded that Merlin stop and dismount at once. Even for the famously insensitive King the look on Merlin's face was not hard to read. For a moment Arthur was silenced by what he saw cross the other young man's face; he could see the workings of his mind clearly written on his visage. Fear, frustration, anger and determination all fought for supremacy. But then, finally, outright disobedience won.**

"**No, Arthur" Quiet but definite, his answer seemed to broke no discussion. It was not the voice of a young foolish servant but that of an unfaltering and firm man and for a moment it flummoxed the King.**

**But not for long. There was no way Arthur was going to let the idiot (for all his seeming assurance and maturity at this moment) ride off alone on some self destructive mission; so he reached out a hand and grabbed hold of the horses bridle.**

"**Get off now, Merlin. We need to talk about this. For once in your stupid, misbegotten life do as you are told."**

**Merlin just shook his head.**

**Arthur tried another tack "Gaius found the note; I know what you are planning. I know Dera is in danger. I understand you need to help her but please, I need to help you to." Arthur's voice wavered a little as he finished speaking, a little too much of his true feelings had leaked out of him in his desperation to stop Merlin and the King was a little embarrassed.**

**On hearing Dera's name Merlin's resolve seemed to melt slightly; added to that the real, genuine emotions he heard in Arthur's voice and he could no longer keep up the distance he had tried to put between them both. He slumped forward in the saddle and lowered his head.**

**Seizing on these signs of weakness Arthur spoke again "Merlin, I know I can't really stop you going, all I am asking is that you let me help you.**

"**Arthur, I..." Merlin's answer was suddenly interrupted by a whirlwind rushing around the corner of the stables. It was Gwaine, red faced and only half dressed. On seeing the two men the anxious knight had to quickly stop his forward trajectory and skidded to a halt. Bent half over and gasping for breath Arthur and Merlin could just make out some flustered words escaping through the laboured breathing **

"**I thought...not catch...you thinking of?...blame me..." **

**It was obvious that the knight had run from at least the other side of the Citadel and for second Arthur was distracted by thoughts of needing to increase Gwaine's training if he was so unfit that such a run could tire him so. **

"**Gwaine..." Merlin's voice brought Arthur instantly back to the reality of the situation and the need to convince Merlin. In his concern to persuade his servant the King missed the worried gaze that Merlin shot at the confused looking knight; but Gwaine did not and immediately he understood that he had best say nothing more.**

**Arthur filled the silence:**

"**Are you or are you not going to do what you are told for once Merlin? Both Gwaine and I want to help; let us." Arthur was not pleading, no way, he was King of Camelot and did not ever do such a thing – but to an impartial listener it would have been very hard to tell."Afterall" the King added with a small smile, sensing that the argument was nearly won "we could always just hit you over the head, tie you up and go without you!"**

**Defeated Merlin looked at both of them, sighed and dismounted. Holding the reins of the horse in his hand he turned to face them and nodded. He did not know what the next few hours would bring but he finally admitted to himself that he needed them beside him. One last battle before the inevitable revelations and the end of his destiny.**

**XXX**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 26**

**As they rode out of the gates of the city Gwaine was still a little overwhelmed by the turn of events that had occurred over the past hour. When the guard had eventually found him at the home of his latest lady friend and had told him that the King was yelling for him; and that he seemed to be in a frantic frame of mind; Gwaine had panicked. Arthur calling for him, and in anger, could only mean one thing to the now frantic knight – Merlin had told him of his magic and the King was reacting badly. **

**Fearing that his friend was even now facing a punishment of exile or, even worse, death; Gwaine had rushed headlong out of the house, pulling on his clothes as he ran. A sickening feeling of guilt had risen immediately upon the guard's appearance – Gwaine knew that whatever was happening was his fault. It was he who had made Merlin tell the King and only now had he begun to understand the full extent of his error. As he ran he realised that he should have insisted on being there when the young Warlock told Arthur; he should have been present to stand uo for, or even protect, his friend.**

**Cursing his lack of foresight and fearing the worst Gwaine had sprinted through the city streets, gasping for breath. As he ran the thought that perhaps he needed to do a little more training and a little less "courting" had crossed his mind but this was soon pushed aside as he finally rounded the corner of the stables and had seen...Arthur practically begging Merlin to let him help him!**

**Confused Gwaine had managed to stutter out a few words but luckily not enough to incriminate Merlin. Although still confused the knight had began to realise the situation at the stables was not what he had imagined. He then heard Merlin say his name and had looked directly at his friend and the expression on the young man's face was plain enough – please don't say anything. And Gwaine had not even needed to think about it – he shut up. His earlier fears seeming to have been misguided; he did not know what was the cause of the current problems. Besides Arthur was speaking again and though what he said made little sense to the knight all he could really understand was that Merlin was leaving. And that Arthur was demanding; no pleading; that they be allowed to go along to help. Well, Gwaine thought "If Merlin needs help then that is where I will be."**

**In lightening fashion Gwaine had saddled a horse, grabbed an old discarded cloak from a peg on the stable wall and was sitting astride his animal, ready to go. But still not knowing where or why.**

"**Sire" he began "Much as I am always happy to ride off on a mission it might be advantageous if I..."**

"**It's Dera – she's gone after Aerona." The words came quietly and devoid of any emotion and Gwaine glanced at the speaker – not the King but Merlin. His pale and almost impassive eyes stared back at the Knight he called friend; and Gwaine knew that now was the time Merlin needed him. Gwaine understood that behind this show of dispassion the servant was in agony. The knight did not hesitate; he nodded once, kicked his horse and moved off towards the Gate. As he passed Merlin the young man whispered:**

"**I have not forgotten my promise. I will tell Arthur but please..."**

"**...you need all your magic to save Dera, to protect us and Camelot. I understand and I trust you Merlin." Gwaine looked into Merlin's now anxious eyes "The truth can wait; Dera cannot"**

**Merlin released the breath he had been unconsciously holding and lowered his head in a miniscule nod. He knew his secret was safe for the duration of the next battle and that Gwaine would not betray him. And now, all that remained was to find Dera and face Aerona! For a brief moment Merlin wondered about his inability to hold down the simple petal spell earlier in the day but then he dismissed the thought. He was himself again and his magic would not let him down in a mortal fight. Even with his full magic Merlin knew that what faced them would be a daunting task. But unbowed he clicked his tongue, shook his reins and followed after his friends as they headed off towards the rising sun.**

**XXX**

**The sun had quickly risen and they had ridden furiously for what seemed like hours, heading deep into the forest; when they finally found Dera.**

**From a distance there seemed to be two bodies laid out on the forest floor and for an instant Merlin's heart stood still as he recognised Dera's figure as one of them. But then she moved and his blood began to flow again; she was merely kneeling over the remaining, immobile body; as if she were checking him for signs of life.**

"**Dera." Merlin could not contain himself and he rode his mare out of the trees and headed straight towards her, heedless of Arthur's more experienced yell for him to be careful. Care be damned, he needed to get to Dera; needed to hold her and check she was okay. And no-one, not even the King, was going to stop him.**

**Flinging himself bodily off the horse the gangly young man ran towards the startled girl, almost tripping in his haste. He skidded to a halt, grabbed her arms and pulled her to her feet and immediately encased her in his arms - fear, uncertainty and love causing him to be more overtly demonstrative than normal.**

"**Don't ever do that to me again Dera" he stuttered "Not knowing where you were going; if you were okay; if you would make it back..." For a moment Merlin had a brief feeling of empathy for Gaius and all the times the old man had had to suffer these same feelings of impotence and distress when Merlin himself had disappeared off on some incredibly dangerous mission. As he held Dera close Merlin made a promise to himself - that he would try and not do it so much to the Court Physician. Although, even as he made it, he knew it was a promise he was unlikely to be able to keep.**

"**So who's the dead man?" Gwaine's voice cut through the re-union and Merlin realised he would have to concentrate a little more on their current situation. Looking down he saw the silent corpse of a man, aged about 50. The look of surprise and deep pain on his face was horrible to see and Merlin knew at once he had been killed by magic. The echoes of the dark spells that had surrounded him at his death remained, swirling in the very air, bringing with them memories of all the evil they had done.**

"**It's Meilyr. Aerona must have killed him" Dera stepped slightly away from Merlin but still held onto his arm tightly. "She must have betrayed him to awaken the Earth Harp." Turning to Arthur and Gwaine she continues "I thank you for your care in following me but I fear we have all come too late. If she has awoken the Harp then she will gain all she seeks. Merlin" here she spoke to him alone for the first time "you should have let me go. We both know what danger your presence brings...if she captures you again all will be lost. She wants your power and will sacrifice anything to get it."**

"**What power? Who is Meilyr? Why do I get the feeling that I am not being told everything?" Arthur's voice, at its imperious best, broke through Dera's words. "Why would Merlin's presence be a danger?"**

**Merlin faltered...Dera had made a mistake, mentioning Aerona's lust for his power and for once the usually quick thinking lie did not spring to his lips. He had no idea how to explain what she had said.**

"**Um, Arthur...it's just that..."**

"**The power of true love Arthur, surely you can see that." interjected Gwaine. Merlin glanced at the knight, grateful for his quick words "Merlin and Dera love each other and Aerona could get them to betray each other and use it to energise the Harp."**

"**Oh, I can use more than their love, Knight of Camelot" a cold implacable voice made them all stop and turn back towards the trees. Standing there, encased in a shimmering dome of magical protection was Aerona; beautiful and remorseless. "There are so many ways I can and will use you all; many pleasures I can extract for myself. So much pain and terror awaits that you will wish I had succeeded on my first attempt. Cysgu ddwfn." **

**The final words were whispered with such pitiless intensity that it might have been hard to hear, had it not been for the shocked silence that greeted them. Aerona had found them and they had no defence. Merlin did not even have time to raise an arm to protect the group before the wave of magic hit them all and with it came a sharp penetrating pain and finally darkness.**

**XXX**

**Aerona stared through the small opening in the door at the four unconscious figures chained to the cold sodden walls of the dungeon. As yet none of them had stirred since they had been dragged to the ruin she had taken for her own and Aerona was getting impatient. She wanted to begin.**

**She had been beside herself with anger when the Earth Harp had failed to awaken fully for her and for some time she had been unable to see a way forward – a way for her to get the final amount of power she needed to make it bind itself to her. Then as the music faded and the Harp lapsed once more into silence she realised that all was not lost. For the song would surely have reached Arthur's sorcerer and she doubted that he would be able to resist. She thought for a moment and then with a smile dazzling with wickedness Aerona closed her eyes and incanted a spell of connection to Dera, disturbing her sleep and making sure that the threat of what she could, and would do, to all of Camelot would make the girl come. Now the manservant was doubly caught – he would either chase after the song or his love, or both. And Arthur would follow his manservant; she had felt the strength of their bond. The King would not leave Merlin alone facing such danger. All she needed to do was wait and pass the time in eager anticipation of the pain she would cause and the power she would gain.**

**XXX**

**So Aerona waited by the body of the betrayed Chief, at the place shown to Dera in her dream. As the dawn had broken she had sensed the closeness of Dera in the forest; this was her chance. She knew that Merlin would follow; that he would not leave his love to the evil that awaited in the woods. Moreover, if he came, so would the foolish King.**

**And she had been right. They had come. **

**And the extra bonus of the knight just added to her delight. There were now three people shackled with the Sorcerer; three people for whom he cared; three people she could use. **

**A pained murmour coming from one of the bodies in the dungeon brought her thoughts back to the present and the task that must be completed before the Sorcerer awoke. Taking her silver dagger she held out her hand, palm facing upwards and slowly made a small, deep cut into her own flesh; momentarily enjoying the feeling of sharp intense pain. Smearing the blood oozing from the cut onto the bars of the opening she spoke:**

"**Cynnwys yr holl ei fod yn"**

**At once the blood seemed to burn off the iron and a smell of sulphur and death arose, accompanied by a sizzling, spitting sound. **

**In the dungeon Merlin's body, until then still as the grave, juddered and shook as he was covered in a silver light. It was over in moment and he lay quiet once more but Aerona's face displayed a look of joy. The Sorcerer was now constrained; his magic could not be used – until she released it he was powerless to aid himself or his companions. With one last glance she turned away; leaving them to awake alone. Time to contemplate their situation, she thought, would only heighten their fear and weaken their resolve. **

**XXX**

**Merlin could only feel weight and oppression as he slowly returned to consciousness; where there should have been a reawakening of his senses all he felt was heaviness. And there was no denying what was wrong – it was his magic. Before he even opened his eyes Merlin knew something was seriously wrong with it. Whilst it had not been working as normal since the enchantment it had at least felt free and able to move. But now it was suppressed, bound, controlled and it did not like it. It was rebelling and fighting and the upshot of that was making the young sorcerer feel distinctly unwell. Added to the lingering effects of Aerona's incantation; it was little wonder he felt...**

**With a yell Merlin sat up as all that had happened suddenly came back to him. Finding Dera; the body; Aerona's appearance...the spell. They had been surprised, knocked out and captured...all of them...Gods, were they with him? Were they hurt? Suppressing a cough Merlin raised his head and spoke into the gloom.**

"**Dera? Arthur? Gwaine? Are you alright?" **

"**So, that went well!" Gwaine's voice cut through the darkness and his comment was met with an exasperated sign that could only have come from Arthur, swiftly followed by a hollow laugh from Merlin. They were alive at least... but that was only two of them. Merlin's stomach lurched as he called once more.**

"**Dera. Dera, are you here?" **

"**I am so sorry Merlin." A quiet, melancholy voice permeated the dark "This is all because of me; you would not be here if you hadn't followed me. I am so, so sorry."**

**Merlin let go the breath he had been holding and stared blindly in the direction her voice had come from.**

"**There is no need; we would have had to face Aerona soon anyway. I am just so glad you are alive."**

"**You should never have come, all I've done is cause you pain and sorrow. I am not worth saving, Merlin." A small sob quietly followed Dera's words and Merlin's body ached to hold and comfort her.**

"**You are worth so much more Dera; I should have protected you..."**

"**Look, much as I don't want to interrupt your reunion Merlin, we need to figure out how to get the hell out of this place before that crazy bitch returns."**

**Arthur's voice was sharp yet calm; but underneath it Merlin could sense the King's agitation. Arthur knew, as did all of them, that their future would not be very comfortable if they did not escape. Aerona had captured them for a purpose and whilst Arthur did not understand the reason as fully as the other three he knew enough to know that they were in very big trouble.**

"**How is everyone? Any injuries or problems...apart from the whole "being chained to a wall in a damp and smelly dungeon" one?" Merlin tried to keep his voice light and normal, hiding the fear that even now was threatening to overtake him.**

"**Merlin, will you just stop prattling and let me think!" Arthur's annoyed reply confirmed his health to his manservant. Only a fit and relatively unharmed Arthur could sound quite so truculent in such a situation.**

"**Okay, no need to go on; it's my job to check." Merlin gave a faint smile "Gaius would expect it of me...Gwaine, how about you?"**

"**Fine...nothing a bath and a lovely young lady couldn't put right...once we get out."**

"**Dera?" This was spoken quietly, tenderly and his two companions pretended not to hear – trying a little belatedly to give the young lovers some privacy "Are you hurt in any way?"**

"**No Merlin, I am well, no lasting effects. But what of you? Has anything been done to you?"**

**The concern is her voice was clear; not only was she enquiring as to his health but also to his magic. She knew that the chances were Aerona would try and negate his magic and that the consequences of such a spell would not be pleasant for the young man.**

**Merlin hesitated. He wanted to tell her how heavy he felt; how crushing the weight of repression was and how even now a pain was working its way through his body towards his head. But he could not; not with Arthur within earshot. However he had to find a way to let her and Gwaine know not to expect too much of him at the moment, magic wise. He would have to frame his answer carefully.**

"**It is as to be expected Dera, given the spell that was cast." He glared into the dismal darkness and sensed rather than heard the sighs that both the girl and the knight made. They had understood him. "I fear I will not be much help in an escape."**

"**Well, that's not a big surprise." Arthur had had enough of pretending to not be there. "When are you ever when it comes to action, hey Merlin?"**

"**Not helping, **_**Sire**_**" Merlin retorted but any further comments were curtailed by the feeling of nausea that welled up inside him. No, he thought, as he struggled not to vomit, things were definitely not going well.**

**XXX**

**Hours later and things "not going well" would have been a bonus. Things were now officially terrible. Arthur had struggled for what seemed like half the night against his chains, swearing and shouting at them as they obstinately refused to break. He was now sitting in a sullen silence, glaring at the door, willing someone to come in to whom he could show his displeasure. Gwaine had run through about thirty totally impractical plans of escape; each one more ludicrous than the last and had finally fallen asleep, talked and thought out. **

**As for Merlin and Dera; they had spent some time trying to talk quietly to themselves; but it had been hopeless. They could not converse freely and as the night progressed Merlin had begun to feel even more unwell. His head was pounding and his stomach churning as his magic fought against its imprisonment. And there was nothing he could do about it. Dera heard his tiredness and the mounting despair in his voice and tried her best to comfort him; but as magic repression was not a topic that could be spoken about openly (given the present company) there seemed little she could do. In the end they both agreed the only option was to see what the morning brought. **

**As the hours had passed the gloom was alleviated a little by the entrance of a wan, watery ray of sunlight through the grating placed high up in the walls. Arthur had grown very excited upon discovering that they were not as deep underground as he had feared but had swiftly become deflated once he remembered that being near to freedom was of no use if he could not break the chains that bound them.**

**As the sun rose they could finally see each other and their situation in full; and what they saw inspired no hope. Their prison had walls about 30 feet high, a grating high up and one very solid looking oak door, with a small peep hole at head height. And that was it, apart from the smattering of filthy, rancid straw strewn over the cold stone floor and the cold decaying corpse of a rat. **

**Outside the door they heard the clang of a gate opening and the footsteps of at least five people walking determinedly down the corridor to the dungeon.**

**Arthur, not wanting to be discovered cowering in the corner pulled himself to his feet, despite the strain that caused to his already bloodied wrists. Inspired by his actions the other three also dragged themselves into standing positions. Gwaine shook his head to get his fringe out of his eyes and turned sideways to face the door. Dera, casting a quick look at Merlin, squared her shoulders and raised her head high. Finally Merlin rose wearily to his feet. It took nearly all he had just to stand up, his body exhausted by the last few weeks and the constant battle of his magic against the suppression; but one look at his friends upright and ready to deal with Aerona and his strength grew. If they could do it so could he. Alone they had no chance... but by each other's side they would face whatever the next few hours or days would throw at them. They would survive – or die – together. **

**XXX**

**A/N – Translation **

**cysgu ddwfn – sleep deeply (Welsh)**

**Ccynnwys yr holl ei fod yn – Contain all that he is. (Welsh)**


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 27

Gwaine watched as the witch Aerona almost wafted into the cell; she moved as if on a cloud and in any other circumstances he would have been astounded by her beauty. But now all he could see was the witch behind the exquisiteness and it made him mad. This was the woman who had nearly ruined his friend's life and almost destroyed his love. Also the woman who still seemingly held the power of life and death over them. He promised himself that, no matter what, she would pay for all she had done to Merlin.

Very similar ideas spun through Arthur's mind as he too looked at Aerona. Whilst holding his face impassive and as regal as the circumstances allowed, the King's thoughts were full of rage and fury.

Merlin and Dera exchanged glances. She looked scared but defiant; he nodded once and closed his eyes, wiping out the image of the witch and seeking deep down inside himself, even as the pain of searching grew. But the pain was necessary, he had to try and regain his hold over his magic.

"My liege" the silken words slipped from Aerona's mouth like molten gold "It is only fitting that we are all gathered here today. From our meeting and your sacrifices a new Queen and a new Camelot will arise. I am the Earth Harp's Annointed One and this day will see me come into my rightful place. But to do that I need a little something from you, my guests. I need your betrayal."

"We will never betray each other." Arthur shouted, his nerves not showing in his voice.

"Not a chance; you mad, creepy woman." Yelled Gwaine, indignant at her words.

But from Merlin there was just silence. Arthur gave him a quick anxious glance; it was not like Merlin to keep quiet at moments like this but all he could see was a pale face, closed eyes and an expression close to that of intense pain. Something was wrong with the young manservant and Arthur knew who to blame. His hatred of Aerona ratcheted up a notch.

"Perhaps it would be best if we all spoke in private I think." Saying that Aerona gestured with her hand "Dim ond un clywed fy llais."

Merlin's eyes opened at the use of magic but with sight came the realisation that his sense of hearing had gone. Looking around he could see from the expressions on the faces of his companions that they too were no longer able to hear. There was just an empty well of silence, only echoes of their own thoughts in place of the sounds that should have surrounded them.

The three men watched helplessly as Aerona approached Dera, caressed her face with her long, elegant fingers and then bent in and placed a kiss upon her forehead. Dera flinched as if burnt by a flame and Merlin yelled and pulled against his restraints, but in vain. He could see Aerona whisper something into Dera's ear and saw that she reacted with revulsion and defiance; it was obvious that she could still hear Aerona, the spell must make only one person able to hear at a time. Dera could hear and what had been spoken had been horrific. Aerona stopped talking and Dera looked her in the eye and spat. As the spittle slowly slid down her face Aerona raised her hand and slapped Dera across the cheek; hitting her so hard that the girl looked stunned and blood dripped from her lip. Aerona put her finger into the blood, smeared it over the nearly unconscious girl's chin and then brought the red stained finger up to her own lips and sucked it clean.

Arthur and Gwaine shuddered in disgust but Merlin took that image and his hate and used it to fight. If he had any chance of battling Aerona he needed to know what was going on, he needed to hear what Aerona was saying to the others. He had to break the spell. Closing his eyes again he concentrated on finding the evil magic that had invaded the room; if he could get a feel for it he could try and isolate it and perhaps find away to break it down just enough to hear. But the cost was great; he could feel the pressure in his head and the gagging in his stomach as he opened his eyes and watched Aerona now approach Gwaine and begin to speak to him.

"...great wealth...women...betray...reward...join..." Merlin's heart jolted as these few brief words suddenly burst through the silence. He was doing it; he just needed to try harder to hear it all. The excitement of actually being able to break through the spell gave him a much needed boost in confidence and he forced himself to work through the pain and concentrate even harder.

Gwaine was shaking his head "Never...oath...bitch...friends..." and Merlin knew that Aerona's bribes had fallen on fallow ground. Gwaine would not betray them. The knight's refusal also cost him a open handed slap across the face; but it was met with a laugh and a shaking of a mane of hair.

As Aerona approached Arthur she cast a glance in Merlin's direction, almost as if she could sense something but after a brief moment she carried on and Merlin inwardly sighed. She did not seem to know that he was so close to breeching her spell. But then a dreadful thought came to him. She knew of his magic; she had seen his spell in the clearing and she would tell Arthur.

Desperation now added strength to his fight to hear. He had to know what she said to the King. Merlin tried with all his strength to break the final barrier as Aerona approached Arthur; a wide smile on her cold and lovely face.

Incandescent with rage Arthur lunged at Aerona as she got close enough; he managed to kick out and make contact with her stomach and deliver a hard, sharp blow. Aerona stumbled and nearly fell to the ground but with a scream of anger she raised her arm and pointed directly at the King. Immediately Arthur's face collapsed in pain, the anguish of her magic written for all to see across his contorted features as his legs gave way and he fell to the floor; straining impossibly hard against his chains. The cold metal dug into his already damaged wrists and blood began to pour from the deep wounds there.

It was this that broke through to Merlin; the sight of Arthur writhing in pain and his blood falling on to the filthy ground. With a rush of intense heat and an almost physical feeling of explosive power the spell shattered and Merlin could hear everything.

"You dare to try and hurt me? " Aerona was yelling uncontrollably; her face pressed up against Arthur's; spittle spraying in a fury from her mouth and hitting him. "I am going to make you suffer so very much for that. To the other fools I offered bribes and the promise of great influence. But not for you Pendragon. All I offer you for your betrayal of your friends is an easy death. Kill them and I will make your end painless and quick and I will also promise to only enslave and not kill your Queen."

As she spoke she lowered her palm and Arthur's tensed body slumped even lower. That was until Aerona mentioned Gwen. At the threat to her Arthur dragged himself up and once again looked directly at the witch.

"Got your attention did I; your Majesty? Continue in protecting these lesser beings and the pain you just felt will be but the beginning. But it will not end there, for every cry and groan and scream I elicit from you I promise I will get double from your Beloved. What do you say, the lives of two peasants and a poor excuse of a Knight for the life of your Queen and ease of passing for yourself?"

During this whole exchange Merlin had had to force himself not to react to what was being said; he could not let Aerona know he was strong enough to break her full powered spells. Then Arthur had turned his head slightly and looked straight at him, the shadow of pain still lingering on his face. The friends stared at each other for the briefest moment of time, yet it seemed to last forever. Only Merlin could read the deep seated fear that lay behind Arthur's eyes. But it was also only him who could see the total determination not to give in to the threats, no matter the cost. Merlin tried to let his eyes show hope and optimism but in the end all they could do was exchange their glances, nod in agreement and turn to face their fate.

"No."

Arthur's brusque answer earnt him another agonising stab of magical pain that brought him to the very brink of unconsciousness. Then she ended it, saying quite sweetly;

"No, I don't want you to sleep Arthur, I want you to watch what I do to your favourite servant. Oh, the things I could tell you about him..."

Here she paused and glanced at Merlin; grinned and then leant forward, nearer to the gasping and barely lucid King;

"But I think I will save all that until later; you might not take it all in at the moment."

With those words she straightened up and walked the few small steps to where Merlin was standing, straining against his chains.

"So now to you young sorcerer. I have a confession to make to you. Whilst the betrayal of the others would have been fun to watch the one I really want is you. I have been merely paying with them up until now. They were never my main objective, more a side road into enjoyment really. But now it is time for the real event." Aerona was now standing directly in front of him and Merlin could smell her sickly sweet perfume and the barely hidden scent of putrefaction behind it. He felt nauseas and the pain behind his eyes increased but he did not look away. He needed to face her.

"I know of your love for the girl and your insignificant King; I understand its strength. I have felt your power and your magic" she continued "and know in reality it belongs to me. I want it and I shall have it. I am the Anointed One and I awoke the Harp. Her song was released for the first time in a thousand years and it spread throughout the Kingdom. I am sure you managed to catch a chord of it as She celebrated Her newly found freedom and Her alignment with me"

The pride and arrogance in her voice was impossible to ignore but this was not what made Merlin start in surprise. No, it was her claim to be the Anointed One. He knew that this was wrong; the was no connection between Aerona and the Earth Harp. The Harp's song had not just wandered into the Citadel, it had come looking for him; of this he was sure. Since the first moment he had seen the Earth Harp the bond had been there. With a sudden surge of understanding Merlin realised what that had meant. It was he who was destined to become the Anointed One; it was he the Harp had waited for. But with this knowledge also came the realisation that, whilst Aerona may not be able to fully command the ancient artefact, she did have enough control to fool the tribe and start a full scale magical attack on Camelot. And that because he had followed him, Arthur would not be there in Camelot to lead it's defence; leaving the citadel in much greater danger.

And if she succeeded in breaking any of their oaths or bonds of loyalty then her power would be even greater – and if he broke then his magic would indeed be hers.

"I will never betray my King" Merlin's answer was quiet but fierce, an undeniable strength shoring up every simple word. "I will die first."

"Oh, but my dear" She purred. "That is not an option for you I am afraid. Your death will not help me in the least; I may even keep you as a little pet once the battle is over and you are broken. I think perhaps it is time for the others to join us again."

Aerona raised her voice and intoned "Agor eu clustiau. Welcome back. You are just in time to hear my final offer to this unworthy manservant here. One I am sure you will all enjoy.

From their expressions it was obvious to Merlin that Arthur, Gwaine and Dera were now in full possession of all their senses and that they were not happy with what they were hearing.

Bringing her attention back to Merlin, Aerona gently caressed Merlin's cheek and then moved her hand up to push his bedraggled fringe out of his eyes. Both movements that could have been mistaken as gestures of love or protection; were it not for Merlin's involuntary flinch of disgust and the small line of blood her pointed nail left in its wake. Merlin grimaced at the cut and then tightened as her fingers grabbed his hair and she pulled his head back to a painful angle.

But then all pain was forgotten with her next words.

"For you my dear it is simple. You only need make a choice. Whom will you betray and kill? You decide. Your King or your love?"

XXX

A/N Translation

"Dim ond un clywed fy llais." - "Only one hear my voice." (Welsh)

"Agor eu clustiau" – "Open their ears." (Welsh)


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 28**

**Merlin stared in disbelief at Aerona. The cruelty and simplicity of her plan was incredible. One or other of the two people he cared about most in the World (barring his Mother) would have to die – and at his hand.**

**Determination etched deeply on his face, strong despite his pain and poor condition, Merlin looked first at Dera and then at Arthur. He was met with equally determined faces and he knew what they were both silently telling him. "Don't do it." He took a second, breathed deeply and decided. It would not happen. He would not do it.**

"**No."**

**Aerona did not seem surprised by the young man's refusal, in fact an expression of satisfaction crossed her eyes and she smiled the facsimile of a smile. Once more she reached out to touch Merlin's bleeding face, caressing it with almost tender feelings, she leaned forward and spoke quietly into his ear.**

"**You have no choice."**

**As the last syllable left her lips she flicked her wrist and Dera began to scream. And scream and scream; a never ending expression of agony and torment.**

**Her screams were immediately joined by the angry and frustrated shouts of Gwaine and Arthur as they fought hard against their chains, yelling at Aerona to stop torturing the girl. But Merlin was silent, though each scream thrust through him like a serkets sting. He once more looked directly into the soulless eyes of the witch before him and said**

"**No"**

**This time a small flicker of surprise crossed Aerona's features but it was soon smothered by an even bigger smile.**

"**You are going to be so much fun to play with aren't you Merlin? Stronger than you look, able to ignore the screams of the woman you love and yet...yet it is breaking you isn't it? I can see into your heart my young lover and it is agony. Every pain she feels hurts you as well; every fiery lash I inflict on her courses through your body does it not? Perhaps I just need to increase the, um, how shall I put it? The incentive. If you give in now and kill Arthur I will let you go free and take her with you" Here Aerona bent forward and spoke directly to Merlin; this time she did not need to lower her voice too much as what she said could not be heard by Arthur and Gwaine over Dera's awful cries. "You will of course not have your magic but you will be alive and with the woman you love. Surely that is worth just one little act of killing?"**

**Merlin did not know how much more he could take and even more importantly how much more Dera could endure. His calm appearance totally belied the turmoil he was feeling. Aerona was right, Dera's screams were agony to him, eating into his very heart. But he knew that he could not kill Arthur...even for the promise of life, love and freedom...could he? To stop Dera's pain? For a brief moment he allowed himself the image of them both alive, living out their lives in peace with a family around them...and him guilty of the murder of the man he was born to serve. And Aerona, dictator and Queen of Albion, pillaging and destroying all that they had built. But, oh God's Dera was in such agony. Unable to resist any longer Merlin looked towards Dera; pain filled her eyes but she stared, telling him that he could not give in. He just had to have the courage to fight and they would find a way out. Besides he knew that there was no way Aerona would let any of them live. He looked up and spoke again. **

"**No"**

**Aerona moved her arm again and Dera's cries rose to a new crescendo, until finally her voice broke and the screams became silent. Merlin was not sure what was worse; the noise or the mute misery.**

"**Merlin, please. Just do it. Save Dera."**

**Merlin started and turned round to face Arthur who was no longer shouting and raging at Aerona. Instead he was standing tall, head high and full of majesty despite the chain, the filth and the blood. Never had he looked more Kingly.**

"**I robbed you of the chance for happiness once before. I will not do so again. Do what she says, kill me." Arthur's voice was decisive and calm and for a second Merlin's pride in the man the King had become was so powerful he almost smiled.**

"**No"**

**It was all Merlin could say, scared that if he spoke more he would break down and Aerona would see how close he was to the edge. He had to remain resolute, he just had to.**

**To his side he heard a sigh and then the sound of a body falling to the ground and he looked and saw Dera lying on the disgusting dirt, alive and no longer in pain. She stirred slowly and raised her head and gave him a small, exhausted smile. And Merlin loved her more at that moment than he ever had – he knew that she understood and she forgave him her pain. He lowered his head, feeling unworthy of such love; yet so happy it had found him.**

**His brief respite was savagely interrupted by sharp, piercing sound of Arthur's scream of intense pain. Merlin's whole body contracted as the bellow filled every inch of the dank room. He was so very familiar with Arthur's incredible tolerance of pain and for the King to be making such a sound so quickly Merlin knew that the pain he was in must have been all consuming. He did not want to look but felt he owed it to the man he cared for above all others not to be a coward but to face the consequences of his actions. And so he looked.**

**Arthur was being flung from side to side, his wrist bleeding copiously and legs being dragged across the harsh ground. But it was his shoulders...both had been wrenched from their sockets and yet were still being pulled backwards and forwards with each magical movement. He was like a rag doll being fought over by two incredible strong, aggressive, tormenting and evil children. He was literally being torn apart.**

**Merlin's body involuntarily took a step forward, this seemed just too much to bear after all that Dera had endured. He had just watched his love go through agony and now his friend. Merlin's magic strained against its restraints, fighting to break free. But all it did was cause the young warlock powerful, concentrated spasms of pain and sickness. And Merlin almost welcomed this, it made him feel as if he were sharing in the agony the others had felt. In the background he could hear Gwaine swearing and cursing Aerona to every level of hell but Merlin only really had ears for Arthur.**

**Then as quickly as it began, it stopped. Arthur swung silently from his chains, battered and misshapen with the dislocation, unconscious and grievously injured. Merlin gaped, had Aerona gone too far? Had she intended Arthur to be so damaged? Her voice, quiet and malicious soon made her actions clear.**

**"Gwnewch yn dda ac yn reawaken."**

**Arthur's body convulsed and his eyes sprung open, showing he was fully aware and then his destroyed shoulders went into spasm and forced themselves back into their rightful places. Arthur's cry was primeval in its power, recalling the agony of all those who had suffered before through-out time.**

**Yet through the agonised keen, all Merlin could hear was the hushed, honey tones of the dread Priestess.**

"**I can happily do this time and time again Merlin. Can you? Can they?"**

**Arthur's screams levelled off, seemingly replaced by near sobs of anguish; these were even harder to bear.**

"**All you have to do is kill Dera and your King will be freed from pain. Whole again. Is it too much to ask Merlin?" she continued to murmour in his ear. "A little slip with my knife and it will be all over."**

**Merlin stared at the two exhausted human beings beside him and from their eyes he got the confirmation he needed. And gave the only answer he would ever give.**

"**No"**

**Roaring with anger and frustration Aerona threw her arms out and all three of the other prisoners were crushed against the walls of their cell.**

"**I will leave you with this thought Merlin. You shall kill one of the two by morning or I will kill them all and then I will cut such a swath of terror and destruction throughout the whole of the land that generations yet unborn will fear me. If you do not decide then nothing short of total genocide will satisfy me. You have until the dawn."**

**With a last scathing look at them Aerona stalked from the dungeon; leaving her captives breathless and frankly terrified.**

**XXX**

"**No"**

"**Merlin!"**

"**No"**

"**But..."**

"**No"**

**Arthur almost gave up; he was unimaginably sore and tired, as were they all but he needed to keep trying. The three of them had been arguing for over an hour as to what to do and for him it came back to his need to protect those in his care. Arthur had no wish to die, he loved his life, his land and his wife. But he was willing to make any sacrifice necessary to ensure the safety of all he loved. As he had shown when riding out to face the Cailleach Arthur was not afraid to die if it meant preserving Camelot and all who lived within. But Merlin would not listen.**

"**Merlin, it makes the most sense. We cannot get out and I will not let us all be killed and Camelot put to the sword. If I die you will all be free and you will be able to return, tell Guinevere to gather my knights and together you can avenge me and kill Aerona. It is the only way." He glanced at his servant, chained up next to him, willing him to listen this time.**

"**No"**

"**Damn you Merlin, is that all you can say?" The exasperation and the fear he was feeling were on the point of driving Arthur to want to strangle the obstinate, stubborn, insanely loyal manservant himself.**

"**No"**

"**Merlin" Dera's voice, quiet until now, rose from the corner of the room where she had been sat, hugging herself "You know I want to live; I want the future we dreamed of. But we are all lost if you do not do this. But Arthur is so much more important to our World than I and (do not deny this) you love him as much as you love me, perhaps more. Therefore I am the obvious choice to die." These words were spoken with deep sadness but also deep conviction. None in the cell doubted her offer.**

**Merlin could not reply; not even with the one word with which he had been answering Arthur. Tears threatened to overwhelm him; love brought them not fear and he was not sure when he had ever felt so much for or been so proud of Dera.**

**Arthur was astounded; every time he thought he had begun to understand his fellow humans they seemed to do something that was almost beyond him. He was used to (but not happy with) his knights and soldiers dying in his name and for his cause, but for a young woman who was not even from Camelot to offer to do the same staggered him. However there was no way on earth he was going to willingly allow that to happen; to let her sacrifice herself instead of him and to be the cause of Merlin's loss a second time. He was just about to speak and thank her but tell her it would never happen when the young manservant finally found his voice.**

"**I will not choose. I will never again be the cause of the death of a person I love" For a moment Merlin paused, closing his eyes, as if lost in a memory. **

**Arthur believed him to be thinking of Freya and her untimely end but if he had been able to see the picture that had flashed before Merlin's eyes he would have thought it unbelievable. For as the warlock had spoken, Merlin had looked into the past and had seen once again the stricken face of Morgana as the poison began to work. He could see the physical pain that crossed her face, but more disturbing and horrifying was the emotional agony that he saw there as she realised who had done this to her. That Merlin had tried to kill her. Merlin shuddered; no, never again would he kill in such a way. He would not do what Aerona asked, no matter the consequences.**

"**Arthur, Dera, Gwaine..." here Merlin looked at each in turn "surely you understand enough of this world and people like Aerona to know that she will not keep her word. No matter who I kill she will execute all of us once the Harp has awoken. There will be no freedom and no happy ending for any of us. But even if I believed for one moment that she would fulfil her promise I cannot and will not kill either of you. We have no choice; we must escape or die here together."**

**Then from the back of the dungeon came the laconic voice of Gwaine;**

"**The only problem with that my friend is that we don't have a plan... so unless you have some brilliant strategy up your begrimed sleeve, we are totally buggered!" **

**XXX**

**A/N – Translation**

**"Gwnewch yn dda ac yn reawaken."- "Make well and reawaken" (Welsh)**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 29**

**As the three young tribesmen slumped lifeless to the floor of her Grand Hall Aerona lowered her arm and stared pitilessly at the rest of the nervously shuffling, now silent mob before her. She had their full attention and she was going to make good use of it.**

"**Thus is the fate that awaits anyone who would dare to defy me and to oppose the Devine Will of the Earth Harp. I am her Anointed One and I will lead you into battle against the knights of Camelot and we will succeed and the Kingdom will be ours. But there is no place for doubters and treacherous cowards." She was aware that all eyes were on her, eyes filled with wonder and fear. "No-one will leave and no-one will question me again. Is that understood?"**

**As one the men raised their right arms in a clenched fist salute and spoke with a single voice;**

"**All hail, Queen of the Deceangli and Anointed One of the Earth Harp." **

**At the third repetition of the hail they all fell prostrate to the floor, put their face directly onto the dirt and waited for her benediction or her punishment.**

**Aerona delayed her pronouncement; wanting to make the men suffer the fear of anticipated pain a while but then finally she spoke:**

"**One mistake is forgiven; I believe you were lead astray by your so called leaders" She inclined her head towards the still, contorted bodies of the men she had so recently killed. "But dare to challenge me again and..." She left the threat unspoken, knowing that there was more fear contained in a frightened man's imagination than in any words she could use. "Now go and think on my mercy and my wrath."**

**The surviving men could not believe that they were to escape with their lives and so hurried away, backing out of the hall with much bowing and praise for their beneficent Queen. As the last four inched out of the door they were brought short by a command barked from the still displeased Queen Priestess.**

"**Take away the bodies and feed them to the dogs."**

**Terrified to re—enter her presence but too scared to disobey her they ran over to the still warm bodies of their erstwhile companions and with no ceremony dragged them from the hall. The challenge to the new Queen had failed and they were in no mood to be seen to show sympathy to the victims of her rage.**

**As the big oak doors closed and she was left alone Aerona slumped a little on her stone chair on the dais. For a moment she let her emotions get the better of her and she shivered. That had been very close. Some of the tribe had opposed her electing herself Queen but had been cowed by the apparent proof of her being the Anointed One. When the Earth Harp had begun to sing the whole Tribe had bowed down to her and worshipped her. But then the Earth Harp had ceased its song and soon mutterings had reached her that those in opposition to her were once again gaining strength.**

**So it was an unwelcome but not complete surprise when she had entered the Grand Hall to find a crowd of heavily armed men waiting for her, along with a forcefully worded and backed up suggestion that she give up her crown and allow herself to be taken prisoner.**

**Aerona had paused for a moment; gazed round at all the men and had quickly identified the ring leaders and simply killed them in a most painful and protracted manner. As they cried and yelled their last she had stood on the raised platform and laughed as they died.**

**The other men had soon got the message and she had ended the rebellion before it had even truly begun.**

**But she was worried. Where there was one malcontent group of men there would be others. She needed them to believe if they were to follow her; needed them to have her faith that she was the Anointed One. And for that she had to make the Earth Harp talk.**

**Slowly Aerona stood up and walked across the room to the stone pillar on which the Earth Harp stood. Even as she got closer she became aware that Her song had faded to nearly nothing, barely a whisper of that beautiful, powerful music could be heard. The Earth Harp was falling asleep again and despite everything she had tried she could not get Her to re-awaken. Aerona knew she was the Anointed One, but she also knew that she needed more powerful magic to truly awaken the Harp.**

**That was why she had to have the servant's magic. Oh, he was powerful; though obviously untutored. Truth be told she did not really know just how much longer she could keep his magic contained. No, she needed him to make his choice, to betray and kill the one he loved and thus give her the blood curse she needed to become all that she was destined to be.**

**Sweeping out of the Grand Hall Aerona headed towards the dungeon where she knew she would find her captives frightened and dismayed, cowed by her power and the choice that Merlin had to make. She smiled to herself as she stalked through the gloomy corridors towards the prison. Soon the death and betrayal would be over and the carnage and slaughter of all that was Camelot would begin. And she would have power.**

**As she reached the massive door that led into the dungeon she paused, lingering a little to allow the anticipation of what would happen next to grow. Finally she gestured to one of the two guards placed there to unbolt the door and as it creaked open she stepped inside. The prisoners were all sitting quietly and paid her no attention as she entered; as if she were a common guard or serving maid. This infuriated her and in an imperious voice she barked a command.**

"**When your Queen enters you will stand, shackles or no shackles."**

**But again no-one took any notice of her; they just continued sitting on the dirty floor, staring at nothing. In fact, if she was not mistaken the long haired pretty one actually seemed to be humming a song to himself.**

"**Your time is up" by now any pretence of calm was gone and Aerona found herself yelling loudly at the four insolent captives "The choice must be made."**

**Still silence.**

**Then the same reply again from that insolent servant; saying the word that made her blood quicken and burn.**

"**No"**

**The young sorcerer had not even looked up. He just spoke. It was all too much for Aerona and any plan she may have had about frightening and cajoling Merlin into killing was lost. All she felt was deep, unbridled hatred and anger towards this insignificant youth. Contempt that he had been given so much magic and yet chose not to exploit it. Well, she would show him who was superior.**

**"Poen fewn a thu allan"**

**And she watched with joy as the contemptuous servant was consumed by all encompassing pain.**

**XXX**

**After Gwaine's statement there had been no talking or throwing around of wild and implausible plans...no-one had any ideas of any description. They had just sat in silence as the enormity of their situation really begun to sink in. **

**Arthur knew there was no point broaching the subject of Merlin killing him again; he recognised the sullen set of his manservant's face. There was no way on earth Merlin would ever do what was asked of him. A small part of Arthur was exasperated by Merlin's stubbornness but he had to admit an even larger part was relieved. He had no wish to give up and die; and he was not about to allow Dera to be killed. The King tried stretching his abused arms and shoulders and winced at the pain imparted. No. Merlin would not have to kill anyone. They would just have to think of something, anything...**

**Dera was watching Merlin and noting how much paler and weaker he looked with every passing moment. She knew that he must be trying to break free of the multiple impediments that had been placed on his magic and she could see the toil it was taking on the young man. She knew better than to interrupt him as he was concentrating. All she could do was watch him suffer. She shifted a little on the floor, trying to ease her aching back and wondered what the next few hours would bring. **

**Gwaine's attention was split. Half the time he was silently cursing Aerona to hell and damnation as he tried to come up with a plan that had even some small chance of actually working and the other half he too was watching Merlin. Concern was uppermost in his mind as he saw the young sorcerer (as he guessed he had to get used to thinking of Merlin as) seem to shrink and go into himself more and more as time passed. Gwaine did not really understand how Merlin's magic could be curtailed, but he could see that it must be an awful thing for his friend to experience. Every now and then Merlin would wince and an almost stifled groan would escape. Each time this happened Gwaine could swear Merlin seemed to get paler and paler until his skin was of such a sickly, translucent whiteness that the knight could almost believe he had no blood left in him. Giving his chains a futile wrench that only ended up hurting his bruised and bloody wrists Gwaine sighed and went back to wracking his brains for a plan, any plan...anything to take his mind off what would happen.**

**The sound of the chains rattling brought Merlin out of his almost trance like state. He had been battling inside himself, trying to access his subdued magic and it had left him shattered and had diminished what little had remained of his strength. And it had been to no avail. He had located the spell placed on him by Aerona and had begun to try and break it down but there had been something else inhibiting him as well; something he could not isolate and challenge. Somehow there was more than her spell keeping his magic at bay and it was this that prevented him breaking through any more than he had already been able to. He was exhausted. Glancing over towards Dera he tried to smile to show he was okay but she saw through that immediately. Desperation showed on her face and he did not know how to help her. His eyes swept over to his other companions, trying to make out their features in the gloom of the cell. Gwaine had his eyes closed and was muttering things about "Hitting the guards" and "Finding the keys". **

**And Arthur...he was staring straight ahead of himself and seemed not to be fully aware of his surroundings. For a moment Merlin worried but then he realised that the King was preparing himself for what was to come; in silence and with honour as a true Knight should.**

**Then a sound permeated through the clammy walls. All inside recognised the footsteps as soon as they heard them. It would seem their time was up. Aerona was on her way.**

"**Say nothing to her." Arthur's voice was strong and proud. "We will not give her the satisfaction of showing her fear or indecision. For the love of Camelot."**

"**For the love of Camelot" echoed back to him from his knight and his friend and Arthur felt such pride in his chosen companions as Aerona entered.**

**XXX**

**"Poen fewn a thu allan"**

**With Aerona's words Merlin's head seemed to split into two and his insides burned as if the flames of the pyre had been lit within his body. All conscious thought seemed to be instantly incinerated and all that was left to him was the sheer impossibility of surviving even one more second of the agony. But survive he did...the spells aim was to give the sufferer maximum pain; with no chance of passing out, until the victim died. Its sole purpose was to torture, until the body could stand no more and gave up. Sometimes it took mere moments to kill; but this boy was surprisingly strong; even given his weakened state his will to live and continue protecting those under his care was unyielding. But even he could not hold out long and as Aerona began to repeat the incantation a second time Merlin's breath was lost beneath a final scream that was torn from his bleeding lips.**

**XXX**

**A/N Translation**

**"Poen fewn a thu allan" – "Pain within and without" (Welsh)**


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 30**

**As she watched the intractable and unbending young man thrash and convulse from the effects of her spell Aerona allowed herself a smile. It felt so good to finally get this boy to see her full power over him...she was going to truly enjoy watching him die. She opened her obscenely grinning mouth and began to chant the killing spell once more.**

**"Poen fewn..."**

**A voice in the back of her mind broke through her pleasure and yelled at her to remember what she needed from him, stopping her mid-spell. Die? It seemed to say. No, he must not die! Without his magic she may not be able to wake the Earth Harp enough to ensure the tribe would follow and without them and the power of the Harp she had no way to overcome Camelot.**

**With a shriek of anger and frustration Aerona moved her arm and watched with no little satisfaction as Merlin's body was smashed hard against the wall of the cell. She could see him struggling for breath and could hear the yells of embittered rage from his companions.**

**Breathing deeply to try and calm her passion Aerona spoke aloud; her words intended only for the servant but nevertheless heard by all.**

"**You will give me what I want. I am the Anointed One and I will assume my mantle of leadership over all." She moved closer to the still gasping youth "If you do not chose in the next hour I will tell Arthur the secret you keep from him. He will know before he faces death how you have deceived him or he live hating you for your mere existence. If you want to keep your secret, chose boy."**

**Content with the look of horror and despair that crossed Merlin's face at her words, Aerona turned and glided so gracefully out of the dark smelly cell and into the relative light of the corridors; the door clanging shut behind her.**

"**Merlin mate, are you alright?" Gwaine's anxious voice cut through the awkward silence that Aerona's last statement had left. "Did she do any permanent damage?"**

"**No" That word again, Merlin was getting sick of it. "I am fine; just a little bruised." This was of course a lie; one of many he had told since coming to Camelot, thought Merlin bitterly. He was in fact in considerable pain, but two things were keeping him from totally giving in. Firstly, there was Aerona's threat to tell Arthur and how he was going to deal with that. Secondly there was the fact that as she had lost her temper and her control something had happened and Merlin had felt a small freeing of his magic. Not enough to overcome her but perhaps enough to...**

"**What did she mean Merlin?" Merlin froze as Arthur's voice cut through his thoughts. Trust the King to be observant this one time. "What will she tell me that will make me hate and doubt you?"**

"**Surely it does not matter now Sire?" Dera tried to interrupt Arthur.**

"**What did she mean Merlin?" He was not to be stopped.**

"**It was probably just her way to try and turn you against Merlin so he would decide to kill you; honestly Arthur it was nothing." Gwaine spoke quickly, trying with all his might to convince the King. Gwaine had known of Merlin's magic only a short while and had been going to tell Arthur of it; but even he knew that now were not exactly the best set of circumstance for the King to find out.**

"**Merlin, I am waiting." It was no good; Arthur wanted to know.**

**Merlin pulled himself up the wall slowly and very painfully. He knew he would have to tell Arthur the truth about himself very soon, but not here and not because of Aerona's threats. Looking up at Arthur he was, if possible, even more ashen faced than before; but his voice (whilst croaky from the screaming) was unflinching. **

"**I will tell you Arthur. But not now. When we are home in Camelot. Please trust me."**

**Arthur stared at the battered and pale face of his friend; what he read there was only for him to know. But whatever he saw convinced him; he did trust Merlin and he could wait for whatever it was. He nodded once and was rewarded with a look of such gratitude and almost devotion from Merlin that, under any other circumstances, would have embarrassed him greatly.**

"**Of course" piped in Gwaine in an almost jovial voice given their current situation "that does rather rely on us actually living through this present predicament!"**

"**Damn" thought Merlin as Gwaine's words banished concerns over future events and brought him crashing back to the here and now and his previously interrupted thought. The second thing...the loosening of the anti-magic fetters and how it had enabled him to...a little painful silent incantation and good old fashioned twisting and pulling and...**

"**This should make escaping a little easier" he announced a little triumphantly as he raised his arms out in front of him.**

"**What the...how in the name of all that is holy did you do that Merlin?" yelled Arthur, agape with astonishment.**

**Realising that again this was not the time for the total truth – telling Arthur that his magic had managed to fight back at least a little and loosen his bonds– Merlin settled for a half truth.**

"**That last time she threw me back against the wall, the shackles hit the stone very hard. I just had to pull and push a little and they gave way."**

"**Well don't just sit there looking all smug and superior Merlin; get over here and release the rest of us." Merlin heard Arthur's growled response over Dera and Gwaine's more positive cries and he responded as quickly as his traumatised body would allow. As he moved over he picked up a shard of metal that had fallen from the manacles to use as a lock pick.**

**Although his heart told him to release Dera first his mind made him head for Arthur and Gwaine as they would be more able to defend them all if the guards entered the cell during the unlocking process. **

**As their shackles fell away the three prisoners stretched and stood up as quickly as their aching bodies were able. But with this modicum of freedom came another realisation – they may have been out of the chains but that was a long way from being safe and at home in Camelot.**

"**I have an idea as to how we can get out of here" Arthur said after a brief moment "but it is risky and there is no guarantee that all of us will make it. So I need everyone here, including you Dera, to take an oath that they will do all in their power to get away. If you see a chance to escape, take it. Do not wait for anyone else and do not go back for anyone who is caught." At this all three made as if to gainsay the King but he persevered "I know none of us want to leave the others behind but there is something that is more important than any one of us and that is Camelot. One of us must make it home and warn Guinevere of the coming trouble; it will enable her to prepare for the battle. If there are soldiers and knights enough to defend Camelot then perhaps a rescue mission could be sent out. But not until she is sure of Camelot's safety." Arthur looked around at the three serious faces of his listeners and knew they understood "Swear this on all that you love and that is important to you."**

**With solemn nods all four of the friends placed their hands on top of each other's and simply said "I swear." And Arthur was satisfied; he knew that if any of them managed to get away they would fulfil their vow and Camelot and his Queen would be warned. With that he explained his escape plan to his very doubtful companions...**

**XXX**

"**Guards" Merlin's voice sounded weak and defeated as he yelled to the soldiers outside the door "Please. I need to speak to someone; I cannot take this any longer, please help me."**

**A few moments passed and the door swung open as two large, well armed guards entered the cell smiling at the sight of the captives apparently still well chained. The biggest, and frankly the ugliest, of the two spat straight at Merlin as he hung from the wall by his arms and begin to berate him.**

"**We knew you would not be able to resist our Queen; you are too pathetic, worthless and..."**

**But the hectoring man did not get to finish his put down as both he and his fellow guard were both set upon by Gwaine and Arthur. The King and the knight had taken advantage of the soldiers' inattention by leaping up and hitting them with such ferocity that both men went down without a murmour. From the looks of satisfaction on their faces it was obvious that both Arthur and Gwaine had put all of their pent up frustration and anger into those punches and that it had felt good to finally be able to fight back.**

"**Come on Merlin, get a move on. Don't just sit there like a girl..."Arthur stopped as he noticed Dera's swift look of annoyance at this comment. She had moved quickly and had already reached the door and was about to check outside to see if the way was clear. Gulping slightly and remembering how they had first met the King quickly amended his words "Get a move on Merlin, even girls are quicker than you." The second look he got from Dera didn't seem to be much happier but for the life of him Arthur couldn't understand why she would be cross with what he had just said. But he did not have time to think on it, as at last they were getting out of there. **

**XXX**

**Arthur could barely contain himself; they were moving again. They had a plan. Ok, said plan merely consisted of overpowering the guards, getting out of the cell and then basically running the hell out of there as quickly as possible; but at least it beat sitting there waiting to die. He reached his hand out to help his obviously exhausted manservant to his feet and then continued to hold onto him and pull him out of the room. Obviously, the King thought, once they were out of the cell and running it would be everyone for themselves as they had vowed; but Arthur just wanted to get Merlin up and moving first...then he would leave him to make his own escape...eventually.**

"**They are coming; run"**

**The warning came from Dera who had just seen six soldiers march down the corridor. Arthur cursed the timing; grabbed a sword from one of the unconscious men and headed for the door of the cell. Gwaine reached for the other sword at the same time as Dera did. For a moment both held onto the weapon and then Dera gave a small smile, let go and snatched up the bow that was lying on the floor beside the second guard. **

"**On reflection, I am better with this Gwaine; you take the sword."**

**Grinning widely the knight gave a short quick bow, picked up the blade and pelted for the door. Dera and Arthur followed swiftly on his heals; Arthur still unconsciously pulling Merlin alongside him.**

**As they left the cell all hell broke loose. The on-coming guards, though surprised, reacted very quickly and soon the narrow corridor was full of the noise of metal striking metal, the swish of arrows flying and the yells of angry and occasionally injured men. Arthur and Gwaine slashed and hacked at the attackers close up and Dera shot off her few arrows from slightly further away.**

**All was confusion for Merlin; his stomach and head were rebelling against the noise and movement and he was finding it increasingly hard to follow what was happening. But suddenly he saw a short, bulky man trying to sneak up behind Dera, who seemed to have been overcome by all that was happening around her for a moment and had not noticed the danger creeping towards her. **

"**No" Merlin screamed silently, he was not going to allow anything to happen to her. He raised his hand and quickly but silently began to incant...and then once again it was as if the whole World had exploded in his head. There was a blinding flash of light that forced him to slam his eyes tight shut; his head was full of dreadful screeches and his magic turned in on itself and him. It was as if his whole being had turned traitor and joined with the anti-sorcery spells in violently rejecting his magic.**

**Merlin fought against the pain, needing with all of his heart to save Dera. He managed to open his eyes just in time to see Gwaine jumping on Dera's attacker; killing him and grabbing Dera's hand and running. Merlin sighed; she was safe; Gwaine would protect her.**

**As he began to lose the battle against the pain Merlin needed to see one more thing and an agonising second glance gave him what he desired. As he gave in to the calling darkness he caught a last image of Arthur running free up the corridor...**

**Running free that was; until the King glanced back over his shoulder and saw Merlin lying on the floor. To Merlin's intense despair as the gloom descended; despite his final cry of "Arthur, no, run"; the King stopped running. Instead he paused, looked down, nodded once and turned back to try and save his now unconscious manservant from the soldiers who were surrounding him. **

**For when it came down to it; despite his own pledge and the fate of Camelot resting on the escape; King Arthur could never abandon a friend. **

**XXX**


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 31**

**Fuming, Aerona paced her room, angry at herself for nearly losing it all in a fit of temper but also at the manservant and his stubbornness. To come so close and to be thwarted by a servant; and one barely out of boyhood. It was unendurable. **

**Needing the comfort of seeing her undoubted destiny right in front of her Aerona headed towards the raised dais where she had placed the Earth Harp; she needed to hear its song and know it was singing for her. But as she approached she knew something was wrong; barely 3 feet away now and she could hear nothing. The Earth Harp was silent; this could not be. Her heart pounding Aerona took the last two paces quickly and then laid her ear upon the side of the Harp and finally she heard it. A faint murmour; a sweet whisper; almost a memory of the beauteous song that by rights should be hers. The Earth Harp was returning to its sleep, Aerona could deny it no longer. Soon there would be nothing left but silence and the death of her destiny – without the Earth Harp the Tribe would not follow her and she would be nothing.**

**Roaring in anger and almost crying in frustration; the would be Queen threw her silver dagger at the wall. It hit with a clang and fell to the floor, laying there, almost innocently for such an evil object.**

**The action of throwing though seemed to have calmed the witch and a small smile came over her face as realisation dawned. There was always the other way. Perhaps it would not give her the ending she really wanted, the one where she got to keep the manservant as a beaten and downtrodden pet. No, with this plan his death was vital. And oh, she had had such plans for letting him live and making him suffer for the remainder of his miserable life; but when the alternative meant getting all she craved then there was no choice. Merlin had to die. It was time to set the back-up plan in motion. A plan that, as she thought on it more deeply, actually appealed to her more and more. With a faint smile on her lips Aerona closed her eyes, cleared her mind and sent her message.**

"**My Lady" the crash of doors bursting open brought her attention back to the present as a guard rushed into the room "My Lady, the prisoners...they escaped but we have managed to catch the servant and the King"**

"**Good" she replied to the guard's astonishment "Let the final act begin."**

**XXX**

**There was something out there, something important calling to him from the darkness but Merlin could not respond to it. It was too far away and he hurt too much. Whoever or whatever it was would understand that and forgive him, surely. It was just better, deep down where he was now. If he raised himself up then he knew it would be excruciating and frankly he had had enough. Just a few moments more of silence, please, his unconscious begged, just a brief respite from the pain that awaits.**

**But the voice, for that was what it was, could not be ignored. It was getting desperate and more plaintive with every second. And there was something about it that Merlin recognised, something he knew he could not ignore. He had to return.**

"**...lin"**

"**...rlin...ke up"**

"**Merlin, wake up..."**

**Merlin's eyes opened suddenly as his unconscious mind realised what it was he recognised. It was Arthur's voice and nothing; not even the devil himself; could keep Merlin from responding to his King. Especially when the man himself sounded so disconsolate.**

"**Thank the gods for that...I thought...for a moment" here Arthur paused, getting a reign on his emotions now that the initial crisis seemed to have passed.**

"**Come on then sit up and we can talk about how we are going to get out of here" The business like tone of Arthur's voice could not belie the care with which the young King helped his stricken servant to move from his supine position on the floor to a slightly (very slightly) more comfortable site leaning against the slimy wall. This time they were housed in a much smaller cell with no window but many more rats. At least, thought Arthur, as he gently lowered Merlin back onto the stone, they were not chained this time. Small mercies.**

"**Where...?" Merlin coughed loudly and it felt as if his lungs were being ripped from his chest and he found himself unable to finish his question.**

**All pretence of not caring was now gone from Arthur as he held the shuddering body of the young man beside him; trying to hold him as the coughing fit took control.**

"**Just don't try to talk Merlin, please." Arthur wiped the sweat from Merlin's face as the young man began to gain some control over his breathing again "I know what you want to know. Dera and Gwaine...all I can say is that when I last saw them they were running down the corridor with about ten men after them..." Merlin started and a look of horror crossed his face "...don't panic though Merlin, they were well ahead and running as if the devil himself was chasing them...which I guess is actually almost true." Arthur continued "You have been unconscious for many hours and they don't seem to have been recaptured. I am sure they made it out and are even now on their way to Camelot. Guinevere will find out what is going on and will be able to put plans in action to protect Camelot."**

**Merlin, breathless and exhausted, made a grab for Arthur's arm and the King reached out and put his hand over his friends shaking one and spoke quietly.**

"**Though I fear any rescue will come too late for us." Arthur carried on (feeling a little bad about taking the advantage of a temporarily silenced Merlin) "If she comes back before we have figured a way out of this mess then you must do as the witch asks. Then you may have a chance to survive and to help defeat Aerona."**

**At those words Merlin's pulled his hand from Arthur's grasp and with as much energy as he had to spare hit his King in the chest. Arthur, who had been balanced on his haunches, was so surprised that he fell backwards onto the grimy floor and cried out in shock.**

"**What the hell did you do that for?" he yelled as he struggled back up to his feet, glaring down at the lanky form of his manservant lying below him. Then he got a good look at Merlin and for a moment he was stunned. Never had he seen such an expression of anger on the younger man's face; and certainly never directed at him.**

"**Merlin, what...?"**

"**Why did you come back?" fury appeared to have returned Merlin's voice to him and he was using it with great force, it bleed anger and rage. "Why did you come back Arthur? We all swore an oath."**

**Arthur was dumbfounded. Of all the things in their current situation Merlin could have become angry about he chose this? Surely he must have known that Arthur would come back for him? That he would always come back for him? The young King was not sure how to respond but Merlin carried on talking anyway, each word wrung from him with such effort it made Arthur wince to hear.**

"**You could have escaped" the words hissed "You would have been safe."**

"**But you would have died...I could not have that on my conscience." Arthur retorted.**

"**And where did your bloody heroic act get us then Arthur? I will not kill you so both of us will die and Camelot will be without its King and Guinevere without her husband."**

**Merlin could barely articulate his feelings; never had he been so furious with Arthur. Nothing the older man could say would lessen his anger and frustration. Nothing.**

**Nothing except what he actually did say...**

"**And I would have been without my friend."**

**Arthur's reply was so quiet that Merlin nearly missed it altogether but, as the words broke through the beginning of his next rant, he froze. Did he really hear what he thought he heard?**

"**Arthur, I, um..." Merlin floundered.**

"**Don't expect me ever to repeat it outside this cell, but there it is. My friend. Now let's leave all this nonsense and figure out a way for us to escape – together." Arthur moved back closer to Merlin and reached out a hand to touch the younger mans forehead; it was a little warm but nothing too worrying. Chances are, the King thought, as he settled himself down against the wall next to Merlin, we will be killed before that little temperature has any chance of developing into a full blown fever.**

**Not exactly inspired by this thought, Arthur began to try and think of a way out of the mess they were in. All the time praying that Dera and Gwaine had made it home; knowing as he did that the chances of him and Merlin escaping were minuscule. **

**XXX**

**Merlin's anger passed as quickly as it had come, replaced by a mixture of gratitude and exasperation. And pride. The King had come a long way from the callow and arrogant youth of their first meeting and the warlock could see in him all the makings of the great leader he was destined to become...That was if they could get out of their current plight.**

**The spinning in his head and the rebellion in his stomach slowly began to subside and Merlin sat quietly as Arthur scoured the small room looking for a means to escape. The day passed slowly and the long hours stretched interminably. As he sat he thought of his magic. For the life of him he did not understand why it was reacting like this. And why it had been playing up for so long. All he could put it down to was some lasting effect from Aerona's possession of him and he just had to hope that it would soon return to normal. But, he feared, normalcy would take too long to be of any use to them. And that scared him. For, like it or not Merlin knew that the only chance he and Arthur had of escaping was going to be through the use of magic. **

**The young warlock knew the time had finally come; afterall Gwaine knew of his secret so Arthur would soon know too. And much as it scared him to tell Arthur; Merlin was determined that it would be he alone who revealed his magic to Arthur; not Gwaine and certainly not Aerona. His only (small) chance of acceptance was if he could explain personally his actions, decisions and secrecy. **

**But in the end it was not important what Arthur's long term reaction would be; all that mattered was that he lived and continued to rule. That was Merlin's one consideration; he had to make sure that happened regardless of the effect it had on him. Merlin knew that it would be bad; afterall the pain he felt from the comparatively easy spell he had tried to use to protect Dera had been enough to incapacitate him. So, given his already weakened state, he could only begin to imagine what fighting Aerona would do to him. Wryly smiling to himself he realised that he may not even have to worry about Arthur's reaction; it was entirely possible that a magical battle against the witch would kill him. But it was worth it if it freed Arthur to join Gwen and to rule Camelot.**

**Camelot. Merlin could almost see its walls rising up against the sky and hear the calls of its inhabitants as they went about their daily tasks. He could see the Knights as they practiced their battle moves in the training ground; perhaps even now beginning to wonder where their King and his servant had got to...and Gwen, suspecting that all had not gone well, considering whether to launch a search party. Perhaps by now Dera and Gwaine had found their way back to the Citadel and were rousing the sleeping force that was Camelot to fight in its defence. He took so much comfort from knowing that his friend and his love would be safe; that they would bring news of the imminent attack and that they would be part of the army against Aerona and her force. **

**The knowledge that they had got away brought a measure of happiness to his heart. Gwaine was back with his brothers in arms and Merlin knew that (despite his vow) he would lead a rescue mission to try and save them as soon as he had passed on his warning. So all Merlin had to do was keep Arthur alive for long enough for the inner circle of Knights to arrive.**

**And Dera; she would live as well. Merlin was sure that Gwen would make her life comfortable and as happy as possible. Maybe one day she would find someone else to love; marry and raise a family. He hoped that she would think back on him with affection and a little regret; but he wished her only happiness. If only it could have been them; if only the future they had dreamt of could have come true. Merlin's heart sank as he realised that for the second time in his life he had had a dream within reach only to lose it. Gods, how he had wanted the life they had planned. **

"**Want, not wanted" he suddenly thought to himself "I want that life, I want to live and be happy and have a family." This realisation hit him with such force that he almost groaned aloud. For the first time in many years there was something besides his friends; his King and his Destiny for him to fight for. There was something for himself and if wanting that made him selfish then so be it. He shrugged off the weary and defeatist thoughts of moments ago; no he would oppose, resist and battle with all he had against Aerona and he would not let her win. For this time everything he loved was at stake and he was not going to lie down and give up. Yes, he was willing to die for his destiny; but he was even more willing to live for it. **

**And he finally believed in himself and his power. He would reveal himself to Arthur, force his magic to do his bidding and win their freedom. Then he would make the King accept him. That was just the way it was going to be; he had had enough of being the passive recipient of all that fate threw at him. From now on he was going to make his own future and that meant Arthur, Camelot, free magic and Dera. As the strength seemed to flow back into his body Merlin knew all would be well. **

**Steeling himself he got to his feet, about to open his mouth and tell Arthur everything when the noise of a door slowly opening caught both of their attentions. Turning towards the wooden entrance they saw it move and through it walked someone they would never have expected.**

**Dera. Smiling and happy.**

**Merlin's heart sang. She had done it; she had raised the alarm and now had returned so very quickly to rescue them. Though even in his joy at seeing her again he did think about having a quiet word with Gwaine about letting her put herself in danger by joining the mission...still, as he knew all too well, stopping Dera from doing something she wanted to do was nigh on impossible.**

**He was about to move forward and speak to her when she raised her fingers to her lips and made a quiet "shush" noise. Glancing round at Arthur, who seemed a little dumbstruck by the swift turn of events, Merlin obeyed the silence part of her instruction but could not resist unsteadily walking towards her and holding her. As his arms circled her and he felt her head rest on his shoulder Merlin finally gave himself permission to really believe that all he had wished for might actually become a reality. One of Dera's arms encircled his waist and he whispered "I love you" as her other arm reached behind him, encompassing him in a full embrace.**

**Merlin's sense of shock and disbelief as the silver knife in her hand sunk deeply, slowly and agonisingly into his back was unimaginable. He stood as the blade plunged through his skin, flesh and bones; the pain seeming to be in another plain of existence from this moment. Then she pulled herself back from their embrace and looked directly into his wide blue, bewildered eyes.**

"**I know you do Merlin; which is why you will die."**

**Placing a treacherous kiss on his forehead Dera pulled the knife from his back and took a step away, leaving him there alone; swaying on his feet. He heard Arthur's shout of rage and confusion and Aerona's laugh of delight and then there was nothing more; save the fathomless pit of despair and sorrow into which his destroyed soul fell.**

**XXX**


	33. Chapter 33

**Chapter 32**

**Arthur's shout died on his lips as he watched the silver dagger appear in Dera's hand. Surely; his bewildered mind was telling him; surely this is a mirage, an evil image placed before his eyes by Aerona to turn them against Dera and their rescuers'? Dera loved Merlin. Of that fact he was certain. As certain as he was of his love for Guinevere.**

**But his conviction swiftly evaporated as he saw Dera's hand rise and the knife begin its inexorable downward journey towards Merlin's unknowing back. Jolted by the sudden movement of the blade and the flash of enchanted silver, Arthur found his voice once more and yelled a belated warning as he moved forward in an attempt to stop this horror.**

**But the sound had barely left his lips and he had moved but a few feet when he saw the knife pierce Merlin's back and force its way deep into him. Time stopped. Arthur stopped. Unable to move he watched, sickened to his very soul by the horrendous sight of the deadly metal driving into the body of his all too trusting servant. He saw Merlin stiffen, his arms tightening their hold around Dera's body in a terrible parody of a loving embrace; then watched as he saw the young man he had promised to protect fall silently to the filthy floor. **

**Heartbreaking though this was what really brought Arthur to his knees was the look that was etched on Merlin's face. Uncomprehending devastation slowly overcoming his still existing deep devotion. Arthur knew with terrible certainty that; in that last moment of consciousness before the darkness welcomed him; something final and irretrievable had broken within Merlin. The young man fell, ruined and defeated. Shattered.**

**And as he saw Aerona enter the cell, a dazzling smile of victory displayed for all to see, the thought that perhaps it would be better if Merlin was dead entered the King's mind unbidden. For he knew that if the young man lived he would never recover from such a betrayal. He would spend his life as the empty husk of a broken man – and for a moment Arthur believed it would be kinder if he just went now.**

"**No, no, no." Arthur screamed inside himself "I will not lose him. I will not wish him dead. We will mend him. He will live."**

**Horrified at where his mind had taken him Arthur stared at Merlin's unmoving body, desperately seeking proof of life; hoping that his thought had not cursed his friend. Bending down he felt for Merlin's wrist but before he could find the beat of life within the young man Aerona sent a force of magic towards the King and Arthur was unconscious as his body fell next to his broken friend.**

**XXX**

**Arthur woke with a start and tried to get to his feet to go to Merlin, but his head would not stop spinning and he really had no idea which direction was up, let alone where his injured friend lay. Taking a breath he decided less haste more speed and closed his eyes again to try and get the whirling under some form of control. He was no use to Merlin or himself if he could not even stand. After what seemed like an hour but in reality was hardly a few seconds Arthur could bear it no longer, and eyes closed he moved towards where his memory told him Merlin was. His outreached hand brushed up against something, Merlin's leg. That was enough to give him the final push and he managed to open his eyes and look at the young man. The sight of Merlin's chest rising and falling, though a little too fast for his liking, gave the King the only good feeling he had had for days. Assured that Merlin lived, at least for now, Arthur forced himself to look and see who else was still in the cell.**

**And what he saw filled him with revulsion and confusion. Merlin was lying on his side, pale and unmoving, in a deep pool of crimson blood. So much blood the King could barely believe the servant could have any left in his spare gaunt body. But that was not what confused Arthur, no that was what he had been expecting and dreading. No what had him perplexed was Aerona. She was sitting with Merlin's head in her lap with her hands cupped over his wounded back; and she seemed (from Arthur's admittedly limited experience) to be trying to heal him. **

**"Goroesi ond nid ffynnu" As she spoke these words a glow of warm light flew from her fingers and settled near the small, insignificant hole in Merlin's jacket. Arthur knew that beneath that red stained tear Merlin's life blood was all too quickly draining away; yet as he watched the speed of the flow seemed to lessen and then stop. **

**At first there was no reaction from the unconscious man, and then he stirred and seemed to breathe more easily. A brief flicker of hope rose in Arthur's chest only to be dashed as Merlin suddenly appeared to be fighting what was happening to him, weakly trying to push Aerona's hands away from him. This reaction brought the young King back to the reality of the situation – this was not someone good trying to heal Merlin, it was Aerona. And she only meant harm.**

"**Whatever you are doing, stop it." Arthur yelled " You cannot and do not wish him good; leave him be."**

**Aerona sighed and breathed deeply, healing was no fun and it tired her a little; inflicting injury and pain was much more the thing that she enjoyed. Still there was plenty of time for that, in fact the pain for these two young men was really only just beginning.**

**Moving the sickeningly loyal servants head from her lap with a look of total abhorrence she dropped it with a small bang onto the floor and finally paid some attention to the equally irritating King.**

**Arthur had grabbed at Merlin as soon as Aerona had let him go and was even now dragging him away to the other side of the small cell, his arms encircling him protectively as he tried in vain to ignore all the blood that was left behind.**

"**Why?" was all he could think of to say as he glared up at the witch as she carelessly licked a smear of Merlin's blood off her hand; Arthur recoiled at the sight but still had to know why she had seemingly stopped Merlin from bleeding to death.**

"**Oh my foolish young King. Did you really believe that his death would be an end to it? No. I need more than that. I need all he can give me and all that I can take from you. He needs to live a little before he dies and he needs to see what all this had cost him and all that his stubbornness will cost you and the land you profess to love." **

**Arthur's reply was blunt and soldierly...language he had not used since last on the battle field. In his anger and frustration he just let go and with no fear of the consequences told Aerona exactly what he thought of her. She just smiled. **

**Then a moan of pain from Merlin had an immediate and startling effect on Arthur. He stopped protesting and cursing, desperate see if the young man was okay. Not caring at this point what the woman thought of him he gathered Merlin into his arms, smoothing his dark hair out of his eyes and trying to comfort him as he groaned and twisted. Arthur recognised the signs; Merlin was waking up. And much as he wanted his friend to awake and speak to him the King knew that what awaited his trusted servant was going to destroy him.**

**XXX**

**Merlin did not want to come back. Where he was his body hurt; almost more than he could stand. But it was a clean pain; and he somehow knew that the agony that awaited him in the light would be unbearable; vicious and unliveable with and he did not want to face it.**

**Yet face it he had to as from far away he could feel the warm pull of a healing spell; could sense it as it worked its slow way into his wound and begin to knit together the violated flesh. For a brief moment there was no pain and no fear as he allowed a strangers power to start the process of healing him. It should have stayed that way, relief flowing through him as he mended; however something stirred within him and he felt his own magic react – and react angrily. **

**It was rebelling against the spell that was healing him and his mind did not understand why. His magic always tried to protect him, to heal him so why would it refuse the help of this gentle spell? But then, deep within himself, Merlin felt it. Now he perceived what his magic had instantly known; there was something so terribly wrong with the power that was working on him...a sense of wickedness and the stench of depravity. As the wrongness increased Merlin knew he could no longer remain sleeping as he wished, could not hide in the comfort of darkness. He would have to return to the light, to the pain and to the diabolical presence that awaited him.**

**XXX**

**The battle over, Merlin groaned and opened his eyes. He felt some comfort at first, he had not expected that. He looked up and saw blond hair and deeply concerned blue eyes. Arthur. Not all could be ill if Arthur was there, if Arthur was alive. Merlin met the King's gaze and the look of pity and fear in the monarch's eyes took away any fleeting feelings of comfort. Arthur was worried and scared; two emotions that were so rare with him that Merlin knew at once that things were bad. But what things? Merlin had no idea. All he knew was that it was dark, Arthur was holding him and his back seemed to be wet. He tried to move and then the pain hit.**

**And with the pain came the memories.**

**Oh gods, the memories. Merlin's whole being contracted and curled in on itself. Dera. It had been Dera. Dear gods, Dera. For a minute the physical pain could not get past this one thought. She had done this to him. She had hurt him; betrayed him; destroyed him. Dera. His love.**

**Unable to process this thought Merlin's agony gave vent through his body and he began to thrash and twist, desperate to get up and away. Far away to somewhere that this reality did not exist. But it was to no avail as Arthur's arms held him tight and close and at last, weakened by pain, exhaustion and loss of blood, his body gave out on him and he collapsed again. **

**Arthur held Merlin as he grieved. Merlin needed this time, he needed to feel the pain of his loss and it was Arthur's job to stand over him, giving what little comfort he could. Not that there was much comfort to be had nor time in which to grieve. Arthur's mind returned to the days following Guinevere's betrayal of him. He thought of how it had physically hurt; how he had wanted to destroy everything and everyone and then give up and die. He remembered how he had felt and even now the memories brought tears to his eyes. And now Merlin was going through the same thing but a hundred times worse. **

**The young man stopped moving all at once as it became too much for his body to bear. Arthur feared that Merlin had given up. As he looked at the now mute and absent expression on Merlin's face Arthur once again pondered if it would have been better for the young man to die.**

**But then, some life returned to Merlin's eyes as he seemed to once more recognise his King. Merlin lifted his arm a little and touched Arthur on the shoulder.**

"**Arthur. Are you hurt? Tell me you are safe?" a small, pained voice emerged from the blood encrusted mouth of the warlock.**

**Arthur could have cried. Even within his deepest moments of loss Merlin still cared for and served his King. Arthur could not see why he deserved such loyalty but he valued it deeply.**

"**Yes Merlin, I am fine. It is you who are a bit of a mess at the moment" he tried to inject some sense of levity into his voice but patently failed as he saw Merlin's face crumple a little more. "Honestly Merlin, I am well."**

"**Touching though this is we have need of you both. We have a Harp to awaken." **

**Both Arthur and Merlin reacted with shock to the cold sound of Aerona's voice. In his concern for Merlin Arthur had forgotten her presence and Merlin's condition had meant he had been unaware of it. Now they both simply stared at her as she came into view and greeted them with a small bow of the head. A show of false deference for two enemies.**

"**But first we need to thank the one to whom we owe this lovely scene."**

**Aerona moved imperiously across the cell and put out her hand. From the shadows another hand reached out and clasped hers as Dera came into full view.**

**With a roar unlike any he had ever uttered before Arthur flung himself at the smiling girl but he did not get far; Aerona's hand moved slightly and he was frozen, unable to get any closer to the woman who had betrayed his friend. All he could do was swear and threaten her, but this just brought smiles and looks of disdain from both the women. **

**But they did not want to delay, no matter how amusing they found Arthurs fury so Aerona stepped forward and put her fingers to her lips and "shushed" him.**

"**Arthur, stop it now or I will hurt the boy some more" **

**And once again Arthur was forced to curb himself and remain silent to protect Merlin. But it cost him dear and he promised himself that somehow, someway he would make Dera pay for what she had done. He began to imagine it, his hands around her neck choking the lying life out of...**

"**Dera."**

**One word was all it took to bring him back to the current situation. Merlin. Merlin had spoken her name and in that word was a world of pain, anguish and fallen hope. All thoughts of revenge banished, Arthur merely stared at Merlin as the young man tried valiantly to sit up and face the woman who had stolen the soul right out of his body.**

"**Oh, I took such joy in making you love her and watching how strongly you felt, servant. To know that with each day you were deeper in and now to be able to use that love to my advantage. It is simply exquisite. The more you love, the deeper your pain, the stronger my magic. Perhaps I should have played it this way all along, I never knew I would enjoy your torment quite so much. It has been such a pleasant surprise" Aerona smiled at Merlin but he had not reacted to her words in any way, having not looked away from the young girl since her entrance.**

"**Dera." He repeated her name.**

**Dera dropped Aerona's hand and moved forward; kneeling in the blood and muck on the floor; reaching out to Merlin. He grasped her hand in his and she smiled, leant forward and brushed her lips to his. And for a second Arthur could see a fleeting moment of hope on the injured man's face; a dream of a second enchantment. And Arthur too held his breath, hoping for a miracle, praying for another chance.**

"**Merlin my love" Dera's voice was soft and calm "What can I say except thank you. Your naivety, your desperate need for love was all I required to make you love me. I was never enchanted. My lady did not need to spell me for me to follow her wishes; merely to increase the chance of you falling in love with me. I have always been hers and was happy to die by your hand if that had been my Lady's request. But I was blessed; an even happier fate awaited me. **

**My Queen spoke to me at night; told me to carry on the pretence of love. She told me of her plan to lure you and the King to the forest. And, oh Merlin, it was so easy. I called you and you followed. All since has been a lie, to increase your love and my betrayal. My torture that so hurt you and the false hope of my escape – all at my Lady's command. You mean nothing to me. You love me and I have broken you. Aerona is my Queen and I will hurt, break and kill all who stand in her way. I am hers and I always will be; body and soul until death."**

**With those final words Dera kissed Merlin full on the mouth, painfully and cruelly and then pulled away, dropping his hand as if it were a thing unclean.**

**Arthur looked at Merlin's face and saw the full realisation of the depth of her perfidy as it hit Merlin. A veteran of many a battlefield and unlooked for death yet this was the most appalling thing Arthur had ever seen – the total destruction of all that a man was.**

**Merlin was crushed.**

**A/N**

**"Goroesi ond nid ffynnu" – survive but not thrive (Welsh)**


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter 33**

Half an hour later and it was all Aerona could do to stop herself from shouting out loud with the sheer exhilaration of it all. The King and his Servant were now kneeling before her in her Throne Room; both the perfect picture of abject defeat. Heads bowed, shoulders dropped and all hope destroyed. She could almost weep for the beauty of the moment.

But there was work to be done and wallowing in their misery would not make her Queen. She motioned to a nearby guard and he walked over to the dais on which was placed the Earth Harp, covered by a stunning length of crimson, silken cloth. At a further nod from Aerona the guard pulled the material away and exposed the Harp. For a minute she could not take her eyes off the precious object, not through an appreciation of its beauty but because of all the power and riches it would bring her.

"Guards, make them stand."

At her words four uniformed men strode forward and dragged Arthur and Merlin back up onto their feet. Once they were upright the guards went to walk away but Merlin fell almost at once, unable to remain standing unaided. Two of the guards grabbed him by the arms and roughly pulled him up again but Arthur could not bear to see him so manhandled and took him from their grip.

The guards made to hit Arthur but then Aerona spoke.

"Let him hold up his friend; afterall these will be their last few moments on this earth; we can at least show them some compassion."

Arthur pulled Merlin close to him and put the servants arm over his shoulder. Now he had responsibility for Merlin Arthur again stood tall; he would protect him with all his strength. For a few minutes the King had let despair overcome him. He had seen Merlin's collapse and it had taken his spirit. But now he straightened his back again and became once more the King that he knew Merlin deserved. He would not give in without a fight.

As if he had sensed this change in Arthur Merlin's eyes opened for the first time since Dera's duplicitous kiss. He was beyond pale, through shock and lack of blood and though his wound was no longer bleeding it was still very serious. Arthur was really worried. But the deeper worry was the lack of, well, the lack of Merlin himself really. Arthur could not think of any other way to put it. Merlin's body was there but he was absent.

From behind her Aerona felt a small stirring and heard a faint echo of the Earth Harp's song; it was working already. The mere presence of such a wronged soul was bringing the Harp back from the brink of sleep. Aerona's heart, a small withered instrument though it was, gave a little lurch of joy. The time was coming.

"Our legends tell of the Harp and its ability to foresee and to empower the Anointed One. I am that One and once I have awoken the Harp and it has sung its song for me and we are joined nothing can stop me." She glared at the two men before her and almost laughed at the thought that the beaten King and the destroyed sorcerer servant could have even begun to believe that they would win against her. "But powerful magic is needed and that is what you two will give me. The blood of the betrayed will revive Her voice. And such powerful blood as well, it is an extra gift."

Arthur did not really understand all that she said; especially the bit about Merlin's blood being powerful – perhaps it just referred to the level of hurt he was experiencing or perhaps it was to do with his relationship with the King. But either way he did not like where this was heading.

"It is not you Aerona"

Arthur looked at Merlin, astounded at the quiet words that seemed to come from him. He had not moved, nor appeared to hear what Aerona said, yet he had just responded as if he clearly understood what was going on.

With a pained sigh Merlin tried to stand a little straighter and the King did all he could to help; concerned about Merlin but also pleased that the manservant seemed to be beginning to return to the world.

"Quiet boy, you know nothing of the Harp and her legend. I am the Anointed One and your blood will prove it." Aerona was infuriated by Merlin's interjection; how dare he presume to doubt her. There could be no questioning her role and her fate. The Tribe must have no doubts, just as she had none. This boy was obviously trying to undermine her and make her followers distrust her destiny. That could not be allowed to happen and she decided that this needed to be brought to a close. No more posturing and enjoying her coming victory. On with business.

This was the culmination of the plan she had come up with when none of the prisoners would betray each other. It had always been an option to use Dera's willingness to do all that was asked of her. Originally Dera had merely been there to draw the servant and the King into her trap but as she had watched them together during their time in the cell Aerona had come to realise the depth of the young servant's feelings for the girl and had schemed to take full advantage of them. She had ordered Dera to wound the boy and to let him know the full extent of her deception and treachery.

And now here, in front of the useless King, the boy's blood would be used. His pain, humiliation and shame (made all the stronger by the presence of Arthur; the man he admired and loved) would make the Harp sing for her and her alone.

She signalled the guards and they rushed forward and dragged Merlin from Arthur's grip. Arthur's captors held him tightly again and, struggle as he might there was nothing he could do but watch as Aerona slowly approached Merlin, a small silver bowl in her elegant hands. Standing so close to him that they seemed about to kiss she reached her arms around him and whispered quietly in his ear. Merlin screamed, a short yet devastating pain shooting through his body.

XXX

"It is not you Aerona"

Merlin's voice surprised even himself. He had had no idea how he had got to where they were now; lost as he had been in pain and betrayal. All that he held in his mind was Dera and her treachery. His vision had been blurred, his senses dulled and his future blank. He was nothing.

Vaguely in the background he had been aware of movement, Arthur's voice and rough hands being replaced by more supportive ones but it was nothing to do with him. He was dead, his body just did not know it yet.

And then something; a thing so small and insignificant that it barely made it past his almost fugue like state; tried to penetrate his closed mind. He ignored it. But whatever it was did not give up, it was just there, at the edge of his consciousness. A noise. Melodic, sad and oh so quiet. It spoke to him; drew him back slowly. He did not want to hear it. He was so lost, alone and bereft. But it was as if the song understood his feelings and what's more it felt them for itself. Merlin stirred as he listened. The music was calling for him alone, telling him of its loss, its loneliness and its desolation. He was pulled, at first reluctantly but then with greater conviction, back into the world he had withdrawn from. The song awoke him; he needed to join with it and to bring Her comfort and completeness. He had to help Her heal.

And it seemed as if his magic agreed with this impulse for Merlin felt it stir willingly within him for the first time in so long. A little wisp of his power grew and from it he had gathered enough strength to raise his head and listen to the words of the witch.

"Our legends tell of the Harp and its ability to foresee and to empower the Anointed One. I am that Anointed One and once I have awoken the Harp and it has sung its song for me and we are joined nothing can stop me. But powerful magic is needed and that is what you two will give me. The blood of the betrayed will revive Her voice. And such powerful blood as well, it is an extra gift."

Merlin knew then what was calling him; the Earth Harp. She was reaching out to him, Her true link with the living magical world, entreating him to come to Her aid. And he could not deny Her; the pull was so strong. He was Her only hope and strength and as always his true worth showed through. Not able, or seemingly willing, to fight for himself, he once more answered the call of one in need. He raised his head and found his voice in defence of the Harp and the future of his World.

"It is not you Aerona"

"Quiet boy, you know nothing of the Harp and her legend. I am the Chosen One and your blood will prove it."

Before he had chance to react the guards had him again and Aerona was standing right in front of him, horribly close, her arms about him. As Dera's had been. An almost soundless whisper from the witch into his ear. And then again, as if time was repeating itself, there was pain. A scream.

Merlin found himself unable to move but still able to feel. The nearly closed wound in his back had been split open by the whispered spell and he could sense the blood dripping out of his body. He could hear the sound of it hitting the bottom of the silver bowl. Drip, drip, drip, it followed the rhythm of his heart beat. Aerona's face was still so close to his and through the pain and confusion he felt her joy as his blood pulsed out of his body. As the blood fell so too did a small tear of anguish and despair. He had failed again.

Aerona slowly pulled back her arms and touched Merlin's face, stroking that one tear, capturing the precious liquid on her finger tip.

"Thank you for this Merlin, it will add a certain truth and depth to the magic I am about to perform. The tear of the betrayed traitor."

Saying that Aerona shook her hand and the tiny tear drop fell into the small silver bowl. It joined the pool of warm, crimson liquid there; quickly swallowed up by the depths of blood. Merlin's blood.

Arthur gagged as he watched Aerona walk away from Merlin, carrying the bowl. He did not know how much more he could take and certainly he knew that Merlin was truly at his end.

As she walked Aerona spoke "Go call the Chiefs'. Tell them to join me here to witness my Greatness." and at once a guard hurried out of the hall.

0Aerona had reached the Earth Harp and knelt before it – the last time she ever intended to kneel before anything or anyone. Once the Harp spoke of her destiny she would be omnipotent. It would be a few minutes before the leaders of the Tribe joined her but she was impatient to begin. Allowing herself an indulgence she decided that she would start, would place the blood and allow the Harp to awake. That way, when those weak and pathetic men (whom she reluctantly admitted she still needed) arrived she would already be bathed in glory and the Harp would be ready to proclaim her the Anointed One.

She placed the silver bowl on the dais beside the Harp and cupped her hands together, making them as small as possible and then slipped them into the rapidly cooling blood. As she withdrew her hands they were covered in red, and she held Merlin's blood aloft.

Arthur's shout of disgust and revulsion reverberated around the Hall but it was Merlin's faint voice that drew her attention and for a moment made her stop.

"Aerona. Stop. It is not you. Destruction is all that this will bring. Believe me."

The certainty in his voice made her look at him and for a brief second a chill settled on her as she stared into his eyes and saw the depth there. A small part of her soul witnessed time immemorial and pain, with neither beginning nor end, reflected in the blue of his eyes. But she was too far gone along her path of wickedness and power and wanted both so much that she was not to be stopped.

She leant forward and slowly spread Merlin's blood over the strings of the Earth Harp, covering each until they dripped red onto the base. Kneeling back she raised her arms and began to incant:

"Cymerwch y gwaed y bradychu. Canwch y pŵer, y dyfodol a'r Chosen One. Dewiswch nawr."

There was a pause of a few seconds as all in the room held their breath and then it began. The Earth Harp glowed as bright as the North Star and more beautifully than a golden sunrise.

And The Earth Harp started to sing.

A/N – translation

Cymerwch y gwaed y bradychu. Canwch y pŵer, y dyfodol a'r Chosen One. Dewiswch nawr. (Welsh) - Take the blood of the betrayed. Sing of the power, the future and the Anointed One. Choose now.


	35. Chapter 35

**Chapter 34**

**Slowly, hesitantly at first, the Harp began – Her song now audible to all. A song of such sadness and despair; it sang of hundreds of lost years waiting to be free of its burden. Finally able to escape the bounds of silence fully and give freedom to Her suppressed voice the noise began to grow, filling the hall with its desperate beauty; reaching into the highest corners and the darkest nooks.**

**Arthur felt he could not bear the echoing despair and anguish within the song but also could not resist the pull it made on his heart. It made him think of all he loved and all he cared for. Regrets and sorrow for things long past flew through his mind and he felt again the pain of actions taken and losses received. It was as though the Harp could read all that had pained him in his life and was raising it to the forefront of his mind. And it hurt so much; the things he had done, the lives lost and the mistakes made all returning at once. He gave a groan, covered his eyes with his hands and fell to his knees, only dimly aware of his guards letting him go and falling themselves. Merlin and those holding him also being were assaulted by their memories and were no longer able to stand upright.**

**The only people seemingly unaffected by the song were Aerona and Dera, who once more had silently entered to be beside her Mistress. They were watching the collapse of the men at their feet with amused expressions on their faces and no sign of sorrow or repentance in their hearts.**

**The King watched helpless as they approached; even trying to get on to his feet felt beyond him, such was the crushing weight of hopelessness that seemed to have rooted him to the ground. He could do nothing as Dera crouched beside him and Aerona did the same next to Merlin. Neither could he stop them both reaching out and placing their hands over both men's hearts and closed their eyes, meditating.**

**Then the song seemed to stop and silence fell in the great hall. Arthur felt as if something was waiting; as if someone was pleading for a chance. Then the feeling of possible hope was gone, leaving behind it a aura of failed redemption.**

**And the woman began to chant one sentence three times in unison.**

**"Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio. Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio. Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio."**

**And Arthur felt the despair being amplified beyond all bearing and then, suddenly, it was gone; leaving only emptiness and fear in its place.**

**And the Song began to grow, to change and to become something powerful and full of revenge; the previous lost innocence and sorrow being swallowed up by a anthem of retribution.**

**XXX**

**It was too much. **

**The song was just too much. Merlin slid to the floor without resistance. Every time he felt able to stand up to Aerona and all her evil something happened that destroyed his fragile defiance. But this was the worst yet as everything came flooding back to him. His losses and his sacrifices were there smashing him to pieces; but even worse were his mistakes and wrong doings. They ate at him, biting into what little was left of his belief in himself. He had done such terrible things. Horrible, unforgivable things. He had killed. He had destroyed. It did not matter that he had believed it was the right thing to do at the time; good intentions did not alleviate the suffering he had caused. He deserved all that had happened to him. It was right that Will died; that his Father died and that Freya died. The song was telling him the truth. **

**Slowly, as the blood still seeped from his body, he curled himself up into a ball and lost himself in the sad and bitter song he was hearing. He had brought all this upon himself and no cause or destiny could forgive the evil he had done.**

**Dera had been right to betray him. The music said so, loudly and incessantly. **

**Then there was quiet – the song was ended. But in the silence only he heard a small voice and Merlin felt again the sweet, kind and gentle Earth Harp's true self reaching out to him. It needed him, it was calling him to join with it. Together it seemed to say they could fight Aerona, protect Camelot and save Arthur. Merlin knew somehow that this song was just for him; that no-one else could hear her words. All he had to do was allow himself and his magic to become one with the Harp. Merlin felt warmth and happiness begin to seep back into his body and his soul, a mere speck of hope amidst the blackness but it was enough to tempt him. Perhaps this was his chance to atone. All it took was belief.**

**But where had trust and faith got him before? Possessed and capable of such awful things as attacking Gaius and leaving Arthur? He had seen what happens when he was not in control of himself or his magic and who he could become. He remembered Gwaine's fear and his own behaviour. **

**The Harp was pleading now, calling him to join and save them all but he was afraid to let go, terrified of what might happen. And how could he be sure that it was truthful, he had been tricked before. He did not believe.**

**As he lay there fighting between despair and hope Merlin sensed a presence close to him. A feeling of twisted magic approached and filled him; close by he heard chanting; the witches spell spewing out from her evil mouth. At once the sweetness and the hope was gone. The song grew louder and every inch of him was covered by it. So loud, so bitter. And he realised that yet again he had made a mistake; the Harp had sought his help and in his despair and confusion he had frozen, unable to trust his own instincts and now the chance was gone. Aerona had control, she would awaken the Harp and Camelot would suffer once more for his cowardice.**

**XXX**

**"Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio. Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio. Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio."**

**As they finished the chant Aerona felt the change in the Harp's song and rejoiced. Briefly (before her spell had begun) she had thought she had lost the Harp; for the song had stopped and she could no longer hear its bleating, self-pitying whine about loss and sorrow. It nearly broke her concentration on preparing for her spell, nearly but not quite and she and Dera had begun to speak together as planned.**

**Oh but now, the incantation was complete. All the catastrophic and baneful emotions had been pulled from the two pathetic specimens lying before her and had entered the Harp. She felt Her absorb all the negativity and anguish and use it to power Her voice. "Now," Aerona whispered to herself. "Now She will speak and my destiny will be revealed for all to hear."**

**Standing again, ignoring the prostrate forms curled up on the floor Aerona flung her arms out and as the Song welled up; full of anger and indignation; the doors of the great hall flew open and the elders and leaders of the Tribe entered. She looked at these men as one by one they saw the glowing Harp on high and the fallen King on the stones and knew that at last they not only feared her but believed in her. They believed that she was the Anointed One.**

**All she needed now was for the Harp to cease Her caterwauling and to speak the Prophecy and her victory would be assured.**

**As if it could read her mind the music suddenly stopped and a soft hum was emitted from the Harp. Then a voice.**

**And such a voice...elegant, beautiful and rich with honesty. No-one hearing it could doubt its validity. It could only tell the truth. But under all that there was a depth of hurt and despondency; as if the Harp regretted being awoken and deplored Her given task.**

**But She had no choice; She had a duty and a destiny. She had to speak.**

**"_In the time before the birth of Albion a Great Leader of the Past, the Present and the Future will rise and lead its lost people into a golden future. Battles will be fought and many will be lost but though the cost be dear a Nation will rise from the ashes. The Anointed One will walk alongside but hidden until the time of revelation and Magic will once more take its rightful place amongst the World of Men. I, alone amongst creation, have the knowing. I, alone amongst the universe, have the naming. It is for me and me alone to sanctify with my power and my song the Anointed One and for that I have been awoken."_**

**Aerona strode towards that Earth Harp, head upright, full of the arrogance of certainty and triumph, eager to claim her prize.**

**"I, Aerona, Queen of All, claim my Place and demand my ascension as the Anointed One. Speak it now Earth Harp so all can see my power and my glory."**

**XXX**

**A/N - Translation**

**"Cymerwch eu poen ac yn ei defnyddio." – "Take their pain and use it."**


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter 35**

**The quiet that followed the prophecy was intense; all in the Hall stared at the Earth Harp waiting to hear Her next words, of how Her prophecy would be brought about. But there were none. She did not speak; She did not proclaim Aerona as the Anointed One and She did not sing.**

**The elders of the Deceangli began to murmour; they had come expecting Aerona to be acclaimed but instead they got silence. Doubts began to once more assail their minds and with them came a lessoning of their fear of the woman before them. If the Harp did not speak for her then was she really as powerful as they had supposed?**

**Aerona was incandescent with rage. Why had the Harp stopped? She looked around the men gathered below her, saw them shuffling and exchanging glances with each other and knew she was on the point of losing them and their armies. That could not happen; she was the Anointed One. The Harp just needed more power that was all; afterall She had been asleep for over one thousand years. No, she knew what to do; quick to think on her feet as always she began to talk her way through the problem.**

"**The first part of the Ceremony is over; our Beloved Harp has spoken the Prophecy of my coming and the future I will bring. But now She needs more. She needs blood to bring about the death and destruction. Blood will lead to blood and betrayal always leads to more betrayal." Aerona glared at the men as their mutterings ceased; she was winning them over, pulling them back from the brink of disobedience. "Bring forth the servant and the King."**

**Arthur and Merlin were dragged nearer the dais and thrown onto the ground by the now fully recovered guards. Their heads were pulled up and they were forced to look upon Aerona as she towered high over them.**

**Actually, she thought as she took in their battered and beaten bodies, this had worked out well. Although she would have preferred the Harp to speak at once the silence had given her the opportunity to play a little more with these worthless specks of humanity and also to advance the next stage of her plan. The absorption of the servant's magic, his death and that also of his King. All in all it was better that this was done now, in front of the elders. Let them really see the extent of her power and the death of the Pendragon dynasty. Plus, she allowed herself a little indulgence, it was such delicious fun making these two hurt.**

"**Stand" She ordered the two prisoners, wanting the joy of being able to bring them to their knees one last time. "I told you, Servant, that Arthur's death would not be enough for me and now is the time that you and he must face the truth."**

**She stepped down off the dais and walked towards Merlin who was just staring at the ground. "After you were free of my possession spell Dera and I spoke often with our minds and she was oh so willing to pull you in and hurt you even more. Were you not my dear?"**

**At these words Dera moved forward and stood proudly beside her Queen.**

"**More than willing my Lady; it was the culmination of all my hopes and dreams. To be working for you in the destruction of Camelot and its citizens. Breaking Merlin was a pleasure."**

"**You stood no chance against her Merlin; she always had my protection around her. No danger, magic or otherwise could touch her. She was shielded. But you loved her didn't you? And look at what that love has brought you. You deserted your guardian, your brothers and your Citadel; you hurt and betrayed your friends and loved ones. And now that love will take the life of your dearest friend and King. Was it worth it Merlin? Does the love you felt balance out the pain it has caused?" **

**Aerona looked at the young man as he stood in front of her; there was no reaction, just dead eyes staring back at her. And she wanted more, she longed to see the realisation and the pain reflected in those blue depths so she continued.**

"**And the pain does not stop with your deaths; no I will do as I promised. Once the last breath has gone from your bodies and the dogs are feasting on your cold flesh I and my army will descend upon Camelot and decimate it."**

**Arthur's head rose in an attempt at defiance, thinking of Gwaine's escape; but it seemed as if Aerona could read his mind.**

"**Oh, you are expecting that long haired pretty one to come to Camelot's aid? Do you really think that my Dera would have let him escape? No, his body lies broken at the foot of a cliff not far from here. Perhaps even now an animal is gnawing at his bones or a crow is eating his beautiful eyes. I hope he lived long enough to feel the first bite and to know the agony of his death."**

**Arthur shut his eyes and tried hard not to vomit; Gwaine was gone and with him Camelot's last hope. There was no time to properly grieve the dead knight; but even so Arthur sent up a silent message wishing his soul peace.**

"**Once I am Queen the people of Camelot will rue the day their King ever met you Merlin; for it was you who lead him to this and brought about their doom. They will suffer under the yoke of my tyranny for many lifetimes. Freedom will be but a long ago dream and peace and happiness just words of bitterness. And all this is your fault, Servant. If you had been stronger, able to resist my spells or even able to kill your King then some of this would have been avoided." **

**In her glee at finally letting go Aerona began to move and sway as if dancing to some inner satanic music. "I would still have ruled; but the people would have had some modicum of peace and Guinevere would have lived. Oh, she would have been imprisoned of course but I would have granted a little mercy. But now she will die in agony; and it will take such a long, long time. She will know as she suffers to whom she owes all this. She will take to her grave the knowledge that the death and destruction of all she cares about was caused by an insignificant servant who pretended to be a friend to all."**

**Merlin stood silently and some small part of him listened to what Aerona was saying but the rest of him did not need her words to confirm what he already felt. He knew his failings, understood his weakness and believed wholeheartedly in his culpability. This was his fault. All of it; and no good could come of pretending it wasn't. He might as well as burnt down the citadel, sold all Camelot's citizens into slavery and killed Arthur with his own hands. For that was what his negligence and his inability to act had caused. **

**But there was nothing he could do; comprehension had come too late. He knew now why his magic had never worked well around Dera and how she had managed to fool him. But this knowledge was of little use. Gwaine was dead and Arthur would soon follow. It was all he could do to remain standing but he wanted to cling onto one last remaining strand of dignity and not let Aerona see how badly he was broken. He reached down deep inside of himself and found an ounce of determination left, he had to try one last time. Perhaps it was not too late, perhaps he could convince Aerona. Perhaps he still had a chance to save all he loved. He looked round to Arthur and knew he had to try. Merlin spoke...**

**XXX**

**Merlin was still standing. Arthur could not believe it. He had listened to all Aerona had said and it had cut him to the very core. The King felt the same feelings of despair and failure as did Merlin but at least he was not being berated by the witch. At least he was left alone to break silently and was not being blamed by her for all that had occurred, although he blamed himself. Yet if he had been in Merlin's place he honestly did not know if he could have withstood the barrage of anger and accusation. **

**And yet Merlin was still standing. He was swaying badly and looking as if a small breath of air would be enough to send him crashing to the ground; but he was standing nonetheless. Not for the first time Arthur was astounded by the inner strength the younger man possessed; hidden for the most part, but there to be called on when all seemed lost. Given the affect Aerona's words had had on him Arthur could only marvel at Merlin's ability to remain upright. And then he saw what Merlin was looking at and understood a little more.**

**Aerona was now laughing gleefully, not in the least bit affected by the sorrow surrounding her. She was almost dancing, moving to and fro to her own inward rhythm. Mocking Merlin. Arthur could see that her actions were directed at the servant and that this was what was giving Merlin the strength to resist falling. Defiance. He was just staring at Aerona, watching her dance. It was almost eerie how still his face was and how expressionless his eyes were.**

**As he watched Arthur saw Merlin take a breath and gather himself to speak; fighting the overwhelming sadness that just seemed to seep from his bones. Even now the impossible man was not giving up.**

"**Aerona. It is not you. It is not."**

"**Oh but my poor boy, of course it is. I have sensed my greatness and my destiny all my life. You would not understand what it is to have a fate beyond the wildest imagination. To be born knowing that great power is yours for the taking yet having to wait so long and be beholden to others who know nothing of your future invincibility. I have waited so long and now it is my time." As she spoke Aerona moved towards the men and swirled around rapturously. **

"**You are wrong and this is your last chance to stop before you are destroyed. Please think." Merlin's voice faltered but made it to the end.**

"**You are the cause of this." She crowed "I will take such pleasure in knowing this was your last thought as you died. That you failed, boy."**

**Aerona was yelling now, triumphantly gloating over the silent figure before her. This time she knew her words had reached him; he was gently shaking and tears filled his eyes. Oh the joy of winning, of finally breaking this insufferable young man was almost greater than hearing the Harp speak. He understood now, she had made him see how all this was his fault. He had betrayed everything through weakness and stubbornness and she needed to drive home her point even deeper. **

"**I will now have the blood of the betrayer and the betrayed. I have your blood already; your treason against love, friendship and honour. Such strong emotions, so much better than merely deserting a city, leaving a Master and killing a magically induced love. These are real, deep emotions and they will give me such power. Now I will have the blood of the one you care for most; the one who you have destroyed though your weakness. I am going to kill your King now." **

**Walking up to Merlin she whispered in his ear. "And as his life blood slips away into the dirt I will tell him of your magic and your true betrayal; he will die cursing you as a deceiver and a sorcerer. Think of it as my final gift to you. The man you admire, respect and love above all others will go to his grave hating the very essence of you."**

**XXX**

I just want to say "Thank you" to everyone who has reviewed, read and followed this story. It is dedicated to Scarletpampernel, a great writer, a great friend and the main reason this is being posted and is not just sitting covered in dust in a forgotten file on a crappy old laptop.

I guess I should say that there is about 9 or 10 chapters to go until the end of this...hope they don't disapoint. Thanks again.

Take care,

Zendog


	37. Chapter 37

**Chapter 36**

**Merlin's stomach contracted and his mind froze as he listened to Aerona's whispered words. No, it could not happen. Not like this. He had not done so much; given up everything, for Arthur to find out like this. For his friend to die hating him. He needed the chance to explain. Now Aerona was going to take this last thing away from him as well. Well he was not going to let it happen, not without fighting. Merlin closed his eyes and went into his mind; seeking the calm, good presence he had rejected but moments ago. The Earth Harp had to be there; She was his last hope. If She answered him perhaps it was not too late to draw Her back from Aerona and use Her power to re-awaken his own magic. Merlin knew it was a lot to ask, but he just had to try. **

**Deeper and darker into the realm of the unconscious Merlin went and then he felt it; another presence. A bruised and troubled soul, someone hurt and lost and alone. He knew it was the Harp, all he needed to do was reach out to Her, call Her to him and there was still a chance that all could be saved. Merlin stretched his mind, ignoring the building pain in his head and the burning in his body...just a little further, just one more try...**

**A scream. **

**Arthur. **

**It was Arthur screaming.**

**With a sickening churning and a frightening rush Merlin's consciousness was pulled back to the present and away from his final hope. Arthur's cry of pain had called him back and alongside it was the knowledge that any joining with the Earth Harp would come too late. Whilst he had been searching Aerona had struck and Arthur was hurt.**

**Merlin's eyes snapped open and an awful sight greeted his return to the light. Aerona was standing in front of the King, her favourite silver blade bloody in her hands. And Dera was there, the blood bowl held up to Arthur's side collecting...Merlin gasped as he saw the wound in Arthur's stomach. Gaping and deep, blood oozing out of it, some spreading over his filthy shirt and the rest pooling in the silver receptacle. **

"**No. No." Merlin's voice echoed across the Hall, delighting the watching Elders and amusing Aerona and Dera no end.**

"**You can't help him now Merlin; one little more thing to tell him before he loses consciousness and then I will allow Dera the pleasure of slitting his throat." Aerona chuckled lightly, really this was just all too delightful. **

**Dera lifted Arthur's fallen head and held the knife to his erratically beating throat. Merlin could see that the King's eyes were still open, though glazed over with deep pain. Aerona moved closer and began to speak...**

"**You remember that little secret that Merlin has? The one that will destroy your faith in him and make the thought of ever having him as a friend abhorrent to you? Would you like to know it before you die Arthur? Merlin has lied to..."**

**Merlin did not hesitate now. It as not the fear of his secret being told that made him act but the awful realisation that his King was dying; right now in front of his eyes. He would not let this be. His friend would live. No longer caring what Arthur saw or what fate awaited him the young Warlock raised both his hands and spoke.**

**"Stopiwch y wrach ac yn atal y gwaed"**

**As the spell left his lips the pain he had been expecting hit him with full force and he welcomed it. For if there was pain perhaps it meant that his magic had worked. Searing waves of blackness battered him from all sides and Merlin felt as if he was being torn apart from the inside. His sight and hearing shut down and he fell to his knees; writhing on the floor, lying cradled there in agony.**

**A noise...there was a noise that managed to enter through the haze of pain. It was Aerona. She was laughing. He fought the pain and pushed up back towards the light. Aerona laughing was not good. He needed to see; had to find Arthur; must protect him. He followed the sound of the now raucous hilarity and managed to open his eyes.**

**Aerona and Dera were standing where they had been a moment before but instead of being about to kill Arthur they were both staring at him, pointing and giggling loudly like two little maids. Merlin did not understand. What was so funny?**

"**Oh, my dear" Aerona managed to say amid her mirth "You are just too precious. Did you really think you could beat me? That someone as untrained and innocent as you could use your magic against me? Oh, I know how powerful you would have been; but you do not have full control over your magic at the best of times. And trust me Merlin, now is not the best of times. In fact look at you; weak, broken, defeated and under my anti-magic spells. It is a wonder you even managed to survive that petty little attempt at magic; my spell should really have killed you. But that would have been a pity for I would like you to be awake as I kill the King."**

**Merlin looked up fearfully, expecting to see the eyes of a confused and betrayed Arthur. But what he saw horrified him even more. Arthur was still, eyes closed, slumped down between two guards who were holding up his body. Merlin could not tell if he was alive or, gods forbid, dead.**

**In desperation Merlin looked back towards Aerona, his unspoken question plain for even this mad woman to see. Was Arthur still alive?**

"**Oh yes. He lives; your little demonstration delayed our final act. But he saw and heard enough before he passed out to know what you are. You should have seen his face Merlin, the loss and the sorrow, it really was quite moving."**

**Merlin stopped breathing. It had happened. Arthur knew and now he was going to die without him getting a chance to explain. Arthur would die betrayed and hurt, believing that his closest friend had lied to him all these years. And Merlin would never be able to tell him the truth. For the young Warlock this was the end. His destiny was gone and his friend would die hating him. Whatever Aerona had planned for him could not happen soon enough. There was nothing he could do alone so he just wanted to go. He had no illusions he would be allowed to go to Avalon and join those whom he had loved and lost. No, his crimes were too great and his failures too complete to be allowed that peace. All he hoped for as he closed his eyes was that he was sent to a place of total darkness and nothingness where he would not have to see the ruination he had wrought upon his world.**

**But he knew he could not desert Arthur at the end so he opened his eyes and watched as Aerona approached the King, knife in hand and a large smile on her face.**

**And then a whisper, a nudging from far off, a murmour...it was Her. She had felt his magic, heard his desperate plea and She had not given up on him. She was calling for him, the Harp was reaching out one last time. And this time Merlin was ready. The call was Arthur's last chance of life and Merlin's last hope of redemption and no matter the cost he would answer Her. Summoning all the strength he had left Merlin raised his arms and spoke.**

**"Rwy'n derbyn fy eneinio ac ymuno gyda chi."**

**At these words the World exploded. Music of such proportions and majesty flooded from the Earth Harp; accompanied by the most gorgeous colours and lights. These radiant beams of power all converged into a rainbow of hues and illumination about ten feet above the Earth Harp; paused a moment and then plunged downwards in a glittering waterfall of brilliance and lustre. And they hit Merlin.**

**Merlin's magic glowed throughout his whole body; it had been waiting so long to be free and now it was being called. It accepted without hesitation; it knew its destiny was joined with the Earth Harp and it revelled in it. As the cascade of light touched Merlin's body so the bonds on his magic were broken; the beams had Anointed him. Magic erupted from him and his body rose up in the air; borne aloft by the sheer power that was being passed through it. Merlin was a yard off the ground and spinning round and around; encased in the most beautiful and inflaming light.**

**As he felt his magic and that of the Earth Harp's join together Merlin was filled with a sense of hope and faith. This was always meant to happen, his magic was telling him, and Merlin could no longer understand why he had ever doubted. It felt right; no, it was right.**

**Feeling his feet touch the ground again Merlin opened his eyes. And they were beautiful. They were not just blue or gold. No, they were filled with every colour in the World; each one at its most brilliant and penetrating best. As his eyes shone, reflecting the changes going on inside of him Merlin could sense the magic course into his very being and it was good. So very good. They were one, as it was always meant to be.**

**Looking up he could see that he was surrounded by a delicate web of ribbons of sound. Each note from the Earth Harp was expressed visually in front of him; showing their joined power to all. Twisting and twirling about him, they formed an intricate shield over him and from him; protecting him as the full connection was made. Beyond it Merlin could just make out all the Elders of the Tribe; they were either lying unconscious on the floor (blown to the ground by the surging power) or were running for the doors. They were no threat.**

**But she was. As he turned around the Warlock caught sight of Aerona. For the briefest of moments she too was immoveable...almost unable to comprehend that the Harp had chosen another and that she had so badly misjudged this youth. She stood, rooted to the spot by the destruction of her dreams; but not for long.**

"**Curse you, boy. You will not win it all."**

**Her face contorting into something so ugly and as she screamed these words Aerona leapt forward to where Arthur now lay abandoned on the floor. She flung herself onto his motionless body and drew her hand back; and the silver knife began its dreadful journey downwards towards Arthur's unprotected neck.**

**XXX**

**A/N – translation**

**"Stopiwch y wrach ac yn atal y gwaed" – "Stop the witch and stop the blood" (Welsh)**

**"Rwy'n derbyn fy eneinio ac ymuno gyda chi." – "I accept my anointing and join with you."**


	38. Chapter 38

**Chapter 37**

"**No. You will not hurt him anymore."**

**Merlin's voice, filled with power, anger and conviction, rose loudly above the music.**

**Knife half way down Aerona paused, unable to resist looking at the young man she had written off as untested, naive and unknowing. And for the first time she was scared. He stood tall and powerful, resplendent in the reflected colours of his protective web. But it was not that that made her heart leap and her breath catch in her throat. It was his eyes. She had seen men angry before, seen them with their faces filled with hatred and murderous rage. But they were as nothing compared to the chasm of enmity and detestation that she fell into as she stared at the Warlocks eyes.**

**And she knew that she had misjudged; he was more powerful than she could ever have believed. She finally understood the depth of her misunderstanding; it was he who was the Anointed One; not her. And she had enraged him and so would die. All these thoughts swept over her in a matter of seconds; to be followed by the last thought that she would ever make. **

"**I will take his precious King with me." **

**And her hand moved swiftly down.**

**XXX**

"**No. You will not hurt him anymore"**

**As he spoke Merlin felt power like no other flood through his body; he could read Aerona's thoughts and knew that she understood her defeat and his Anointment. But then he read her last thought.**

"**I will take his precious King with me."**

**Time seemed to slow as he watched Aerona's silver dagger descend. Without even needing to think or incant a spell Merlin pulled both his arms in front of him, palms facing up. Then he twisted and raised them in the air and crashed them down until they pointed directly at Aerona. From his finger tips flew all the wondrous colour and light from his connection with the Earth Harp. Only it was no longer beautiful and life affirming. Its vividness was now colder than the arctic wastes far to the North of the Citadel and its hues were merciless and callous. It no longer nurtured life; it spoke of death. And it was not alone; deep within it could be seen the gold of Merlin's magic. Right there at the centre, controlling and guiding its direction. But this part of him no longer held any hate but something worse; indifference and detachment. It did not care about what it was about to do; Aerona's end was merely a necessity; needed to protect Arthur. And as such it had to happen.**

**Merlin stood calmly in the middle of the Hall and watched as the column of power left his hands and entered Aerona's chest. He saw her arch her back and drop the knife just as it nicked the flesh of Arthur's exposed neck. Then he watched as she was pulled up into the air; twisting and turning as she rose. With a speed almost beyond vision the colours of the lights joined together and became an all embracing black void. Aerona let out a last pained cry, her body consumed by the ravenous dark**** and then she was gone; dragged into the land beyond the veil to face whatever or whoever waited for her there. For her there was but eternal damnation; alone with the shades of those she had destroyed.**

**She was gone. **

**Arthur was safe.**

**Merlin dropped his hands down to his sides and closed his eyes as he felt as his newly empowered magic returning to him. And he heard Her voice, no longer singing but talking; yet again so sad and compelling and he had to listen. **

"**Thank you Emrys for freeing me. For so many years I have waited for you. Longing for you to come and to release me from my imprisonment. Open your eyes and look at what you have done"**

**Slowly Merlin looked. A young woman stood in front of him, innocent and lovely, barely twenty years old. She was dressed in a simple white gown and in her hands was a bouquet of dead flowers. As he watched she raised them to her lips and kissed them. All at once they burst back into life, their strong stems now supporting the most beautiful iris's he had ever seen. **

"**These were withered and barren whilst I was entombed and now they live again. They are flowers of hope; they bring faith, wisdom and valour. All of which you embody Merlin. I have been used for so much ill; condemned many years ago to imprisonment within the Harp; put there by the jealous and wicked Priestess of my Tribe. For more years than mortal man can count I have had to watch men fight and kill in my name; had to tell them prophesies that will only lead to more death. And then I was captured and have remained silent and asleep. But now the ancient curse is broken and the Harp will sing no more." **

**She turned her head and Merlin followed her gaze. He was just in time to see the beautiful Earth Harp turn to dust and blow away in an ethereal wind.**

"**It is gone and soon I too will go. With all my heart I wish I could remain here, to comfort you from the suffering that you feel. But I cannot, it is forbidden and I am being called away. One word of hope before I go. I need to thank you with a prophecy. The time of the great testing is coming Merlin; you will need all your strength, magic and love to protect Arthur and Camelot. But I prophase you will not fail. Albion will be born and though some will not be there to see her flowering; all will know to whom they owe their life and their freedom. To the Once and Future King and his Emrys."**

**Then she was gone; a faint shadow remained for the beat of his heart and finally he could see her no more.**

**And with her seemed to go the last of his strength; his newly awakened double magic was now dormant, used up for the time being by the power needed to rid the World of Aerona. Then the pain; the blood loss and the devastation of the last few hours finally took their toll. Merlin fell to his knees and his vision dimmed; he had nothing left. **

**But as his eyes closed and he began to welcome the encroaching darkness something tugged at his sense of completeness. Something he had yet to do; something to do with Arth...**

**Merlin came back to full alertness with a start. Arthur; Arthur was badly injured and he had been about to rest; to leave his King and friend to die. Gathering what little strength he had Merlin dragged himself over to where the young King lay. With a trembling hand the Warlock felt for a pulse, sighing in relief as he felt one. A little weak and threddy perhaps, but at least it was there. Merlin sat up as best he could, feeling the re-opened wound in his back as it sent a shiver of agony through his body. The pain threatened to make him lose his concentration and even consciousness; so Merlin quickly whispered a small spell to dull it.**

**"Dull y teimlad"**

**And the pain receded a little. It still hurt but bluntly and almost as if the wound was not really part of his body. Merlin could feel his blood continuing to drip down his back, but he could not think of that now. He needed all his remaining energy for Arthur. The little he had used for the pain management spell was worth it as he could now concentrate. But he knew he could spare no more on himself. His healing powers were poor enough as it was. No, all that he had left was for his King.**

**Pulling up Arthur's torn and filthy shirt Merlin almost gagged as he saw the deep ugly wound in the Kings side. Putting his fear and revulsion aside Merlin laid both hands over the gash, closed his eyes and began.**

**"Heal a chau."**

**Nothing. Except a feeling of light headedness and nausea.**

**"Heal a chau"**

**Merlin opened his eyes hopefully but to no avail. Arthur still lay there, unresponsive and so very pale. Merlin took as deep a breath as he was able without the pain returning full force. He felt waves of exhaustion crashing over him and he knew he had very little left to give. It had to be this time and nothing; not death itself; could distract him.**

**He knelt a little closer; ignoring the shafts of coldness and hurt that hit him with every movement. He closed his eyes one last time, emptied his mind of all things save this one burning, critical and primary thought. Arthur must survive. He felt the last remaining remnant of his depleted magic gather themselves and he began to speak the words. This time, he thought, it has to work.**

**"Heal a ch..."**

**But before he could complete the healing spell he felt a cold blade on his throat and heard a soft voice in his ears.**

"**Merlin my love; how could you forget me?"**

**Dera.**

**XXX**

**Dera did not understand what had happened. One minute she and her Lady were laughing at the idiot manservant and his King; Aerona with her knife ready to use. Then the servant had spoken, she could not remember the words, only their effect. A force threw her to the ground and that was the last thing she was aware of until a few minutes ago. **

**Waking up she had been groggy for a moment but then she heard her Lady scream, the message coming into her head as she came round.**

"**I will take his precious King with me."**

**And then...Aerona was gone. Dera blanked out, unable to comprehend what she has just seen. Her lady was dead and by the hands of that fool Merlin. For what seemed like forever Dera just stared at the place where her Mistress had been. It could not be true, she could not be dead. It was all a trick to confound the boy. But then that young woman had appeared beside the Earth Harp and as Dera lay there and listened the full reality of the situation hit her. Merlin had killed Aerona; he was the Anointed One and he had freed the Harp to a peaceful release. As she lay in the corner of the Hall Dera's anger grew. She would not let him win; he was beneath contempt and she would finish her Lady's work.**

**She saw Merlin fall to the ground and then start up again; he had finally remembered his King she thought. Just the diversion she needed. Carefully she crawled through the dust and dirt to where Aerona had last stood. As she had hoped the silver knife was still lying there, forgotten now with her Mistress' death. Dera reached out her hand and clasped it to her. And began to crawl faster as she heard the words of a healing spell.**

**Merlin had tried to heal his King twice before she reached him; obviously she thought with a twisted smile; there were some things even the all powerful Anointed One could not do well.**

**As Merlin seemed to gather himself up for another attempt Dera got to her knees, grasped the hilt of the knife and in a swift movement put it to the throat of the distracted servant.**

**Knowing that her moment of revenge was but a heartbeat away Dera allowed herself the joy of letting Merlin know who it was who had killed him. She wanted him to die knowing that she had won.**

"**Merlin my love; how could you forget me?"**

**XXX**

**A/N**

**Translation**

**"Dull y teimlad" – Dull the feeling**

**"Heal a chau" – Heal and close**

**According to ancient English flower tradition Iris's mean hope, faith, wisdom and valour.**


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter 38**

"**Merlin my love; how could you forget me?"**

**Dera had expected Merlin to freeze or to respond in some way to her voice. What she had not banked on was that, after a pause of less than a heartbeat he would breathe deeply and continue with his spell.**

**"Heal a chau"**

**She could not believe it. Clasping the knife tighter and holding it against his throat she almost growled her anger at him.**

"**You are such a fool Merlin, even at the end you would die to ensure he lives? And yet you have failed; see your spell does not work. He is pale and death stalks him; it will be a race to see which of you enters the veil first. I hope it is Arthur; I would enjoy watching you see him die. But enough words...it is time." **

**And all that could be seen was the flash of metal as it began its deadly descent...**

**XXX**

**Merlin felt the knife as it first touched his skin; but it was if it was happening to another person. He refused to let anything interrupt Arthur's healing. Nothing was more important. Breathing deeply, knowing that this would be his last act on this Earth he spoke.**

**"Heal a chau"**

**Somewhere in the background he could hear a voice; vaguely he realised it was Dera speaking but as to what she was saying he had no idea. All his attention was focused on the body lying beside him. Nothing was happening; no difference in the King's breathing or colouring. Merlin watched; barely conscious of anything else around him. Only concentrating on his own weakness and inability to heal Arthur. No change. Merlin's breath stopped, he knew he did not have the strength to try again. If he had failed then all was lost and he would die having let down his King, his destiny and his friend. **

**Somewhere deep inside him Merlin's remaining magic called out to him to protect himself; to utter the spell to kill the woman who was even now threatening his life. But he could not. He knew, even as she prepared to bring down the knife, that he would not kill her. Could not kill her. He had loved her. Arthur was dying; he would soon die. Merlin could not bear the thought of Dera dying as well. He had already tried to kill someone once dear to him and would not do so again. It was as it should be; there would be no more death at his hands.**

**The words "...it is time" wafted in from above him and he knew that Dera was about to take her revenge and he waited for the knife; knowing that it would take him away from all his losses and failures. In a way he almost welcomed the coming darkness. One last look at the dying King and Merlin closed his eyes...**

**Then...nothing. No pain; no blood and no darkness. Instead he felt the weight of a body fall on him from behind and its last ragged breath on his neck. And then no more. **

**He twisted around and the weight fell from his back onto the floor beside him. Unable to resist he looked.**

**It was Dera. And she was dead. **

**Merlin stared at the body of the woman he had loved and who had betrayed him and he felt...he had no idea how he felt. The events of the last few days had taken so much from him that he was left almost without the capacity to feel. At least for the moment and perhaps that was a mercy; for otherwise he may not have survived this latest blow.**

"**I am sorry Merlin; there was nothing else I could have done. Are you hurt; do you need help?"**

**That voice; surely Aerona had said he was dead? Merlin looked up. It was Gwaine, tired and dirty from his adventures and with dried blood covering the side of his face; but alive. Gwaine standing there; with his sword hanging loosely at his side. The sword that had just taken the life of Dera.**

**Merlin stared, unable to speak. All he could do was move slightly, point towards Arthur as if to indicate where help was needed most and then he slowly closed his eyes and accepted the blackness that had waited so patiently for him to come.**

**XXX**

**As Merlin slipped down towards the ground Gwaine dropped his sword and moved forward to catch him. The knight lowered his friend onto the floor and cradled his head on his lap. Pushing Merlin's dank hair out of his eyes Gwaine gave him a little shake and called his name. Nothing, no response, Merlin was as still as the grave. If it had not been for the gentle, if uneven, movement from his chest Gwaine would have thought him dead. As the knight reached round to try and lift Merlin into a more comfortable position he felt something wet and sticky on his hand and looking at it he saw it was covered in blood. Cursing, Gwaine turned Merlin over and his breath caught when he saw the wound in his friend's back. Though it was small the experienced fighter in him recognised it as very dangerous; especially as the edges of the cut were already red and beginning to swell with infection.**

**Gwaine was at a loss. He knew he needed to do something but his knowledge of medicine was very limited and besides there was Arthur, who also needed help. Gwaine tore off some of his shirt and pressed it into Merlin's wound, trying to stop some of the blood loss. Next he took off his jacket and he placed it under Merlin's head, leaving the young man on his side as this seemed to ease his breathing a little. Then Gwaine turned his attentions to the King. Perhaps once he had ascertained the full extent of everyone's injuries a plan would have sorted itself out in his head. **

**But as he approached the pale, unmoving King Gwaine was astonished to see a change happening. Arthur's skin seemed to become pinker and the greyness of approaching death was draining from his face; to be replaced by a healthier looking complexion. Before his eyes, Gwaine was witnessing Arthur coming back from the brink of death. Sitting down beside his King Gwaine watched in disbelief as Arthur began to heal; too quickly for it to have been caused by anything other than magic.**

**For a moment Gwaine did not understand what had happened but then he cast a glance towards the seriously injured young warlock by his side and as he looked from one young man to the other he finally realised. Though so near to death himself Merlin had carried on serving Arthur and had healed him. Probably, the knight realised, to the detriment of his own survival.**

**Gwaine looked on in astonishment at a display of such sacrifice and he felt wonder at the loyalty of Merlin to his King. And as he looked Arthur began to stir for the first time since Gwaine had entered the Hall. Gwaine reached over and held onto Arthur's shoulder and spoke his name.**

**XXX**

**Arthur groaned as he felt the warmth spreading outwards from the point of intense pain in his side. As the heat spread so did one of the strangest feelings he had ever experienced; a tingling, exhilarating buzz ran over his skin and into his bones. It was as if he were trembling but not with fever, but rather with health. There was no other way his mind could explain it; little shots of healing were circulating all over his body and he could feel himself getting stronger with every passing second.**

**With this strength came awareness; someone beside him, holding him and speaking to him. Arthur needed to open his eyes but was not yet able to, so he continued to just let the wonderful feeling of recovery wash over him. All the pains and hurt of the past few days slowly disappeared and he felt safe and secure for the first time for a long time.**

**Finally he opened his eyes and found himself looking directly at a man he had believed to be dead. Gwaine; looking a little worse for wear...in fact Arthur found himself thinking that was the first time he have ever seen him and his hair was not perfectly floppy. Shaking his head a little the King tried to clear his mind of such irrelevant thoughts. There was something he needed to remember; something had happened. It involved...Arthur closed his eyes again only to be brought back by Gwaine's voice.**

"**Arthur."**

"**I am okay Gwaine; I am just not sure what is happening. I thought you were dead. Where is Merlin?"**

"**Merlin is..." Gwaine pointed to a small curled up shape lying on the floor just beside the King "He is here; I can't get him to wake up. I really think he is hurt quite badly." Gwaine looked forlorn and unsure of himself.**

**Arthur sat up quickly, a bit too quickly as it turned out and he had to close his eyes for a few seconds to stop himself from being sick. But the nausea settled; leaving him feeling a little light headed but surprisingly not too unwell. "Let me see." Moving over to Merlin Arthur turned him over onto his back and at that point a crushing wave of fear and concern overcame him. All the good feelings from being cured left and he just felt heavy. Merlin was a mess. Covered in blood, pale and unresponsive, the manservant just lay there unmoving. **

**And then the memories came...the Earth Harp; Merlin saying something about Aerona not being the Anointed One and then the Witch trying to tell him something; some secret about Merlin. But after that there was just a blank space; he could only remember the pain...until the healing had brought him back from the darkness.**

"**Arthur, I think he is speaking."**

**Gwaine's voice once more brought him back to the situation and he looked up to see the knight bending over Merlin, as if trying to make out something he was saying. **

**On hearing Merlin making a sound Gwaine had turned his attention back to him and he really did not like what he saw. The young warlock was struggling for each breath; he was wasted and thin; no strength seemingly left in his emaciated body. But then he heard it, low mumblings coming from the still body. He lent forward to listen. Gwaine understood some of the words and he sat as close as possible to Merlin and tried to make out what his friend was saying.**

"**Failed...I failed...he's dead...I failed...hated me...failed...he's dead...hated me..." The same few broken phrases, repeated again and again, his voice low and feverish reflecting the pain of what he was saying. Gwaine could feel the anguish in Merlin's words and at once understood. Merlin thought Arthur was dead; he believed he had failed in his destiny and had lost his friend. And that Arthur had died hating him. And Gwaine, with a sickening feeling, realised at once that if Merlin truly believed this to be the case then he would not fight his wound. He would not wish to live.**

**Gwaine stared up at the silent King; wondering if he too had made the connection. And just by looking at his face he knew the King understood. Arthur's hand went to his face almost unconsciously and he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. Then the King moved closer to his servant and reached out, pulled his head up off Gwaine's jacket and laid it on his own lap. Then silence.**

**Gwaine could see Arthur struggling for words but he knew that this had to come from the King and that he could not help. All he could do was withdraw a little and try and give them some privacy; perhaps the notoriously emotionally phobic Arthur would be able to speak then.**

**Arthur knew he should be able to find words but once again his mind, when faced with deep emotions, let him down. So all he could do was fall back once more on old established behaviours...**

"**Merlin. Just stop lying around, get your lazy arse back to work. We don't have time for you to waste like a swooning little girl. Come on, get up."**

**The King looked down hopefully but it was to no avail; Merlin eyes were still closed and he was still rambling about failure and hatred. Arthur understood now that he had no other choice; he leant forward and whispered in Merlin's ear.**

"**I don't hate you, I could never hate you. You are my friend, my advisor and my rather useless servant. I am not dead and I will not lose you; so fight Merlin; fight it. Don't let them win."**

**Sitting back up he watched Merlin for any signs that the young man had heard him; but nothing changed. Merlin was still pale, muttering and getting more feverish by the second. He needed help and soon. Arthur had had enough of sitting around and things being done to him, he needed to take charge of the situation.**

"**Gwaine, I don't know how you got here and now is not the time to explain. All I need to know is if rescue is coming or should we set back to Camelot ourselves?" Arthur demanded. **

**Gwaine hesitated. He knew that Merlin needed medical help soon but they had no horses and the journey back on foot might prove even more dangerous than waiting. Finally he replied.**

"**I sent word to Camelot before I returned but I don't know how long any rescue attempt may be in arriving. The tribesmen have all fled, taking all the horses with them so we would have to walk and carry Merlin between us. But even so I feel it would be best, given what has happened here, for us all to get as much distance between us and this god-forsaken place as possible. I suggest we leave and as soon as we can."**

**Arthur glanced around the Hall, seeing as if for the first time the devastation wrought upon it; his eyes at last resting on the body of Dera. He looked up at Gwaine, an unasked question on his lips. Gwaine nodded.**

"**I killed her. I had to, she was about to murder Merlin and then you. Merlin saw. He thought you were dead. I just think it would be best for him to get away."**

**Arthur stared at the rapidly cooling corpse of the girl Merlin had loved and knew the truth in what Gwaine said. Merlin could not see this; he must not be faced with the body. If he survived his injuries then the horror of her betrayal would be bad enough, without seeing her dead.**

**No, they would pack what supplies they could find from the half destroyed stronghold and begin to make their way back home to Camelot. Something told Arthur that Merlin's only hope for survival lay within the Citadel.**

**XXX**

**A/N and translation**

**"Heal a chau" – Heal and close (Welsh)**


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter 39**

A few hours later and Arthur knew they had gone as far as they could. Both he and Gwaine were exhausted; still recovering from their experiences at the hands of Aerona and then from the difficult task of carrying Merlin through the woods. Even though they had taken it in turns he finally had to admit defeat – hauling the dead weight of even a worrying thin Merlin so many miles in their tired and hungry condition was too much.

"Let's make camp here. We can continue on at first light."

As he spoke he tried gently to lay Merlin on the ground but his still sore stomach made him flinch and Gwaine had to step forward and help. Together they managed to put the silent manservant on his back, head resting on a small raised mound of earth. Though both of them would have liked nothing more than to collapse beside him and sleep for a month they knew they needed to set up camp first. They had only managed to retrieve a few essential items from the castle before leaving but they were now really glad they had taken the time to do so. There was a small stream flowing nearby and Gwaine went to collect some water in the slightly leaky flask they had found; whilst Arthur laid out the only bedroll that they had retrieved. Once he had done this he bent down and tried to pick up Merlin, grimacing as he did so. Yes, he reflected, he had been healed from the mortal wound inflicted on him, but his body was still suffering from the deprivations and the violence of their stay with Aerona and frankly all he wanted to do was rest and sleep.

But Arthur knew his duty and taking care of Merlin was the most important thing. So, ignoring the dull thud of pain in his stomach and arms, he picked the young man up and placed him onto the bed roll. As he did so he could literally feel the heat of Merlin's fever rising off him. Sighing Arthur knelt beside his friend and covered his shivering body with the thin blanket. He knew Merlin really needed the warmth of a fire and perhaps something hot to drink but Arthur did not feel it was safe to light one. Even though the tribesmen seemed to have vanished back into the far forest with the death of Aerona; there was always the chance that some of the more fundamental believers would remain to try and get their revenge. And that didn't even allow for the fact there might just be your average run of the mill bandits and outlaws wondering around the forest; just looking for an easy target such as them. No, Arthur decided, no fires.

As if to ram home their vulnerability Arthur's attention was suddenly drawn to a loud crack as someone approached the makeshift camp. Standing protectively over Merlin the King prepared to face whoever it was. More noise and then a figure fell out of the dense undergrowth and collapsed onto the ground.

Arthur breathed again, it was Gwaine, looking both triumphant and sheepish. In his hands were some berries, some birds' eggs and a full flask of water.

"Guess I am not up to cavorting around in the woods at the moment; fancy falling flat on my face...but I did find us some things to eat. I am assuming we are to have no fire?"

Arthur nodded and reached out for the food, desperate to grab hold of it before the obviously exhausted knight fell again. It was a miracle his haul had survived the last crash to the earth; it would not likely survive another.

All jobs done the tired King and knight finally gave in to their bodies demands and dropped to the floor, rested their backs against two trees and silence fell. Their thoughts returned to their terrible experiences over the last few days and then to Merlin. They knew that when, if, he woke he would have to face some horrible realities and neither of them were sure how he was going to re-act.

To avoid having to think and to break the worried silence Arthur suggested they eat something, so both of them had a handful of berries and forced down two raw eggs each. They carefully stored the rest of their meagre rations to have in the morning. This activity only took ten minutes and once again they were left with silence. Gwaine looked over to where a pale and shaking Merlin lay on the forest floor.

"Arthur" Gwaine spoke quietly "I think we should get him to drink something and maybe try to get his fever down. I know he really needs Gaius but we can at least do what we know."

Again Arthur nodded, almost as if he dare not speak for fear of the emotions that would flow out. In silence the men, veterans of many a bloody battle and skirmish, began to minister to their injured comrade.

They washed as much of the dirt from him (and themselves) as they could, cleaned his wounds and bandaged them with a mixture of the tattered remains of Gwaine's jacket and foliage from the forest. During all of this Merlin lay as if dead, not a sound or a movement to show he was still living save the rise and fall of his chest. Lastly Gwaine raised the warlocks head and Arthur tried to get him to drink. It was not the most successful of attempts; half of the water ended up running down his cheek but in the end they realised that they had got all they could into him and they stopped.

"I'll take first watch Arthur" and with that Gwaine rose and walked tiredly over to the edge of their small camp. "I will wake you in a few hours." A last nod from the King and Gwaine began his lonely vigil as Arthur slid down onto his good side and finally gave in to his overwhelming sense of weariness and fell into a deep but troubled sleep.

XXX

As the night got deeper Gwaine sat and watched the forest around them, casting numerous glances backwards towards the two men sleeping under the trees. The knight was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to be able to lie down and close his eyes as well; but he knew his duty. Though it meant more to him than a "duty" - Merlin was his friend and so to was Arthur and he considered it an honour to protect them both.

A small noise from the dark (thankfully just a fox out on his nightly prowl) caused him to turn his head and a dull throb from the wound just under his hair line reminded him of what had happened after he and Dera had escaped from the Castle and in his mind he relived those awful hours...

_XXX_

_He hated being separated from Merlin and the King but remembered his greater duty, both to warn Camelot and to protect Dera – after all was she not a "damsel in distress" and was it not his obligation as a knight to ensure her safety? Also he knew Merlin would never forgive him if he let any harm come to her. So when the chance had come and he had seen a way for them both to get away, he had grabbed her arm and they had run._

_How long they bolted he could not be sure but it seemed to be a lifetime; eventually they found themselves running up a very steep hill. At last they reached the top and stood on the high cliff banks of a large river. Gwaine had yelled for them to stop and had used their height advantage to look into the valley below. There was no-one following them. They had made it. _

_The knight walked towards Dera who was standing on the edge of the cliff, looking down into the churning water below. She was standing with her back to him and seemed to be shaking with sobs. Despite her courage and fighting ability it seemed to him that she had finally given into the fear and shock of the last few days. He reached out a hand to touch her on the shoulder, meaning only to comfort a crying woman._

_But as she slowly turned to face him he knew something was horribly, bitterly wrong. She was not crying, but laughing. A wild look of intense excitement crossed her now distorted features and Gwaine could only stare in complete astonishment as she had begun to speak._

"_Oh Gwaine; all that running to come to this...my Lady has called and she has need of me. But not of you. All that loyalty and care has led you to this. Think on the waste of it as you die."_

_And with that Dera had pushed him into the cavernous gorge below._

_He had hit the river with such force that all the breath had been driven from his body and he had gasped; pulling the enveloping icy water deep into him. The shock of the cold and the feeling of choking had stung him into action and he had begun fighting for his life. But it seemed to be in vain as he felt himself being pulled further and further downstream and deeper and deeper into the tumultuous torrent._

_Forcing his leaden arms to push up against the undercurrents and kicking his feet as hard as he could he tried with all his might to get to the surface. Lungs nearly bursting, body beaten by the force of the vicious flow he had almost given up when he had felt himself crash into something hard and his body was flung up and miraculously he broke the surface. Reaching he had managed to twist around and grab the last branch of the fallen tree into which he had careered. Clinging on to it with every ounce of his rapidly diminishing strength he had slowly pulled himself near to the shore and had finally dragged his sodden and beaten body onto the muddy bank. Blood had poured down his face into his eyes from a nasty gash from where he had hit the dead tree but he did not mind. That fallen branch had saved him. _

_As he lay there, desperate to give into the cold and exhaustion that had crept into the very fibre of his being, he had known that he could not rest. Merlin and Arthur were in more danger than even they realised; Dera had betrayed them. The thought of how Merlin would react to this latest blow had nearly floored the knight; but he had brushed aside such thoughts – they could be dealt with once the warlock and the King were safe._

_And Gwaine had known at once that he would break his vow to Arthur. He would not return to Camelot and warn them; no, he had to go back to Aerona's castle and save his companions._

_With that one thought in his mind he had managed to rise from the ground and stumble wearily along the river's narrow lower bank; heading back from whence he had come._

_XXX_

Gwaine shook his head to try and clear the memories; reliving that march back to the castle was tough. He remembered half running, half walking, constantly terrified that he would arrive too late - also very conscious of his decision not to return to Camelot and what that would mean to the city.

As he once again cast a glance over to the sleeping men he remembered his joy when he had stumbled upon a merchant heading to the market at Camelot. Gwaine had written a note informing Guinevere of all that had happened and the man had promised faithfully to deliver it into the hands of the Queen alone. Now all thoughts of Camelot could be put aside and he could concentrate on rescuing his friends.

But nothing could have prepared him for the sight that awaited him back at the castle. Gwaine shivered; the horror of what had happened coming back to him. The sight of the tribesmen running; the fear of what this meant and then to see Dera...the knife...Merlin...the King.

Gwaine put his head in his hands and felt his heart quake at what he had had to do. He knew killing Dera had been the only way to save Merlin but still he dreaded the look on his friend's face when he finally awoke and understood that once more someone he had loved had been killed by a friend. Gwaine could not believe that Merlin would be able to forgive him, not for this. Despite all she had done Merlin had loved Dera and Gwaine feared that he would bear the brunt of Merlin's sorrow. The knight knew that Merlin had forgiven Arthur for the death of Freya; but he also knew the reality of his place in Merlin's affections. It was to Arthur that Merlin had pledged his life and his loyalty; and indeed his love. Gwaine did not doubt that he and Merlin were friends but he could not believe that the manservant, kind though he was, would be able to forget the knight's part in Dera's death.

No; when (or Gods forbid if) Merlin woke up Gwaine was prepared for the worst. For Merlin never to forgive him. But as he watched the deep breathing of the King and the shallow fevered breaths of the servant Gwaine knew that, no matter what, he would do the same again if it meant saving his friends.

XXX


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 40**

"**Arthur"**

**At the sound of the voice above him the King violently awoke, reaching a hand down to his sword, only to find it was not there. Momentarily confused he tried to grab the person standing over him. The King's hands were around the others throat in a second and it was only when he finally heard the spluttering cry of "Arthur, it's me." did he recognise Sir Gwaine.**

**Instantly letting go and mumbling an apology Arthur lay back and allowed his heart to calm down a little. Gwaine, hands massaging his now bruised throat, took a step back; regretting in retrospect his decision to try and gently wake the sleeping King and not yelling at him from a distance. Still it was good to know that the trials of the last few days had not totally blunted Arthur's reactions.**

**The sky was lightening and the rosy glow of the dawn sun was just beginning to appear on the horizon. It was apparent that Gwaine had not awoken the King for his turn at night watchman and had remained on guard alone all night.**

"**Why Gwaine? You needed rest as well as I." Arthur asked.**

"**Lots to think about Sire. And it is you who Merlin will need when he awakes, so it was more important that you were rested." Gwaine's voice was quiet and Arthur knew there was more to this than the knight was saying but he respected the man enough not to pry. He merely thanked him for his diligence.**

"**How is Merlin?" The King asked as he rose, a little unsteadily, to his feet and moved over to where the manservant lay.**

"**Still unconscious I think Sire." Gwaine too approached the young man "I kept checking on him during the night, tried to give him some water and to cool him down. But he really needs Gaius, the infection in the wound is not improving and I do not know what else to do."**

"**Fine. We will eat what little remains; check his bandages and then set off." Arthur knelt beside Merlin and put a hand on his forehead, the heat radiating off it was concerning. Merlin had stopped shivering and shaking as much but the King had no idea if this was a good sign or not. Sighing he poured a little cold water onto the rag they had used to try to cool Merlin down and gently wiped the sweat off his face. **

**Gwaine approached, carrying the few left over berries and eggs and the two men made what breakfast they could of them. Both of them reluctant to disturb Merlin by checking his wounds; fearing what they would find.**

**Finally it could be put off no more and they began to remove the bandages to inspect the injury. What they found was disturbing, the wound was red and inflamed with an angry looking discharge around the edges of the gash. Arthur put his hand to his face and rubbed his eyes tiredly and moved back onto his haunches, a little away from the wounded man. Gwaine merely hissed quietly and began to turn away to get more water to clean the mess.**

"**That bad is it?"**

**The voice startled both of the men and it took them a few seconds to realise where it had come from. Merlin. It was Merlin who had spoken.**

**The manservant's eyes were half open and he seemed to be having trouble focusing but he was awake and speaking. Arthur could not believe it. But it was true; Merlin was staring up at Gwaine and had addressed him. Arthur could not move, unable to really believe what he was seeing.**

**Gwaine was quicker to respond. "Well, I don't think you will be dancing on many tables in the tavern for a while my friend, but you will be alright, I promise."**

**A spasm of pain crossed the younger man's face and Gwaine moved forward to clasp his hand. "Does it hurt badly Merlin? Can you tell me of any root or herb that will aid your pain?" he asked softly.**

"**There is no need; I deserve this." Merlin's face crumpled and the knight could see a tear forming in the corner of his eyes. "It is my fault Gwaine, I could not save him. You have to believe I tried..." Merlin's voice failed him now and for a moment he could not continue as pain and regret overtook him.**

"**Merlin" Gwaine began to reply "You are wrong; the King..."**

"**The King is dead and I failed" The anguish in the young man's voice was almost unbearable for the knight to hear "I failed, he died. And he died hating me Gwaine. It would be better if I too had died."**

**Arthur had been stunned into silence by Merlin's sudden awakening and had listened to this brief exchange with growing shock. At first he had not really understood what Merlin meant, but suddenly the words actually made sense. Merlin truly believed he had died and that it was his fault. Gods.**

"**Merlin" Arthur began but once again he fell victim to his inability to know what to say in an emotional situation and turned as usual to his default setting "Don't be such a fool, I am clearly not dead. And for once this is not your fault." Arthur searched his heart for the next words "And I could never hate you, no matter what."**

**Merlin did not move. He remained staring at Gwaine, a look of disbelief on his fevered face.**

"**It's true Merlin, just look. Arthur is sitting right here. Trust me." Gwaine reached out his hand as he spoke and touched Merlin on the shoulder. "Just look."**

**Slowly Merlin turned his head and as he caught sight of his King a sob rose from him and he raised his hand to his mouth to try and keep his emotions in. Tears ran down his cheeks as he was unable to contain his feelings.**

"**Arthur" and in that one word he seemed to manage to relay all his relief, joy, despair ****and sadness.**

**Then the darkness swallowed Merlin once again.**

**XXX**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 41**

**Six Days Later**

"**And that was when the rescue party found us; about two hours after we set off the next day. Just in time too." Arthur looked over to Merlin's room and gave an inward shudder."I am not sure he would have lasted much longer and we were getting too tired to carry him much further." The King had told his story many times over the past week but seemed always to need to go over it again every time he came to have his own injuries checked by Gaius. Almost as if repeating it lots of times was the only way he could make himself believe that the horror was over. Or mostly over, he thought to himself, as he tried hard not to think of the young man lying unconscious in the bed in the upper room. **

**Gaius nodded in agreement, his eyes betraying his emotions. When the patrol had brought Arthur, Gwaine and Merlin home the old physician had at first despaired of Merlin's life. The wound had been severe, as had the blood loss, dehydration and his general condition. And besides that, once he had heard of all that had taken place, Gaius had feared that Merlin's will to live had been broken.**

**Granted, after two days the fever had broken and Merlin had fallen into a deep sleep rather than the fitful, energy sapping stupor he had been in. But that had been four days ago and the young man had still not awoken. And Gaius did not know what else he could do. Merlin's condition had exhausted all his skills; it seemed to the tired old man that it was now up to the warlock himself.**

**Not paying attention Gaius pulled too hard on Arthur's slowly recovering shoulders and the King gave a loud yell of pain and anger at Gaius. Apologising quickly the physician carried on with his examination – Arthur swearing loudly as the pain subsided.**

**And still they waited. **

**XXX**

**It was Arthur's voice, a yell of pain that brought Merlin back. It would always be so; if Arthur was in need Merlin would respond. He strained his ears, listening for the voice again, trying to find out what was wrong. Then he heard the King's voice, yelling at Gaius for his mishandling and then cursing quietly and Merlin knew all was well with the King. How Gaius was there he did not know but he was reassured that the King was not in mortal danger and he began to sink once more back into the cold, damp ground and to the blackness.**

**It was then his mind noticed it. Something was different but what? Merlin lay still as he tried to work out what had changed. His back still hurt; he was beyond exhausted and his eyes refused to open. So what was it? He shifted slightly to try and get more comfortable and it was then it hit him. He was warm and not lying on a dungeon or forest floor. Beneath him was the slightly softer feel of a bed; or more precisely; his bed. He was in Camelot. He was in his room. He was home.**

**But how? The last thing he could remember was waking in the forest and seeing Gwaine and then the feeling of crushing despair at the thought of Arthur's death. Merlin's heart froze as he felt again the emptiness of this loss, the chasm that had opened in his soul as he realised the King was gone...but then his mind moved forward and he caught a fleeting glimpse of something else from his memory...a voice, blonde hair, an insult given at a totally inappropriate time and a promise of never hating...Merlin's eyes sprung open. Arthur was alive. He really was alive. Something akin to joy filled Merlin at that moment and a small pained smile began to appear on his face, making its way to his eyes. But then he remembered more.**

**Arthur was alive and they seemed to be free, but at what cost? Merlin closed his eyes as reality began to hit home. Aerona had told Arthur; his friend had seen; the King knew about his magic. The witch had made sure of this, Merlin was exposed. Yet Arthur said he could never hate him. Did this mean he knew of Merlin's magic and accepted it? The possibility was almost too much for Merlin to cope with and he needed to know. Slowly he tried to recall Arthur's face as he had looked at him in the forest; what had been behind his eyes? Merlin could see again into the face of the King and as he remembered he looked for the answer. But no matter how he tried all he saw was worry, compassion and exhaustion. Not hatred and not fear. As Arthur had spoken to him there in the forest Merlin was sure he had not known. **

**It was then it struck Merlin; Aerona had lied. Arthur did not know, there was no way he would have reacted in such a fashion. Merlin breathed as deeply as the pain would allow. Part of him was relieved that the King did not know but another part felt almost regret. At least then it would have been over. And for a brief moment he allowed himself to think of that instant when he had believed that Arthur had known and had accepted him. But that was a dream, it could never happen, Merlin knew that.**

**Outside the room Merlin could hear soft voices and he began to try to get out of the bed. But as soon as he moved all hell broke loose; the pain hit with such intensity that he could barely breath. Every part of him screamed and yelled, rebelling against the abuse his mind and body had suffered. And it all emanated from the wound in his back.**

**At the remembrance of this injury all thought of Arthur and having to reveal his magic were put aside. Merlin recoiled as what he had been trying to block out came rushing back. Dera. And the physical pain was nothing compared to what hit him now. There were no words; no way to describe what he felt. He had loved her and she had betrayed all that he held dear. He had opened himself up a second time to love and for a second time it had been destroyed.**

**Freya's death had been unbearable but this was somehow worse. For now he was robbed not only of the person he had loved, but also the memories and truth behind his feelings. He and Freya had been real and true. Though the memories still hurt at least he could hold onto the time and the emotions they had shared. But this; Dera; it was all gone. Nothing had been real; she had been playing with him the whole time and he had been sucked in. He had allowed himself to believe that for once he could be lucky enough to have something for himself but he had been wrong. His loneliness and need to fill an empty place in his life had nearly led to the end of all he had fought for; the destruction of Camelot and Albion and worst of all the death of Arthur.**

**All this would have happened just because he had not seen who Dera really was. He was stupid. He was pathetic. He deserved all that had happened to him and he would deserve whatever punishment Arthur saw fit to bestow; once he knew the truth.**

**Merlin curled himself up into a small ball, welcoming the pain as fit reward for his misdeeds. As he lay there, waves of agony coursing through his body all he could think was that "Yes; I am in Camelot but I am not home. This will never be my home again. This will be my death. And it will be justified for my wrong doings."**

**XXX**

**Gwaine had been sitting on the steps leading to Merlin's room, watching whilst Gaius tended to Arthur's remaining wounds, when he heard soft sobs coming from behind the young warlock's door. **

**In the six days since their return he had barely left his seat there. Arthur had had to return to his duties as King but had tacitly given Gwaine permission to remain as long as was necessary. If the King could not be there all the time (as he wanted) than the next best thing was to have the faithful knight always there to keep watch on Merlin. Even so Arthur seemed to visit Gaius' rooms often – he said it was to get his arms checked over but everyone knew the truth. It was to see his manservant.**

**Every time he had heard a sound from the room Gwaine had entered and tried to help his friend. For the first two days it had been a constant stream of feverish ramblings and then silence as the fever broke and the deep unconsciousness followed. This was the first sound Gwaine had heard since then and it worried him. Quietly standing up and making sure the other two occupants of the outer room did not see him, he silently entered into the darkened bed chamber.**

**Merlin was lying on the bed; curled into a foetal position and the knight could see his body was wracked by barely contained tears. Walking forward Gwaine put out his hand to try and comfort the younger man but stopped just before he made contact. The brash knight had no idea what to say or how to bring peace to the broken man before him.**

**Pulling up the small wooden stool that stood beside the bed Gwaine sat and put his head in his hands; every quiet cry pierced him with regret and despair. Gwaine knew that Dera's betrayal and the horror of what had gone on with Aerona were the main cause of Merlin's breakdown but he also knew that was not all. He understood that he too shared part of the blame. It was his fault. He had killed Dera. He knew he had had no choice; but he had been finding the result of his actions hard to deal with even as Merlin slept; but now he was awake. **

**And everything needed to be faced. **

**XXX**


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 42**

**Through his despair Merlin heard the door to his room open and sensed someone walk up to the bed, stand there a moment and then pull the stool over and sit. But he could not cope with talking to anyone now. There was no point. There was no future for him here. Dera was dead, the Kingdom had been threatened and Arthur nearly killed. And it was all down to him, his ineptitude and failure. His weaknesses and naivety. **

**Still trying to hide his sobs Merlin pulled himself even smaller, trying to make himself disappear.**

"**Merlin."**

**It was Gwaine. No surprise there thought Merlin; it would be him. Come to tell him that because of what happened he would have to inform Arthur about his magic. Oh yes, he would be very sorry to have to do so but it needed to be done. Merlin understood, but was not sure he could face the knight. Afterall he had nearly caused the death of Gwaine as well. **

"**Merlin. Please. I know you are awake. I don't know what to...I am not sure..." the Knight's voice was hesitant and full of concern. "Please."**

**Merlin took a breath, slowly wiped his eyes and gave in. The young warlock seemed unable to resist the plea of anyone, least of all a friend. So he began to try and turn over to face the knight but this action was beyond him and he merely raised himself a little and then fell back down onto his side with a wince and a groan.**

"**Do you...do you want me to help you Merlin?" asked the knight quietly and Merlin replied with the smallest of nods. Gwaine gently put his hands under Merlin's shoulders and turned him round onto his back and laid his head lightly on the pillow. Gwaine swallowed hard as he saw the state of his young friend – pale beyond all things; the darkest circles carved under his wide sorrowful eyes and emaciated due to lack of nutrition. The simple task of waking and being turned over seemed to have taken all of his strength; let alone the deep emotions that had poured out of him. For a few minutes Gwaine sat there as Merlin closed his eyes and breathed, trying desperately to regain some strength and a modicum of control. **

**The young warlock looked deep into his soul and somewhere there, perhaps in the warmth of his reclaimed magic he found the strength necessary for him to face Gwaine and his future; short though he knew it would be. "You only need to be strong enough for a while" he told himself "It will soon be over."**

**Resigned, Merlin sighed, lifted his head and looked directly at Gwaine. The knight could hardly bear to see the emotions reflected in the depths of the young man's eyes but he owed it to Merlin not to look away.**

"**I understand Gwaine." Merlin's voice was cracked, withered and woeful but underneath it was a tone that was hard to describe. It was almost as if the speaker had reached the bottom in everyway and now had nothing left to lose. Merlin was ready to deal with the truth. "When will you tell him?"**

**Gwaine looked puzzled; this was not what he had expected Merlin to say. And for a moment he did not even understand to what the injured man was referring. Then it hit him – Merlin thought he had come to say that he was about to tell Arthur of Merlin's magic. **

"**Bloody hell Merlin; no. That's not why I am here. I am so sorry if you have been afraid all this time but there is no way I will ever tell Arthur. Please trust me. No way."**

**Merlin continued staring at his friend; not quite sure if he had heard him right.**

"**Why?" was all he could muster in terms of a response.**

"**After all that has happened you need to ask me that? You lost Freya and you lost the future that Dera should have meant. I am sure there are many other hurts and losses that even now you keep secret. I know you have done so much for Arthur; for us and for Camelot and I believe you have endured much we will never know about. And that day...at the end. Merlin, you were dying and yet you still healed him. You lost everything that you cared for, were tortured and still you would not kill him. You broke free of Aerona's enchantment rather than see harm come to him. I have no fear left that you would ever be totally overcome by someone else's power or magic. Nothing on this earth or in the other domain will ever, ever make you betray Arthur. Of that I am sure. You need have no fear of me telling Arthur. It is your secret to keep or share for as long as you desire. I only hope one day you will feel secure enough in your place within Camelot and with Arthur that you can let everyone know of your gift. You deserve so much more Merlin and the time will come when you get all that should by rights be yours. Until that time however you have my undying loyalty and my silence"**

**Merlin's eyes blinked once and it was as if a great weight had been lifted from him. For the briefest of moments a light came back on in his eyes and Gwaine caught sight of the old Merlin; the cheerful and irrepressible servant whom they had all grown to care for.**

**But the knight knew what he needed to say and he also knew that his next words would likely put out that light once more; perhaps for good. But he needed to speak of it.**

"**That is if you still want my friendship Merlin. If you would prefer that I left Camelot then I will do so. Only please know that I am sorry beyond all that is possible to say. I still believe I had to do what I did; but I understand if you find that it was unforgiveable ." Here the knight paused and straightened up, almost standing to attention as he spoke. "You loved her and despite all that she did ,and all the pain that she caused, your love was real. And I killed her. I know you forgave Arthur but I cannot ask the same from you. Arthur has your full loyalty and commitment and that is as it should be. He is your friend and your King and I am merely a knight. I know that in times past we were friends; but nothing can undo what I did and so I will leave. Just know if there had been any other way I..."**

**Unable to finish the sentence Gwaine bowed his head one time, turned on his heel and walked swiftly towards the door. There, it was done. Now all he needed to do was resign his position amongst the knights and go back off into the hinterlands he had called home for so long.**

"**Gwaine."**

**The tired, broken voice stopped his hand as it reached for the door handle.**

"**Gwaine. Don't be an ass."**

**He must have misheard.**

"**Seriously Gwaine, don't make me shout, it hurts. Come back."**

**He turned again to see Merlin trying to sit up straighter in the bed, face reddening from the effort and pain crossing his features, yet with a small smile fighting to get through. Gwaine moved forward and grabbed him, helping him to lean back against the bedhead. Then he waited, unsure of where this was going, but for the first time in a long time feeling almost hopeful.**

"**Gwaine, you are my friend. You meant no harm; you saved my life and more importantly Arthur's life as well. Yes, I did love her." Here Gwaine could hear the break in Merlin's voice as the tired young man struggled to find the words to explain what he felt. "But it was not real, she betrayed all I love. I don't know yet how I am going to deal with all of this but the one thing I am sure of is that none of it is your fault. I don't want you to leave; I suspect that I may need my friends a lot over the coming months."**

**Gwaine leaned forward and put his hand over Merlin's, almost unable to express his relief.**

"**Thank you Merlin."**

"**As to my magic, Gwaine, I just don't know. I am too tired to think of what to do but something has to change. I am not sure I can keep on lying." Merlin visibly flinched as he spoke these words "Besides even Arthur cannot carry on being so unobservant forever. I mean, how does he even think he was healed? Or how Aerona was destroyed?"**

"**I don't know the answer to either of those questions." Said a loud voice from behind Gwaine's head "Still never mind, now you are awake you can tell us all can't you Merlin?" **

**With a start both Merlin and Gwaine gazed at the door to the room. Standing on the top step was Arthur, with a questioning look upon his face.**

**Merlin stared at the King. How long had Arthur been there and how much had he overheard?**

**XXX**


	44. Chapter 44

**Chapter 43**

**Experimentally stretching his arms above his head Arthur was relieved that for the first time since his return he was able to raise them both higher than his shoulders – it seemed as if Gaius' "tender" care was beginning to achieve some result. Now, if only the same could be said for Merlin.**

**He sighed as he looked up towards the closed door of the manservant's room. He knew Gwaine would be in there, sitting and waiting, and a lot of him wished he could be there as well. But he had his role and his responsibilities. He knew he really should be going to a council meeting but on a sudden impulse he moved towards the steps. Even though he wanted to see his friend he was also very nervous about it. What if Merlin never woke up? And what if he did? What would remain of the man he had come to admire and trust? Arthur remembered how he had felt when he had so nearly lost Guinevere and shuddered. He had been a wreck. Only the Gods knew how, or if, Merlin would recover from all that had happened.**

**The King paused at the bottom of the steps and probably would have backed away; trying to delay the visit a while longer but then he heard something. Voices - the sound coming from behind Merlin's door. Two voices talking; that meant...**

**With two large bounds the King had reached the top of the stairs and had flung open the door, just in time to hear Merlin say...**

"**Besides even Arthur cannot carry on being so unobservant forever. I mean, how does he even think he was healed? Or how Aerona was destroyed?"**

**Before he could stop himself Arthur's realised he was yelling and his words were not those expected at the bedside of a seriously ill, newly awakened friend; but those of a man who once more had taken refuge in the practical rather than the emotional.**

"**I don't know the answer to either of those questions. Still never mind, now you are awake you can tell us all can't you Merlin?" **

**In any other situation the look of horror on Gwaine's face would have made Arthur laugh; he did like to catch the knights unawares. But he had no time to enjoy the moment as he caught sight of Merlin, lying in the bed, covered in bruises and still looking deathly pale. Arthur would have said that seeing Merlin awake would have been the best thing that could have happened but then he looked into his friends eyes and saw the sheer terror they contained and any smile or happiness was stopped right there. Merlin was petrified and Arthur immediately blamed himself. He was an idiot; after everything Merlin had been through how could he have welcomed him back to the land of the conscious by barking angrily at him...even if he hadn't really meant it.**

**Moving forward he sat on the stool that had been hastily vacated by Gwaine and lowered his voice so only Merlin could hear.**

"**That was foolish of me Merlin; I should not have shouted like that. I am glad to see you are better and any questions I have can wait until you are feeling more up to answering them." Arthur tried a small smile but was greeted in return with a horrified stare from the obviously still sick young man. "I am only interested in how I managed to survive and who killed Aerona. I have no recollection of anything after she stabbed me and it is a little strange not knowing."**

**Merlin flinched and then slowly opened his mouth as if to speak but then thought better of it. He was not sure what to say. Was Arthur trying to make him slip up, confess his magic and condemn himself with his own words. Or had he really not heard what Gwaine and he had been saying? The warlock stared at the King; looking for an answer. And he found it in Arthur's eyes. There was no anger there, merely concern and a little confusion. Merlin felt himself relax a little. He caught Gwaine's eye and almost imperceptibly shook his head. The knight understood at once. They had got away with it. Arthur had not heard. Thank the Gods.**

"**I will leave you and Merlin alone for a while Sire. I must go and tell Gaius and the Queen the good news." Gwaine bowed slightly and left the room. Stopping only briefly to inform Gaius of Merlin's improvement (and suggesting quietly that the physician leave the King and servant alone for a short while) the relieved knight ran out of the chamber seeking Guinevere.**

**Back in the room a slightly uncomfortable silence had fallen and both men were trying really hard to think of ways to move the conversation forward. So much had passed between them and neither really knew how to begin. But as always it fell to Merlin to break the silence, all be it this time with a harsh and wracking cough.**

**At this sound a spell seemed to break and Arthur rushed over to the rough bedside table, grabbed a pitcher of water and poured a small beaker of it and helped Merlin to drink. As the water flowed down his parched and pained throat Merlin had time to think. If Arthur had not heard him talk of his magic then there was still some way out of this; all he had to do was come up with some alternative way in which the King could have been saved. As he watched Arthur return the water to the table a small piece of Merlin almost regretted that he would have to lie again but the bigger part of him knew now was not the time for the whole truth. Neither he nor Arthur were in any way ready for that. No, however reluctantly, Merlin knew he needed to find a lie to tell. And quickly; as Arthur was once again sitting beside the bed and looking expectantly at him. **

"**If you don't feel up to talking" the King began, trying to be thoughtful but with an obvious need to discover what had happened."...we can always wait. It's just that I know a little, the Harp being a possessed girl and Aerona not being the Anointed One but not how we both survived and to be frank I am dying of curiosity" Arthur had the grace to wince at his use of the word "dying" in such a casual phrase but in some ways it was true; he really needed to know what had happened. He hated not understanding things – so it was lucky really that he did not know how many things that had happened since Merlin arrived that he truly did not understand.**

"**It was the Harp Arthur. She cured you and killed Aerona. " Inspiration suddenly hit Merlin and he just let his mouth run away with the story; the best lies are after all are based upon a truth he thought. "You are right; she was once a living girl who had been cursed to become the Earth Harp. She knew Aerona was not the Anointed One. At first she did not have the strength to fight; but this changed as she realised the evil that the witch intended. She rebelled against that wickedness and with the strength gained from our refusal to betray each other she was able to break the spell binding her to the Harp, kill the witch and with her last remaining power she brought you back from the edge of death." Merlin paused here, the long speech having taken its toll of his strength. He could see the holes in his story but was hopeful that Arthur would not – after all he was not renowned for being overly observant.**

"**But why did she? Surely she must have known that it would kill her? In curing me she risked all and gave up her chance at life." Arthur's head was bowed as he thought of the bewitched girls sacrifice. **

**Merlin gathered all his strength up and spoke.**

"**It was for you Arthur and for the world you will create. Many are happy to do all that is needed to ensue your survival; to die for the future you will bring and the peace you will win." Merlin felt tears prickle the side of his cheek as he spoke of his own deep feelings "Many work in the shadows, people you never see and who never tell of their actions. But they do it all for you and for Albion. And they do it willingly and count themselves fortunate to have been given a role in the destiny of so great a future. It is their honour, their fate and their joy to serve you Arthur Pendragon."**

**As Merlin finished speaking Arthur raised his head.**

"**And I thank them for it; and will always do my best to live up to their trust and sacrifices. I only hope that one day I will be able to reward them as they deserve."**

"**They do not seek that Sire" Merlin replied with a faint smile "Merely to be able to fulfil their roles; support the birth of Albion and ensure your safety. And it is not just for the grand future of Albion but for you alone Arthur, for the person you have become. Your continued life is reward enough."**

**Arthur nodded silently, unable to talk for a moment. The willingness of those around him to serve and die for Camelot and the crown was always an inspiration to him; but to hear of those who do it for him, for Arthur the man, was both beautiful and difficult to hear.**

**Now came the part Arthur had really been dreading. He cleared his throat and began.**

"**Merlin, about what happened. About Dera and Freya. I don't know what to say; I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. But I do want, no need, to thank you. Standing up against Aerona and all that, well you know, it was very brave. I don't say this often enough but you are a loyal servant and a true friend and, well that's it really." He paused and then reluctantly continued "And if you need to talk about it, you know, her death and all that then I am always here, to , you know, to listen and..." the King petered off at this point unable to put his thoughts into an cohesive form.**

**Merlin, exhausted eyes closing now, shook his aching head slightly. "No Arthur but thank you. I am not yet ready for that...it is still too difficult. Perhaps one day..." his voice was barely a whisper now and his words coming unknowingly to his lips. Arthur had to really struggle to hear. "But not now and not with you..."**

**As he watched Merlin fall back asleep the young man's last words stung the King deeply. Merlin did not want to talk to him about the thing that had hurt him the most; hardly surprising really considering the role he had had in the death of Freya and the betrayal of Dera. But even so Arthur felt a sense of such loss when he realised that Merlin's unthinking trust in him seemed to be broken. **

**Although all that had happened had seemed to mend the breech between them Merlin's words as he drifted off to sleep showed the King that all was not yet completely healed; and also that it may never be so.**

**XXX**


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter 44**

**Two Weeks Later**

**Merlin woke with a cry and a feeling of great loss. As he struggled to regain a hold on his fear he felt the last vestiges of the nightmare leave his still exhausted mind. Even now, two weeks after their return from the confrontation with Aerona, he still could not sleep without revisiting in his mind all that had happened.**

**And it was always the same; his joy at Dera coming to save them followed by the devastation of her betrayal. He had had no sleep that had not been visited by the images of her embracing and then stabbing him. Nor any either that had not ended with the feeling of her dead body crushing him. Although his physical wounds were slowly getting better he suspected that his mental ones were in fact getting worse. He had held onto so much pain and grief over the years that now it had become second nature to him. He could not talk of it, even though he knew that it might help him. His mourning, coupled with his remorse, was pulling him down but he just could not open himself up. **

**He knew Gaius, Gwaine and even Arthur were worried about him. He still had not spoken to anyone about his feelings and they all knew (courtesy of Gaius) about his broken nights. Both Gaius and Gwaine had tried to get him to speak but he had remained silent; unwilling to burden either of them with his desolation. As for Arthur... Merlin had been surprised and moved by the King's offer to listen to him but it was impossible. The warlock remembered his words as he had fallen asleep "and not to you." He knew he had hurt the King. Arthur did not expose himself emotionally very often and to be rebuffed in such a manner, when he was trying to reach out, was hard. But Merlin knew the King was the last person on the earth he could talk to about Freya and Dera. He was just too scared that he would let something slip or that Arthur would finally put all the pieces together and realise that his servant had magic. There had been so many close calls over the past few months that Merlin was petrified of all being revealed. No, desite the pain it caused them both, it was best to keep quiet and suffer alone. All for the good of his destiny. But it was lonely and it was hard.**

**He thought of those moments in the cell with Arthur, when he had imagined his future with Dera. He remembered that the strength of that need had given him the will to try and fight. How it was that his need of something for himself, beside his destiny, had made him believe he could defeat Aerona. And then...then the crushing fall from hope and the realisation that everything had been a lie. He knew now that this was it; this was his life. To fulfil his destiny, live out his fate and be alone with that. **

**He smiled wanly as he thought of the young woman from the Harp and her wish to stay and support him. For a brief moment he felt a flicker of regret and loss that she had had to go. Her magic had been such a joy and comfort to him during that dark hour, that he wondered if she might have been the one who could have helped him now. But it was not to be. He understood now why it was forbidden for her to stay; there must be nothing to distract him from his role; no private life. Nothing for him that did not benefit Camelot and the future of Albion and it's King. And he accepted his fate. He had tried twice now to battle against it and both times it had ended in pain, anguish and despair. Well no more, that part of his life was over. **

**As he thought of the girl he felt the Earth Harp's magic sliding through his veins, slowly entwining and joining with his own natural born skills. At least he had been left with that. But for the present both powers were weak; exhausted by the fight against Aerona and the energy it took to balance themselves with each other and to finally become one. They were in abeyance, resting and feeling, getting to understand how each other worked. And they were doing this alone; Merlin had neither the strength nor the inclination to use or help his magic. He still remembered the pain and the repression and he knew that both he and it needed time to recover. And he had no heart for magic, no heart for anything at all if he was truthful.**

**Through the slightly open door to his room Merlin could see the first light of dawn as it slowly spread over the dusty and chaotic rooms below the stairs. He could also hear the soft and regular sound of Gaius' snores. It should have been so comforting, the sights and sounds of home. Yet he felt so different from the person who had left for that hunt so many months ago. Older, harder, more broken. As he watched the flickering weak rays dance over the rough furniture he remembered the feelings he had had as he had fought Aerona. The fury and the wrath; both his and the Earth Harps. But that was not what really disturbed him. No, it was the way at his magical core he had felt so cold and disinterested as he had killed Aerona. Before, when he had been forced to take a life, he had agonised over it and had suffered almost overpowering guilt. But this time there was nothing. No shame or repentance. She had had to die and that was that. And Merlin knew what that meant.**

**He had become a killer.**

**He closed his eyes against the rising dawn, not feeling as if he deserved to see something so beautiful and life affirming. Was this his future then? Was he beginning to go down the same path as Morgana? Would he to end up evil, depraved and heartless as she had? It was what he had always feared and now it seemed as if it may be coming true. **

"**Merlin"**

**The young warlock started as he felt a hand touch his shoulder and heard a voice speaking quietly. Opening his eyes he turned his head to see Gaius sitting beside the small hard bed. Merlin had not heard him wake nor enter the room. But he was there and Merlin was glad. Gaius just seemed to have the knack for knowing when his ward was at his lowest and always appeared just when the need was greatest.**

"**Is it the same fear Merlin?"**

**Merlin nodded, unable to speak. Though he had not been able to talk about Dera he had confessed his fears to Gaius over the hardness in his heart at killing Aerona. Gaius had tried to comfort the younger man, but Merlin had heard his words as well meaning but useless platitudes and they had not helped alleviate his feelings.**

"**I have been thinking on this since last we spoke Merlin. This conviction of yours that you are losing yourself to dark magic like Morgana. It cannot be true. Think of Dera."**

**At her name Merlin flinched and began to speak "I do not want..."**

"**I know" his mentor said sadly "You do not wish to talk about her to me or anyone else. But please just listen to me now. You fear you are a murderer and are becoming cold and callous; that you even took some pleasure in Aerona's death. Am I right?"**

**Merlin merely lowered his eyes in response.**

"**But when Dera had you in her power did you try and kill her? Did you leave off healing Arthur and turn all your anger and coldness on the person who was taking your life? Someone who had betrayed you and all you loved? No Merlin, you did not. You carried on trying to save the life of someone who was important to you. You were willing to give up everything to ensure Arthur lived. Do you think Morgana would have done the same? Would she have been so sacrificing? "**

**Gaius waited for an answer but none was forthcoming. Merlin just stared directly at him; a stunned expression on his face.**

"**You could have killed Dera with one word, one thought. You are strong enough. But something stopped you. It was your goodness Merlin. Your need to protect and to do the right thing. I know you had the chance to kill her before Gwaine entered. But you did not. That Merlin" the old man squeezed the younger ones shoulder "that is what makes the difference. You can control your power. Even with all that new and untested magic running through your body your instinct was to save a life not take one. You will never become like her Merlin; never."**

**Gaius lent forward and hugged the still silent warlock to him. Merlin's eyes were filled with unshed tears as the simple truth of the old man's words washed over him. It was true; he felt it and he gave a deep sigh as the balm of peace came over his whole body and mind. He was not a murderer and he would never be lost as Morgana was. As for the rest, he would deal with that later; for now he would take what little comfort he could. He closed his eyes and for the first time since his return he fell into a deep and undisturbed sleep; cradled in the arms of the man to whom he owed so much.**

**XXX**

So...penultimate chapter...it will seem strange without this...Zendog.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter 45**

**Over the next few days Merlin's health improved beyond all expectation and soon he managed to wring from Gaius his reluctant agreement to being allowed to leave his rooms and walk around the Citadel – at least a small part of it.**

**Thus it was that Merlin found himself high on the East Tower, staring out over the battlements to the city below. He could see all the hustle and bustle of people going about their daily lives; the traders and the craftsmen; the maids and servants of the nobles and the knights laughing and jostling their way down to the training grounds. As he looked he felt peace and solace at the continuation of all he held so dear. This is what made it worthwhile he thought to himself; spying a small child running around laughing happily with her older siblings chasing after. These were the people who would have suffered and died; these men killed, these women raped and defiled and these children enslaved. He smiled as he lent on the wall; all was well within Camelot. And for the first time in a long time he felt some kind of peace with his future and his fate. He was not alone. These people would be his family and his future.**

"**Beautiful is it not Merlin?"**

**Arthur's voice was strong and sure; his love for his realm apparent for all to hear. But even so Merlin froze at hearing it. He and Arthur had not really spoken since the scene in his rooms a few days previously and both were aware of how that conversation had ended.**

"**I think we need to talk." Arthur's voice now took on a new tone; one of slight uncertainty and hesitation. But still it was strong. Even though he hated outward displays of emotion he knew that this was the right thing to do. He missed Merlin and needed him back; as a servant, an advisor, a sounding board and a friend. And if this was what it took then so be it.**

**Merlin continued to stare out at the life below "Yes, I think we do." was all he said.**

"**I am sorry for all that..."**

"**No, Arthur let me speak. Please." The young man did not turn to face the older "I am the one who is sorry. Sorry that by my actions I brought such pain and sorrow to you and our friends. It was my weaknesses that lead to all that happened and I am sorrier than you could ever know. I uderstand now, it will never happen again"**

**Arthur blanched; not believing that even now Merlin blamed himself. "Merlin you idiot; it was Aerona not you. If it were not for your actions, once you broke free of the enchantment; then we would all be dead and Camelot would be under the yoke of an evil tyrant." Here Arthur paused as he too looked down on the teeming life below, thinking of how it could all have been lost. "Let us leave that now; it is past and all is well."**

"**But there is more Arthur" Merlin continued "I should never have said what I did about not talking to you. It was not meant the way it seemed."**

"**No, I understand" Arthur spoke quickly, unwilling to revisit the hurt he had felt at Merlin's refusal to talk to him regarding Freya and Dera. "Their deaths are laid at my door and it is right you would not want to talk about them with me..."**

"**Arthur that is not it." Merlin paused, unsure of how to explain his reluctance to discuss such an issue with his closest friend ; knowing he couldn't tell the whole truth. "It is just" and here a little inspiration struck once more "that you are happy and in love now yet not so long ago you nearly lost Gwen as well. I would not want to upset you by taking of such loss. But please believe it; I don't blame you, honestly. I just think that if I needed to talk to anyone; which I don't" Merlin winced at this lie; he actually ached to be able to unburden himself. "Then it should be with someone who, I don't know, perhaps has not suffered such an experience so cannot be worried about what I say..."**

"**For goodness sake Merlin, that is an idiotic idea worthy of an award" Arthur's laughing reply completely surprised Merlin "That would not happen. Perhaps nearly losing Guinevere makes me the ideal choice to talk to. I am your friend as well as your King and I would hope for you to be secure enough in our friendship to take me into your confidence." Then Arthur's face turned serious once more. "Merlin, what has happened over the last months could have destroyed us and it still might if we do not start trusting each other again. But I will not force you into this; just know that when the time comes and you feel able then I am ready to talk."**

**Arthur blushed a little as he spoke and the silence that followed his words became too much for the young King. He needed to get this all back on familiar ground. So he gave Merlin a hard shove as he had done many times in the past. Unfortunately this one nearly sent the manservant over the edge of the parapet and it certainly made him gasp in pain from the only just healed wound in his back. Appalled Arthur grabbed him as he wobbled and pulled him away from the edge. Holding onto his arm Arthur did not let go until Merlin actually looked up at him. **

"**I am truly sorry for any pain and hurt that I have caused you over the years Merlin, you must believe that." **

"**I know Arthur." Merlin smiled. "So does that mean that I can come back to work soon? Much more of being stuck with Gaius and his leech tank and I shall go mad"**

"**As will I with George and his brass jokes." Arthur laughed "You may return when Gaius says you are fit enough to do so." And he gave Merlin another shove, but a much gentler one this time.**

**Merlin grinned; a smile that for the first time in a long time actually reached his eyes and stayed there. He just knew that eventually all would be well; he and Arthur would get back to their easy, comfortable ways, full of insults and camaraderie and all would be forgotten. The fears he had had began to disappear and he could see a time when he would once again be happy with his lot.**

**With one more punch to Merlin's arm Arthur headed off alone, intending to make for the training ground and really see if his injuries were fully healed. But as he went a sudden thought occurred to him; something he had meant to ask Merlin about. Surely now, when they had cleared the air so much, this would be as good a time as any to find out the answer to one of his last remaining questions regarding the whole Aerona affair. Merlin looked so much better that he was certain it would not hurt to ask. So he stopped, turned and spoke,**

"**One last thing Merlin. I know it was probably nothing; just something she was going to make up to divide us. But, just out of curiosity, do you know what was it that Aerona was going to tell me? You remember; that secret that she said would make me hate you?"**

**And just like that all the newly found joy in Merlin's heart dissolved. He stared at the smiling King before him and knew that this was the moment he had dreaded. Was now the time he had to tell the truth and reveal all to his King? **

**XXX**

**For a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity Merlin stood staring at his King. He saw the trust and friendship in Arthur's eyes and the young warlock knew the future was balanced on the edge of a precipice. Now could be the time; he should take the leap whilst they were being open and honest. Merlin opened his mouth to speak but no words came. It was because of the look he saw in his friend's face. Merlin could not bear to so quickly lose that regained affection and belief. **

**Thoughts ran through his mind; all he had suffered and sacrificed and all that still needed to be done. And then he knew. He could not risk any more now. He had lost enough; he would not bare to lose Arthur as well. He would not tell; not yet. He did not have the strength to deal with the ramifications and the trauma the truth would cause.**

**But he needed to tell the King something; Arthur was watching him closely now; obviously aware that his question had hit upon something.**

**Merlin squared his shoulders. Whilst he did not have the stamina to cope with the whole truth he now resolved to tell some of it. An action of his that he still regretted even now. Perhaps, he felt, telling Arthur of this would help assuage his guilt. And afterall it would be one less thing to confess when he finally revealed his true self to the King.**

**Head high but eyes filled with remorse Merlin spoke.**

"**Aerona wanted to tell you of the time I poisoned Morgana."**

**XXX**

**The two men stayed on the East Tower until the sun began to set. To begin with Arthur had been devastated by Merlin's confession of trying to kill Morgana. He just could not comprehend that the younger man could do such a thing and had actually at one point blamed Merlin for his half sister's altered character. **

"**I mean, having a good friend try to kill you in such a way" the King had shouted "It's barbaric, enough to drive anyone crazy."**

**Merlin had responded with such an expression of guilt and remorse that even Arthur began to understand quite how hard it had been for him to do what he had done.**

"**But why Merlin?" The King had continued. "What could she possibly have done to you at that time? She had not yet betrayed Camelot..."**

**As he spoke these words Arthur saw the look on Merlin's face and finally he knew. Morgana's betrayal had started long before it had been revealed to him and Merlin had known all along but had been too scared to tell him. This knowledge sat heavy in his heart. Morgana had hated him all that time; one more act of duplicity to add to the long list he held in his head. Arthur felt once more the loneliness of kingship; for no-one could truly be considered a friend. But then he looked at the young man staring at him; an expression of fearful hope on his face and Arthur realised his error.**

**There had been and always would be one person whom he could call a true friend and companion. Merlin. And he reached out a hand to the man who had followed him through everything and who had sworn to be at his side until the day he died. With a big smile he clasped Merlin's long fingered hand in his and pulled him forwards for a swift, forgiving embrace. **

**As Merlin felt first his hand and then his whole upper body being encased in a firm and surprising hug he finally believed that he had been forgiven. He and Arthur were back as they should be; friends who would protect each other. Even die for each other if that was what was necessary. A part of Merlin still regretted his decision not to tell Arthur of his magic but he knew it had been the right choice. Now was not the time; they needed to build on what had so nearly been broken and fully recover what they had almost lost.**

**But; the young warlock thought as the King gave him a "friendly" punch on the arm; they had faced a test that well nigh destroyed their joint destinies and had come through. With this experience behind them he really had faith that when the day came to tell the truth all would be well.**

**And as they walked away in silence Merlin remembered the last prophesy of the girl who had been the Earth Harp.**

"_**The time of the great testing is coming Merlin; you will need all your strength, magic and love to protect Arthur and Camelot. But I prophesies you will not fail. Albion will be born and though some will not be there to see her flowering; all will know to whom they owe their life and their freedom. To the Once and Future King and his Emrys."**_

**And he finally truly believed; that though there were dark times ahead; they would win through and that the Once and Future King and Emrys would live to see the rise of the Golden Age of Camelot together.**

**XXX**

**The End.**

So...that's it...the end.

I want to thank everyone for their fantastic support, reviews and insight. I have had some really amazing PM conversations during the last few weeks and have been very moved by the way people have taken this story to their hearts. Thank you all.

I was going to leave it at this point but then a comment (or 6) from the lovely Oma13 made me think and a germ of an idea for a sequel was born...the plot is pretty much planned (though that does not mean a lot with me as I never seem to stick to any plans) and the first 2 chapters are written so I guess it is official - there will be a sequel...where hopefully I will be able to give Oma13 the ending she so desperately wanted! Or maybe not...no spoilers before I've even begun.

Not sure how long it will take - it started as a two shot but already looks as if it will be at least 10 chapters long, maybe more - and I do finish things before I begin to post them. But when it is ready I will put a message about it on to the end of this story should any of you chaps want to read it (but please don't feel obliged!).

Thanks once again. I will really miss this story, it was a nightmare to write but a joy to post!

Take care one and all.

Zendog


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